


As easy as lying

by secretflame



Category: Victorious (TV)
Genre: College, F/F, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:15:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 115,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24013465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretflame/pseuds/secretflame
Summary: No one ever said that going to college was going to be easy
Relationships: Tori Vega/Jade West
Comments: 337
Kudos: 646





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be a long one, folks! A good chunk of it is already written, too, so keep an eye out for updates!
> 
> As always, thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy!

No one really expected Tori to go to college. Hell, no one really expected her to _want_ to go to college. Unlike most other high schools around the country, Hollywood Arts prided itself more on how many fresh graduates made appearances on the Billboard charts or the red carpet rather than how many were accepted to prestigious universities. Her parents had even sat her down during her Junior year and assured her that they would support her no matter what because, after all, not everyone was cut out for college, and that was okay!

It was that conversation with her parents that convinced Tori that she _had_ to go to college. She was sure that they didn't mean to insinuate that they thought that she wouldn't be able to last in higher education- was sure they didn't mean to suggest that she wasn't smart enough to go- but it left a bad taste in her mouth all the same. Pop stardom could wait until she got her degree; or at least, it could coincide with it.

She wasn't sure why she didn't tell anyone that she was applying to colleges, though. Sure, she had to tell Sikowitz and a few other teachers since they had to write her letters of recommendation, and she had sat down with Lane to discuss what schools to apply to, but she never mentioned it to her friends or family. Maybe it was because it would make it easier if she didn't get accepted anywhere. That was the reason she tended to latch onto, because it made the most sense. Her grades were fine, and her test scores were fine, but _fine_ wouldn't necessarily guarantee her entry into the colleges that she applied to. Sure, she was technically an honors student, but if she was being honest with herself, she wasn't quite sure how good grades in classes such as "R&B vocals" would compare to the someone else who had good grades in normal subjects like calculus.

Her parents had, thankfully, missed the rejection letters arriving from UCLA, USC, and Pomona. They had narrowly missed the rejection letter from UC- Davis, which Tori had unceremoniously stuffed down her pants when she heard them open the front door, blinking back tears and laughing it off when her mom asked her what was wrong.

So, when she came home to find another envelope sitting on top of the rest of the mail that she brought in from the mailbox, she thought she was in for yet another rendition of " _We regret to inform you"_ so she didn't even bother opening it right away. Instead, she took it upstairs with her, and just laid it on her bed next to her as she worked on her homework. After about an hour, though, she decided that enough was enough, and if she was going to be rejected yet again, she might as well get it over with so she can have a good cry and move on with her life.

This particular envelope was emblazoned with the logo for Hearst College, which was the smallest school she had applied to. She had heard good things about its theater and music programs, though, and Lane had encouraged her to apply. It was also the last envelope she had been waiting for.

With trembling hands and a lump in her throat, she pulled the letter out of the envelope, unfolding it slowly before reading it. She wasn't quite sure that she had read it right, though, so she reached for the glasses resting on her nightstand so she could be certain that the opening line definitely read " _Congratulations, Tori Vega, on your acceptance to Hearst College!"_

There it was. And it was then that she admitted to herself why she hadn't told anyone that she had applied. She wanted to prove them all wrong, plain and simple. She wanted to show them what she was capable of.

Tori Vega was going to college.

* * *

Tori wasn't sure what reactions she expected from her group of friends when she told them, but she wasn't surprised when the majority were supportive. It wasn't like she was the only one going. Andre and Cat had applied and gotten accepted to various universities, and both seemed excited when Tori told them that she was going the college route as well. Robbie and Beck were supportive as well, even though Robbie had decided to take a gap year and pursue a stand-up career, and Beck was planning on continuing to find acting jobs. In fact, the only person who didn't seem outright excited for her was Jade, though that wasn't that much of a surprise. The surprising part came from the fact that Jade actually paid any attention to what she said at all.

"Where did you say you got accepted?"

Tori was in the middle of being hugged by Cat when she heard Jade ask that question. She turned her head towards her, surprised that she had said anything at all. "What?"

Jade rolled her eyes, but repeated her question. "I said, where did you say you got accepted to?"

Tori squirmed her way out of Cat's grasp, and sat back down at their lunch table. "Hearst College. It's up near…"

"Yeah, I know where it is," Jade snapped back, rising out of her seat and grabbing her bag.

"Uhm, babe…got somewhere to be?" Beck asked, confused.

"Anywhere but here," she replied, already walking away.

Andre waited until she was out of earshot to turn to the others. "What do you think that was about?"

Beck shrugged, gathering his belongings and standing up. "No clue, but I guess that it's my cue to leave. I'll catch up with you guys later. Oh, and congrats again, Tori!"

She smiled a tight-lipped smile at him and waved half-heartedly as she watched him follow after Jade.

"That girl is harder to read than Greek," Andre remarked, leaning over to steal a fry off of Tori's tray. "But seriously, way to go, Tor!"

"Thanks, Andre." She glanced at her watch, sighing. "I'm going to go ahead and get ready for Sikowitz's class. I'll see you guys there, okay?" She got up from the table, quickly throwing her backpack over her shoulder before the others could react.

Once she had tossed out the rest of her lunch, she made her way back into the school. She wasn't quite sure where she was even heading, since she didn't actually have anything to prepare for Sikowitz, but she just didn't want to sit there and be the center of attention anymore. The way Jade had reacted had bothered her, though she wasn't sure why. Jade never really seemed to care about her life, so why should she now?

Tori was about to round the corner, intent on stopping by her locker, when she heard familiar voices coming from the hallway. She stopped, pressing herself against the wall, not wanting to interrupt.

"You need to tell her," she heard Beck say, which made her ears perk up.

"I don't _need_ to do anything," came the reply, which was unmistakably Jade's voice. Tori could practically feel the glare that she was sure accompanied Jade's words, and had to keep herself from shuddering.

"It isn't fair to her if you don't."

"And it isn't fair of you to not just keep your nose out of it." A slam of a locker door, and footsteps.

"You can't just…" Beck's voice was closer that time, but Tori was too transfixed to move away from where she stood.

"I told you stay out of it, Beck!" Jade's voice was even closer, and it finally prompted Tori to move, though not in time to keep Jade from almost running right into her as she rounded the corner. "Jesus Christ, Vega, what the hell?"

Tori jumped back, immediately throwing up a façade of innocence. "Sorry! I didn't see you!" She moved to go around Jade, narrowly missing Beck as he caught up. "Have to grab something from my locker before class, see you guys there!" She hurried off before either could respond, though she could feel Jade's gaze burning into her back as she disappeared from view.

* * *

Graduation approached, and as the days passed, Tori grew ever more irked by the cold shoulder she still received from Jade. She had never questioned what she had overheard that day, but it still lingered ever-present in the back of her mind, intruding into her thoughts at the most inopportune of times. Whether it was during a performance, or class, or even while taking a shower, Tori found herself thinking back to how Jade had stormed off from the lunch table and how she and Beck had argued when they thought no one could hear.

She just wanted to know what Jade wasn't telling her. That is, if she was even the "her" that Beck and Jade had been referring to. It might have been self-centered of her to assume that she was, but she was also pretty sure that she wasn't wrong. The way Jade had acted towards her ever since she had announced she had been accepted to Hearst all but confirmed her suspicions. It wasn't like Jade was ever particularly involved in Tori's life to begin with, but for a few months prior to her announcement, Jade had been less outwardly aggressive towards her and had stopped taunting her as much, and if Tori squinted, it had been like they were _almost_ friends. Ever since that day, though, Jade had practically acted as if Tori didn't exist. Sure, she wasn't being mean towards her, but after weeks of being ignored, Tori almost missed the way Jade had used to torment her. At least then she would _talk_ to her.

Every time she tried to talk to Jade, she'd receive one- or two-word answers, if she received an answer at all. She had texted her several times, each text as innocuous as possible, but she never got a reply back. She had asked Beck if she had done something wrong, but had only received his trademark smile and an assurance that she hadn't done anything, Jade was just being Jade and that she shouldn't worry about it. And she knew that he was right, she _shouldn't_ worry about it, because what was the use of that?

Not that that mattered when she lay awake at night, going over everything she could have possibly done to have upset Jade so badly.

And then, quicker than she could have ever expected, it was graduation day, and her parents were waiting for her to come downstairs so they could take photos of her in her gown before the ceremony and all she could think about was that it was possibly the last time she was going to see Jade. She held no expectations regarding the future, and given how the past few months had gone, she just knew that Jade was never going to talk to her again once she didn't have to.

She wasn't sure why, but the thought of never seeing her again made her want to throw up.

* * *

Hollywood Arts didn't have a stadium, so they held their graduation ceremonies in the Asphalt Café. Everything was decked out in bright streamers and balloons and music pumped out of the speakers that lined the pavement. It was extravagant and colorful and it was all too much.

The graduating seniors were all supposed to meet in the Black Box Theater, so that's where Tori found herself, surrounded by her peers as they made last minute adjustments to their caps and joked around. She wasn't sure where her friends were; she had seen Cat and Robbie in the hall, but had lost track of them when she entered the theater, and hadn't seen anyone else from their group since. So she fiddled with the tassel on her own cap, staring at the metal attachment on it that proclaimed the year they were graduating, and wished that she didn't feel so alone on what was supposed to be one of the most important days of her life.

"Tori?" A hand was in front her face, waving. "Hey, Tori, are you in there?"

She blinked, looking up to find Andre standing in front of her. His eyes met hers, and she could see the concern shining in them. "Tori, are you okay?"

She nodded, forcing a smile onto her face. "Yeah! Just…nervous, you know?"

He laughed. "Baby, I don't think a minute goes by when you're not nervous about _something_." He wrapped an arm around her shoulders reassuringly. "This is the biggest day of our lives up to this point, aren't you excited?"

She rested her head on his shoulder, sighing. "I'm just going to miss you guys, I guess."

"It's not like this is goodbye!" Andre exclaimed, wrapping his other arm around her and squeezing tight. The corner of his mortarboard cap whacked her head in the process, but she didn't care.

"I know, but…"

"No buts!" He let her go and stepped back. "Besides, we still have the afterparty at Cat's house, remember? It's going to be a blast, so turn that frown upside down and celebrate a little!"

Tori was about to respond when she caught a glimpse of black hair streaked with teal in the distance, and her stomach flipped. "Is Jade going?"

The smile on Andre's face faltered a moment. "To the afterparty? Yeah, I think so. Why wouldn't she?"

Tori shrugged, eyes still trained on the back of Jade's head. "Just was wondering."

Andre looked at her a few moments longer, eyebrow arched. "I don't think I'll ever understand your need to try and be friends with her, you know that?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Tori finally looked away from Jade, her voice tinged with a hint of anger. Andre held up his hands, backing up.

"Nothing, nothing, just that…I don't know, she's obviously ignoring you, so maybe you should just leave it at that."

Tori was about to reply when a burst of static came through the intercom, and Helen's voice was telling them that it was time to line up for the procession. Andre waved as he left to find his place in line, and Tori realized that she was going to be towards the very end of the line.

"Tori!"

She turned her head to see Cat waving at her frantically, and she realized that since they were being lined up alphabetically, Valentine was right in front of Vega. Forcing a smile back onto her face, she made her way over to Cat, hugging the bubbly redhead as she bounced up and down.

"Isn't this so exciting? We're graduating!" Cat exclaimed, her bouncing continuing even in Tori's embrace.

Tori let go, the smile on her face feeling faker the longer it stayed there. "Yeah, it sure…" her words trailed off as she realized that the name Vega was also fairly close to West alphabetically. Only three students between them, in fact. She caught Jade watching them, and raised a hand in a half-hearted wave. Jade rolled her eyes before turning away and adjusting her gown. Tori's hand lowered back down slowly when she realized that Jade wasn't going to turn her attention back to them.

"And then, we're going to play pin the tail on the…Tori?" Cat's voice rang in her ear, and she felt a hand tugging on hers. "Hey, don't you want to hear about what games are going to be at the afterparty?"

The smile returned. "Of course! Sorry, I just got distracted."

"Oh! Okay! Well, I also think that…"

"Children!" Helen's voice rang out through the theater again, causing every single student to flinch and get quiet. "It's time! Follow the person in front of you, and make sure to smile for your parents!"

Cat squeezed Tori's hand one more time, grinning from ear to ear, before turning around and waiting for the person in front of her to begin walking.

As they began moving forward, Tori could only wonder if Jade was watching her.

* * *

"What'll it be, girly?" Andre asked, ushering Tori into Cat's kitchen. "Looks like Cat's brother picked up some of every possible alcohol in the store!" He picked up a bottle of something bright green and squinted at the label. "Even…whatever this is." He unscrewed the top, taking a quick sniff before recoiling and setting it back down. "Yeah, don't drink that. But seriously, what can I get you?"

"Uh…" Tori looked around, unsure. "Why don't you surprise me?"

Andre laughed, then pointed towards the living room. "Fine, fine. Go on and join the games, and I'll bring you your drink."

"Thanks!" Tori made her way to the living room, spotting an open spot on the couch next to Robbie. He greeted her with a hug, and she took a moment to recognize that he was alone. "Hey, where's Rex?"

He grinned sheepishly. "I figured I deserved a night to myself without being made fun of constantly. Besides…" his voice dropped so that it was practically a whisper, and Tori had to lean in to hear him better. "I think I'm going to ask Cat out later, and Rex definitely does NOT need to be here for that."

Tori landed a playful punch on his shoulder. "Go get her, Tiger!"

"What's Robbie getting?" Andre asked, pushing a Solo cup in Tori's hand as he sat on the arm of the sofa next to her.

"Uh…." Tori started, taking a quick sip of her drink as she tried to think of a good answer. She was saved from having to do so, however, by the fact that she immediately started coughing as soon as the drink hit her tongue. "Andre, what the hell is _in_ this?"

"A lot of tequila," he replied, trying not to laugh too hard as he started slapping her on her back. She looked up at him with tears in her eyes, which only made him laugh harder, earning him a shove from the still-sputtering woman.

"Is there anything _else_ in it?"

He shrugged. "I splashed some orange juice and grenadine in there?"

Robbie leaned over, sniffing Tori's drink and quickly recoiling. "Girl, that's just straight up poison." Tori shot Andre a glare, who merely shrugged in response as he took another sip of his own drink. He grimaced and glanced down at his own cup.

"Yeah, okay, I can see where I went wrong. I'll go get the juice." He got up quickly, making his way towards the kitchen.

"Who's ready to party?" Cat yelled, bouncing into the room, an open bottle of wine in her hand and her mortarboard skewed haphazardly atop her head.

"We are!" Andre said as he came back into the room with the carton of orange juice in hand. Tori held out her drink, letting him add a generous amount of juice to her cup before taking a cautious sip. She wrinkled her nose, still unfamiliar with the taste of tequila, but nodded at him when he asked if it was all right now.

"Awesome! Who's up for a round of beer pong?"

Robbie immediately raised his hand. "I call dibs on you as my partner!" He was up and off the couch and standing next to the redhead before she had the time to respond. Not that she seemed like she was going to say no, based on the smile she gave him.

"Tori and I will play you guys," Andre said, setting the carton of juice down on the coffee table.

"Wait, wait, I never said…" Tori began, but Andre just shook his head, and offered her his hand. She took it, letting him help her off the couch, still protesting. "I don't even know _how_ to play!"

"I'll teach you! Stop worrying so much." He turned to Cat. "Do you have a table set up?"

"Yeah, Jade and I set it up earlier!"

Tori tried not to let the mere mention of Jade bother her, but she couldn't help it as her hand gripped her cup tighter.

"Where are her and Beck anyway?" Robbie asked as they followed Cat to her dining room.

"They went to pick up more mixers. I think they should be back soon!" Cat turned on the light, and gestured towards a folding table that had been pre-adorned with Solo cups. "Ta da! Let's play!"

* * *

It was an hour and at least three drinks later until Jade and Beck came back from the store with cartons of juice and 2-liters of soda in their hands. They were greeted with the sight of Andre pouring shots of peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup into Robbie's mouth while Cat and Tori waited for their turn on the sofa.

"Hey guys!" Andre said, turning towards the opening door. He didn't stop pouring, though, and Robbie soon began coughing. "Whoops! Sorry, Rob!"

Robbie just gave him a thumbs up as he leaned forward, coughing too hard to properly answer.

"I see you guys wasted no time on getting the party started, huh?" Beck joked, setting his bags on the coffee table for a moment. "Cat, where should we put these?"

"Oh, just in the kitchen!" she had risen, moving to push Robbie out of the chair he was sitting in. "My turn, Andre!"

Jade immediately started for the kitchen and Tori stood up, reaching out for the bags Beck had set down. "Here, I can get those for you, Beck. You should probably help Robbie, because I think he might be dying."

As if on cue, Robbie fell over, still coughing profusely. Beck swore, and went over to check on him. Tori grabbed the bags, making her way into the kitchen.

Jade stood in front of the refrigerator, unpacking the bags in her hand. She didn't look up as Tori entered. "Beck, do you think we should…"

"Actually," Tori began, noticing Jade's body freeze when she heard her voice. "He's in the other room helping Robbie."

A heavy pause. "And what, you thought you'd just sneak up on me?" Jade's voice was low and dangerous, and if Tori hadn't had so much to drink already, she would have been petrified by the intensity of her tone. But the tequila softened her nerves and made her all-but-oblivious to the death-grip that Jade had on the handle of the fridge.

"No, I thought that maybe I could…" Tori began before she was cut off by Jade suddenly whirling around, shoving her against the counter. Tori cried out in pain as the corner of the marble countertop jabbed into her back, and she immediately regretted her decision to follow Jade into the kitchen because the fury in the other woman's eyes was enough to make her blood turn to ice.

"Thought that you could what, Vega?" Jade snarled, both hands gripping the counter on either side of Tori's body so that she couldn't escape. "Follow me around like a little lost puppy dog desperate for a bone? Corner me in here and demand that I…"

"What did I _do_ to you?" Tori whispered, shrinking back as soon as she said it, scared of the consequences that were sure to come as a result of interrupting.

Whether the interruption in general or the question in particular was what threw Jade off from her train of thought wasn't clear, but she stared at Tori for a few moments, the fire in her gaze dimming down and transforming into something Tori didn't understand.

A cheer coming from the other room echoed throughout the kitchen, and Tori watched as Jade glanced towards the doorway. She thought about trying to squeeze out underneath her arms, or to call to one of the others, but she found that she didn't have to. Jade had released her grip on the counter, moving away from the brunette so quickly that it was like she had never been there at all.

"Just leave me the fuck alone, Vega."

With that, she exited the kitchen, leaving Tori even more confused than before.

* * *

_**Two Months Later** _

"Are you sure that you're going to be okay, honey?"

Tori nodded, plastering an almost-believable smile onto her face. "Of course!"

Holly Vega looked at her daughter, noticing the slight tremble in her hands. "You know that we're only a phone call away, and you can call us if you need _anything_. Seriously, any time of the day, just call."

Tori nodded again, watching as her father inspected the window in her room. "Dad, what are you doing?"

"Making sure that no one can see into your room from the street." He stepped back, frowning. "I think that maybe we should go get you some of those blackout curtains, so that nobody can try and be a peeping tom or…"

"Daaaaad," Tori groaned, grabbing his arm. "You promised that you weren't going to be weird. Anyway, we're not allowed to have curtains anyway because they're a fire hazard."

David glanced around the room, sniffing disdainfully. "This whole damn place is a fire hazard," he muttered. Tori groaned again, pulling him towards the door.

"Honey, she's going to be fine," Holly said, reaching out for her husband's hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "Besides, I'm sure you know enough cops in the area that you would definitely hear about anything that goes on, right?"

"That's true…" David reached over, ruffling the hair on Tori's head. "I better not get any calls saying that you've been arrested at a party or anything. Just because your Dad's a cop doesn't mean you can't get in trouble."

Tori sighed heavily, rubbing her temples with the palms of her hands. "I'm not going to get into trouble, Dad. I'm going to be too busy studying to go to parties anyway."

"That's what they all say," David muttered, wincing when his wife elbowed him in the ribs. "Anyway, I guess we'll leave you to it then. I'm sure you have a lot of decorating to do, and people to meet…" he trailed off, thinking. "Where's your roommate, anyway?"

"Nicole? She messaged me earlier. Apparently her flight got delayed and she won't be here until the morning."

Holly looked at her daughter, concern shining in her eyes. "Are you sure you don't want to just spend the night at home, then? I'd hate to leave you…" she stopped talking when she realized Tori was shaking her head.

"I'm fine, guys. Really." She smiled, trying to appear braver than she felt. It didn't fool either of her parents, but they acquiesced anyway, letting Tori lead them out of the dormitory building. A few hugs and goodbyes later and Tori watched as they drove away, leaving her standing outside the building and wondering what the hell she was supposed to do next.

She was about to head back to the dorm when she heard a familiar voice in the distance. A shiver ran down her spine as she turned her head slowly, seeking out its source.

Down the street, in front of another dormitory, a pale woman with dark hair stood next to a suitcase that she had obviously just taken out of her car, since the trunk was still open. An older man stood next to her, and they were talking.

Tori didn't need to see the teal streaks in the woman's hair to know that it was Jade.


	2. Chapter 2

"What the hell, Beck?"

Beck shrunk back, his face barely appearing on the screen. "I'm sorry! She made me promise I wouldn't say anything, and I couldn't just go behind her back!"

Tori glared at him, gripping her phone tighter. "Are you _kidding_ me, Beck?"

"Tori, what was I supposed to do? She's my girlfriend, I can't just betray her trust like that!"

"You could have at least warned me!"

He laughed, though there was absolutely no humor in it. "Tor, she would have literally castrated me if I had breathed a word of it to you. I'm sorry, but my hands were tied."

She leaned back against the wall, pinching the bridge of her nose. "So was this what you guys were arguing about in the hallway the day I told you guys I had been accepted?"

His eyebrows rose. "So you _were_ eavesdropping!"

"Not on purpose!"

He looked at her for a moment, then sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah, that's what we were arguing about. She didn't want you to know."

"But _why_?"

He shook his head. "I don't know, she wouldn't tell me. And at a certain point, I learned to stop asking."

"But…"

"Listen Tori, I have to go. I have a meeting in a little bit, and I can't be late." He made a point of looking at his wrist, though she was pretty sure that he wasn't wearing a watch. "We can talk later, if you want."

She could tell it was a lie, but found herself nodding and saying goodbye instead of arguing further. Once he had hung up, she set her phone next to her on the bed and rested her head against the cinderblock wall behind her.

It was the first time that she and Beck had actually talked in a few weeks. Ever since the party, she had given Jade exactly what she wanted: she had left her the hell alone. Since Beck was always with her, that had meant staying away from him too, though she supposed she could have tried harder to keep in touch with him. But, she reasoned, he could have tried, too. Her phone had remained silent, though, other than when Andre, Cat, or Robbie had tried getting ahold of her.

She never told anyone else about what had happened that night. When she had left the kitchen- a long time after Jade had- she told them all that she wasn't feeling well and had gotten Trina to come pick her up from Cat's house. And it wasn't like she had actually lied to them; she really thought that she was going to be sick, though certainly not because of the tequila she had drank.

But now Jade West was apparently also a student at Hearst College and Tori had no fucking idea what she was supposed to do.

* * *

Tori's first night at Hearst was one that she hoped she would never have to think about again. Not because anything went horribly wrong or anything; in fact, other than a few overzealous orientation leaders, it was a fairly inoffensive evening. But she also spent it completely and utterly alone.

She spent most of the evening lying on her bed, listening to the obnoxiously loud rap music that somebody a few doors down had been blaring for what seemed like hours on end, but when the resident assistant had finally put a stop to it, she was left alone with only her thoughts as background noise. She considered putting on headphones, or drowning her sorrows with cheesy Netflix romcoms, but couldn't quite bring herself to exert that much effort. It was too hot to move, anyway: California summers were brutal even with air conditioning (which in itself was a luxury that her dorm didn't have- she had to settle for a musty old fan that her dad had drug out of the garage last minute). So instead, all she could do was lie there and sweat and think about Jade and how ridiculous the entire situation was.

It wasn't like she could just go to her dorm and knock on her door and demand answers. Jade would either just slam the door in her face, or start screaming at her, or, heaven forbid, actually hurt her like Tori was certain she was going to do the night of the graduation party. And she didn't want to bring her friends into it, because what were they going to do? Tell her that it was going to be all right, and that everything was going to work out fine, and not to worry because Jade is just a gank? That's definitely not what she needed to hear because she knew that none of it would be true.

So she lay there, unable to come up with any reasonable solutions while looking over at the empty bed on the other side of the room, and wondered why, out of all the possible roommate situations she could have had, she had managed to get the roommate who was late to the first day of college.

Even sharing a room with a complete stranger would have been preferable to lying alone with only her own misery for company.

* * *

The second night of college was an improvement, if only because Nicole Turner, roommate extraordinaire, finally arrived.

Tori had fallen into a restless sleep at some point in the early morning, and as such was not quite prepared for the hurricane that was her roommate's arrival.

It had started with a series of loud bangs on the door, which did little to rouse her from her dreams, and had continued with the door opening wide and a tall blonde girl pushing a suitcase through the doorway.

"I'm guessing you're Tori?" the girl had asked, the tone of her voice indicating that she was trying very hard to not laugh at the position she had found Tori in. Tori supposed that it was nice that she was trying _not_ to laugh, because she could literally _feel_ how bad her bedhead was.

Tori had sat up in bed, pulling her blanket tighter to her chest, even though she knew she was dressed as modestly as she could have possibly been. "Yeah! Are you Nicole? I hope you are, because otherwise I have no idea why you'd be in my room and..." She blinked a few times and shook her head in an effort to clear away the remnants of the dream that she had been woken up from. "Sorry, I...you are Nicole, right?"

The blonde had already moved to the other side of the room and thrown her suitcase on the unclaimed mattress. "Sure am! Sorry for just barging in like that, but, well…I guess it's my room too?" She turned to Tori, grinning. "I did call, but you didn't answer. Guess I know why now."

Tori leaned over, picking her phone up off of her desk. She turned it on, wincing at the multiple missed call notifications that flashed on the screen. "Oof. Sorry about that, I never heard it ring."

"Yeah, I gathered that." Nicole walked out into the hallway again, and Tori struggled to hear her as she continued to talk. "You look like you've had a bit of a rough night, everything okay?"

Tori was about to hop off of her bed and follow her out into the hallway, but then the other girl reappeared in the doorway with another two suitcases in hand. "Uh, yeah," she replied, watching as Nicole shut the door behind her. "Just…trouble adjusting to a new place, I guess."

"I get that." These two suitcases followed the first, making the mattress creak underneath their weight. "So, have you eaten anything yet? The food on the plane sucked and I'm absolutely starved."

Tori shook her head before realizing Nicole was facing the other direction and couldn't see her. "Uh, no, I haven't."

"Excellent!" Nicole turned, still grinning. "Then maybe you could show me the dining center and we could get to know each other a little bit?"

"Sure! I just need a moment to...uh..freshen up?"

"Yeah, take all the time you need, girl," Nicole said, laughing. Tori blushed in response and rolled out of her bed, wishing that her hairbrush wasn't so far out of reach.

* * *

And so it went.

Tori and Nicole became fast friends, which Tori was exceedingly grateful for. With everything that had gone on, the last thing she wanted was a roommate that she didn't get along with. Instead, she found that the other girl was just as friendly and funny as she her first impression had suggested.

They didn't have any classes in common, but they made sure that they managed to eat dinner together every day, if only to break away from the hectic monotony of coursework. It also served as a point of accountability because, as Nicole quickly discovered, if Tori was left to her own devices, she tended to get too caught up in whatever she was working on to remember to eat.

"And that's when I realized that this guy didn't even do the reading and instead must have only watched the movie, because he was _completely_ wrong about how the book ended!" Nicole's threw her hands in the air, exasperated. "And there _I_ am, thinking that somehow _I_ had fucked up, but no! He's just a moron!"

Tori laughed, stabbing at a french fry with her fork. "Did your professor notice?"

She shrugged. "No clue. We haven't gotten our grades back yet." She leaned back in her chair and took a sip of her drink. "I'm just glad I'm not stuck with him for the next project."

"New partner?" Tori asked before popping the fry into her mouth.

Nicole nodded. "Yeah, and _she_ at least seems more competent than the last dipshit."

"Well, there's that at least."

Nicole laughed in agreement, setting her glass back down. "How are your classes going? Still practicing that piece for your music class?"

Tori sighed and nodded. "Yeah. Some of the upperclassmen have told us that Professor Martin is a notorious pain-in-the-ass, and I can't risk getting a bad grade, you know?"

"True that." Nicole took a bite of her burger, then held it in front of her, grimacing. "Why do we keep eating here?"

"Because we had to buy the meal plan and the dining center food is less likely to give us food poisoning than the sushi place in the commons?"

Nicole considered Tori's reply before shrugging and taking another bite. "I guess that's as good of a reason as any. Wish they used some of our tuition money to get us food that _didn't_ suck, though."

"But then how would they pay for their new football stadium?" Tori rolled her eyes and pushed away her tray. "Anyway, I should probably get going."

"All nighter in the practice rooms?" Nicole asked, already knowing the answer.

"Most likely," Tori stood, grabbing her tray. "I'll text you later."

"I'll bring you a pillow so that you don't fall asleep with your head on the piano bench this time!" Nicole yelled after her, receiving only laughter in response.

* * *

The practice rooms became like a second home for Tori fairly quickly, which she supposed shouldn't have been as surprising considering that she had decided to focus on music. It wasn't like she wasn't used to spending a lot of time practicing her singing; she _had_ gone to Hollywood Arts, for God's sake, but there was a difference between rehearsing her pieces in the Black Box Theater with Andre after school and going over the same section of Mozart's _Lacrimosa_ over and over again for hours while stuck inside a small room with only a piano for company.

She wasn't even sure why she was bothering to practice so much. She sounded the same as she had after the first few times she had sung it, and she doubted she would sound much different if she kept rehearsing it.

If she was being honest with herself, she only spent so much time in the practice room because she felt like she was _supposed_ to. It's what everyone else in her program did. There was one guy that she was pretty sure she had never seen actually leave the conservatory building; he just sat in the practice room down the hall and sang Handel's _Messiah_ to himself over and over again. And he wasn't even an outlier!

But _god_ she was so, so incredibly bored.

She rested her elbows on the ivory keys and held her head in her hands. The movement caused a series of sharp and flat notes to ring out, but she didn't even groan because at least it was _something_ other than Mozart.

It had been two months since the start of the fall semester. Two months of waking up early and going to bed late (if she made it back to her dorm at all). Two months of trying to make new friends and trying to become close to her professors and just trying to go through the motions.

She glanced at the clock above the door and groaned. It was only 9:30, and therefore far too early to give up and go back to her dorm. That is, if she actually stuck to the timetable she had set for herself, which, if she was being honest, was a bit ridiculous.

She was going to give up and just start practicing again when her phone started to vibrate next to her on the bench. She looked down at it, and was surprised to see Andre's name flashing on the screen. The surprise quickly passed, though, and she grabbed the phone and accepted the call.

"Hello?"

_"Hey Tor! Long time no see!"_

She laughed, a spark of joy blossoming in her chest for what felt like the first time in forever. "I mean, you still can't really _see_ me, Andre."

_"Semantics, semantics. How's life, chica?"_

Tori groaned dramatically. "I'm so bored that I could cry."

 _"Well, don't do that! Tell me what's got you so bored, and we'll see if we can hammer it out."_ He chuckled, and Tori rolled her eyes. " _Get it? Hammer? Because you're "board"? Like wood?"_

"That is quite possibly the worst joke you've ever made," Tori replied, shaking her head even though she knew he couldn't see her do it.

" _You appreciate my jokes, don't pretend that you don't. Now seriously, what's got you so bored?"_

"It's my stupid vocal performance class. I've been practicing this piece for over a week now and I know that it's good but I'm worried it's not going to be good enough for this professor and I'm just so _tired_ of singing it, but it has to be perfect, and..."

_"Woah, woah, woah, slow down girl! Take a deep breath, okay?"_

Tori did as he said, exhaling slowly and evenly. "I just feel like I'm going above and beyond for something that doesn't need it."

" _Then why are you practicing so much?"_

"I don't know!" she exclaimed, standing up and throwing her non-phone-holding hand in the air. "Everyone else is!"

_"If everyone was throwing themselves off of the Golden Gate Bridge, would you also throw yourself off?"_

Tori huffed, rolling her eyes. "Of course not."

_"Then why are you torturing yourself just because of what everyone else is doing?"_

"Because I'm scared of failure!"

There was silence on the other end for a moment. " _Tori, do you really think that you're going to fail?"_

She looked down at the floor and sighed softly. "No..."

_"Then why you trippin, girl?"_

"I don't know!" She sat back down on the bench with a huff. "I just don't know what I should be doing, I guess."

" _Well, I would start by maybe going home and getting some sleep. You get grumpy when you're tired, and judging on this phone call, I'd say that you must be_ _exhausted."_

 _"_ Gee, thanks."

_"Am I wrong though?"_

"...No."

_"Then get out of whatever little room you have yourself holed up in and go home!"_

She looked up at the clock again. 9:37. "Fine...but if I end up failing this class and have to drop out of college I'm going to blame you."

 _"That's literally never gonna happen, Tor,"_ Andre replied, and she could tell that he was rolling his eyes by the tone of his voice.

"Yeah, but if it does, it'll be your fault." Tori stood up and reached down to grab her backpack off of the floor. "And then I'll show up at your dorm and live with you for a while because I'm definitely not moving back home while Trina is still there."

" _She still hasn't left?"_

Tori shook her head, grabbing her sheet music off of the piano and stuffing it in her backpack. "Nope. She's saving up money to get her own place apparently, but I guess she doesn't make that much from Divertisimo."

" _Wait, she's still on that show?"_

 _"_ Yep," she replied, opening up the door to the practice room. She made sure to turn off the light before stepping out of it. "A shock, I know."

_"Well...good for her, I guess?"_

"Yeah, it's great." She began walking down the hall, wincing at the sound of _Messiah_ leaking out from under the door at the end of the hallway _._ "Anyway, how are you?"

_"I'm great! College is so much fun."_

"Is it?" She exited the building, shivering as she stepped out into the night air. It was only October, but it was starting to get cooler at night, and she hadn't thought to bring a jacket.

_"Oh come on, you're not having any fun?"_

"I mean, it's fine I guess. I just haven't had a lot of time to go out and meet people or do anything that doesn't involve classes or homework."

_"Sounds like you need to get out more."_

"Probably." She switched the phone to her other hand. "Haven't you had a lot of schoolwork?"

 _"I mean, yeah, but a guy has to know when to take a break."_ He chuckled, the sound staticky in her ear. " _The ladies don't go for guys who can't make time to relax, you know?"_

"Andre, since when have you known what ladies go for?" she asked, smiling when she heard him huff in response.

_"I'll have you know that I have gone on at least five dates since arriving here, AND I have another tomorrow night!"_

She could see her dorm, Sawyer Hall, in the distance, and quickened her pace, eager to throw herself on her bed. "Wow, that's really impressive. Does she realize it's a date?"

_"Of course she knows it's a date, why would you even ask that?"_

She laughed. "Just thought I'd double-check."

_"Yeah, well, that wasn't cool."_

"Sorry!" Tori stepped off of the sidewalk, cutting across the quad. "I'm glad that you're enjoying yourself."

 _"Thanks, Tor."_ He paused. " _You know, I wasn't kidding when I said you should get out more. I'm worried about you. You've been kinda acting weird since graduation."_

Tori gripped her phone tighter, her pace slowing down just slightly. "No I haven't."

" _Girl, yes you have. You've barely even kept in contact with me lately, and I know that you haven't talked much to Cat, Beck, or Robbie either."_

"It's not like I've ignored any calls or anything," she said, gritting her teeth. "No one has really bothered to stay in touch with me, either."

Silence again. Then, a sigh. " _That's fair. Sorry, girl. I'm just worried about you."_

Her dorm was in front of her now, and she began to climb the stairs that led to the door. "It's fine." She reached into her pocket and grabbed her ID out, waving it in front of the scanner. The scanner's light turned green and she heard the lock click. She pulled the door open quickly before it had time to reset. "Hey, I just got home, so I think I'm gonna let you go, okay?"

Another sigh. " _Yeah, okay. Sorry if I upset you."_

 _"_ You didn't." She stepped into the stairwell and approached the stairs. "It was good to hear from you, Andre."

_"It was good to talk to you, Tor. I miss you."_

She began climbing. "Miss you too. Talk to you soon."

" _Yeah."_ Tori heard the phone click in her ear, indicating that he had ended the call. She sighed and slipped the phone into her pocket before continuing her climb to the third floor. Her lungs burned ever so slightly by the time she reached her floor, and she made a mental note to hit the gym at some point even though she knew it wasn't likely to actually happen.

She pushed through the double doors at the top of the stairwell and stepped into the hallway. The mixed sounds of rap music and yelling echoed through the hall, but she was used to that by now. Soon, the RAs would be making their rounds and the volume would decrease, and she would possibly be able to get some sleep. The thought of sleep and the promise of her soft, warm bed made her pick up her pace, reaching the end of the hallway in record time.

Her key was attached to a hairtie on her wrist, but as she approached her room, she discovered that she wasn't going to need to use it. Her door was cracked open, and she could hear a pair of voices coming from within. Tori was confused for a moment before remembering that Nicole had texted her earlier to let her know that she was going to have her class partner come over to work on their project.

She was already pushing the door open when she realized that Nicole's voice wasn't the only one that she recognized. But by then it was too late.

"And that's when the guy just ran off screaming!"

"I'm surprised it took him _that_ long!" Nicole looked up as the door opened, her familiar smile growing when she spotted Tori. "Hey! You're back early!"

Tori could only nod, her hand still gripping the doorknob.

In the two months that she had been at Hearst, she hadn't run into Jade _once_. Hadn't even seen her in the distance like she had on the first day of orientation, though she often caught herself taking a second glance whenever she passed someone with dark hair on the quad or in the dining hall. It was never her, though, and Tori had honestly started to wonder if she had imagined the whole thing.

But now there were familiar blue-green eyes staring at her from across the small bedroom and her heart was beating hard and fast in her chest and she was certain that she was going to throw up.

"Tor? You okay?" she heard Nicole ask, and she forced herself to tear her eyes away from Jade's so she could acknowledge her roommate with a weak smile.

"Yeah! Sorry to interrupt, I just..." she paused, trying to search for an excuse, any excuse, that would let her escape. "Forgot my music theory notes!" She made her way over to her desk, making sure that she kept her back to the two women so that they wouldn't notice that she was on the verge of freaking out. She made a show of rummaging through her desk drawer, grabbing a random notebook and pulling it out from underneath a pile of papers. "Here they are!" She straightened up and turned towards the doorway, trying to ignore the stare that she felt burning against her skin. "Anyway, I'll see you later, Nic!"

"Uhm...okay?" Nicole replied, obviously confused. She was about to say more, but Tori was already gone, the door pulled shut tightly behind her.

* * *

She spent the night on the floor of the practice room, her jacket balled up underneath her head in an effort to make herself marginally more comfortable. Not that it mattered. Every time she closed her eyes, all she saw was Jade's face.

Sleep never came.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a slight trigger warning for this chapter, but I'm listing it in the end notes just in case you don't wish to be spoiled about what happens in this chapter. It doesn't fall under any of the common TWs, I think, but if TWs are something that apply to you it might be worth checking the end note before reading, just in case.  
> Stay safe, y'all, and thanks for reading.

"So...you wanna tell me what last night was all about?"

Tori didn't bother to look up at Nicole, choosing instead to stab her fork into the pile of overcooked scrambled eggs on her plate. "I told you, I forgot my sociology notes."

Nicole sat back in her chair, cocking an eyebrow. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Tori popped the eggs into her mouth. She chewed for a while, too long, before realizing Nicole was staring at her. She glanced up at her and swallowed. "What?"

"Oh, nothing," Nicole said, crossing her arms across her chest. "It's just that I could have sworn that you said you forgot your _music theory_ notes last night." She shrugged. "But I guess I could be mistaken."

"Hmm." Tori pushed another pile of eggs around her plate mindlessly. "Yeah, I guess you heard me wrong."

"Did I?"

Tori glanced up at her roommate, finding the other woman's gaze unwavering. "Why are you so interested in what notes I forgot?"

"Because you were acting really weird and I want to know why."

"I didn't act in any particular way, Nic." Tori looked back down at her plate, grimacing as she realized she had already eaten everything on it that had been remotely edible.

"Yes, you did." Nicole leaned forward, clasping her hands in front of her and resting them on the table. "And you look like you didn't sleep a wink. What's going on, Tor?"

"Jesus, is this a freaking interrogation or something?" Tori snapped, dropping the fork onto her tray. "God." She expected a sharp retort, but when she didn't get one, she looked up from her plate to find that Nicole was staring at her like she had just slapped her in the face. "Oh shit, Nic, I'm sorry, I didn't..."

Nicole shook her head, holding her hands up in front of her. "Look, I was just trying to figure out what was wrong."

"I know, I know, and I'm sorry I snapped at you." Tori forced a smile, but it didn't make the frown on Nicole's face disappear. "Ugh, look, I really am sorry. I didn't sleep at all last night and it's made me a bit cranky. I really am okay though, so please don't worry."

Nicole's eyebrow raised again. "You're sure?"

Tori nodded, flashing her a smile that she hoped didn't look fake. "Yeah."

Nicole studied her a few more moments, before cracking a smile in return. "Okay. Sorry for prying. I just want to make sure that you're okay and stuff, because, as your roommate, it's my job to make sure you're not secretly going insane or anything."

Tori laughed. "Don't worry, if I ever decide to go insane, you'll be the first to know."

"Well, honestly, I'm a little worried that you're on your way there already," Nicole said, her tone joking but Tori could see the hint of seriousness in her gaze "You need to get some sleep, dude."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," she replied. "Maybe I'll come back to take a nap between classes." She paused, quickly covering up her hesitation by taking a sip of water. "That is, unless you and your partner are meeting up again? I wouldn't want to disrupt your guys' work or anything."

Nicole caught Tori's hesitation, but didn't comment on it. "Jade and I aren't planning on meeting up today, so the room is all yours."

Tori's hand gripped her glass a little tighter at the mention of Jade's name, but she fought hard to make sure her expression didn't change. "Okay, cool! I'll probably pop in between my sociology and vocal performance classes, then." She set her glass down and pushed her chair back so that she could stand. "Speaking of which, I better get going before I'm late!"

Nicole stood as well, grabbing her tray. "I'll see you at lunch?"

Tori nodded, flashing another reassuring smile at her roommate. "Of course!"

They tossed out their trash and placed their trays and dishes on the dishwasher's conveyor belt before waving goodbye and heading off to their respective classes.

(Tori looked over her shoulder the entire way to sociology and prayed that she could just get through the day without running into Jade again)

* * *

A week passed, and avoiding Jade became Tori's new normal. She made sure that she paid close attention to Nicole's schedule and stayed away from their room whenever she heard Nicole mention that she was going to be working on her English class project. For the most part, it was easy; they usually met during times where Tori could easily make excuses for her absences, whether it was during her own class periods or during the evening when she could reasonably be studying. But she knew Nicole was suspicious, and she could only hope that their project would be finished soon so things could go back to the way they were, and she could stop being nervous that she might walk into her room and be face-to-face with Jade West again.

She thought about texting Beck and asking him if Jade had mentioned anything, or if he had any idea why she wasn't talking to her in the first place, but quickly shoved the idea away. They hadn't talked since she called him on the first day of orientation, and she had the feeling he wouldn't tell her anything anyway. She would just have to move on and deal with it and it would eventually stop hurting, right?

She was really tired of it _still_ hurting.

* * *

It was a Saturday afternoon, and for once, she was actually alone in her room. She had spent the morning singing a new piece in the practice rooms, only giving up after she was satisfied that she _didn't_ suck. Professor Martin hadn't hated her performance of Mozart's _Lacrimosa_ , so she figured she could be a little more relaxed with this latest piece.

So, instead, she sat cross-legged on her bed with her back against the cinderblocks and her sociology textbook open on her lap. It would be an exaggeration to say that she was doing anything more than flipping through the pages and skimming the parts that didn't sound _too_ boring, but it at least gave off the impression of studying and that, she figured, was what really mattered in the long run.

She was about to close the book and grab her laptop to put on Netflix, but then she heard someone fumbling with the doorknob and the unmistakable sound of a key entering the lock. She looked up just in time to see Nicole swing the door wide open.

"Girl, put that shit away!" her roommate exclaimed, holding up the plastic bags she held in her hand. "You and I are going to have a little fun!"

Tori cocked an eyebrow, but didn't move. "Who said I wasn't already having fun?"

Nicole rolled her eyes, crossing the room so she could put the bags down on her desk before shrugging her backpack off her shoulder and onto her bed. "Oh yeah, I'm sure that that textbook is just _filled_ with fun."

Tori watched as Nicole went back to the door and pushed it shut. "I'll have you know that The Basics of Sociology _is_ filled with fun."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure it is. Just as sure as I am that you haven't read a damn word of it."

Tori shrugged and closed the textbook, setting it aside before she took her glasses off and set them on her desk. "You got me there."

Nicole smirked as she walked back to her desk. "Damn right I do. Now get your butt off that bed and come see what I got."

She began opening the bags as Tori sighed and uncrossed her legs so that she could jump off her bed. "Why do I have the feeling that I'm not going to get any more work done?"

"Because you're not," Nicole replied, pulling a bottle of orange juice out of one of the bags and setting it on her desk. "Be a dear and grab the paper bag out of my backpack?"

Tori did as she asked, a small grin forming on her lips as she peeked at what was in the bag. "Tequila?"

"You know it!" Nicole finished unpacking the bags, gesturing towards the desk with a flourish. "Voila! You and I are pregaming the fuck out of tonight!"

"Pregaming? For what?" Tori asked, looking at the display of cups and mixers that Nicole had placed on her desk.

"For the party we're going to, of course!"

"Uhm, I don't remember agreeing to go to any party," Tori said. Nicole just rolled her eyes and began opening the bag of Solo cups.

"That's probably because I didn't _ask._ " She turned and took the bottle of tequila out of Tori's hands. "And before you say no, because I know that you're going to, try and remember that this is college and you're allowed to have fun every once in a while." She looked at Tori for a moment, trying to assess whether or not she was going to object or not. Tori bit her lip but didn't say a word. "Excellent! Now, would you like orange juice _and_ grenadine, or just juice?"

She started pouring before Tori could even respond.

* * *

By the time Tori and Nicole arrived at the party, they were reasonably sloshed, though both women tried very hard to act like they weren't. For Tori, it was just like any other role; she just had to make sure she didn't stumble or laugh too hard, and she was good to go. Nicole was a little less successful, considering she had already tripped on a crack in the sidewalk, but as they approached the front porch of the Zeta Theta Phi house, they quickly realized that the guys standing by the door were at a level of drunkenness that far exceeded their own, if their hooting and hollering were any indication.

"Heyyyy little ladies," a tall, greasy looking guy in a football jacket said as he leaned over the porch railing to get a better look at them. Tori didn't like the leer he was giving them and shifted so that she was closer to Nicole, their shoulders practically touching. "You looking to have a good time tonight?"

Tori was about to answer, though she wasn't at all sure what she was planning on saying, when Nicole giggled and flashed the guy an exaggerated smile. "Sure am! Think you could point us in the right direction?" She began climbing the stairs of the porch, and Tori made sure to keep in step with her. She wasn't sure how many guys were on the porch, but she felt them all staring at her and Nicole.

The guy smiled toothily and stood up straight, walking over to the door. He grabbed the handle, and Tori thought that he was going to pull the door open when he paused, his grin never faltering. "You know, we don't normally let freshmen in if we don't know them. But I'm going to make an exception for you two, since you're so damn fine." His smile grew wider, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Maybe I'll see you both later? I get off of door duty in an hour, and then we can really get to _know_ each other, if you catch my drift."

Nicole giggled again, and Tori was suddenly aware that her left hand had somehow ended up in Nicole's right. "Yeah, maybe we'll see you in there!"

Her answer seemed to satisfy him, and he opened the door with a flourish. "Have a good time, ladies."

"Thanks so much!" Nicole exclaimed, tugging on Tori's hand as she pulled her through the doorway quickly.

Tori was immediately hit with the smell of stale beer and sweat, and had to fight to keep herself from gagging. The foyer of the frat house had the lights on, which she found odd, but she quickly realized that the bulk of the party was being held elsewhere. Heavy bass lines reverberated through the floorboards under her feet and she could hear a combination of singing and screaming coming out of the open door to their left.

She realized that Nicole was still tugging her along, pulling her towards the door, and she stopped, letting go of her roommate's hand. It took a moment for Nicole to realize Tori had let go, but when she did, she turned around, eyebrow raised inquisitively. "Everything okay, Tor?"

Tori nodded, though she wanted to shake her head instead. "Uh, yeah! Just, you know..." she scratched her head, searching for words. "Nervous?"

Nicole rolled her eyes, grinning. "There's nothing to be nervous about! It's just a party!"

"Yeah, well, what if tall dark and creepy out there decides to actually join us?" Tori's stomach turned at the thought.

Nicole laughed, shaking her head. "Tor, he's so drunk that I doubt that he'll even remember what we looked like."

"But what if..."

Nicole reached out, grabbing Tori's hand in both of hers'. "Do you want to leave? Because we can just leave, okay? I won't force you to stay here if you don't want to."

Tori's first instinct was to say yes. Every fiber of her being was screaming at her to get out of there, that this wasn't where she was supposed to be that night and that she should just go home. But then she saw the disappointment in Nicole's eyes as she continued to hesitate, and she knew that she couldn't bring herself to say yes. So instead she shook her head and forced herself to smile at her roommate like nothing was wrong. "No, we can stay."

"Awesome!' Nicole exclaimed, squeezing Tori's hand. "Let's go, then!"

The smile on Tori's face disappeared the second Nicole turned around, but she let her pull them towards the doorway anyway.

The doorway opened up into a dimly lit and narrow stairwell that only made the knot in Tori's stomach grow tighter as the noise grew louder. Strobing lights in a variety of colors could be seen coming from the lower level, and the music that echoed throughout the house was finally becoming vaguely recognizable. Tori made sure to use the railing as she and Nicole descended the stairs, terrified of slipping and falling on the strangely-wet stairs. But then they made it down just fine, and they walked through another doorway to join the party.

Tori had thought that the upstairs had smelled bad, but as they entered the basement, she realized how wrong she had been. The air was thick with the stench of spilled beer and marijuana and it was all she could do not to recoil. The floor was tacky and her shoes, a modest pair of flats that she immediately regretted, kept sticking to it. And it was _hot,_ which made sense once she saw the crowd of students that inhabited the room. There had to be well over a hundred people on the dance floor, gyrating against each other.

"Let's go get a drink!" Nicole said, practically shouting in Tori's ear in order to be heard above the roar of the crowd. Tori let herself be dragged over to the bar that resided off to the side of the basement. Several guys stood behind it, cheering as they held a beer funnel in another guy's mouth. Tori crossed her arms, leaning on the bar for a moment before realizing it was somehow even stickier than the floor. She quickly took a step back, trying to rub the stickiness off of her forearms. As she did so, one of the guys, a sandy-haired and lanky boy that she vaguely recognized as being in her sociology class, noticed them standing at the bar and approached them with a smile.

"Whatcha want?" he asked, not unkindly, but obviously eager to return to the shenanigans occurring behind him.

"What do you have?" Tori asked. Nicole glanced over at her, surprised that she had spoken first.

The boy looked them over thoughtfully. "Well, for everyone else we have beer and wine, but I think I could make an exception for you two." He grabbed two plastic cups off of the counter and leaned under the bar. When he resurfaced, the cups were filled to the brim with something orange with a lime floating on the top of one, a lemon on the other. "Here you go! Only our finest jungle juice for such pretty girls." He handed the cups to them, being careful to not spill the juice. "Let's call it the classmate special." He winked at Tori, and she felt a blush spread across her cheeks.

"Thanks so much!"

"No problem!" A shout from the other guys caused him to glance behind to where they had switched positions so that a new boy had the funnel sticking out of his mouth. "Shit, I should get back to that. You two enjoy yourselves!"

Tori and Nicole watched him hurry off to join his friends, laughing as he grabbed the funnel and stuck it in his own mouth. They moved away from the bar, finding an unoccupied area of the dance floor near the wall. Around them, the mass of students continued to dance and sing to a Ginger Fox tune that Tori only vaguely recognized.

"So, he a friend a yours'?" Nicole asked, leaning in close to Tori's ear in order to be heard.

Tori shook her head. "He's in my soc class, but I couldn't even tell you his name!"

"Well, he sure seems nice!" Nicole looked down at the drink in her hand. "Do you think this is safe to drink?"

Tori lifted her cup up, sniffing its contents. She shrugged, taking a sip. Almost immediately, her nose wrinkled and she started coughing.

"Shit, what's wrong with it?" Nicole asked, alarmed.

Tori shook her head, holding up a finger as she tried to catch her breath. After a moment, the coughing fit stopped, and she instead started laughing. "It's _so_ strong, dude."

"That's it?" Nicole shoved against her shoulder, using only enough force to make her take a step back. "You ass, I thought something was wrong!"

"Sorry! But seriously, taste it, it's like they put some Tang powder in a bottle of rubbing alcohol and called it a day."

Nicole took a hesitant sip, her face screwing up in disgust. "Oh my _god_ that is exactly what it tastes like."

"Right?" Tori took another sip, the lime in her cup knocking against her lips. She noticed Nicole staring at her. "What?"

"I can't believe you're still drinking it."

She shrugged. "It was free." The Ginger Fox song was ending, and the strains of something familiar began playing from the speakers. "Besides, I'm not at the level of drunkenness necessary for this, and I have a feeling this'll get me there pretty quick."

Nicole glanced over at the throngs of people before looking back into her drink. "Yeah, that's a good point." She took a long sip from her cup, and Tori couldn't help but laugh at the pure disgust that spread across her face. Nicole rolled her eyes, grabbing Tori's wrist with her unoccupied hand. "Come on, you jerk, let's go have some fun."

Tori let herself be pulled onto the dance floor proper, almost stumbling into a couple that were practically glued to each other, the guy's hands firmly attached to the girl's hips as she rolled her body against his. "Shit, sorry!" she squeaked out, but if either knew that she was even there, they didn't show it.

"Oh, I _love_ this song!" she heard Nicole say, and she turned to find that her roommate was already dancing, her hands held high over her head as her hips swayed from side to side. "Come on Tor, get the stick out of your ass and dance with me!"

Tori laughed, but finally started dancing when she recognized the song as one that she and Andre had performed back in sophomore year.

She and Nicole danced together, song after song after song. Every so often, someone would come up and try to move in on one of the girls in an attempt to get her to dance with them, but they brushed off those attempts with smiles and quick slides to the left or right. The music was so loud, and the air so hot and heavy, but those things became less and less noticeable as the night went on and the alcohol really began to set in.

After a while, Tori felt Nicole tap her on the shoulder, and she turned to see her holding up her cup.

"I'm going to get a refill! Do you want one?" Nicole said. This caused Tori to look down at her own cup and realize that it was almost empty.

Tori quickly swallowed what remained within and nodded. "Yeah! I'll come with you."

They left the dancefloor, pushing through the throngs of people that had crowded around them. The guy behind the bar was different now; he looked at least five years older than they were, and it was obvious that his nose had been broken at least once before. He barely even looked at them as he took their cups and wordlessly filled them.

"Thank you!" Tori said as he pushed their drinks towards them. He grunted in response.

"Man, he's a real charmer isn't he?" Nicole joked as they turned around. Tori choked on the sip of the drink she had just taken, coughing and laughing as Nicole slapped her on the back in an effort to get her to stop choking. Tori gave her a thumbs up after a moment, finally having caught her breath.

"I'm okay!" She laughed again, shaking her head. "He had the personality of a brick."

"Kind of cute though," Nicole mused. Tori shot her an incredulous look, causing her to laugh. "I'm kidding!"

Tori was about to respond with another joke when she saw a flash of teal to her right. She couldn't help but glance towards it, hoping that it had been a trick of the light but knowing that it hadn't been. True to her fears, the teal was mixed in with dark brunette and belonged to the one person that she had hoped wouldn't be at the Zeta house.

"What's up, Tor?" she heard Nicole say next to her, but she didn't answer. She was too busy taking in the rest of the scene that was in front of her, which was quickly changing her initial reaction from being afraid _of_ Jade to being afraid _for_ Jade.

Jade wasn't alone, and that was enough to make Tori pause. Holding on to her arm was the same Zeta brother that had let them into the house, and from the angle that Tori had, it seemed like his grip was the only thing keeping Jade standing upright. Tori's suspicions were confirmed when she watched Jade stumble over nothing, the drink in her hand spilling onto the floor. The guy swore as the juice splashed onto his shoes and he wrenched her arm so that she was pulled upright again. She swayed next to him, her face blank as he continued to lead her towards the stairwell.

"Oh hey, isn't that Jade?" Tori heard Nicole say, and she nodded quickly, pushing her cup into Nicole's hand before moving towards them. Nicole followed, swearing under her breath as she tried to keep up with Tori's pace.

The Zeta brother didn't see them approach until they were a few feet away, but Tori could hear him swear again. He was all smiles, though, when they got closer. "Hey, pretty ladies! Enjoying the party?"

Tori ignored him. "Jade, what's going on?"

Jade didn't reply, and Tori could see that her eyes were glassy and then Jade was stumbling again as he continued to pull her forward. Tori stepped in front of them, forcing him to stop dead in his tracks.

"Look, girls, I'm a little busy at the moment, so if you don't mind I'd really appreciate it if you got the fuck out of our way," he said, still smiling through gritted teeth. He made to move around her, his shoulder brushing against hers, and it jostled her enough to make her realize that she was drunker than she thought, since the motion caused a wave of dizziness to wash over her. But she stood firm and side-stepped so that she was blocking his path again.

"Let go of her, and I'll move," Tori said, reaching out for Jade's arm. He tried to wrench it out of her grasp, but she held on to her wrist with a firm grip and hoped that she wasn't hurting her.

"Listen, bitch," he snarled, his fingers digging into Jade's arm. "You have about three seconds to let go and get the fuck out of here before I throw you out myself, understand me?"

"Tori, maybe..." Nicole began to say, her voice low and worried, but Tori shook her head. Around them, a few other students had begun to notice that something was going on, and more than a few were watching the scene intently. Tori's eyes met his, and she could see the fury burning behind them. She didn't look away.

"You can try to throw us out all you like, but if you don't let go of her right now, I'm going to scream and get the attention of every single person in this room. There's enough people watching that will back me up when I say that you were forcing her to go with you." She let him process her words for a moment before continuing. "You have three seconds." She curled her unoccupied hand into a fist and held it up so that it was in his eyesight. Her index finger uncurled. "One."

He didn't budge, but she saw his eyes dart around the room, his lips curling into a sneer as he realized that she was right and others _were_ watching.

Her middle finger uncurled. "Two."

His eyes locked with hers' again, and he leaned in closer. "I'm going to make you regret this, you know that, right? You're never going to set foot in this house again." His breath stunk of stale beer, and it took all of her strength not to wrinkle her nose in disgust.

Her ring finger rose. "Three." She took a deep breath and prepared to scream.

"What's going on here?"

Tori froze, her mouth half-open. She closed it and glanced to her left to find that the sandy-haired guy from her sociology class was standing there with his arms crossed and a concerned frown on his face.

"Butt out of it, Jake," the man gripping Jade's arm said. Jade swayed again, and Tori gripped her wrist tighter out of fear that she was going to tip over.

Jake cocked an eyebrow, but redirected his attention towards Tori. "What's going on?"

She was about to answer when Nicole stepped forward. "This guy won't let go of my friend, and we're just trying to get her out of here."

"That true?" Jake asked, and Tori nodded. He looked at Jade for a moment, then back at his fraternity brother, his gaze cold. "Why don't you let go of her, Pat, and we can just go back to the party?"

"Why don't you just go fuck yourself and mind your own damn business, Jake?" the Zeta ( _Pat,_ Tori thought, _his name is Pat)_ snarled.

Jake shrugged before nodding his head towards the small crowd of people that continued to watch them from the edges of the dancefloor. "Personally, I wouldn't want to be the one causing a scene like this, where everyone can see." He leaned in closer, lowering his voice. "Especially not when I'm wearing a jacket with my last name and jersey number on its back."

Pat glared at him, teeth bared. "Are you seriously threatening me?"

Jake shook his head. "Just reminding you of the facts. Besides, aren't you supposed to be on door duty right now?"

"Fuck you," Pat growled, but he finally released his grip on Jade's bicep. The sudden change caused her to stumble forward into Tori, who caught her before she could fall. "Just you wait, you fuckers. This isn't over."

"Yeah, it is." Jake stepped forward so that his body acted as a barrier between Pat and the three women. "Get out of here, Pat, and go sober up before you make any more mistakes tonight."

Tori barely saw Pat move before his fist was swinging towards Jake's head. Jake saw it, though, and he reached up and caught it before it could connect. Pat stared at him in shock before Jake pushed him back. "Seriously. Get the fuck out of here. Now."

Pat continued to stare at him for a moment before he turned around and shoved through the throngs of people who had gathered around them, swearing the entire way. Jake watched him for a few more moments before he was confident that he was gone. He turned towards Tori. "I think it's safe."

"Thank you."

He looked at the pale woman propped against her and frowned again. "Is she okay?"

Tori shook her head. "Definitely not. I need to get her out of here, like, now."

Nicole set the cups in her hands onto the floor before straightening up and reaching for Jade's other arm. " _We_ need to. Is there a way to get out of here that doesn't require us to go out the front door?"

Jake nodded. "Yeah, there's an emergency exit behind the bar. I'll show you the way."

Tori and Nicole propped Jade between them, looping their arms behind her back, and gently moved her in the direction that Jake led them. It was slow-going and Tori could feel the eyes of the rest of the party staring at them, but she tried to ignore them and focused instead on taking one step at a time. The DJ must not have realized that something was going on because the music still echoed around them, providing an anthem of throbbing bass lines and unintelligible lyrics as they tried to make their way through the crowd. It felt like an hour before they finally reached the emergency exit, but the same song had been playing the entire time so Tori knew that it could have only been a minute or two. Jake began to reach out for the door's pushbar, but then paused and looked back at them.

"Do you need anything else?" he asked, the tough exterior he had presented towards Pat giving way to an expression of concern. Tori shook her head as she readjusted so that she had a tighter grip on Jade. "Okay then. Uh...I'm sorry about all of this. I don't even really know what's going on, if I'm being honest."

"Yeah, neither do we." Nicole said, her tone tinged with a hint of impatience. "Thank you, though."

"Anytime." Jake pushed the door open, holding it for them. "Good luck, girls."

"Thanks," Tori said, before leading the three of them out of the house. She heard the door close behind them, and the severity of the situation suddenly sank in.

"What do we do now?" she heard Nicole ask, and she realized that she had absolutely no idea. The brisk night air bit against exposed skin, causing her to shiver. This caused Jade to groan, and both girls immediately turned their heads to look at her.

"Jade, can you hear us?" Tori asked her again. She didn't get a response.

"Shit, Tori, do you think that he drugged her?" Nicole asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Her stomach twisted at Nicole's words. It wasn't the first time that the thought had crossed her mind, but it was different hearing it spoken out loud. "I don't know. Maybe?"

"But what..." Nicole started, and Tori shook her head.

"We need to get her back to the dorm, and then we can figure out what to do next. Okay?" She could hear her voice crack, and realized that she was close to breaking down. She swallowed past the lump in her throat, and blinked back the tears that were sparking in the corners of her eyes. "Let's just get that far first."

"Okay," Nicole replied. "But which way is Sawyer anyway?"

Tori looked around, trying to get her bearings. The exit they had taken had led them into the parking lot behind the house, with the sidewalk off to their right. She nodded her head towards the sidewalk. "That way. If we cut through the quad, it'll be quicker." She turned her head to look at Nicole. "Ready?"

Nicole glanced down at Jade before swallowing and nodding. "As ready as I think I'm going to be."

"Okay. Then let's go."

They began to move forward again, both praying that the girl held up between them would still be breathing when they made it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: a character is drugged at a party


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Just a note: I don't think there are any real specific trigger warnings here (other than those that carry over from the last chapter), but if you have emetophobia, proceed carefully. 
> 
> Stay safe out there, y'all

The journey back to Sawyer Hall was slow, as was to be expected. Jade became less and less self-mobile as they went, and by the time they could see the building looming in the distance, they were practically dragging her. Tori could feel herself becoming drunker as they went, her vision growing fuzzy around the edges, and she knew Nicole had to be in the same boat based on the number of times she stumbled on cracks in the sidewalk. But they pushed forward anyway, because what else _could_ they do?

When they reached the steps that led to the entrance into Sawyer, they both cursed, having forgotten that the stairs even existed.

"What now?" Nicole asked, staring at the steps.

Tori shifted so that she had a tighter grip on Jade's waist. "I think I can carry her. Would probably be easier than trying to shuffle her up."

"Are you insane?" Nicole shot her an incredulous look. "You have to weigh less than she does, how the hell are you going to carry her?"

"Drunken confidence and a lot of luck?" Tori joked, but there was an edge of seriousness in her voice that Nicole didn't fail to pick up on. "If you can help her get onto my back, I can piggy-back her up the stairs."

"Yeah, or you could fall backwards and die."

"Have any better ideas, then?" Tori looked at her roommate expectantly. "Look, the longer we debate this, the more likely it becomes that she's just gonna completely fall over and I'd rather try and get her upstairs before that happens."

"Should we just call public safety and have them help us out?" Nicole asked, but her tone suggested that she already knew the answer.

"We're all underage," Tori said, a knot forming in her stomach as the words hung in the air between them. "And I know that's a stupid reason, but..."

"But no matter what, we'll be the ones to get in trouble," Nicole finished, her tone bitter. "Yeah, I know." She looked at Jade for a moment before looking up at Tori. "Really think you can carry her?"

"Guess we're gonna find out," Tori replied, trying to sound more certain than she felt. "If we swing her arms around my neck, I can try to lift her."

"Okay." Nicole helped wrap Jade's arms around Tori's neck, still supporting some of her weight so Tori didn't immediately topple over. "Are you ready, Tor?"

"As ready as I'm gonna be," Tori replied, reaching behind her and gripping underneath the back of Jade's knees. She took a deep breath and hoisted Jade up onto her back, grunting underneath Jade's weight.

"Doing okay?" Nicole asked, stepping in front of them, a worried expression on her face.

Tori nodded, shifting so that she had a better grasp on the backs of Jade's legs. "Gonna need you to get the door."

"Oh, yeah!" Nicole walked up the stairs, scanning her ID card at the top. The door beeped and she quickly pulled it open. "Good to go!"

Tori took another breath, shallower this time, and stepped onto the first stair. Jade groaned, her breath tickling the back of Tori's neck. The noise reassured Tori, and she kept going. Second step, then the third. After the fifth step, they had reached the landing, and she took them through the door that Nicole held open.

"Uh, Tor?"

Tori looked over at Nicole, who stared at the staircase in front of them. "Yeah?"

"We live on the third floor."

"We sure do." Tori stepped forward, trying to not jostle Jade too much as she stepped onto the first step. Nicole stared at her for a moment before she followed, making sure to stand behind them as they slowly ascended the stairs.

The first flight of stairs went better than Tori had hoped. Sure, it had taken her about five minutes to get both her and Jade up them, and Nicole had to help push from behind more than once, but no one fell, so really, what more could she have asked for? But then she stepped onto the landing that marked the second floor, and a wave of dizziness washed over her. She instinctively reached out to grab the railing, unintentionally letting go of Jade's right leg in the process.

"Woah, Tori!" Nicole lept forward, reaching out for both women as they began to topple. She held them up until Tori let go of the railing and readjusted her grip on Jade's leg again. "You okay?"

Tori nodded, blinking away the stars that danced in her vision. "Sorry, just got a little dizzy. Is Jade okay?"

Nicole glanced at the barely-conscious woman draped over Tori's shoulders and nodded. "I think so."

"Good." Tori stumbled forward, but didn't lose her balance. "Almost there, right?"

"Right," Nicole replied, shaking her head as she watched her roommate begin to climb the second flight of stairs.

By the time they reached the third floor, Tori could hardly breathe, and she was almost certain that Jade had become at least fifty pounds heavier since they had entered the building. But she pushed through, only stopping when she finally carried her through the door into their hallway that Nicole held open for them.

"Tor, you can let her down now," Nicole said, coming around to help support Jade as Tori practically collapsed beneath her. Somehow, she managed to keep one arm wrapped around her waist as she leaned against the cinderblock wall.

"Fuck," Tori breathed, her voice barely audible over the sound of her panting.

"Come on, girl, just a little bit further, and then you can pass out if you want to," Nicole encouraged, and it was enough to push Tori to stand up straight and look forward.

"Why the _fuck_ do we live at the other end of this hall?" she asked, and Nicole couldn't help but laugh.

Three more minutes of tripping and they were in front of their room. Tori fought the urge to lean against the wall again as Nicole fumbled her key out of her pocket and into the lock.

And then they were stumbling inside, the door unintentionally slamming shut behind them.

"Where should we put her?" Nicole asked, looking around their room.

"Floor," Tori said, the muscles in her shoulder screaming as she shifted her position again. "We can put a pillow and blanket down for now. I don't think we can lift her onto a bed."

"Okay."

They lowered her to the floor as gently as possible, propping her back against Tori's desk. Her head lolled onto her shoulder, and it caused Tori's heart to leap into her throat.

"Fuck." She leaned down and pressed her index and middle finger against Jade's neck, searching for her pulse just like they had been taught to do in middle school health class. She found it, sighing in relief as it beat strongly underneath her fingertips. "Oh thank god."

"What do we do now?" Nicole asked, her voice low and worried.

Tori held a hand in front of Jade's nose to make sure that she was breathing. "Your guess is as good as mine, Nic." She stood and turned to face her roommate, fighting the urge to throw herself onto her bed. "I can't believe we actually got her up here."

"I think you mean _you_ got her up here," Nicole said. "You literally carried her up here by yourself." She looked Tori up and down, impressed. "I never knew you were that strong."

"My back is screaming right now," Tori said before letting out a laugh that lacked even the barest hint of humor. "Jesus Christ, what the hell even _is_ tonight?"

A groan caused them to turn their attention back to Jade, who, Tori noted, was beginning to look even paler than normal. In fact, if Tori didn't know any better, she would say that...

"Shit!" Nicole grabbed their recycling bin and shoved it in front of Jade just in time for it to catch most of the vomit that came spewing out of her mouth. A few specks landed on Tori's jeans, but she barely noticed. Instead, she had already moved forward, gathering Jade's hair in her hands so that it didn't fall into the sick. For a moment, she thought that it was over, and then Jade was retching again.

"Thatta girl, get it all out," she heard Nicole say, and she glanced up at her with an eyebrow raised. Nicole just shrugged and leaned over, rubbing Jade's back as she continued to be sick. "Better out than in, right?"

"Gross," Tori remarked. She continued to hold Jade's hair back for a few more moments, only letting go after Nicole handed her a hairtie. She quickly tied Jade's hair back in a messy bun, being careful to tuck every strand of teal away before stepping back and looking at her. "Jade, can you hear me?"

Another retch, but this time it was accompanied by a slight nod of her head. Tori felt her heart skip a beat, and she knelt down next to her. "Can you open your eyes for me, hon?"

Nicole glanced at Tori, pausing her movements. "Is she awake?"

Tori ignored her, her attention completely focused on Jade's face. "Come on, Jade, you can do it. Just open your eyes."

Nothing happened for a few moments, but then Tori saw two blue-green eyes looking at her for just a moment before they shut again as Jade retched forward. In that moment, though, she could have sworn she saw a glimmer of recognition, and for the first time since she had seen her at the party, she began to worry about the fact that, as far as she knew, Jade _hated_ her.

But she would deal with that later.

"I don't know if she's _awake_ per se" Tori began, looking up at Nicole. "But she's at least somewhat aware of what's going on."

"Well, that's a start, I guess," Nicole said, before wrinkling her nose. "Uh, Tor, you got a little bit of..." she gestured towards the bin, "this...on your pants."

Tori glanced down, sighing at the sight of the vomit that was quickly drying on the denim. "Yeah..."

"Go on and get changed quick. I'll stay with her." Jade had sat up at this point, though her skin hadn't gotten any less pale. Tori was about to object when Nicole shook her head, shooing her on. "Seriously, go and at least wash the puke off your jeans before it stains."

Tori looked at them a moment longer before turning and grabbing her pajamas off of her dresser where she had put them earlier, in preparation for when she'd get home from the party. She pulled her phone out her pocket and set it on her dresser before she opened the door and made her way to the bathroom.

* * *

She grabbed the biggest stall when she entered, thankful that the communal bathroom was decidedly empty at that moment. She stripped quickly, being careful to keep her jeans separate from her top as she tossed them onto the floor.

It wasn't until she was pulling her t-shirt over her head that she realized that there were tears streaming down her face and the gravity of the situation hit her like a sledgehammer to the chest.

"Oh my god," she whispered, reaching out to steady herself against the tile wall of the stall as her knees began to buckle beneath her. "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god."

She would have stayed in that position for god knows how long, but she heard the door to the bathroom open and it snapped her back into reality. She straightened up and used the collar of her shirt to wipe the tears from her face before using the toilet and washing her hands. The shower in the stall next to hers' started, the sound of water hitting tile echoing throughout the otherwise-quiet bathroom.

Tori looked at her jeans, debating whether or not to bother rinsing them off, and decided against it. Sawyer had a laundry room, and she figured that a washing machine would be more effective than what she could achieve in a bathroom sink.

Taking a deep breath, she gripped the sides of the sink and looked at her reflection. Her hair was a mess, frizzy from the heat of the Zeta house basement, and her cheeks were pink and streaked with the trails her tears had made. She could blame the rosy complexion on the alcohol, but the tear stains were another story. Sighing, she turned the water back on and cupped her hands beneath the stream. She splashed the water on her face, rinsing away the evidence of her tears.

She looked at herself again, and exhaled slowly. It would have to do.

She turned away from the mirror and bent over, picking up her discarded clothing before exiting the stall and the bathroom.

* * *

When she walked back into her room, she found Jade lying on her side, a pillow beneath her head. The recycling bin had been replaced by a strategically placed trash can outfitted with a new bin liner.

"Here," Nicole said, and Tori looked over to find her sitting at her desk, a cup in her hand. "Figured you could use a drink. God knows I needed one, at least."

The thought of more alcohol made Tori's stomach turn, but she took the cup anyway. "Thanks."

Nicole nodded in acknowledgment, taking a sip from her own cup. "I dumped the puke out the window."

"You did _what?"_

She shrugged. "I didn't want to leave her alone, and it seemed like a smart idea at the time. Should probably still rinse the bin out, though." She took another sip, then noticed Tori was still staring at her. "What?"

"You called _me_ insane," Tori said, shaking her head. "And yet you're the one dumping cans of puke out of third story windows!" The hilarity of it struck her, and she bit her lip in an attempt to keep the giggles at bay. "What if someone had been walking underneath?!"

"Then they would have gotten a new and exciting kind of shower!" Nicole replied, and that was enough to make both girls start giggling.

"That's so _gross,"_ Tori said, and Nicole just shook her head.

"Girl, you're the one still holding your puked-on jeans! That's worse!'

"Shit, you're right!" Tori quickly dropped her clothes onto the floor and kicked them aside. "There, problem solved!"

"Oh my god, that is definitely _not_ a solution to that problem!"

"Well, it'll have to be for now, because I'm not about to walk all the way down to the basement to start a load of laundry!" Tori walked over to Nicole's desk, and pushed the books on it aside before hopping up onto it. "I'd probably collapse in the stairwell half-way down!"

"Hey, who said you could sit here?" Nicole joked. Tori turned her head and stuck her tongue out at her in response before finally taking a sip of the drink she had been handed. Her nose immediately wrinkled in disgust.

"Did you even bother putting any juice in this?"

Nicole shook her head, sipping from her own cup. "We ran out. But, I did put a slice of lime in it to make you feel fancier."

Tori rolled her eyes and was about to respond back with a sarcastic quip when she saw Nicole glance towards the floor. Her retort died on her lips, and she swallowed hard as she looked down at Jade. "Did she say anything?"

"Not a word," Nicole replied, the humor that had been present in her tone now completely absent. "She stopped puking though, and I read somewhere that you're supposed to put drunk people on their side, so I did that." She looked up at Tori, concern shining in her gaze. "That is what you're supposed to do, right?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure," Tori said. Silence fell between the two women for a few moments as they watched the rise and fall of Jade's chest.

"How did you know?" Nicole finally asked, her voice low.

"How did I know what?"

"That something was wrong," Nicole began, and Tori turned her head to look at her. "You knew immediately that something was up, but I don't know _how_ you knew that, because I wouldn't have had a clue. So how did you know, Tor?"

Tori turned back towards Jade, taking a small sip from her cup before answering. "She has a boyfriend."

Nicole furrowed her brow and leaned back in her chair. "What?"

"She has a boyfriend." Tori pulled her legs onto the desk, crossing them beneath her. "So when I saw her going off with that guy, I knew that something was off."

Silence hung between them for a moment as Nicole thought about what Tori had said. Then: "Wait. How would you know that she has a boyfriend?" Nicole brought her seat forward, her feet planted firmly on the ground as she looked at her roommate, who seemed determined not to look at her. "Tori, I didn't know she had a boyfriend and I've been her partner for weeks now."

"Lucky guess?" Tori said, wrapping both hands around her cup protectively.

"You're full of shit," Nicole said, setting her cup down on the far edge of the desk to her right. She reached out and grabbed Tori's wrist gently, causing Tori to finally look at her. "You know her, don't you?"

Tori tried to swallow past the lump that had formed in her throat, and the ensuing silence was answer enough.

"Christ," Nicole said, letting go of Tori's wrist and leaning back in her chair again. "Never thought to bring that up, huh?"

"It's...complicated," Tori finally replied, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Complicated how? I mean, she's been around like every other day for at least a week now, and..." Nicole paused, thinking back. "Is that why you've been gone so much? Because she's been here?" Realization hit her and her eyes narrowed. "Is that why you were so acting so fucking weird that night? You know, the one where you "forgot" your notes?" She emphasized her point with exaggerated finger quotes, even though Tori had turned away from her again and couldn't see them.

"Look, I'm not sure that now is the best time..." Tori began, but Nicole was already shaking her head.

"You lied to me."

Tori took a shaky breath, but didn't look back at her. Instead, she focused her gaze on the porcelain features of the unconscious woman on their floor and tried to ignore the knot that was twisting in her stomach. "It wasn't important. I figured that your project would eventually finish and then I wouldn't have to worry about..."

"And what if I wanted to be friends with her outside of class, Tori? What were you planning on doing then?"

Tori was silent for a moment. She could practically feel her roommate's glare burning against her back. "I don't know."

"Christ." Nicole sat back in her chair and shook her head again. "You could have just told me that you knew her and that there was some kind of beef between you, or whatever the fuck "complicated" means."

Tori was about to respond when Jade moaned softly, causing them to look towards her, both prepared to jump up and shove the trash can in front of her if necessary. But it was a false alarm, and Jade was still fast asleep.

Tori watched her for another moment before she turned to Nicole. "I'm sorry, okay? I just didn't want to even _think_ about her, and then she was suddenly here and I panicked and I didn't know what I was supposed to do."

Nicole took a small sip of her drink, considering her roommate over the rim of her cup. "So what are you going to do now?"

"What do you mean?"

She gestured towards Jade. "Well, you can't exactly avoid her anymore. She's literally passed out on our floor, and you might hate her, but you're gonna have to talk to her when she wakes up."

Tori fell silent, her cup held tight in her hands. She looked back at Jade, noting the frown on sleeping woman's lips. "I've never hated her."

"No? Then what's your problem?"

Another shaky breath, followed by an equally shaky exhale. "She hates _me_."

The words hung heavy in the air, and Nicole realized that her roommate was fighting back tears, her shoulders shaking with every ragged breath. Her anger dissipated and she reached out, laying a gentle hand on Tori's knee. "Tor..."

"I'm sorry, Nic, I really am," Tori began, looking up towards the ceiling as she tried to blink back the tears that had formed in the corners of her eyes. "I didn't mean to lie to you, and I don't even know why she hates me, and she could literally be dying for all we know and I don't know what the _fuck_ we're supposed to do, and..."

"Tori, breathe," Nicole commanded, and Tori stopped mid-sentence, her lips formed around a word that she couldn't identify if she actually thought about it, and she couldn't stop the single tear from falling into her drink.

"He was going to hurt her, wasn't he?" she whispered. Nicole could hear the heartbreak in her voice, and she didn't want to nod but she did anyway.

"I think so."

Tori lifted her cup to her lips and knocked back the rest of the tequila in a single swallow. She set the cup down on the desk, and Nicole decided to say fuck it and followed suit, draining her drink in a gulp and regretting it almost as quickly.

"What now?" she asked and Tori shrugged.

"I don't know," Tori replied, hopping off of the desk. She wobbled where she stood, and Nicole realized that they were both probably a bit drunker than they thought. She was going to say as such, but then Tori walked over to where the recycling bin stood, and picked it up with a grimace. "I'm going to go rinse this out, though."

Nicole didn't have time to reply before Tori left, the door clicking shut behind her.

The rest of the night was mostly quiet. After Tori came back with the freshly-rinsed bin, they realized that none of them had drank water for god knows how long and that was probably going to be an issue. They tried to get Jade to drink some, sitting her up between them with Nicole urging her to open up while Tori tried to pour some into her mouth, but after spilling water down their shirts and achieving only a swallow or two, they gave up.

And then it was a waiting game.

Around four in the morning, they decided to take turns alternating between sleeping and keeping watch over Jade. Tori offered to keep watch first, which Nicole gladly took her up on. It didn't take long for Nicole to fall asleep, leaving Tori alone with her thoughts.

She considered texting Beck and letting him know what had happened, but every time she picked up her phone and began to type out a message, she found that she couldn't bring herself to hit send. So she set her phone aside and looked down at the unconscious woman on her floor and wondered what she was supposed to do when she woke up.

Would Jade be angry, she wondered, or would she be scared? Hell, would she even remember any of what happened? She eventually decided to look up the symptoms of being drugged on her phone, scrolling through page upon page of medical jargon that all seemed to contradict each other and failed to provide her with any conclusive answers. It all depended on _what_ she was drugged with, and since Tori had no way of knowing that, nothing was particularly helpful. It didn't help that the words kept swimming on the screen as her exhaustion and the tequila finally began to catch up to her.

She didn't realize she had fallen asleep until she felt Nicole shaking her shoulder. She cracked her eyes open and saw her roommate standing next to her.

"Tor, go lay down," Nicole said, and Tori realized that her phone was still clenched in her hand and everything hurt.

She stood up on shaking legs, groaning quietly as her head throbbed with the sudden movement. Her bed was blocked by Jade, so she crawled into Nicole's.

She was asleep before her head hit the pillow.

* * *

"Tori, wake up."

Tori groaned, rolling over. "Five more minutes," she grumbled, reaching to pull the covers over her head. When she found none, she opened her eyes and found herself face-to-face with Nicole and the worried look on the other woman's face was enough to snap Tori out of her fugue.

"What's wrong?" she asked, sitting up quickly. Too quickly. Her back and shoulders screamed at her, accompanied by a stabbing ache behind her eyes. She tried to ignore the pain, though, because there was panic in Nicole's gaze.

"She's gone," Nicole said, and she shifted out of Tori's line of vision to expose the now-empty spot on their floor.

"What?" Tori stared at the pillow that remained on the ground as her stomach twisted itself into a knot. "Where did she go? How did she leave without us knowing?"

"I must have fallen asleep," Nicole answered and Tori looked up to see that the color had disappeared from her face. "I don't know when, but I woke up and she was just gone and I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"It's okay, Nic," Tori interrupted, reaching out and pulling her roommate into a tight embrace. "It's okay."

"We need to find her," Nicole said, the panic that had been in her eyes now fully present in her voice. "She can't have gotten far, and..."

Tori hugged her tighter, one hand rubbing soft circles into her back. "Nic, breathe. Just breathe." She waited a few moments, allowing her friend to take several deep breaths before letting her arms fall back to her sides. "We can go try and find her, okay?"

Nicole ran a hand through her hair, fisting it in frustration. "How did she even manage to get out of here without falling over? She was barely _conscious_ last night, you can't tell me she's suddenly just fine!"

Tori jumped off of the bed and glanced at the clock. "I don't know how she managed to do anything, but if I'm being honest, Jade tends to be able to do stuff that doesn't make any sense. I've seen her sneak her way through an air duct and jump down through the ceiling before. So, this isn't really out of the realm of possibility for her."

"But why would she just _leave_ ," Nicole asked, and the familiar ache that Tori had tried for months to ignore bloomed fresh in her chest again. She didn't answer Nicole's question, and the look on her face kept Nicole from asking it again.

Tori turned away and rummaged through the top drawer of her dresser, pulling out a bottle of ibuprofen. She shook out two pills into her hand and reached for her water bottle. She swallowed them quickly before holding out the pill bottle to Nicole, who took it.

"Jade lives in Baker Hall, right?" Tori asked.

Nicole swallowed the pills in her hand and looked at Tori quizzically. "How do you..." she trailed off, shaking her head. "Nevermind. Yeah, she lives in Baker."

"Do you know which room?" Tori turned to the closet, flicking through shirts and dresses until she found a jacket.

"Yeah, we've met there before."

"Great." Tori quickly changed out of her pajama pants into a fresh set of jeans. "Lead the way, then?"

Nicole nodded, though Tori wasn't facing her. "Hey Tori?"

"Yeah?" Tori shut her dresser drawer and turned towards her friend.

"I'm sorry I got angry with you last night," Nicole said, looking down at the floor. "I don't know what's going on between you two, and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I shouldn't have gotten so pissed, and I'm sorry."

Tori shook her head. "It's okay, Nic. I'm sorry too. I should have just told you." She glanced at the clock again. "We should probably get going, though."

"Yeah, probably." Nicole followed Tori to the door.

Tori wrapped her hand around the handle and was about to turn it when she hesitated. "Nic?"

"Yeah?"

"If there's one thing I know about Jade West, it's that if she doesn't want to be found, we aren't going to find her. And she probably won't want to be found."

Nicole considered Tori's words, trying not to read too much into the bitterness that was in her voice. "All we can do is try, then."

Tori nodded and opened the door.

* * *

When she had told Nicole that Jade might not want to be found, Tori had hoped that for once, her suspicions would be wrong. But when they knocked on the door of Baker Hall's Room 217, they were greeted by the smiling face belonging to Jade's roommate who dutifully informed them that she was sorry, but she hadn't seen Jade. Tori tried to see over her shoulder to see if she was lying; to see if Jade would be lying on her bed, or sitting at her desk, but all she saw was a bright pink bedspread and sequined pillows on the bed closest to the door. She craned her neck, trying to catch a glimpse of the other side, Jade's side, but then her roommate was saying goodbye and the door slammed shut before she could see anything else.

Next up was the union building, then the dining center, and then the library. But Jade was nowhere to be found.

Nicole eventually started calling her, leaving voicemail after voicemail pleading for Jade to call her back, but her phone never rang. And so, after over an hour of searching, they decided to give up and go back to their dorm.

For all intents and purposes, Jade West had effectively disappeared. And Tori wasn't even a little surprised.

That didn't stop her from pulling her phone out of her pocket after Nicole left their room to go take a shower. Tori knew that she should go shower as well, but instead she found herself pulling up Jade's contact information and typing out a few quick words.

_Can you please just let me know that you're OK?_

She hit send before she could second-guess herself and set the phone down on her desk before she slipped into her flip-flops and grabbed her shower caddy before making her way to the bathroom.

* * *

It wasn't until hours later, long after she had gotten out of the shower and long after Nicole had excused herself to go work on homework (even though Tori knew she didn't have any assignments due on Monday) and long after Tori had given up any hope that she might have had, when her phone vibrated on the bed next to her. She cracked her eyes open and picked it up, expecting to see Nicole's name, or maybe Andre's or Cat's. Instead, she saw Jade's.

She closed her eyes for a long moment before re-opening them and looking again. Shock flowed through her when she discovered that she hadn't been imagining it- Jade really had texted her back.

The answer was short and to the point.

_I'm fine._

Tori stared at her screen for longer than necessary, the words blurring together as she tried to figure out if she should respond. How she should respond.

Minutes ticked by, and then three dots appeared underneath the text, bouncing up and down. Her heart skipped a beat as a new message appeared on the screen.

_I'm in Reede._

It took Tori a moment to remember that Reede was the name of the campus theater, and when she did, she started mentally kicking herself for not thinking to look there in the first place. Of course Jade would be there.

She wasn't sure why Jade told her where she was at, but she decided not to ask. Instead, she got out of bed, threw a few essentials into her backpack, and slipped on her shoes and jacket. And then she left, praying that Jade would still be there when she arrived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me on Tumblr @darthbelle


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have emetophobia, proceed carefully. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Reede Theater was near the conservatory building, so Tori didn't have much trouble finding her way. The campus was eerily quiet and the only other students she saw on her journey there didn't even bother to glance at her as they passed by, but that didn't surprise her much. It was Sunday, and that meant that everyone was either already in bed, frantically finishing Monday morning's homework, or having one last party before the weekend ended. Hell, she half-wished that she could be in bed herself, sleeping off the last of the hangover that never seemed to end and trying desperately to pretend that the weekend had just been a sick nightmare.

Instead, she found herself walking past the conservatory and towards the red-brick building that lay just beyond it, wondering what she was about to walk into.

The only public entrance into Reede was through the main entrance, so she walked up the ramp that led to it. She pulled the door handle and was dismayed to discover that it was locked. It took her another moment before she remembered that most of the academic buildings locked early on Sundays but students could still swipe into most of them after-hours. She turned and saw the ID scanner to her right, and so she flashed her ID in front of it quickly and was rewarded with the sound of the door unlocking. Triumphant, she pulled the handle again and went inside.

She had thought that the campus had been eerily quiet but it didn't hold a candle to the complete and utter silence that met her as she stood in the entryway. The ticket booth was dimly lit, though she figured that it was a light that was probably always on rather than an indication of someone being present behind it. That didn't stop her from looking through the window and double-checking to see if Jade happened to be sitting there. She wasn't, of course.

That left the theater itself, and so Tori pushed through the double-doors to the left of the ticket booth and stood at the top of the atrium. The EXIT sign above the doorway provided the only light in the place, splashing red on the floor and the backs of the top row of seats.

"Jade?" Tori said, her voice echoing through the room around her. When she didn't receive a reply, she tried again, raising her voice. "Jade, are you here?"

A moment passed before she got her reply. "Down here."

Jade's voice was quiet, and Tori couldn't pinpoint exactly where it had come from. She pulled her phone out and turned on its flashlight function before sweeping the beam over the room. It wasn't until the beam shone on the first row of seats that Tori saw a figure slumped over in them.

Tori began to walk down the steps that led towards the stage, carefully shining her light in front of her so that she didn't stumble. When she reached the bottom, she turned the beam towards where Jade sat.

"Jesus Christ, would you turn that off?" Jade hissed, and Tori diverted the beam quickly before shutting it off completely. It had been on long enough, though, that she had gotten a decent look at Jade and it was easy to tell that although she had claimed otherwise in her text, she was most certainly _not_ fine. Her feet were on the seat cushion and her knees were drawn up close to her chest and if she hadn't just spoken, Tori wouldn't have been sure that she wasn't dead.

Tori's first instinct was to pull the other woman into a hug and tell her that everything was okay, to comfort her however she needed because that was what Tori Vega _did._ This was countered by her second instinct, which was to demand answers and find out just why she had been ignoring her for months and why she had left and just _why_.

Her third instinct, and the one that she listened to, was to shrug her backpack off and sit in the seat next to her, being careful not to jostle the seats too much as she did. She unzipped her bag and took out a bottle of water and held it out to her. "Here, thought you might need this."

Jade glanced over at the bottle, and even though it was almost pitch-black in the theater, Tori could see the hesitation in her eyes. "What?"

Tori shook the bottle. "It's just water." When Jade still didn't move to take it, she sighed. "I grabbed it from the vending machine in my dorm. It's unopened and still sealed. Come on, just take it. You need to hydrate."

Jade stared at it for a moment longer before she finally reached over and took the bottle from her. Tori noticed the tremor in her hands as she unscrewed the cap, but decided not to say anything and instead watched as she took a small sip that was quickly followed by a longer, deeper swallow, and then another.

"Hey, maybe slow down," Tori said, reaching out and placing a hand on top of Jade's. "If you drink too fast, you might get sick."

Jade rolled her eyes, but pulled the bottle away from her lips all the same. "It not like I haven't already spent the entire day puking my guts out, Vega."

"Yeah but..." Tori paused. "Wait, the entire _day_?"

Jade shrugged, taking another long sip of water. "More or less."

"Jade, that's not okay! We should get you to the hospital, or the health center, or..."

"And tell them what? That I gave myself alcohol poisoning?" Jade chuckled humorlessly and shook her head. "No thank you." She waited for Tori's reply, ready to shoot back with a sharp quip, but was met with silence. She turned her head to look at her, cocking an eyebrow at the confused look she found on Tori's face. "What?"

"You just think you drank too much? That you gave yourself alcohol poisoning?"

"Well, yeah," Jade said, studying Tori's face as she spoke. She didn't like the pity and worry she could see in the other woman's eyes. "What else would have left me passed out on your floor?"

Tori looked away from her and bit her lip as she considered her next words. "Jade, Nic and I are pretty sure that you were drugged last night."

Jade stared at her, eyes searching her face again for something that would suggest that she was joking. She found nothing, though, and Tori watched her face go blank. "Oh." She pulled her knees closer to her, and gripped the bottle a little tighter.

Tori took a deep breath while she tried to figure out what to say. "Yeah, uh...I mean, I don't have a clue how much you drank or anything, but when I saw you with that guy, I..."

"Woah, back the fuck up," Jade said, dropping her feet to the floor. "What do you mean, you saw me with a guy?" She turned towards Tori quickly; too quickly. Her face went pale, and Tori's eyes went wide.

"Shit." Tori scrambled for her backpack and rummaged through it. She pulled out a plastic bag and held it out to Jade. "Here!"

Jade dropped the water bottle and grabbed it from her at the same time that she bent forward, barely getting the bag up in time before she began retching into it. Tori reached over and gathered the loose strands of hair around her face and held them back as Jade continued to be sick.

After a minute or so, Jade pulled her face away from the bag and Tori could see that her skin had gone even paler. She let go of Jade's hair and bent over to pick the water bottle up off of the floor. "I'll hold the bag if you want to rinse out your mouth," she offered. Jade just nodded and took the bottle from her. She rinsed and spit into the bag, refusing to look at Tori as she did so. When she was done, Tori tied the bag shut and stood. "Do you know if there's a trash can somewhere around here?"

"There's one outside the ticket booth," Jade replied weakly.

"I'll be right back, then." She waited a moment to see if Jade would acknowledge her, but she didn't, and so she left, thankful that her eyes had adjusted to the darkness enough to not need to turn her phone flashlight on. True to her word, she was back in her seat just as quickly, the bag gone.

Silence hung in the air between them for a few moments, broken only by the sounds of their breathing. As the seconds passed, Tori grew more and more concerned. She was about to look over and check that Jade was still conscious when the other woman finally spoke. 

"What happened to me, Vega?"

Tori glanced over at her, not surprised when she found that Jade was staring straight ahead instead of looking in her direction. "I'm honestly not sure. We were at the Zeta house and I saw you with this guy and he looked like he was leading you away from the party." She paused and thought back to the previous night. "I just couldn't imagine that you would be going behind Beck's back, you know? And then I saw that you were stumbling and he was holding you up and none of it felt right so I stepped in."

Jade didn't say anything, and Tori took it as a sign to keep talking. "When I got over to you, I asked if you were okay, and you didn't answer. Honestly, I don't think you even knew I was there, and..."

"He was going to rape me," Jade interrupted, and Tori wasn't completely sure if she meant it as a statement or a question.

"I don't know."

Jade brought her feet back up on the chair and hugged her knees to her chest again. "What happened next?"

"I tried to get him to let go of you, but he wouldn't until another fraternity brother stepped in. And then Nic and I got you out of the house and took you back to our dorm."

"Why didn't you take me to the doctor instead?" Jade's tone wasn't accusatory, but Tori felt a stab of guilt in her chest all the same.

"I was afraid." She took a deep breath and leaned forward slightly as she clasped her hands between her knees. "Nic and I were both really drunk and you were practically unconscious and I didn't want any of us to get in trouble." She paused again and bit her lip. "And I...I didn't think that you'd want anyone to know."

She was met with silence again, so she continued. "I'm sorry. I know that I should have taken you to the hospital, and probably still should, and..."

"Shut up, Vega."

Tori finally looked back over at Jade and found that this time, the other woman was looking back at her. Her expression was unreadable, but it wasn't the anger that Tori expected to see.

"You were right," Jade said. "I don't want anyone to find out."

Tori shook her head. "No, I was wrong. You should get checked out, and maybe they can find out what he drugged you with and he can get..."

"I already said no," Jade said, and the edge in her voice was enough to make Tori stop talking. "This never happened, okay? We're going to leave here tonight and go back to our normal lives and no one ever needs to know."

Tori stared at her in disbelief. "You're joking, right?"

"Never been more serious about anything in my life."

Tori sat up straighter, turning her body so that she was better-facing Jade. "You can't just pretend that this didn't happen, you're not the only one who was there!"

"So tell Nicole that I'm fine and that she can stop worrying about me," Jade replied, her eyes leaving Tori's so that she could stare off into the darkness in front of her again.

The implication in her words hit Tori in the chest like a sledgehammer, and she inhaled sharply. "You're going to go back to acting like I don't exist."

Jade didn't respond, but Tori could see the muscles in her arms flex as she hugged her knees tighter.

"I can't believe you," Tori whispered. She stood and bent over quickly to grab her backpack off of the floor. "I can't _fucking_ believe you," she said again, louder this time, but Jade still didn't give any indication that she was listening.

She swung the backpack over her shoulder and turned to face her. She could feel the prickle of angry tears at the corners of her eyes, but she fought them back. "You know, I respected your wishes for _months._ I left you alone and if it hadn't been for last night's bullshit, I would have continued to leave you the fuck alone, just like you wanted." She paused, swallowing back the lump that had formed in her throat. "Jesus Christ, Jade, if you were planning on going back to ignoring me again, why did you bother telling me where you were?"

She started to walk away before she had finished her question, wanting to get out of there before the floodgates could open. Before she would start demanding answers and screaming and crying and-

"Why did you bother coming?" she heard Jade ask. It took a second for the question to register, and by the time that it did she found that she was still moving forward and she had to force her feet to stop.

"What?" Tori asked. She thought about turning back around to face her, but decided against it when she realized that a tear had escaped and had streaked down her cheek. It might have been dark in the theater, but the last thing she needed was for Jade to see her cry.

"You didn't have to come here. Hell, I didn't even ask you to."

"You told me where you were. Coming from you, that's practically rolling out the red carpet."

Jade considered her answer for a moment, and Tori used that opportunity to quickly wipe her eyes. "Why did you stop that guy last night?"

"What?" Tori finally turned towards her, shocked by the question. "Why would you even ask that?"

Jade shrugged, her shoulders slumping again as they came back down. "You said it yourself. You left me alone, just like I wanted. So why bother stepping in? I can't imagine that you were feeling particularly charitable towards me."

"You're kidding, right?" Tori stared at her, but Jade didn't look towards her. "Would you rather I had just let him take you to wherever the hell he was taking you? Would you rather I had just stood there and done _nothing?"_

"Of course not," Jade answered, and if Tori didn't know better, she would have sworn that she heard her voice crack just ever so slightly. "I just don't get why you bothered."

Tori let the backpack slide off of her shoulder and onto the floor before she stepped towards where Jade sat. "Because you're my friend, Jade. Even if you want to pretend like you're not."

"You're an idiot," Jade said, but her tone lacked it's usual malice and she couldn't stop herself from sniffing and even though she adamantly refused to look towards Tori, it was obvious that she was fighting back tears.

"Probably," Tori replied, sitting back down next to her. "I mean, I can't imagine that anyone smart would be sitting here after being ignored for over half a year without even knowing _why."_

Jade let go of her knees and used the heel of her palm to wipe her eyes. "You haven't asked why."

"Because the last time I tried to, you told me to "leave you the fuck alone", remember?" Tori crossed her arms, trying to keep the anger that had swelled inside of her from taking over. "So what's the point of asking again?"

Jade set her feet back down on the ground and leaned forward. For a moment, Tori was sure that she was going to start retching again, but instead she sighed and rested her head in her hands with her elbows propped on her knees. "I'm so tired."

Tori considered calling her out over the sudden change in topic, but when she saw the exhaustion on Jade's face, she bit her tongue. "Have you slept at all since you left this morning?"

Jade started nodding, but then stopped and shook her head. "Maybe? I think I did." She sighed again, fisting her hair in her hands. "I don't remember much of today, if I'm being honest. So I guess I was probably sleeping?"

Tori got off of her seat and knelt down next to her. "Jade, you need to go to bed."

"I'm fine here."

"No, you're not. You can't just sleep in the theater."

"Sure I can. Have been all day."

Tori rolled her eyes. "There are classes in here in the morning. What are you going to say to the professor when he walks in and sees you passed out down here? "Oh, gee, sorry Sir, I must have gotten lost coming home from my coven meeting"?"

Jade met her gaze and for the first time in what felt like forever, Tori saw a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of the other woman's mouth. "Are you suggesting that I'm a witch, Vega?"

"You're literally still dressed in the same clothes that you went out in, Jade. And they're not exactly class-appropriate."

Jade sat up and glanced down at herself. "Huh. Yeah."

Tori held out her hand. "Come on. Let me take you back to your dorm so you can actually try to sleep this off."

Jade rolled her eyes. "I don't need your help, Vega. I got here by myself, didn't I?" She gripped the armrests of her seat and pushed herself up into a standing position. "See? I'm good." She stepped forward and almost immediately lost her balance, stumbling to the side. Tori reached out and slipped an arm behind her to steady her so that she didn't fall over.

"Don't need my help, huh?"

"Fuck you," Jade grumbled. She tried to step forward out of Tori's hold, moving towards the stage so she had something to hold on to. "You probably think this is hilarious. Mean old Jade getting her just desserts and all that."

"I don't think this is funny at all."

"No?" She grabbed the edge of the stage and tried to ignore the shaking in her legs as she tried to remain upright. "That's a shock."

Tori let her go and stepped back. "Jade, you could have died. There's nothing funny about that, not at all."

Jade went quiet for a moment, and Tori prepared herself to take whatever insult she was sure was about to be thrown at her. But then she saw Jade shiver, and she stepped closer so that she could loop an arm through hers.

"Just let me help you," she said, and to her surprise, Jade did.

* * *

"Is this seat taken?"

Tori looked up to find the sandy-haired boy from the Zeta house standing next to her, his hand already wrapped around the back of the chair to her left. _Jake,_ she thought. His name is Jake. "Nope."

"Mind if I sit?" he asked, and she shook her head. He swung his backpack off of his shoulder and set it underneath the table before he sat. He began rummaging through his backpack, pulling out a notebook and a pen. "So, how's your friend?"

Tori propped her elbow on the table, resting the side of her head in her hand. "Fine, I guess."

He glanced over at her, eyebrows raised. "Really? She definitely didn't _look_ fine when you left the party."

"What do you want me to say? Your pal drugged her, she's doing about as well as she can be."

He held his hands in front of himself defensively. "Hey, Pat is _definitely_ not my pal. And I just wanted to know if she was doing okay. Sorry for prying."

Tori looked at him for a moment, seeing nothing other than genuine concern, so she sighed and sat back in her chair. "No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you, I just didn't get much sleep and that tends to make me a bit cranky."

"Nah, it's okay." He thought for a moment, then frowned. "Wait, did you say that Pat drugged her?"

She glanced around the room, making sure no one else was listening to them before she replied. "Pretty sure he did, yeah."

"Shit." He leaned back, the front legs of his chair just barely coming up off of the floor. "Did she file a report or something?"

Tori was about to answer him when their professor, a mousy-looking and slightly-balding man who had started off his first class by insisting that his students call him Paul instead of Professor Richards, waltzed through the door.

"Enough of the chit-chat!" he said, clapping his hands twice as he made his way over to the computer at the front of the classroom. Tori turned to Jake and gave him an apologetic smile before she opened her notebook and prepared to take notes.

It only took about five minutes into the lesson on dramaturgical analysis before Tori found her mind wandering back to the night before.

Jade had let her walk her back to her dorm room, grumbling the entire way but not outright complaining. It had been a slow journey, and by the time they had made it to Baker and up to room 217, it was well after midnight. Jade refused to let her into her room, and Tori found that she didn't really mind at that point. Her muscles ached and her head ached and after she said goodbye to Jade and went back to Sawyer she barely had the energy to send Nicole a text telling her that Jade was okay before she fell dead asleep.

She had thought about texting Jade when she woke up, but decided against it. It wasn't like they were suddenly best friends or anything. She was distinctly aware of the fact that she had no idea where she and Jade stood, and she wasn't going to be the one to reach out and find out.

Rejection would hurt more than never trying. And she was tired of getting hurt.

"Psst!" She felt a tap on her leg, and looked over at Jake. He was looking towards the chalkboard, but his eyes glanced towards her quickly. She was about to whisper back to him and ask him what he wanted, but then she realized that the professor had gone quiet and was staring at her with a bemused expression on his face.

"Do you have an answer for me, Miss Vega?" he asked, and Tori felt her cheeks start to burn.

"Uh..."

He shook his head and made a tssking noise with his tongue before he shifted his gaze to Jake. "How about you, Mr. Freeman?"

"Uh, well..." Jake began, and Tori sunk back in her seat, wishing she could disappear. "I think that Goffman would probably argue that everyone uses a mask whenever they're in social situations. That way, they can control how their audience sees them?"

"Very good, Mr. Freeman!" Professor Richards looked back towards Tori and frowned. "Next time, Miss Vega, it might be wise to get your head out of the clouds and pay attention."

He turned back towards the board and Tori was fairly certain her face couldn't get any redder, especially when the rest of the class tittered with quiet laughter around her.

"Sorry," Jake whispered, his eyes trained towards the front of the room. "I tried to get your attention, but you were pretty out of it."

Tori made herself sit up straighter in her chair, picking up her pencil. "Thanks for trying," she whispered back. Jake nodded and went back to taking notes, though he glanced in her direction every so often to make sure she was paying attention.

The rest of the class period seemed to drag on and on. Tori caught her mind wandering a few times but forced herself to try and focus. But it was difficult and mind-numbing and by the time Professor Richards dismissed the class, she was certain that she was going to go insane.

"So, uh..." Jake said, watching as Tori quickly shoved her notebook in her bag the second that the professor left the room. " _Did_ your friend file a report?"

Tori rose from her chair. "Don't think so." She started to walk away, and he followed, not bothering to push his chair in when he realized how fast she was walking.

"Look, I..." he said, and she stopped. He almost ran into her, only catching himself at the last second before he could slam into her back. She turned, and he smiled apologetically. "Sorry. I'm sure you're in a hurry, I just..."

Tori looked at him for a moment, her face still tinged with red, and then sighed. "No, I'm sorry. I just don't really want to talk about this right now."

"Oh! Okay." He reached up and scratched his head uncertainly. "Can I at least get your name? You know mine, but I don't know yours, at least not your first name, and that seems a little unbalanced, you know?"

She cocked an eyebrow, but a small smile appeared on her lips. "Tori." She stuck out her hand in front of her. "Tori Vega."

He shook her hand. "Jake Freeman, at your service."

She let go of his hand and stepped back, glancing towards the doorway before looking back at him. "Thank you again for stepping in the other night. I really do appreciate it."

"No problem!"

She started to turn around again, and he moved to the left quickly, not blocking her path but ensuring that he garnered her attention again. "Wait!"

Tori sighed, but stopped. "What?"

Jake rummaged in his backpack, straining over his shoulder so he could see into its depths. He emerged with a pen and scrap of paper, which he pressed against the wall nearby and scribbled on quickly. When he was done, he held the paper out to Tori. "Here. This is my phone number. You know, just in case you want to meet up for lunch or anything sometime. Or even if you just want to study for class or get notes or anything."

She took the scrap from his hand, and glanced at it, noting that it did indeed have a phone number written on it. "Thanks. I'll put your name in my phone and text you later, okay?"

"No rush!" He put his pen away and moved to the doorway, holding the door open for her. "You have a good rest of your day, Tori Vega."

"You too, Jake Freeman," she said as she walked through the doorway and into the hall. He followed suit, winking at her before he waved goodbye and turned to the left. She watched him go, turning the scrap of paper in her hand as he disappeared from sight.

"Who's your new friend?" a voice said from behind her, causing her to practically jump out of her skin. She turned to see Jade smirking at her as she leaned against the wall.

"Jesus, you scared the hell out of me!" Tori said, quickly shoving the scrap of paper into her pocket.

"Not that hard to do, Vega," Jade remarked with a smirk. "Seriously, who's the guy? New boyfriend? He's pretty good looking, way to go."

Tori shot her a look. "He's just a...friend? I guess?" She shook her head. "Honestly, I hardly know him."

"Sure seems like he knows _you_ though."

"Yeah, well, maybe that's because we share a class together? Or maybe because, oh, I don't know, he stepped in and helped save your ass the other night?" She dropped her voice for the last part of her statement, cognizant of the throngs of people milling about around them, but from Jade's expression, it would have had the same impact even if she had yelled it.

"He was there?" Jade asked, and Tori nodded curtly before pulling out her phone and glancing at the time.

"Yeah. And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm running late for my next class, so..." She made to move, but Jade stepped in front of her.

"You're skipping it," Jade said, and from the tone of her voice, Tori knew that it wasn't a request. She was no stranger to that particular tone, having heard it for years at Hollywood Arts whenever Jade wanted something from her. But she was tired of demands.

"No, I'm not." Tori side-stepped her, and began walking towards the exit. Jade stood there for a moment, her jaw dropping just ever-so-slightly, before she realized that Tori wasn't slowing down.

"Vega, wait!" Jade moved through the ever-increasing crowd of students and tried to catch up to Tori, who, admittedly, did slow down just a tad. "Please!"

Tori stopped mid-step, and Jade had to stop herself from slamming into her back. "Jesus Christ, Vega, didn't you ever learn proper hallway manners?"

"Did you just say 'please'?" Tori asked, ignoring Jade's snark completely. She turned her head to see a faint blush stain Jade's cheeks.

"Depends. Did it work?"

Tori considered her question, taking a moment to actually look at the other woman. At first glance, Jade appeared completely normal. Same teal in her hair, same black clothes, same combat boots. But her makeup was wrong, somehow. Heavier, perhaps, especially around her eyes. And behind those eyes was exhaustion and something else that Tori couldn't name off the top of her head but knew was familiar. And so she nodded and watched as a glimmer of something new sparked behind those blue-green eyes.

If she didn't know any better, she would have said it was relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me over on Tumblr @darthbelle


	6. Chapter 6

Jade led the way, ignoring Tori as she asked over and over again about where she was being taken. Tori eventually gave up and just followed her, watching her companion with a careful eye as she moved through the crowds that occupied the sidewalks.

Something was different, she thought, though it took her almost the entire journey to figure out _what_. Walking with Jade usually involved a lot more yelling; yelling at people to move, or yelling at them to stop looking at her, or just yelling in general. Tori was used to people practically fleeing in order to get out of Jade's path.

But this walk had none of that.

Jade didn't yell at anyone, or even really glare at them. She kept her head down and weaved through the throngs of people, only occasionally looking back to make sure Tori was still with her.

People weren't scared of her, Tori realized, and the thought almost made her stumble. As it was, she paused and looked around to confirm her suspicions. She found that she was right; no one was fleeing. No one looked scared. They just went about their business without a second-glance.

"Vega! Why'd you stop?" she heard Jade yell, and she looked up to find Jade had stopped as well.

"You're normal here," Tori said, quiet enough that she knew Jade wouldn't hear her.

"What?" Jade asked, her annoyance written on her face. Tori just shook her head and started walking again. Jade rolled her eyes but let it go and turned back around. "Whatever. We're almost there anyway."

'There' turned out to be a building just off of campus. Or, rather, the corner of a building. A hand-painted sign hung above its door, and Tori had to squint to make out what it said.

"The Broken Record?"

Jade pulled the door open, and, to Tori's surprise, held it open for her. "I'm impressed, Vega. You _do_ know how to read."

Tori ducked through the doorway and shot her a look. "I'm impressed, West. You're still just as big of an ass as ever."

Jade rolled her eyes and pulled the door shut behind her as she stepped inside. "Can you just shut up and go get us a table or something?"

"Ass," Tori grumbled, but she turned to the right and began to look for a table. It was surprisingly busy, especially considering that it wasn't even lunchtime, so it took her a moment before she was able to find a small (but unoccupied) table for two in front of a window. She hung her backpack by its straps over the back of her chair before she sat down and looked around the coffeeshop.

From what she could see, its name was an apt description of its décor. Dozens of records, most of them broken in some manner, adorned the walls. There didn't seem to be much of a theme between the records, though. The one hanging to the right of the window was an ancient-looking Rolling Stones vinyl, while the one hanging to the left was a polished, but shattered, copy of Jay-Z's Black Album. There was music playing in the background, too, an indie-sounding artist that she didn't recognize but was inoffensive enough to have her bobbing her head along to them anyway.

"Here."

She looked up just in time to see Jade set a to-go cup in front of her."I wasn't sure how you took your coffee, so I grabbed you a couple creamers and sugars, just in case," Jade said, and she set them down next to the cup before she took her seat, angling the back of the chair so that she was facing just slightly away from the window.

Tori's eyebrows rose as she considered the unexpected drink in front of her. "You didn't have to buy me coffee."

Jade took off the lid of her own cup and grabbed a sugar packet. "I know."

Tori watched as she dumped the sugar into her drink and waited for her to finish before she reached for her own packet. "How did you know what my first class was?"

"Broke into the registrar's office and found your file," Jade replied, stirring her coffee with a plastic stirrer. When Tori didn't say anything, she glanced up and found that the brunette looked anything but amused. "Christ, Vega, I asked Nicole."

"Oh." Tori took the lid off of her own cup, wafting away the steam that escaped from it. "And is there a reason that you didn't just ask me? Or, and this is just a thought, considered _not_ forcing me to miss class?"

Jade popped the lid back onto her cup and took a sip as she watched Tori dump a sugar packet and cream into her own drink. "You and I both know that if I wanted to 'force' you to do anything, I would have. You're here because you _want_ to be."

"Yeah, well...I should be in my music theory class right now," Tori muttered.

"Music theory?" Jade cocked an eyebrow and looked at her over the top of her cup. "Why the hell are you taking _that_?"

"Because I'm a music major and it's kind of a basic requirement?"

Jade couldn't help but snort, resulting in her almost choking on the sip of coffee that she had just taken. She played it as cool as she could, though, but wasn't able to stop the worry lines from creasing Tori's forehead. "Vega, you've taken some derivative of music theory since you started at Hollywood Arts. You could _teach_ that class."

"Yeah, well, maybe attendance is mandatory, ever think of that?"

"Is it?"

Tori didn't reply, but her glare was answer enough. "Why are we even here right now, Jade?" She took a sip of her coffee and tried not to wince when it burned her tongue. She set it back down and cast Jade another concerned-yet-unamused look. "Hell, how are you even out of bed? No offense, but you don't look too hot right now."

"Gee, thanks Vega, I just love hearing that I look like shit."

"I didn't say that."

"Yeah, well, I know that I do." Jade sat back in her chair and held her coffee between her hands. After a few moments of silence, she took another sip, her eyes shifting towards the window. "I couldn't stand being in bed any longer. Jessica was driving me nuts."

"Jessica?"

"My roommate."

"Oh," Tori said. She ran her finger along the plastic of her cup's lid and tried to think of something to say. "She uh...seemed nice when we talked to her?"

"She's an annoying busybody who doesn't seem to comprehend the basic concept of personal space." Jade looked back towards Tori with a smirk. "Reminds me of you, honestly."

Tori shot her a look. "Did you bring me here just so that you could insult me? Because if that's the case, I'm just going to go." She began to push her chair back, but discovered that she couldn't. She looked down and found that Jade had shoved her foot behind the chair leg, preventing it from moving.

"Wait," Jade said, and Tori could hear the hint of a plea in her voice. "Don't go."

Tori looked at her for a long moment, her body still poised to stand. She knew that if she really wanted to, she could force her chair back and leave. She could walk out the door and go to her class and give her professor every excuse in the book about why she was late and she could go back to her normal life that certainly didn't involve Jade West in any way.

But there was something almost like regret in the blue-green eyes that were boring into hers and she wanted to know _why_.

And so she settled back down in her chair and crossed her arms tight across her chest.

Jade waited another second before removing her foot. "I didn't bring you here to insult you. It's just...you know. Me."

"I'm still waiting to hear why you brought me here at all. It's not like this is something we really _do_."

"Yeah, well." Jade looked toward the window again, her fingers curled tight around her cup."I don't know if I have an answer for you."

"Well, you better come up with one, Jade, because I'm getting really sick and tired of being jerked around by you."

"Man, when did you grow a pair, Vega?" Jade reached her foot out and wrapped it behind Tori's chair leg again, just in case. If Tori noticed, she didn't react, and Jade continued before she had the opportunity to try and leave again. "Look, I...I just wanted to say thank you. And that I'm sorry."

When Tori didn't respond, she looked up to find that the brunette was staring at her. Her mouth was open just ever-so-slightly, and Jade realized that, somehow, she had rendered the other woman speechless. "Uh...Earth to Vega? Anyone there?"

Tori blinked at her before she shook her head. "Sorry, I think that I must have misheard you. Surely you didn't just say that you were thanking me? Or that you were sorry? Because that would be insane."

"Yeah, well, it's not like I've ever done anything remotely sane anyway." Jade shifted uncomfortably in her seat, her eyes cast down and away from Tori's gaze.

Tori uncrossed her arms and leaned forward. "Are you going to bother elaborating on either of those things, or would that actually break you?"

"Ha Ha," Jade deadpanned. "You're hilarious."

"Jade."

It took a moment before Jade looked back up at her, but when she did Tori made sure to maintain the stoic expression on her face so that the other woman would know that she wasn't joking. Jade sighed, and glanced around the shop. There weren't that many people seated around them anymore, but she lowered her voice anyway. "Look, I don't really know how to do this. I don't think I've ever really apologized to anyone before. Except maybe Beck, but that usually involves a lot more making out and less... _talking"_

"Well, maybe you should start with what you're actually apologizing _for_ ," Tori said, and Jade couldn't help but groan.

"You're really going to make me do this, aren't you?"

"You brought me here. Not the other way around."

"Yeah, and I'm regretting that more and more with every second." Jade set her cup down and propped her elbows up on the table, her fingers tangling in her hair. "I'm sorry, okay? For everything."

Tori didn't respond, so Jade continued. "Do you remember when I put on Well Wishes, and my Dad came? I told you that that was the first time I ever saw him that happy." She paused, her grip on her hair tightening. "That wasn't a lie. But it also wasn't the last time I saw him like that."

"It wasn't?"

"No." Jade looked up finally, and she let her hands drop down from her scalp so that they could come back down to wrap around her coffee. "I saw it once more, when my acceptance letter from Hearst arrived in the mail."

Tori thought about saying something, but Jade kept talking. "He was even happier than when he came to the show. He said he was proud of me. God, he was fucking _proud of me,_ Vega. And then you went and ruined it."

Tori stared at her and hoped she didn't notice the way her jaw had dropped in surprise. "Excuse me?"

"You came into school the next day and just _had_ to tell everyone that you had gotten accepted to Hearst." Jade shook her head, and from the look on her face Tori could tell that she at least _tried_ to not appear disgusted, but the familiar hints of detestation broke through anyway. "You hadn't even told us that you were _applying_ there. Or anywhere, actually!"

"Well, it isn't like you said you were either!" Tori said. She tried not to wince at how her voice had taken on that high-pitched quality that it got whenever she was upset; that quality that Jade had so often mocked in the past. "What was I supposed to do, _not_ tell anyone I got in?"

"You weren't supposed to be here!" Jade exclaimed, a touch louder than she intended. A few heads turned to look their way, but she stared them down until they went back to their own conversations. Then she looked back at Tori, whose gaze hadn't wavered even though she had started to grip her forearms protectively."You were supposed to go off and sing for Neutronium Records and become a _star_. For Christ's sake, Vega, Mason Thornsmith basically said that you could record whenever you wanted, so why the hell are you here?"

Silence fell around them for a moment, broken only by the clanging of dishes and muted conversations and whatever song was now playing in the background of it all. And yet, Tori's eyes didn't leave hers, even when she tried to look away.

"Why are _you_?"

Jade blinked, surprised. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, why are you here, Jade? It's not like you needed the degree! You could have done anything you wanted. You could started looking for roles, or pursued your own recording contract, or submitted your screenplays and short films to festivals or studios or I don't know, but you had options too!" A muscle twitched in Tori's jaw, and Jade realized that the other woman was trying to keep herself from yelling. "So _why are you here_ , Jade?"

"I..." Jade began, and Tori watched as she very obviously tried to search for the right words. An unreadable expression crossed her face for just a moment before it was replaced by a look of resignation. "I just am."

Tori shook her head, disgusted. "That's not an answer."

"Well, it isn't like you've answered my question either, Vega!"

"I'm not the one who spent half a year pretending I didn't exist!" Tori exclaimed. She uncrossed her arms and pointed towards her accusingly. "And I'm still fucking waiting for an answer as to _**why**_ _!_ ".

There were half-moon indentations in the skin of Tori's arm from where her fingernails had dug into the skin, and Jade's eyes focused on them. It made Tori even angrier, the fact that Jade couldn't even scrounge up the decency to look her in the eye, but then Jade spoke and that anger became tempered with confusion.

"Because I deserved to have something that was _mine_."

Silence fell between them and Jade finally glanced up at her. Tori was surprised to see that there wasn't anger behind Jade's eyes; at least, not the fiery rage that she was so accustomed to seeing there. Instead, Jade just looked tired.

"What?" Tori finally asked.

Jade sighed and leaned back in her chair. "Do you know how _exhausting_ it is to know that you would be passed over for every leading role and performance?" She reached out for her coffee cup, needing something, anything, to hold onto."How _infuriating_ it is that someone with absolutely no training or background in the arts was just able to waltz into your school and take away everything you had worked so hard for?"

"That's not fair." Tori's voice had a hard edge to it, and Jade knew that if she met her gaze again the fire would be back. So, she didn't.

"No, it wasn't." Jade's fingers tightened around her cup, the ripples of the insulation sleeve indenting into her skin. "And trust me, I know you're talented. That's what made it so, so much worse. If you had sucked, it would have been easy to just discount you as the pretty new girl and chalk everything up to the administration's politics or something. But no, you just _had_ to be little miss perfect."

"I'm _not_ perfect," Tori said through gritted teeth. "And I didn't take away your roles or performances or whatever else you're accusing me of."

"Sure you did, Vega. But I had gotten over that." She thought about it for a moment, head slightly cocked to the right. "Well, mostly. I figured that I wouldn't have to worry about it after graduation. You'd go off and become a pop star and I'd be able to finally get out from under your shadow. I'd be able to have my own successes that had _nothing_ to do with you." She chuckled humorlessly. "But then you announced that you were coming _here_."

Tori stared at her for a long moment, chewing over what Jade had said. "Let me see if I've got this right. You acted like an absolute gank towards me because you were _jealous?_ "

"I'm not jealous of you," Jade said, but her response was too quick and Tori sat back in her chair, shaking her head.

"Oh my god. You have got to be kidding me." Tori pushed her chair back, and stood up. "I don't need this."

"Vega, wait." Jade quickly rose to her feet. "I'm not finished."

"Yeah, well, I am." Tori grabbed her backpack off of the back of her chair and swung it over her shoulder. "Thanks for the coffee."

She walked away, then; away from the table and away from Jade's continued protestations and then out of the coffee shop completely.

She didn't bother to turn to see if Jade had followed her.

* * *

Life went back to normal more quickly than Tori expected it to.

Things were awkward between her and Nicole for only a few days. They tip-toed around the events of that weekend as carefully as they could, never addressing it directly. Tori had worried that Nicole would demand to know what had gone on between her and Jade, but her roommate seemed to intuit that the topic was off-limits. If Jade and Nicole ever met up again, whether to work on their project or for any other reason, Tori never knew about it. And soon, they began to fall back into their same old routines and the walls they had erected began to break down and by the beginning of November, it was like nothing had ever happened.

Tori had followed through with her promise to text Jake, though it took a day or two for her to remember the scrap of paper he had handed her after class. Their conversations were casual at first, focusing mostly on class material, but as the days went by Tori found herself opening up more and more to the Zeta. The chair next to hers in their sociology class became his permanent seat, and it wasn't long before he was joining her and Nicole at the dining center a few times a week.

(Nicole thought he was cute, and Tori couldn't help but agree)

Jake also learned fairly quickly not to bring up the events of that night. He especially learned not to bring up the girl that had been drugged, because every time he did, Tori's jaw would set and her eyes would grow dark and he would have to quickly change the conversation to something else before she could shut him out for the rest of the day.

They studied together often. At least, that's what they intended on doing, most of the time. Jake would come over to Sawyer-

(he never offered to host their study sessions at the Zeta house, and she was grateful)

-and sit next to her on her bed, and they'd certainly pull out their sociology notes and look at them every so often, but more often than not they found themselves with her laptop propped between their knees with whatever cheesy movie they found on Netflix playing in the background as they talked.

And one day, after The Breakfast Club had finished playing on the screen and Tori had excitedly told him about how she and her friends had once gotten Saturday detention just like the kids in the movies, he looked at her with a twinkle in his eyes and asked if he could kiss her.

To her surprise, she found herself saying yes.

And so it went. She was happy.

At least, that's what she kept telling herself.

It was easy to convince herself of it most of the time, when Jake was holding her hand and Nicole was telling them a raunchy joke and they could laugh without a worry in the world. But then there were the nights that she would wake up drenched in a cold sweat with tears on her cheeks and the fading images of Jade battered and bruised and choking on her own vomit bursting behind her eyelids every time she tried to close her eyes. Nothing could get her back to sleep on those nights, and so she would end up lying in her bed and wishing that she could hate Jade West, even if only to get her out of her nightmares.

* * *

Before anyone knew it, finals week arrived. Tori felt as if she had gone slightly insane, having spent dozens of hours in the practice rooms going over the same pieces hundreds of times. That didn't even include the hours she spent in empty classrooms as Jake quizzed her on Durkheim and Marx, or the hours she spent with Nicole offering support through chocolate and an open ear as her roommate dealt with her own finals.

At least she didn't have to really study for her music theory class. If Jade was right about one thing, it was that she really _could_ have taught it if she had to.

And then it was over. After weeks of stressing out about them, their finals came and went, and Tori found herself waving goodbye to Nicole and Jake from the backseat of her parents' car as they drove her home for Christmas break.

It was a long drive back to Los Angeles, and her mom and dad spent the entire time shooting rapid fire questions at her. How did finals go, did she like her classes, was Nicole really as nice as she seemed or was she hiding something (that one came from her dad, unsurprisingly), and who was that nice boy standing with her?

By the time they pulled into their driveway, Tori was pretty sure that she was going to scream if she got asked any more questions. But she tried not to let her irritation show, even when Trina came bounding down the driveway wearing a sweater that Tori knew had been stolen from her closet. After all, it was Christmas, and she was determined to make the most of her three weeks of peace and quiet.

* * *

"So, how are _things."_

Tori looked up from her book to find Trina leaning against her doorframe, wearing a hideous sweater featuring a cat with a Santa hat that Tori hoped against all hopes was for some kind of ugly Christmas sweater party and not just something her sister had lying around in her closet. "What sort of _things_? And what the hell are you wearing?"

Trina stepped inside, making sure to shut the door behind her before she sprawled across the bottom of Tori's bed. "Like the sweater? I got it at the mall for like, five bucks. Isn't it adorable?" She looked up at Tori, who just wrinkled her nose in disgust. "And you know! _Things_. Mom let it slip that you've got a boy!" Her lower lip jutted out in a pout. "I can't believe you haven't told me about him yet!"

"Ughhhh it's so not a big deal," Tori groaned. "Mom doesn't know what she's talking about."

"So there's no boy?"

"Well..." Tori took a moment to push her glasses up the bridge of her nose, knowing the pause would drive her sister crazy. "I didn't say that."

"You little minx!" Trina reached out and lightly swatted Tori's leg. "Who is he? What's he look like? Is he good in bed?"

"Trin!" Tori shifted away from Trina's reach, feeling a blush spread across her cheeks. "I haven't slept with him!"

"Well, why the hell not?"

"Because!" Tori's face grew even hotter. "Because shut up, that's why."

"Reaaaaal mature," Trina said, rolling her eyes. "It's okay to be honest with me, Tor, I'm your big sister, remember? And I want you to experience the finer things in life and if whatever-his-name-is isn't up to snuff, I need to know!"

"His name is Jake! And I don't have a clue how he is in bed but even if I did I wouldn't tell you anyway!"

Trina gasped dramatically, holding a hand against her heart. "That hurts, Tor."

"Yeah, well, deal with it," Tori grumbled. She set her book down and scooted back so that her shoulders were flush with the headboard.

Trina propped herself up on her elbows and rested her chin on her fists and gave her sister a curious look. "What's got your panties in a bunch, grumpypants?"

"I'm not grumpy."

"Yes, you are."

"Am not." Tori crossed her arms and turned her head, refusing to look Trina in the eye.

"Tori, you've been home for three days now and have barely left your room. And this is literally the first time you've said more to me than "good morning" or "get out of my way" since you've gotten here." She frowned, even though Tori wasn't looking at her to see it. "You haven't even asked me about how Divertisimo is going."

That caused Tori to finally look back at her, though it also prompted a heavy sigh. "Sorry, Trin. How's Divertisimo going?"

"It's going great," Trina said, the frown still on her face. "But you would have known that if you had bothered to answer any of the many texts I've sent you over the past few weeks."

"Sorry. I've been really busy."

"Uh huh." Trina sat up, rocking back on her heels for just a moment before she moved so that she was sitting next to Tori. "What's really going on?"

Tori didn't respond right away, choosing instead to focus on a loose thread on the hem of her shirt. After a few moments, Trina poked her in the side. "Come on, Tor, you can talk to me. I'm your big sister, remember?"

Tori batted her hand away. " I know. I just..." She sighed, and pinched the bridge of her nose, pushing her glasses up in the process. "It's stupid."

"So what? I promise not to make fun of you _too_ badly."

Tori rolled her eyes for what felt like the hundredth time since her sister had walked into her room. "Gee, thanks." She paused, considering her next words carefully. "It's Jade."

Trina cocked an eyebrow. "Jade? What did that creepy gank do?"

Tori sighed again and took off her glasses, setting them on her nightstand before rubbing her eyes with the palms of her hands. "It's kind of a long story."

"Well, than I guess it's good that my date had to reschedule, so my night is completely free," Trina said, causing Tori to shoot her an incredulous look. "What?"

"Who the heck asked you out on a date?"

"You don't know him," Trina answered quickly. "Now, come on, spill."

Tori considered pressing the issue, but after a moment she shook her head and turned away. "Fine."

And so she told Trina everything. Trina, true to form, interrupted often, but after learning about the incident at the Zeta house, those interruptions became fewer and fewer to the point that Tori actually stopped and asked if she was all right. Trina just nodded and motioned for her to continue.

"And yeah, that's basically it."

Trina took a moment to collect her thoughts after Tori had finished speaking, her brow furrowed as she considered everything she had been told. "She tried to apologize?"

"I mean, if you can really call it that, sure."

"Isn't that like, super weird though?" Trina mused. "I didn't think Gothzilla ever apologized."

"She doesn't."

"So what the hell was the difference this time?" Trina rolled over onto her side, using Tori's pillow and her elbow to prop herself up so that she could look at her sister properly. "And why did you leave?"

"Wait, what?"

"Well, you kind of just _left,_ right? That seems pretty out of the ordinary, especially for you."

Tori glanced down at Trina, astounded. "She literally spent _months_ ignoring me. And then tried to "apologize"- she used finger quotes to emphasize the word- "by insulting me. Why would I have stayed?"

Trina shrugged. "I don't know, I just know that if it was _me_ I would have been _dying_ to know what else she was going to say. Like, it would be eating at me so, so much if I didn't know."

Tori fell silent and turned her gaze back to the hands she had clasped over her knees.

Trina watched her for a moment, not failing to catch the way that Tori avoided her eye. "It _is_ eating you alive, isn't it?"

"God, of _course_ it is!" Tori exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. "But what am I supposed to do? I can't go back in time and _not_ leave!"

Trina raised her eyebrows and gave her sister a look that screamed "you sweet summer child". "You could, oh I don't know...text her?"

"Oh, yeah, that'll be a kick," Tori said. "I'll just be like "oh hey, Jade, wanna meet up so you can apologize again? I promise I won't storm off this time!"" She rolled her eyes. "I'm sure that'll go over really well."

"All you can do is try."

Tori eyed up her sister. "You're actually being serious."

Trina shrugged. "What's the worse that could happen?"

"She carries scissors with her _everywhere_. I'm not sure I need to elaborate further?"

"Tor, it sounds like the last thing she wants to do is hurt you." Trina paused and thought for a moment. "Well, hurt you more than she already has, I guess."

"I can't believe you're actually defending her right now."

Trina held her hands up in front of her. "Hey, I'm definitely not defending her. She's acted like an ass for as long as I've known her, and I definitely don't _like_ her. But I don't want this to drive you any more insane than it already has." Her expression softened, and she looked at Tori with more tenderness than Tori was used to seeing from her older sister. "And I'm sure she's scared, too. She _was_ drugged and almost assaulted, after all."

Tori looked at her for a long moment, considering her words. "This really sucks, Trin."

"Yep." She lounged onto her back, stretching her arms above her head. "But enough about her for now. I want to know more about this Jake guy. Tell me everything! Is he cute? You better have pics, or I swear to god Tori, I will disown you."

Tori rolled her eyes, but settled onto her side next to her sister. "You're insane."

"Yeah, but you love me anyway."

* * *

Tori started to type out a message to Jade more than once over that Christmas break.

But she never could seem to find the courage to send it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me over on Tumblr @darthbelle


	7. Chapter 7

"There's my girl!"

Tori looked up to find Jake standing in the doorway of her dorm room, a beaming smile on his face that she quickly mirrored. "Hey! You're back!"

She didn't even have time to jump off of her bed before he was standing in front of her and pulling her into a tight hug. "Yeah! My parents dropped me off about an hour ago. Have you been here long? And where's Nicole?" He started to step back, but Tori grabbed the lapels of his jacket and pulled him back in for a long and deep kiss.

"I got here this morning," Tori eventually answered, only pulling away so she could catch her breath. "And Nic should be getting back sometime tonight. She couldn't get an earlier flight out of Colorado."

"Hmm," he murmured before he leaned back in and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth. "You know, that leaves us with plenty of time to catch up." He cupped the side of her face with one hand, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "If you catch my drift," he added, throwing her an exaggerated wink.

She rolled her eyes, but let herself lean into his touch. "If by "catch up" you mean ordering takeout from Pizza Palace and watching The Proposal, then yeah, I'd say we have plenty of time for that."

He grinned and let his hand drop back to his side. "Can we watch Animal House instead?"

"A movie about a fraternity house? You're such a stereotype," she said, but she made sure to smile so he knew she was joking. "How about this? We can watch Star Wars instead, so we _both_ enjoy the movie _..._ as long as I can have ham and pineapple on the pizza."

He shrugged off his jacket and hung it over the back of her desk chair before he jumped up onto the bed next to her. "You drive a hard bargain, Tor!" He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "I want pepperoni on half."

"Deal."

"Great! So you don't mind calling it in, right?"

She rolled her eyes again, already reaching for her phone. "And why can't you do it?"

"Because the guy at Pizza Palace hates Zetas and I don't want our pizza to come with an extra helping of phlegm?"

"Hmm." Tori pulled up their number and hit dial. She held the phone to her ear and listened to it ring twice before she turned to glare at him. "Wait, how would he know you're a Zeta over the phone? You're such a..." She stopped when she heard someone saying "hello" on the other end of the phone, but continued to glare at Jake, who was trying hard not to laugh. "Hi! Can I order a large ham and pineapple pizza?"

"Hey!" Jake exclaimed, but Tori held up a finger in front of him.

"Great, can we get that delivered?...Excellent!" She rattled off the dorm's address and thanked the man on the other end before she hung up.

"What about my pepperoni?" Jake whined, his lip jutting out in an exaggerated pout.

"Huh? Oh, guess I forgot," Tori replied. "Guess you're stuck with ham and pineapple, unless you want to call back?"

"You're a piece of work, Tori Vega," he muttered, and she stuck her tongue out at him in response before she reached for her laptop. It took her a few minutes to pull up the movie, but when she finally did, she still didn't hit play. Instead, she stared at the screen with pursed lips and a furrowed brow.

"Why do they hate the Zetas?"

"Hmm? Who, the Pizza Palace guys?" Jake's arm tightened around her shoulders just slightly. "I guess they're just jealous."

"Jake." Tori turned her head so that she could meet his gaze. "I'm serious."

He looked at her for a long moment before he let his arm fall from her shoulders. He redirected his gaze towards the laptop screen."I don't know if there's an actual reason? They just _do_. They don't take calls from our house, and if any of us ever go to the actual restaurant we have to be really careful not to wear our letters or else they won't serve us."

"Do they treat the other fraternities like that?"

He shook his head. "Don't think so."

Tori thought about what he said for a moment, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth without really realizing it. "Jake?"

"Yeah?" His voice was harder than she expected it to be.

"Did you ever tell anyone else that Pat drugged my...friend?"

If he noticed that she stumbled over saying the last word, he didn't acknowledge it. "I mentioned it to a few of the brothers, yeah."

"And?"

"And what?"

"Did they do anything about it?"

He sighed and leaned back so that his shoulders rested against the cinderblock. "What would you have had them do, Tori? I couldn't exactly prove anything, and your friend didn't file a report, so it's my word against his."

"So he's just free to do it again to some other girl?" Tori's voice had a sharp edge to it, but Jake didn't flinch.

"I've been keeping an eye on him," he said. "He's hardly even shown up for any of our parties lately, and when he has, he hasn't done anything unusual." He sat up straighter and rolled his shoulders in an effort to get more comfortable. "There's not really anything else I can do."

"Yeah." Tori crossed her legs beneath her. "Okay."

He waited a moment before speaking again. "Why are you angry with me?"

"I'm not."

"Could have fooled me."

She turned her head to find that his arms were crossed and his expression was stone. "Why are you a Zeta?"

"What?"

"You heard me. Why are you a Zeta? You're too nice for them. I don't get it."

Jake cocked an eyebrow. "Why aren't you in a sorority? You're literally everything they could want in Greek life, so it's not like you wouldn't have been recruited."

Tori thought back to Rush Week and the number of perky blonde upperclassmen who had approached her with their recruitment pitches only to have been politely turned down. "I asked you a question first, don't try to deflect."

He rolled his eyes but acquiesced. "When you got here, you had Nicole, right? Well, I didn't. When I got to Hearst last year, my roommate was a piece of shit named Henry Towser, and he was literally the grossest, most ignorant human being alive. I tried to get moved, but the college doesn't like to move people unless they're literally about to kill each other. I needed friends, and fast, or else I wasn't going to be able to get through the year." He uncrossed his arms and clasped his hands between his knees. "So when Rush Week came around, I tried to get in _anywhere._ The Zetas are the ones who chose me, and so I said yes."

"But you have friends now," she said, and he sighed.

"And most of them are Zetas, if you haven't noticed."

She had. How couldn't she have when they all wore their letters loud and proud?

"They're not all like Pat," he continued, noting how she had turned away. "Most of them are pretty good guys, if you'd give them a chance." When she didn't respond, he reached out and let his hand rest on her thigh. "Tor, you're not in Greek life, so you don't... _get_ it. And that's okay. But please don't be angry at me for what Pat did, because that's not fair."

Tori was going to respond, though with what she wasn't sure, when her phone started vibrating. She grabbed it and glanced at the screen to see that it was the delivery driver calling. "Hello?" she said, already moving the laptop out of the way so she could jump off of the bed. "Yeah, I'll be down in just a second!"

"Tor, look..." Jake said after she hung up, but she just shook her head.

"It's fine." She grabbed her jacket out of her side of the closet and pulled it on quickly. "Let's just get the pizza and watch the movie, okay?"

Jake slid off of the bed, picking up his own jacket. "Yeah. Sure."

Neither of them brought it up again that night.

* * *

The new semester started without much difficulty.

She had passed all of her courses from the fall with flying colors (sociology had been the surprise, but with all the studying she and Jake had done, she supposed she shouldn't have been that shocked). She traded her music theory class for music theory II, and vocal performance for history of pop, and she threw in a piano elective for good measure. Sociology was swapped with biology, much to her chagrin, but she needed her gen eds fulfilled _somehow_ and the astronomy class she wanted to take was full. Besides, Jake was taking bio too.

The routine of getting up, going to class, and studying for hours every day was almost too easy to fall back into. Her meals were still spent with Nicole, and her evenings were still spent either in the practice room or in her room with Jake and it was _fine_.

And if she happened to spend some nights staring at her ceiling and wondering if Jade was okay, that was fine too.

Or at least, she thought it was.

Nicole, as it turned out, thought differently.

"You're auditioning for this."

Tori glanced down at the flyer Nicole had slammed down onto her desk before she looked back up at her roommate. "The Raven and Crow Players? What is this?"

Nicole pushed the flyer closer towards her. "The theater group on campus. You're auditioning for the spring play."

"Why the hell would I do that?" Tori asked, pushing the flyer aside so she could grab her textbook. Nicole reached over and grabbed her wrist, not letting her pull her textbook any closer.

"Because you've been in a funk ever since...well, you know...and you need to get out of this room and _do_ something." She picked the flyer up and shook it in front of Tori's face. "And I know that you went to that performing arts high school and everything and it's about damn time you _perform_ , isn't it?"

"I wasn't aware that I was your own personal dancing monkey," Tori muttered, but she grabbed the flyer from Nicole's hand anyway. She looked at it again, pushing her glasses back up the bridge of her nose so she could see the text better. Her brows furrowed as she read the information printed on the sheet. "This is Hamlet. There's like, two female parts in the entire play. Why the hell would I ever audition for this? I'm not even in the theater program!"

"So?" Nicole sat on the edge of the desk, fingers grasping the sides. "What would it hurt to try?"

"Nic, I don't have _time_ for a play," Tori said, but even as the words left her mouth she knew that it was a weak excuse.

"You have enough time to sit around and mope so I'm sure you can make the time to do this!" Nicole replied, swinging her legs. "Come on, Tor, it's just an audition."

"I don't _mope_ ," Tori grumbled.

Nicole let out a dramatic sigh before hopping off of the desk. "Can you at least consider it? I really do think that it'd be good for you."

Tori shot her a look, but it was hard to maintain the ice in her glare when she knew that she was going to give in in the end. But, she thought, Nicole didn't need to know that. Not yet. "I don't even _like_ Shakespeare."

"Yeah, yeah, keep trying to come up with excuses," Nicole said, walking away from Tori's desk. She jumped up onto her own bed, grabbing the book she had set down a few moments before she had interrupted Tori's studying. "You know you're going to do it."

"Ass," Tori muttered.

Nicole just grinned and went back to her book. And when she glanced up a few seconds later, she found Tori doing exactly what she expected her to do: reading the flyer with an almost-excited expression just barely concealed on her face.

* * *

The auditions were held during the last week of January.

She knew that they would be held at Reede Theatre, and although she didn't relish the thought of stepping back into the building, she still found herself at the top of the auditorium with a lump in her throat and a script in her hand. She had forced herself to sign up for an audition time a few days earlier, knowing that if she wasn't held accountable for a specific timeslot, she wouldn't show up at all.

"Next!" she heard the director call, and she watched a boy she hardly recognized walk onto the stage. "Take it from the top!"

"To be, or not to be, that is the question," the boy began, and Tori found herself struggling not to roll her eyes. Of course they would assign Hamlet's soliloquy as his audition scene, she mused. It was cliché, sure, but not unexpected. She started walking down the aisle as the boy continued with his audition, taking a seat a few rows back from the stage. He wasn't bad, she supposed. Sure, he stumbled over a few of his lines and sounded like he hadn't quite finished puberty, but she had seen worse. She watched for a few more seconds before looking down at her script, figuring that she should probably mentally rehearse her lines a few more times before being called up. Besides, Ophelia was about to come on and she didn't really want to pay much attention to her competition.

"Good, my lord, how does your honor for this many a day?"

The hair on the back of Tori's neck stood up as the familiar voice hit her ears. She fought the urge to look up, already knowing that she would see Jade standing on the stage.

"I humbly thank you; well, well, well."

"My lord," Tori heard Jade respond, and she was fairly certain that she was going to throw up. "I have remembrances of yours, that I have longed long to re-deliver; I pray you, now receive them."

She wasn't stupid. She knew that coming to the auditions meant that she ran the risk of running into Jade. She had tried to prepare herself for it, had run through pep talk after pep talk to herself in the preceding days and had even signed up for the last possible timeslot just in case, but it hadn't been enough to properly prepare her for the twisted knot in her stomach that had formed the moment she heard the other woman's voice.

 _I shouldn't be here,_ she thought, and she started to push herself up from her seat. _I can just sneak out the back and it'll be..._

"Cut! Well done, both of you!"

Tori glanced towards the stage, surprised to find that the scene had ended. She quickly lowered herself back into her seat, bending her head down towards her script in an attempt to hide her face.

"Now, who's next...Tori? Tori Vega?" The director turned in his seat, searching the audience. "Is Tori Vega here?"

 _Shit_.

Tori took a deep breath and lifted her head, raising her hand meekly into the air. "Here, sir."

"Excellent! You're going to be paired with...Timothy Halloran?" He waited for the boy to acknowledge himself. "Get on up there, and Timothy, if you'll please, start at the top of the soliloquy?"

"Yes sir," she heard Timothy say. She found herself rising from her seat and moving towards the stage without consciously doing so. When she reached the short set of stairs that would take her to the stage, she finally looked up to find that-

Jade wasn't there.

She paused, hand clasped tight around the handrail, and looked out into the audience to discover that Jade had already sat down in a seat that was (purposefully, Tori thought) away from the rest of the students who had auditioned. And, of course, she wasn't looking at Tori.

"Is there a problem, Ms. Vega?"

The question caused Jade to look up, and for the briefest of moments, their eyes locked. But then Jade was looking away, lips pursed tight, and Tori was moving forward again.

"Sorry, sir, no problem at all."

"Good!" He waited for her to find her position before he gestured towards Timothy, who, Tori noted, looked like he was about to start crying. "You may begin, Mr. Halloran!"

"To be, or not to be, that is...the question," Timothy said, and Tori was thankful that she had something else to focus on other than the brooding woman who was still very pointedly trying not to look in her direction.

She soon began to regret her gratitude towards the guy on stage with her, though, because it quickly became clear that he hadn't ever acted in anything in his life. He constantly looked at his script and took pauses between phrases that certainly didn't belong there, and by the time he had reached the end of the soliloquy and Tori was able to begin her lines, he was out of breath.

"Good, my lord," she said. "How does your honor for this many a day?"

"I..." Timothy began, looking down at his script. "humbly thank you, well..."

"Cut!"

Tori felt her heart sink as she watched the director stand up, shaking his head. "Sir, I.."

He held up a hand, cutting her off. "One moment." He turned towards Timothy. "Mr. Halloran, I must ask that you please exit this theater. I think your talents might be better suited for a mime troupe, rather than this company."

"But..but, sir!" Timothy stammered, and Tori couldn't help but feel bad for the boy. That sympathy wasn't shared by the director, however, who just pointed towards the exit until Timothy eventually got the hint and walked off the stage. Once he had left the theater, the director turned back to Tori.

"Don't worry, Ms. Vega, I plan on finding you a suitable scene partner so you can finish the scene," he said, flashing her a toothy smile before turning back towards the crowd of students in the seats, all of whom seemed much more interested in what was going on than they had before. "Hmm...Ms. West!"

Jade looked up at him, obviously surprised. "Yes, Professor Walker?"

"You wouldn't happen to know Hamlet's part, would you?"

"I, uh...yes, I think I do. But why do you ask?"

He motioned for her to stand. "Get up there and run this scene with Ms. Vega."

"Sir?" Jade stood, ignoring the murmuring going on between the rest of the students in the audience. "Wouldn't you rather have a male student run the scene?"

"Are you questioning my judgment, Ms. West?" he asked, his tone light but tinged with impatience.

Jade shook her head quickly, moving towards the stage. "Of course not, sir. Where would you like me to begin?"

"Oh, you can start at the top of the soliloquy, if you don't mind."

"Of course, sir."

The knot in Tori's stomach grew tighter as she watched their exchange. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. She was supposed to audition and maybe land the role of Gertrude if she was lucky, or nothing at all if she was even luckier, and then be able to go back to Sawyer and tell Nicole that she had done it and then be able to go on with her life.

Any hope for that happening was dashed when she saw Jade glance back at her over her shoulder with an almost-pleading look before she turned back towards the audience and began speaking.

"To be...or, _not_ to be," Jade said, her voice just loud enough for Tori to hear. "That is the question." She paused, looking down at the stage for a moment before raising her head again. "Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune-" Her hand rose, pushing her hair back away from her face. The teal that Tori had been used to seeing streaked through dark brown had been replaced with a few strands of purple that she hadn't noticed until right then. Tori could just barely see the expression on Jade's face, but she didn't need to. Jade's voice conveyed her emotion well enough. "Or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing...end them?"

As Jade continued with the scene, Tori couldn't help but find herself captivated by the other woman's stage presence. Even though she held a script in her hand, Tori only caught her glancing at it once in the entire time it took her to run through the soliloquy, and even then her cadence didn't suffer for it. Tori knew that Jade could act- had known it for years now- but she had forgotten just _how_ talented she was.

For the first time since she had walked out on her at The Broken Record, Tori wondered if maybe Jade had been right. Maybe she _hadn't_ deserved the roles she got at Hollywood Arts. She certainly couldn't hold a candle to the performance that was happening in front of her.

"Soft you now!" Tori heard Jade say, and she stood there a moment before remembering that that line was her cue to start moving forward. "The fair Ophelia!" Jade turned her head, finally addressing Tori. "Nymph, in thy orisons, be all my sins remembered."

"Good, my lord," Tori said, watching Jade move closer to her. "How does your honor for this many a day?"

"I humbly thank you," Jade replied, taking a moment before answering Ophelia's question. "Well! Well, well."

"My lord, I have remembrances of yours that I have longed to...re-deliver," Tori said, clasping her hands around her script. Jade glanced at her, and she continued. "I pray you now receive them."

Jade considered her words for a moment before shaking her head and stepping away. "No, not I. I never gave you aught."

Tori stepped forward. "My honored lord, you know right well you _did_." She began to reach out a hand towards Jade, not quite making contact with her skin. "And with them, words of so sweet breath composed as made the things more rich." She let her hand fall back to her side, the love-sick tinge to her voice disappearing. "Their perfume lost, take these again. For to the noble mind, rich gifts wax poor when givers prove unkind." She held her script towards Jade, hoping it was a suitable substitute for the letters her character normally would have been holding. "There, my lord."

Jade reached out for the script, but didn't take it. Instead, she laughed humorlessly. "Are you honest?"

"My lord?"

"Are you fair?" Jade asked, and Tori took a moment to glance at her script.

"What means your lordship?"

Jade threw her script onto the ground, taking Tori by surprise. "That if you be honest and fair, your honesty should admit no discourse to your beauty."

Tori felt her stomach twist, though whether it was because of the emotions Ophelia was meant to be feeling or because of the way Jade wouldn't meet her eye, she wasn't sure. "Could beauty, my lord, have better commerce than with honesty?"

Jade laughed quietly again. "Ay, truly! For the power of beauty will sooner transform honesty from what it is to a bawd than the force of honesty can translate beauty into his likeness." She turned from Tori, looking at where she had thrown her script. "This was sometime a paradox, but now the time gives it proof." She lifted her head and, after a moment, looked back at Tori. Their eyes met, and Tori felt her heart skip a beat. "I _did_ love you once."

She swallowed, wishing her mouth wasn't so dry. "Indeed, my lord. You made me believe so."

"Cut!"

Tori forced herself to tear her eyes away from Jade's gaze so that she could look out towards the audience, where Professor Walker stood. She blinked, and realized that he was clapping.

"I've seen enough!" he said, clapping once more before letting his hands fall to his sides. "That was brilliant, both of you!"

Tori could hear the peanut gallery grumbling, but she tried to ignore them as she cleared her throat. "Uh.."

"Thank you, sir," she heard Jade say from just behind her, and then she winced when she felt a sharp elbow in her side.

"Oh! Yes, thank you, sir," she said, fighting the urge to rub the spot where Jade had jabbed her.

Professor Walker didn't seem to notice anything they had just said or done. Instead, he crossed his arms, one hand rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm...it _would_ be unorthodox, certainly," he muttered to himself. "Never been done before, surely..."

"Sir?" Tori heard herself asking. She moved away quickly so Jade couldn't prod her again.

"Hmm?" He looked up, seemingly remembering that they were still standing there. "Oh! Yes, yes." He clapped his hands together. "Normally, I don't announce the results of the auditions until the following day. But, I don't think that's appropriate in this case."

More murmuring from the crowd, and Tori felt her stomach sink. Surely, he wasn't about to...

"Ms. Vega, you'll be playing Ophelia."

Tori could practically feel Jade stiffen behind her, and she prayed that she would be able to get out of the theater without having to look Jade in the eye because she didn't think she would be able to handle seeing the jealousy that was sure to be burning in them. It wasn't right. She didn't deserve to be Ophelia, not when Jade had just _killed_ it, and she was about to open her mouth and say as such when he continued speaking.

"Ms. West, you'll be playing Hamlet."

The theater went silent for a moment before all hell broke loose. Shouts of "Sir!" and "You can't be _serious!"_ came flying out of the crowd as the students rose to their feet in anger. Professor Walker turned towards them, shaking his clipboard.

"If any of you still desire a part in this production, I would _sit down_!" He said, his voice raised to almost a shout. Most of the students immediately shut up and sat down, though a few chose to storm out of the auditorium instead, swearing the entire way out the door. Professor Walker waited until they were gone before he turned back around so he faced the stage. "Are these roles acceptable to you both?"

"Of course, sir," Jade answered, and Tori felt the lump in her throat appear again as the Professor's eyes moved towards her.

She could get out of this. She didn't _have_ to accept a part. For Christ's sake, she didn't even really want to audition for this play!

"Yes, sir," she replied, the words tumbling past her lips before she could stop them.

He flashed a gigantic toothy smile in their direction. "Excellent!" He clapped once, and turned his attention back to the crowd. "The rest of the cast list will be posted tomorrow afternoon, and our first practice will be on Wednesday!" He turned back towards Tori and Jade, neither of whom had moved from their positions. "I'm looking forward to what will surely be an excellent production!"

Taking that as their dismissal, the rest of the students in the audience began gathering up their belongings before begrudgingly exiting the theater. Tori didn't miss the nasty glares that were shot in their direction, nor did she miss the whispered epithets that were hurled towards them. But she didn't care, because the only thing that mattered in that moment was that she and Jade still stood on the stage and neither one of them had said a single word to each other.

Professor Walker was the last one out of the theater, but he didn't seem to realize that his two leads were still on the stage before he left because he turned out the light as he walked out, plunging them into a darkness that was all too familiar.

They stood there for another moment before Tori realized that she needed to do _something._

"Shit," she said, scrambling to pull her phone out of her pocket. "Here, I can get my flashlight-"

"What are you doing here, Vega?"

Jade's voice, Tori noted, didn't have the angry edge to it that she had expected it to. If anything, she just sounded _tired_.

"Auditioning. Same as you," she replied, flicking on her phone's flashlight before turning to face Jade. "Congratulations on getting Hamlet, you certainly earned it."

Jade looked at her for a moment before letting out a single laugh. "Seriously, Vega? The last person I need validation from is _you_." She shook her head, laughing again. "If Walker wasn't an absolute lunatic, I wouldn't have even gotten a part. Not after you just gave that performance as Ophelia"

Tori felt her muscles tense in anger, but she forced herself to calm down when she realized that Jade's self-deprecation wasn't completely in jest. "You're joking, right?"

"Excuse me?"

"You just outperformed every single person here, Jade. You literally got the _lead_ in freaking _Hamlet,_ and you're not even a guy!" Tori shook her head, shining the beam of her flashlight onto the floor in front of them. "If he wasn't insane, you certainly would have been Ophelia, because you definitely outperformed me."

"You don't need to lie to me just because you feel...what, bad for me?" Jade's eyes narrowed for a moment, straining against the black that surrounded them in order to see the expression on Tori's face. "Which, by the way, is really confusing considering you _definitely_ didn't feel bad when you left me sitting alone at the Broken Record."

 _Well. That's fair,_ Tori thought, but she swallowed the words before they could slip out. "I wouldn't lie to you. Especially not about something like this." She took a hesitant step towards Jade, who, to her surprise, didn't move away. "You blew my performance out of the water, Jade. And it isn't the first time that you've done so."

The flashlight's beam wavered as Tori tried to hide the fact that her hand was trembling. Jade glanced down at it, eyebrow raised as she looked up at Tori. "You walked out on me."

"Yeah." Tori swallowed, letting her eyes meet Jade's. "I did."

"You're an asshole."

Tori laughed, just once, unable to stop herself. "Yeah, probably. But, to be fair, you're a dick, so."

Jade's eyebrows practically shot off of her face. "Did you just call me a dick?"

"Yep. Sure did."

Jade stared at her for a long moment, her expression unreadable. "When the hell did you grow a pair of balls, Vega?"

Tori shrugged with one shoulder, being careful not to let the beam waver again. "I don't know. Probably around the time I had to carry your ass home from that party."

Jade's gaze traveled down her body, and Tori found herself fighting back a shiver that threatened to run down her spine. Then Jade's gaze darted back up and Tori could see the disbelief in her eyes. "There's no way that your skinny little ass carried me."

Tori's brow arched defiantly. "Excuse me? For your information, this skinny little ass piggy-backed you up several flights of stairs."

"There's no way," Jade said, and Tori shrugged again.

"Fine, don't believe me. But Nicole definitely didn't do it, and you were basically dead weight at that point, so good luck figuring out how else you got up there."

Jade's eyes met hers' again, and she found that the confidence that she had been trying so hard to exude wasn't as firm as she tried to pretend it was. "Why did you leave me at the coffee shop?"

Tori felt her mouth go dry, and she had to consciously steady her hand so that the beam didn't budge. "You literally spent the entire time insulting me. What the hell was I supposed to do?"

"You didn't even let me finish."

"No." Tori took a deep breath and looked away from Jade's accusatory gaze. "I didn't. And I'm sorry about that. But, you can't honestly tell me that you wouldn't have done the same thing if the roles were reversed."

Jade didn't respond right away, and after a few moments of silence, Tori decided to look back towards her. She found that the other woman's eyes still were trained towards her, but she looked like she was looking _through_ her instead of at her. She was going to say something, but then Jade finally spoke. "So, what do we do now?"

Tori found herself shrugging again. "Well, I mean, we should probably get out of here at some point, considering Walker shut the lights off and everything."

Jade rolled her eyes. "That's not what I meant and you know it, Vega."

"Yeah," Tori said. "I know." She reached up with her unattended hand and scratched the back of her head lightly. "What do _you_ want to do, Jade?"

Jade's eyebrows rose again, but her expression remained otherwise emotionless. "What if I said that I wanted to go back to the way things had been? We go our separate ways and pretend that the other doesn't exist?"

Tori's felt an icy grip around her heart, but she tried hard to not let it show. "Well, I guess I'd drop out of the play and go on my merry way." She swallowed, trying to ignore the way her heart thudded against the inside of her chest. "Is that what you want?"

Jade pursed her lips, eyes finally leaving Tori's. "No."

"Then what _do_ you want?"

Jade looked out towards the seats, past Tori completely. "Do you think we'd be able to start over?"

"Start over?"

"Yeah, you know..." Jade sighed, running her hand through her hair. "Start over. Pretend that the past year just didn't happen and try to be friends, or something like that?"

 _Friends_. The words hit Tori square in the chest, and she had to bite her lip so that she didn't let its impact show. "No."

Jade's eyes flew up towards Tori's. "What?"

Tori took another deep breath, but didn't look away. "I said, no. I can't just pretend that the past year didn't happen. That would be asking...well, a lot. From both of us." She watched as Jade's face fell and something in her chest _ached_ and so she kept speaking. "But that doesn't mean I'm not willing to start over."

Jade took a minute to think about what Tori said. She tried to appear as stone-faced as possible, but she wasn't quite able to keep her voice as steady. "So what are you saying?"

"Jade, the only thing I've ever wanted to be is your friend." Tori bent over, putting her phone on the floor so that the beam shone skyward, and then straightened. "If you're actually willing to _be_ that, then I'm definitely willing to try." She opened her arms, unsure of what exactly she was doing, but hoping that Jade took the hint. "So?"

Jade considered her with a careful gaze before she grimaced. "I'm not hugging you, Vega."

Tori shrugged, but didn't move otherwise. "Okay."

"Why are you like this?"

Another shrug. "Genetics, I guess."

Jade looked at her for a long moment, her brows furrowed. And then she did something Tori didn't expect.

She took a hesitant step forward, and then another. And then, with the third step, she let Tori wrap her arms around her torso. Tori could feel how tense Jade was, could feel her obvious reluctance to return the embrace, but then Jade's arms closed around Tori's shoulders and, for the first time in _years_ , the two women hugged each other.

"This is so stupid," Jade muttered in Tori's ear, and Tori couldn't help but giggle against her shoulder.

"Yeah, but you're doing it anyway, aren't you?"

She felt Jade's grip loosen, and for a moment she feared that she was going to pull away, so she tightened her own grip. But she discovered that her fears were unfounded when Jade whispered "I'm sorry, Tori."

( _she used my name_ )

"Yeah," Tori murmured, feeling the corners of her eyes grow damp. "I'm sorry too."

They held on to each other for another moment before Jade pulled away. She was careful to not look towards Tori, who was thankful because it allowed her to wipe away her tears without being seen.

"So, uh...guess I'll see you on Wednesday, then?" Jade finally said, bending over to pick up the script she had discarded during their audition.

Tori nodded, then realized Jade couldn't see her. "Yeah, uh...see you then."

"Okay." Jade straightened back up, and began walking towards the stairs. "Better bring your A-game, Vega. I won't have my Ophelia being a stick in the mud."

Tori rolled her eyes, unable to hide the grin that spread across her face. "Yeah, well, you better brush up on your pork facts."

Jade stopped at the bottom of the stairs, turning her head so she could look at Tori, confusion written across her face. "What?"

"Pork! You know, because you're... _Ham_ -let?"

It took a moment to sink in. "Oh my god." Jade turned around and started to move up the aisle as quickly as she possibly could in the dark. "This is going to be a nightmare!" she shouted, and Tori just laughed.

"You're stuck with me now, West! Embrace it!"

Jade's response was to throw her middle finger up in Tori's direction, and even though she could hardly see it, its familiarity made Tori grin anyway.


	8. Chapter 8

The first practice was... _something._

Tori had no idea what to expect when she walked into the theater Wednesday evening. Sure, she had been in many different productions over the years, so she had a general sense of how things would go, but if she learned anything from her time at Hollywood Arts it was that every director was different and there was never really any way to anticipate their idiosyncrasies until it was too late.

Professor Walker, as it turned out, was a very idiosyncratic man.

"Welcome, everyone!" he shouted, clapping his hands to get the attention of the twenty-odd students who milled about the auditorium. "If you haven't already taken your seats, don't bother!" He waited a moment to allow them to murmur in confusion before he continued. "I want everyone who is physically able to run three laps around this auditorium!"

He looked up from his clipboard to find twenty-odd incredulous stares aimed in his direction. He frowned and waved his clipboard in a circle around his head. "Come on, people! Go, go, go!"

"He _can't_ be serious," Jade muttered.

Tori shifted uneasily in her seat, looking down at the low-tops she had thrown on for rehearsal. "I get the sense that he isn't joking."

"I'm not going to run laps around this stupid place."

Tori watched some of the other students begin jogging around the edge of the auditorium. Professor Walker cheered them on from his seat in the front row. "Well, I for one don't want to really find out what he'll do if we _don't_ start running, so..." She stood up, not bothering to wait for Jade to do the same before she started moving out of the row they had sat in.

She didn't know if Jade would actually follow her. Hell, she had been surprised when Jade had chosen to even acknowledge her. If she was being honest, she had expected her to maybe say hello, or nod in her direction, and for that be the end of their interactions for the evening. But the other woman had waltzed in and sat down in a seat close to Tori- only separated by a single chair, actually- and had immediately started making fun of the hairstyle of an actor in another row.

So when Jade suddenly appeared next to Tori, matching her stride for stride, it didn't come as quite the surprise that it could have been. Honestly, she was more surprised that Jade had decided to follow Walker's demands than she was that she had chosen to run next to her.

"This...is.. _.bullshit,_ " Jade complained between pants, and Tori couldn't help but laugh.

"Oh, come on," she said, turning her head so she could see her better. "After all of the weird shit Sikowitz had us doing for all those years, _this_ is where you draw the line?"

"Sikowitz...was a...genius," Jade replied, struggling to keep up with Tori's pace as they rounded the top of the auditorium."And..he never...made us...run!" She stopped then, bending over to grip her knees, breath coming in gasps. "Jesus!"

Tori jogged forward a few more steps before she stopped too, turning back to check on Jade. "Still alive?"

Jade lifted her head just enough so that she was able to shoot a glare at the barely-winded woman standing before her. "How the hell...are you not...dying?"

She shrugged, jogging in place. "I keep up with my cardio?"

"Oh, I'm sure you do," Jade muttered under her breath, using barely enough air for the words to form. Tori arched a brow and turned around.

"Come on, West, we still have like, two more laps to go!"

She took off then, but deliberately slowed her pace so that Jade could catch up if she chose to.

It took another thirty seconds and about fifty different obscenities before Jade was next to her again and Tori couldn't help but smile despite the burning in her lungs.

* * *

It wasn't until the third practice that Tori realized that she hadn't seen Jade outside of rehearsals at all.

So when Professor Walker announced that practice was over for the night, she made her way over to the stage and patiently waited for her to finish talking to the guy playing Laertes. It took Jade almost three minutes to look up and realize that Tori was waiting for her, and it took another two before Laertes ( _Jimmy. His name is Jimmy,_ Tori reminded herself) stopped talking.

"Uh, hey, I think that..." Jade finally said, and gestured towards Tori, who waved when Jimmy turned to look at her. "Yeah."

"Oh, sorry!" Jimmy said, stepping back. "Didn't realize you were there, Tori."

"It's okay, don't worry about it," she said, stepping forward just enough to enter the space that he had occupied. "I just had a quick question for Hamlet, here."

"Well, I'll let you at it, then! Have a good night, you two!"

"You too," they answered, voices tangling together. Tori shot a quick look in Jade's direction at that, but the other girl's eyes were trained on Jimmy's back, watching as he made his way out of the theater.

Tori waited until the door had shut behind him before she spoke again. "Hey."

"Hey." Jade bent down to pick her script off the stage. "Something wrong?"

"No? Why would be something be wrong?"

Jade straightened and looked at her with what Tori identified as something close to distrust in her eyes. "Well, I just kind of figured something was up, otherwise you would have left by now."

Tori rolled her eyes. "Look, I just wanted to see if you had plans for the rest of the night."

"Plans?"

"Yeah, you know, those things that people make with other people or with themselves that take up their time?"

Jade shot her a look. "I know what plans are, Vega."

Tori didn't look away from Jade's withering gaze."Well, then do you have any or not?"

"Why do you want to know?"

Tori crossed her arms, unamused. "Because if you don't, I thought that maybe we could go get ice cream or something?"

"Why would we do that?"

Jade was baiting her, and she knew it. But it didn't keep the irritation from creeping into her voice. "Because that's what _friends_ would do? And that's supposedly what we are now, so."

Jade cocked an eyebrow, tucking her script under her arm. "Don't you have any plans with that boyfriend of yours'?"

Tori narrowed her eyes. "Who told you I had a boyfriend?"

Jade rolled her eyes and moved past Tori, heading for the edge of the stage. "Well, you either have a boyfriend, or you've made it a habit to make out with random guys outside of academic buildings."

"Oh." Tori uncrossed her arms and reached up with one hand, scratching the back of her neck. "Uh...when did you see that?"

"Hard to miss, honestly." Jade jumped off the stage, landing much more gracefully than Tori expected her to. "You're not exactly discrete."

"Have you been watching me or something?" Tori asked, walking towards the stage stairs.

Jade turned, shooting her an incredulous look. "No?"

Tori made her way down the stairs and considered whether it was worth it or not to keep pushing the issue. She decided against it. "We're not doing anything tonight. I wanted to hang out with you."

"You chose me over your boyfriend? That's kind of stupid."

"Can you stop being a gank for literally one second and just agree to hang out with me?" Tori snapped, almost whining, and Jade smirked.

"Don't get your underwear in a twist, Vega. I'll go get ice cream with you. Your treat, of course."

"I don't remember agreeing to that last bit," Tori said, and Jade shrugged.

"Suit yourself. I have a paper I could be working on instead."

"God, _fine_." Tori grabbed her backpack off of the ground in front of her seat and swung it over her shoulder. "My treat."

"Perfect!" Jade quipped with a smirk that Tori very adamantly ignored. "Lead the way, then, Vega."

* * *

"I would have pegged you as more of a vanilla kind of girl."

Tori glanced up at Jade, spoon dangling between her fingers. "Excuse me?"

Jade nodded towards her bowl. "Your ice cream?"

"Oh." Tori scooped up a spoonful of mint chocolate chip and looked at it for a moment before eating it. "Well, I'm not."

"Obviously," Jade said before taking a bite of her own chocolate ice cream. "Still surprising."

"You're really not great at small talk, are you?"

"What, you're not interested in discussing our choices in ice cream?"

"I mean, it's fine. I just figured that after knowing each other for...what, three or four years? That we'd be able to have conversations with a little more substance than just "oh, Tori doesn't like vanilla ice cream." That's all."

Jade's eyebrow quirked up, but she didn't respond right away. Instead, she shifted her position in the booth, leaning her back against the wall and pulling her feet up onto the hard plastic. She rested her bowl on her knees and took another bite, taking her time before swallowing. "Well, Vega. Most of our conversations have tended to fall into one of two categories: either having literally no substance at all, or having way too much substance." She waited for Tori to give her a little half-nod of acknowledgment before continuing. "So excuse me for not really knowing what to talk about, because I don't exactly feel like treading into emotional waters again."

"We can literally just talk about school, Jade. It doesn't have to be that hard."

"So talk about school, then."

Tori rolled her eyes, bending her head down over her dish just low enough so that Jade couldn't see. "Have you declared a major yet?"

"Yeah."

Tori waited for Jade to continue, but after a few seconds of silence she realized that the other woman wasn't going to say anything else unless prompted. "What is it?" she asked, trying not to sound as irritated as she actually was.

"I'm double-majoring in Drama and English."

"Oh?"

Jade didn't bother to hide when she rolled her eyes. "Yeah? Why do you look so surprised?"

Tori shrugged, scooping another bite of ice cream onto her spoon. "I'm not surprised, really. Just impressed that you're going for both. Why English?"

"Because we don't have a scriptwriting major here and it was the next closest thing."

"Is that what you want to do? Write scripts, I mean."

Jade looked down at the ice cream in her bowl, pushing around the slowly-melting scoop. "I mean, yeah? I would have thought that that was obvious."

Tori swallowed, and set the spoon back in her dish. "I didn't want to assume anything. I mean, yeah, I know you've been writing plays and short-films since before we knew each other, but I dunno, maybe you wanted to become an English teacher or something."

"Can you actually picture me as a teacher, Vega?"

Tori ignored the incredulous look that was being aimed in her direction. "I think you could do pretty much anything that you put your mind to, West. So, if you wanted to be a teacher, then yeah, I think you'd be a great one." She tilted her head a bit, thinking for a moment. "Well, maybe after a few years of anger management classes. Wouldn't want you to get fired for losing your patience with the children, after all."

"I'm great with children," Jade muttered. She scooped a bite onto her spoon and stared at it. "It's teenagers that piss me off."

"Jade, you _are_ a teenager."

"Your point?"

Tori was about to respond, but then she saw the small smirk tugging at the corner of Jade's lips and she realized that the other girl was baiting her. "So does that mean that you piss yourself off?"

The smirk grew. "Absolutely."

There was a beat, and then both girls started laughing, surprising the older couple that sat behind Jade's bench. They pursed their lips disapprovingly at them, but only Tori caught them doing so out of the corner of her eye. It just caused her to laugh a little harder, shaking her head at Jade when her eyebrow quirked upwards questioningly.

"Why are you like this?" Tori asked once the laughter had petered out. Jade shrugged, scooping the last bit of chocolate onto her spoon. She ate it slowly and swallowed before responding.

"Because I know it drives you insane."

Tori glared at her. "I don't think friends purposefully try to do that to each other, Jade!"

Jade leaned over the table, her spoon dipping into Tori's almost-empty bowl. "Well, I don't exactly play by the rules, do I?"

Tori swatted away her spoon, but she was too late to prevent Jade from scooping a bite-sized portion of her mint-chocolate chip into her mouth. "God, you suck."

Jade threw a wink in her direction before letting out an exaggerated sigh of contentment. "Thanks for the ice cream, Vega."

"You're not welcome, you gank," Tori grumbled, but when Jade looked at her, there was a small smile on her face all the same.

* * *

It became a thing.

Tori didn't really mean for it to happen. She honestly expected that it would be a lot harder to convince Jade to hang out with her, but after their next rehearsal, Jade had been the one to suggest going to The Broken Record for a drink. And then the next time, Tori had suggested that they grab a slice of pizza at Pizza Palace, and Jade had turned up her nose and refused, claiming that Antonio's was better (which, as Tori realized later that night, they definitely were). And then the next time it was coffee again, and the next was Italian ice, and soon there was an implicit agreement that there was going to _be_ a next time, even if neither acknowledged it out loud.

And it was easy. Much easier than Tori had ever expected being friends with Jade West could be. Sure, they weren't braiding each others' hair or having slumber parties or whatever, but they were _friends._ Hell, Jade had even given her a cupcake on her birthday- well, she had shoved the box in Tori's hands and muttered "happy birthday, Vega", but it was the first time she had ever acknowledged the day before, and it had made Tori's heart swell.

(It didn't hurt that it had been the best cupcake Tori had ever eaten, either)

Outside of the cycle of rehearsals and hanging out with Jade, life was a little more tedious. She was doing fine in her classes, but the assignments were beginning to pile up and she wasn't _quite_ understanding biology. She knew she could just ask Jake to study with her more, but time was scarce and every time she thought about asking Jade if they could skip hanging out after rehearsal, she found that she just couldn't do it. So she spent most of her nights hunched over a piano or a textbook in the conservatory's practice rooms and showed up to her early classes with a coffee and an energy drink, and if she had biology that morning Jake would help make sure she kept up with the notes, and it was fine.

Everything was fine.

* * *

It was the first week of March when Jake brought up the fact that he hadn't really seen much of Tori since she joined the play.

He said it almost nonchalantly, just a throw-away comment tacked on as he was grabbing his jacket off of the back of her desk chair, but Tori saw Nicole's head pop up from the textbook she had been bent over, her gaze questioning. Tori was glad Jake wasn't facing in Nicole's direction, because it was a lot easier to lie to him and tell him that she was just really busy with rehearsals and homework when he couldn't see how Nicole's questioning look shifted into distrust with every word.

They kissed goodnight in the doorway, Tori's lips lingering a little longer than necessary just so that she could prolong having to face the questions she knew her roommate was about to ask. But then he left, and she could feel Nicole's stare on her back. So she decided to just bite the bullet and turn around, making sure to shut the door behind her.

"You told me that you were studying with him," Nicole said, keeping her eyes trained on Tori as she made her way back to her chair.

"Hmm?" Tori replied, sitting down. She grabbed her glasses and slid them on before reaching for a textbook.

"After your rehearsals. You told me that you were studying with _Jake_."

Tori cracked the book open. "Did I? I don't remember saying that."

"Tori." Nicole's voice was stern, and Tori found herself trying not to wince.

"Yeah?"

"Where have you really been going? And why did you just lie to your boyfriend?" Nicole paused, and Tori could see the growing horror on her face out of the corner of her eye. "Oh my god, are you cheating on him?"

"What?" Tori turned in her chair, giving Nicole an incredulous look. "Are you insane? I would never-"

"I can't believe that you would be _cheating_ on him!" Nicole continued, obviously not listening to her. "That's just _not-_ "

"Jesus Christ, Nic, I'm not cheating on Jake!"

Her words finally seemed to get through to her roommate, who fell silent for a long moment as she processed what Tori had said. But then her eyes darted back up and Tori could see the accusations still shining behind them. "Then where the fuck have you _been?_ "

"What does it matter?"

"Because I've barely seen you either! Where the hell have you been, Tori?"

Tori worried her bottom lip between her teeth and tried to ignore the pounding in her chest. "With Jade."

"With..." Nicole stared at her, her eyes opening wider as the realization set in. "With _Jade_?"

"Yeah." Tori turned back to her book, hunching over it so that she didn't have to see the look that Nicole was giving her.

"Jade West. The girl whose name I've avoided speaking for _months_ just because you looked like you would have an aneurysm if I did? That Jade?"

"Yeah."

Nicole set her textbook aside and leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms."Don't you...oh, I don't know... _hate each other_?"

"It's...complicated."

Tori's back was still turned towards Nicole, so she couldn't see how her roommate's eyes narrowed at her words. "Complicated? Tori, are you fucking serious right now?"

Tori sighed, and finally turned back around, accepting that Nicole wasn't going to let it go. "Yeah, I'm serious. What do you want from me, Nic?"

"I want to know why you've been lying to me again!"

The anger directed towards her was a surprise, though Tori supposed it probably shouldn't have been. Her stomach began to coil into a knot, and she honestly wasn't sure if she was also angry, or just feeling guilty. "I wasn't aware that I needed to tell you everything that I'm doing! Or who I'm doing it with!"

Okay, so maybe it _was_ anger.

Nicole stared at her, eyebrow arched sky-high, and from the expression on her face, Tori guessed that she hadn't been expecting the tinge of venom behind her words. Tori thought about backtracking and apologizing, but then the surprise on Nicole's face shifted into something stony and hard and she realized it was too late. "I thought we were friends, Tori."

Well, that wasn't what she expected. "Of course we are."

"Then why the fuck are you treating me like I'm the enemy?! For Christ's sake, I was there that night too, Tori!" The softening of Nicole's features was barely noticeable, but Tori thought she caught a glimpse of it anyway as her roommate leaned forward in her chair. "Why didn't you just tell me that you and Jade had made up, or whatever the hell it is that you did?"

"Because...hell, I don't know!" Tori ran a hand through her hair, pursing her lips as she thought of the words she wanted to say; words that wouldn't make the whole thing worse than it already was. "Jade and I...we've never been friends before, and I didn't want to jinx it?"

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"Gee, thanks."

Nicole leaned back in her chair and held her hands out in front of her as she shrugged. "Well? It kind of is."

Tori shot her a look. "Loving the support you're showing right now, Nic. Really making me feel great."

"Oh, shove it, Tori. You've spent the last month lying to me _and_ your boyfriend. You don't get to be all pissy towards me just because I'm calling you out on it."

The anger was boiling up inside of her again, and she had to literally bite her tongue so that she didn't spit out the words that were dancing on her lips because she truly didn't want to make the situation worse. Instead, she stood up and reached for the jacket that she had thrown onto her bed.

"Where are you going _now_?"

"Out." Tori double-checked that her key was tied to her wrist before she pushed her arms through the jacket's sleeves.

"Seriously? You're just going to leave?"

Tori's response was to walk out the door, making sure to give it a little extra push when she shut it so that it slammed behind her.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of attempted sexual assault and non-consensual drugging

Tori wasn't really sure what she expected when she knocked on the door of Baker 217, but it definitely wasn't to be face-to-face with a girl clad in a pink tutu. She also wasn't expecting the bubblegum pop that was playing loudly inside the room.

"Uh...hi?" Tori said, and the girl grinned widely at her.

"Hello!"

"You're...Jessica, right?" Tori waited for the girl to nod before continuing. "Great. Uh, is Jade here?"

"Yeah!" Jessica leaned a little closer, dropping her voice. "She's working though, and when I asked if she wanted to join me in my dance party she threatened to hoist me up the flagpole, so I don't know if you really want to..."

"Vega?"

Jade appeared behind her roommate, headphones slung around her neck. Jessica squeaked and shrunk back just a tad, and for a moment Tori felt almost sorry for the girl. That feeling disappeared when the song changed and Jessica's saccharine smile re-appeared. "Oh! I _love_ this song!" She ducked back into the room, bopping around between the two beds and singing to herself.

Tori watched her for a second, just taking it all in, before Jade cleared her throat. She looked back towards her, instinctively wincing when she saw the look of complete and utter irritation on her face. "Hey?"

"Are you here to put me out of my misery, or are you here to help me end her, because either would be acceptable right now."

Tori glanced over Jade's shoulder to make sure that Jessica hadn't heard, only looking back at Jade when she saw that Jessica wasn't even looking towards them. "Uh, neither? Sorry, I probably should have texted first, I didn't mean to interrupt.."

Something in Tori's voice made Jade's expression soften, and if Tori didn't know better, she would have said that she almost looked concerned. "Is everything okay?"

"Uh...yes? I guess?" Tori shuffled her feet, looking down at the ground. "It's stupid, honestly. Nic and I had a fight, and I...I don't know why I'm here, really."

She looked back up at Jade, feeling utterly foolish and expecting to be told as such, but the expression on Jade's face wasn't the one she had expected. Instead of the irritation and disgust that she was used to seeing, she was met with that same look of hesitant concern that had made her look away to begin with.

"Let me grab my jacket," Jade said after a moment, and Tori nodded. She watched as Jade turned and disappeared from view, ducking towards the area that Tori knew held the room's closets. She returned a few seconds later with a leather jacket and her backpack.

She didn't bother saying goodbye to Jessica before she shut the door, the heavy wood finally blocking out most of the sickeningly-sweet music. "Where do you want to go?"

"Anywhere," Tori answered, expecting Jade to roll her eyes and demand an actual answer. But she didn't. She only nodded, and began to lead them out of the dormitory.

* * *

They didn't say much while they walked, and Tori was thankful for that because she was pretty sure that she would just start crying if Jade asked her anything even remotely-serious and the last thing she needed was to cry in front of her.

She had figured that Jade would take her to Reede or the Broken Record, since that's where they most often hung out, so when they passed both places without stopping, she was more than a little surprised. She thought about asking Jade where she was taking them, but brushed aside that idea because she figured it didn't really matter anyway.

Hearst wasn't that big of a campus (or a town, really), but Tori hadn't really taken much time to explore much of the surrounding area. That's why she didn't recognize the park that Jade led them into, nor did she expect to suddenly find herself on a hiking trail.

"Should I be worried that this scenery kind of screams "I'm going to be murdered by a serial killer"?" Tori joked, and Jade just rolled her eyes and kept walking.

After a few more minutes, Tori began to hear the sound of running water. It grew louder as they continued forward, and after another minute, a small creek came into view on their left. It was too dark for her to see how clear the water was, even with the light of the moon reflecting off of its surface, but it didn't reek of sewage so she assumed it was cleaner than the L.A. River.

Jade veered off the trail then, walking towards a small outcrop of rocks next to the creek. She sat on one of the larger rocks, setting her backpack next to her. Tori followed, sitting on the rock next to hers.

"Come here often?" she asked, and Jade nodded.

"I found it in September. Not a lot of people come walking out here, so it tends to be pretty quiet." Jade unzipped her backpack and reached in, coming back out with a leather-bound flask. She twisted the cap off and held it out to Tori. "Here."

Tori took it, but didn't drink. "What's in it?"

"Just take a damn sip, Vega," came the response, and so she did, wrinkling her nose as the taste of whiskey washed over her tongue. She heard Jade snort and saw her reach out for the flask, but she shook her head and took another sip before handing it back.

"Thanks," she said, and Jade nodded before taking her own sip.

"No problem." She didn't bother to put the cap back on the flask, instead holding it loosely in her hands between her knees. "So, what are you and Nicole fighting about?"

Heat spread across Tori's cheeks, and she was thankful for the darkness around them that hopefully prevented Jade from seeing how red her face had become. "Uh...well...you. Sort of."

Jade looked at her, her confusion evident in the way her brows furrowed. "Me?"

Tori nodded and hugged her knees closer to her chest. "Basically."

"What about me?"

Tori didn't respond right away, letting the sounds of the creek fill the silence. Then, she sighed and pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "I didn't tell her that we've been hanging out. I sorta lied and told her that I was hanging out with Jake this whole time."

It was Jade's turn to fall silent. Tori's nerves only grew as the quiet stretched longer and longer, and she was itching to say something just to keep herself from going insane. But she didn't, and eventually Jade spoke.

"You told her that you were hanging out with your boyfriend instead of with me?"

"Basically, yeah."

"Does he know where you've been, or were you lying to him too?"

Tori winced. "He uh...he didn't really ask until tonight. That's kind of why it came up. He finally commented on how I've not been around much, and she overheard."

Jade lifted the flask to her lips and took a generous swallow before holding it back out to Tori. "Why didn't you just tell them the truth?"

Tori shrugged and took a small sip, nose wrinkling at the taste. "I told Nic that it was because I didn't want to jinx...well, this. Us."

"What?" Jade arched an eyebrow, turning her head so she could look at Tori's face better. "That's dumb."

Tori laughed just once and gave a small half-shrug. "Yeah, she said that too." Another sip, and then she held the flask out so that Jade could take it. "But I don't think that it is."

"No? And why is that, Vega?"

Tori leaned back against the rock, its cool surface pressing against her back as she looked up towards the sky. "I don't know. Have you told anyone that you've been hanging out with me?" She paused and waited to see if Jade would say anything before she continued. "Have you told Beck?"

She waited a few long minutes for Jade to answer, but after a certain point of silence had passed she grew concerned and looked over to see that the other woman had drawn her knees closer to her chest and from the way her knuckles had turned white from how tightly she was gripping the flask, it was obvious that Tori's words had had struck a nerve. "Jade?"

"Beck and I broke up."

"What?" Tori sat back up and stared at her. "When?"

"Over winter break." Jade took another sip from the flask and finally turned her head so that Tori could see her face. Tori had almost expected to see tears in the other girl's eyes; had almost expected to see mascara running down her face in the familiar streaks that she had seen once before, all those years ago when Jade had come to her and begged her to help get Beck back. But Jade's eyes were dry and her jaw was set and Tori didn't quite know what to make of that, but Jade was looking at her like she expected her to continue asking questions and so she cleared her throat and tried to sound like she hadn't just had a bomb dropped on her.

"Why?" she finally asked, hating how she could hear her own uncertainty in her voice.

"It just wasn't working out," Jade replied. She twisted the cap onto the flask, but didn't hold it out to Tori. Instead, she looked down at it, her thumb brushing over the intricate rose embossed in the leather that Tori hadn't noticed earlier. "We wanted different things, and the distance was hard, and so...yeah."

Tori's eyes continued to follow Jade's thumb as she mapped out the thorns and petals. Her mouth was dry, much drier than it should have been, and it only got worse as she thought about the question that was tumbling around in her mind. It wasn't one that she wanted to ask, though; wasn't one that she felt like she _should_ ask. But the whiskey had left her feeling a bit fuzzy around the edges and she was opening her mouth before she could stop herself. "Did...did the Zeta party have anything to do with it?"

Jade's thumb instantly stopped moving, and Tori tore her eyes away just quickly enough to meet Jade's gaze as it snapped towards her. "The Zeta party? Why would that have anything to do with Beck and I breaking up?"

Jade's voice had that old familiar dangerous edge to it, and for a moment it made the hair on the back of Tori's neck stand up. But then she saw the way Jade had seemed to almost shrink back, and the goosebumps on her arm, and she realized that maybe, just maybe, Jade wasn't angry.

Maybe she was scared.

"I don't know," Tori began, trying to choose her words carefully. "I mean, I know nothing technically happened, because I stepped in before Pat could..."

"Pat?" Jade interjected, cutting Tori off mid-sentence.

"Yeah? You know, the guy who drugged you?"

Jade pursed her lips and gripped the flask even tighter. "I didn't know his name before."

"Oh." Guilt settled heavily on Tori's chest. "I-"

"Got a last name to tack on there, too?" There was anger in Jade's tone now; just a tinge, but it was enough to make Tori nervous.

She shook her head. "No."

"But you could get it, couldn't you? That Zeta boyfriend of yours knows him, doesn't he? God, they're probably even _friends_."

"They're _not_ friends," Tori said quickly, almost too quickly, but there had been a bitter insinuation in Jade's words and she was determined to stamp that out before it grew. "Not at all. Jake was the one who stepped in to help, remember? Just because they happen to belong to the same fraternity doesn't mean that they're friends."

"But it does mean that they're _brothers._ And I don't know if you've figured this out yet, Vega, but that's something that they take pretty seriously." Jade unscrewed the cap on the flask again. "He might have stepped in that night, but that doesn't mean that he wouldn't have that fucker's back in the future."

Tori watched as Jade knocked back another shot and tried to ignore the way that her stomach had begun to twist into knots. "That's not fair, West."

"Life isn't fair, Vega." Jade held the flask out, and Tori took it because what else was she supposed to do? "If life was fair, we wouldn't be sitting here."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Jade clasped her arms around her knees and stared out into the inky water. "Nothing. It means nothing."

"Jade..."

"It meant nothing, Vega."

Tori began to open her mouth again, ready to insist that it absolutely _did_ mean something, but then Jade spoke again.

"I didn't break up with Beck because of that stupid party. Hell, I didn't even tell him about it."

"Why not?" The question slipped past Tori's lips before she even thought about it, and by the time she realized that maybe she shouldn't push her luck, it was too late. She braced herself for the fury that she knew was going to be thrown at her, shifting just slightly so that her shoulder would be the first thing Jade would be able to punch if she decided to throw one in her direction.

But to her surprise, Jade didn't snap at her.

Instead, Jade pulled her knees closer to her chest and closed her eyes for a long moment, exhaling slowly. Then, she reopened them and stared back into the water. "Because the last thing that I wanted to tell my boyfriend was that I almost got raped by a guy because I couldn't be bothered to worry about whether or not the drink I was given was drugged."

"That's not..."

"I was at the party because I was angry with him."

Tori blinked, surprised by Jade's words. "Oh."

Jade finally turned back towards her, reaching out for the flask that was still held loosely in Tori's hand. Tori let her take it, watching as she took a generous swallow that was quickly followed by another. Then Jade lowered the flask and stared down at it, brows furrowed.

"I was so fucking _pissed_ at him. And yeah, I know, when wasn't I, right?" Jade laughed, just once, but the lack of humor in it made the hair on the back of Tori's neck stand up again.

"Why were you so angry at him?" Tori asked gently, silently praying that the question didn't just make Jade even more upset.

Jade glanced over at her, but then she looked back down at the flask in her hands. "We had gotten into an argument. A really bad one, too; there was yelling and threats and I was just _done_ with being told what I should and shouldn't do by a guy who couldn't even bother to come and visit over fall break."

"Was he working or something?" Tori asked, and Jade laughed again.

"Hasn't he told you? He got cast on one of those stupid soap operas that all of our grandmas love to watch."

"I mean, my grandmas are both dead, so maybe not all..." The words were out of Tori's mouth before she could stop them, and she cursed the whiskey in her blood as she watched Jade's shoulders tense. "But I mean, I'm sure that..."

"No, I'm sorry. I forgot," Jade said. Tori blinked, still not accustomed to hearing apologies coming from the girl sitting next to her. "But seriously, did you not know about that? I would have thought he would have told you."

Tori shrugged. "Guess it slipped his mind. It's not like we really talk much anymore, anyway. I don't hear from anyone very much, honestly, though that's probably my fault."

"Huh." Jade lifted the flask to her lips and took a quick sip before holding it out to Tori. "That's interesting, because we were fighting about you."

" _Me_?" Tori's hand was on the flask, but the shock of what Jade had said caused her to freeze, her fingers barely brushing against the back of Jade's hand. Jade looked up at her sharply, but didn't immediately pull her hand away.

"Yeah. You." Jade finally pulled her hand away, letting Tori take the flask from her. "He...thought that I was handling the whole "going to the same college" thing poorly."

"He wasn't exactly wrong about that," Tori muttered. She looked away quickly, and took a sip from the flask in her hand just for something to do. The taste of the whiskey still made her shiver, but it was getting easier to swallow. She could feel Jade's eyes on her, and so she took another sip and continued to look anywhere but towards the other woman's gaze.

"No, he wasn't," Jade finally agreed, her voice low. "But getting lectured by my absentee boyfriend over something that wasn't any of his business was getting really fucking old. So I tried to think of something that I could do that would drive him fucking _insane_. So I figured I would go to a frat party and get rip-roaring drunk and somehow that would show him that he didn't get to tell me how to live my life." She shook her head, and Tori could imagine the disgusted look that was sure to be spread across her face. "Because that _totally_ makes sense, right?"

"I think I get it," Tori answered. She turned her head so that she could look back at Jade, who looked back at her with a confused expression.

"Get what?"

"Your thought process. I mean, yeah, it's kind of stupid to purposefully do something that would really only hurt yourself in the end just to get back at someone else, but... I get it." Tori reached out for the flask's cap, plucking it from where Jade had set it on her rock. She twisted it on and set the flask down before continuing to speak. "It's kind of like why I fought that gorilla at The Gorilla Club. At a certain point, it definitely wasn't because I wanted to get tougher for that role. It was because you kept making fun of me, and I was sick of it."

"You ended up in a neck brace for like, three months!"

Tori laughed, nodding. "I sure did! But I proved you _wrong_. So, I get it. I mean, I still think you were wrong, considering what you two were fighting about, but I get why you went to the party." The half-smile that had formed on her face slipped away into something more serious as she considered her next words.

"Jade, you do know that what happened isn't your fault, right?"

Jade took a breath, and Tori was sure that she was going to tell that of _course_ she knew that, what was she, stupid?

But the words didn't come.

Instead, Jade exhaled, her body shaking as the air left her lungs, but she said nothing.

"Jade?" Tori shifted so that her body was angled completely towards the other woman, who was very adamantly _not_ looking at her. She reached out and set her hand on Jade's arm. She could feel muscles tense beneath the leather, but Jade didn't pull away. "Jade, what happened at that party wasn't your fault at all. Just because you wanted to get drunk and piss off Beck doesn't mean that you can blame yourself for what Pat did."

"Yes, it does!" The words were sharp and angry and although Tori's instinct was to flinch away, she knew that the anger wasn't directed towards her. At least, she hoped it wasn't. "For fuck's sake, Vega, I knew better! You had to watch the same orientation videos that I did, you know how often it was stressed to us that we shouldn't take drinks from strangers, but I did it anyway."

"So did I! So did every single person at that party!" Tori squeezed Jade's arm gently and tried to appear as non-threatening as possible while still looking at her. "You just had the misfortune of getting yours from someone who didn't have good intentions. It could just have easily happened to me, or Nicole, or any other girl at that party. So stop blaming yourself for something that you shouldn't have _had_ to worry about to begin with!"

Tori expected Jade to argue with her again; expected her to turn towards her with anger, or frustration, and she was prepared for that; for fuck's sake, she had spent the entire time that they had known each other preparing for that. But Jade didn't turn towards her at all. Instead, she looked down at the hand on her arm like she was noticing it for the first time.

"It's stupid," Jade whispered, and Tori was thankful that the only other sound around them was the babbling of the creek because Jade's voice was so quiet that it would have been easy to miss if the night wasn't so calm.

"What is?"

"I can't remember anything from that party other than walking inside the Zeta house. I can't remember drinking anything there, I can't remember if I danced or talked to anyone. I definitely don't remember seeing you or Nicole, and I don't remember getting back to your dorm. Honestly, the first thing I remember clearly is seeing your name on my phone screen the next day." Her left hand began to tug at a loose thread on her jeans and she paused long enough that Tori wondered if that was all she was going to say. But then she dropped the thread and continued speaking."I can't remember a fucking thing but I still keep having nightmares about it."

( _A hand gripped tight around her upper arm. Glazed-over eyes- dead eyes_ )

Tori's hand squeezed tighter without her meaning to as the images sprung into her mind, but if Jade was bothered by it, she didn't let it show. She swallowed hard and tried to pretend like her mouth hadn't gone completely dry and like her heart hadn't sunk so far into her chest that it felt like it had caved in. "You're having nightmares about it?"

Jade nodded, looking back up towards the water. "Yeah."

"Have you...have you thought about talking to someone about it? A therapist, maybe? I know Hearst's counseling office has..."

"If I didn't go to campus police to file a report about what happened, do you think I'm about to go to a fucking therapist, Vega?"

"Well..."

"It's not going to happen." Jade finally pulled her arm away from Tori's hand. "Just forget that I said anything."

"Jade," Tori said, and Jade shook her head.

"I'm fine."

"Liar." Tori fought the urge to reach back out, settling instead on picking up the flask. She turned it over in her hands, the metal cool against her skin. Her eyes settled on Jade, even though the other woman still wouldn't look at her. "How long have you been having nightmares?"

"I said I wasn't going to..."

"You brought it up. If you didn't want to talk about it, you wouldn't have said anything." Tori's thumb found the embossed rose, and as she traced its intricacies, she wondered if the flask had been a gift from Beck. She shook her head ever-so-slightly, shaking away the thought as quickly as it appeared, and re-focused on what she had been saying. "Am I wrong?"

Jade gritted her teeth but didn't respond. Tori took that as a sign that she definitely wasn't wrong.

"How long, Jade?"

"We didn't come out here to talk about me," Jade muttered. "We're out here because you pissed off your roommate, remember?"

"Jade."

Jade finally turned, her glare meeting Tori's gaze. "Since it happened, okay! Since it fucking happened."

Tori's eyebrows rose, but she tried to keep the rest of her expression from showing her surprise. "Are they every night?"

The glare softened ever-so-slightly, but from the way that her jaw was set, it was obvious that Jade still wasn't pleased. "No. Not every night. But often enough."

"Do you want to talk about what they're about?"

Jade laughed humorlessly, shaking her head. "Fuck no."

She expected Tori to argue with her about it. But Tori just nodded and looked back down at the flask in her hands. "Okay."

"Okay?" Jade's tone was incredulous and it caused Tori to look up at her again.

"Yeah? I mean, I'm not going to make you tell me about them if you don't want to."

"You just made me tell you how often I'm having them!"

"That's different."

"The fuck it is!"

Tori shrugged and turned away. "It is, though. You and I both know that I can't make you do anything. If you didn't want to tell me about how often you were having them, then you wouldn't have. You would have shut up and stopped the conversation completely. But you didn't. You don't want to talk about what they're about, and you said as such, and that's fine as long as you know that you _can_ talk to me about it."

"I don't want to."

Tori rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you've already said that, remember? Doesn't mean that the offer isn't there for the future."

"Whatever."

"I'm serious, Jade." Tori set the flask down on the rock behind Jade. "That's what friends are for."

Jade scoffed, but the sound wasn't as harsh as it could have been. "You're such a cliché, Vega."

"Maybe, but that doesn't always have to be a bad thing."

Silence fell between them for a few minutes. Tori watched the water bubble over jagged rocks and tried to hide the fact that she was dying to know more about Jade's nightmares and whether or not they featured the same things that hers did.

She hoped they didn't.

"Tori?"

Tori looked over at her, eyebrow arched in surprise at the other woman's use of her first name. "Yeah?"

"Why have you been skipping out on your boyfriend just to hang out with me?"

Tori let the question hang in the air for a long moment as she tried to keep her facial expression from betraying the absolute fear that Jade's question had caused. "I..." she bit her lip and turned her head to the right just ever-so-slightly so that she wouldn't have to see Jade's expression. "I don't know."

"That's not an answer."

Tori ignored her response, choosing to fire back with her own question instead. "Why have you been hanging out with me so much, then?"

It was Jade's turn to fall silent. Tori didn't dare turn back towards her, but as the seconds ticked away without a response she became more and more certain that she had said the wrong thing.

Finally, though, Jade spoke, though it wasn't to answer Tori's question. "What are you going to do about Nicole?"

"I don't know." Tori looked up and was surprised to find blue-green eyes still trained towards her. "What do you think I should do?"

"I mean, not lying to her would probably be a good first step."

Tori rolled her eyes again. "No duh."

"Well, you've spent the last month doing it, so I figured I should probably mention it just in case."

"Ha ha." Tori leaned back on the rock so that she could see the sky. "Seriously though, how the heck am I going to make her stop being angry at me? I don't even know how to stop being angry at _her_."

"Why would you be angry at her?" Jade mirrored Tori's position, crossing her arms behind her head so that she didn't have to rest on the cold stone. "Hell, why were you even keeping it from her in the first place? We never really resolved that bit."

Tori stared up at the sky and took a moment to marvel at the fact that she could actually see the stars twinkling above her. Los Angeles had provided her with so many opportunities, and she knew that she would probably end up living there again once she graduated, but living in a city also brought with it the unfortunate reality of light pollution and smog and so being able to see the stars as clearly as she could see them now wasn't something that happened often. She knew she could get lost out there; could get lost in the constellations and the swirling wonders of a galaxy that didn't give a shit about whether or not she was fighting with her roommate because who was she in comparison to the infinite expanse of space?

(Maybe she was just a little bit drunker than she thought she was)

"I don't have a good reason for being angry at her," she finally said. "Not really, anyway. I think I'm just tired of her being upset with me for keeping things from her that aren't really any of her business. Like, she was angry at me back in the Fall for not telling her that I knew you, which, granted, I understand. But she didn't need to know. Just like she didn't need to know that I was hanging out with you instead of Jake. She's not my keeper, and I know I shouldn't have lied to her but I wasn't sure if you and I were going to actually _remain_ friends, and let's be real, I still don't know that, and I just am so _tired_ of feeling like I have to justify every single thing that I do!"

Her words were rushed towards the end and she found that she had to loosen her fingers out of the fists that they had unconsciously clenched into. She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself back down. "Sorry, I just-"

"I'm not planning on ditching you again, Vega."

"Just...what?"

Jade continued to stare up at the sky even though she had to have known that Tori had turned to look at her with bewilderment written across her face. "I'm not in the habit of repeating myself. You should know that by now."

Tori reached over and lightly slapped her on the upper arm, which was enough to make her finally tear her gaze away from the stars. "Jesus, what was _that_ for?"

"Oh, shut up, I barely even tapped you," Tori said, but she drew her hand back quickly anyway. "Did you mean what you said?"

Jade brought her hand up to rub where Tori had slapped her. "About not repeating myself?"

Tori rolled her eyes, and it was all Jade could do not to smirk. "No, you git. About not ditching me again."

"Oh, that. Yeah, sure."

From the way Jade's arm tensed beneath her jacket when Tori's right hand rose, it was obvious that she was bracing herself for another slap. But Tori didn't touch her at all. Instead, she held her hand out between them with only her pinky finger extended.

"What the hell are you doing?" Jade asked, her tone somewhere between genuine curiosity and irritation.

"I want you to pinky swear," Tori answered, and she saw Jade bite her lip so that she wouldn't laugh.

"What are we, twelve?"

"No, but I'd like to think that even the big bad Jade West wouldn't break a pinky promise. So come on. Pinky swear that you're not going to ditch me again."

Jade stared at her, a single eyebrow arched. "You've got to be kidding me. I'm not going to fucking _pinky swear,_ Vega. I'm not a child."

"Too scared to actually be held to a promise then, West?"

"What? No, I just..."

"Then humor me, would you?" Tori wiggled her finger and tried to keep the nervousness that she felt in her chest from showing on her face.

Jade's glare would have been absolutely terrifying if it had been aimed at anyone else. But Tori was used to being on its receiving end, and she knew that if Jade was seriously irritated with her, she would have just gotten up and left. So she met Jade's gaze and refused to blink and after about a minute of that, Jade gritted her teeth and held her hand out.

"Fine." Her little finger hooked onto Tori's. "I promise. Happy now?"

Tori shook her head and made sure to squeeze her finger tighter around Jade's so that she couldn't easily pull away. "What do you promise?"

"Vega, I swear to god-"

"Please?"

Jade let out an exaggerated sigh, but it was obvious that she knew she was beat. "I promise I'm not going to ditch you, Vega."

A grin spread across Tori's face and she squeezed Jade's finger once more before letting go. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it," Jade grumbled. She turned her head, searching for her flask. She sat up when she found it and shook it in her hand, listening to the sloshing of liquid against metal. "Still enough in here for at least one more drink each." She unscrewed the top and held it out to Tori. "Might as well keep the buzz going, right?"

Tori nodded and reached for the flask. "Right."

She tried to ignore the way Jade watched her as she took a drink; tried to ignore how those blue-green eyes still seemed so vibrant even though her dilated pupils betrayed her lack of sobriety, tried to ignore how her nerves still hadn't settled despite the promise she had received.

Tried to ignore how she was no longer sure if she was more nervous about the possibility of Jade ditching her again or the possibility that she wouldn't.


	10. Chapter 10

Apologizing to Nicole was easier than she thought it was going to be. That didn't make it easy, of course, because it definitely wasn't; her roommate was obviously still upset with her, but she had accepted her apology without too much fanfare. Tori was just thankful that Nicole didn't suggest telling Jake the truth because she already knew that, if it was possible, she wasn't ever going to bring it up. She supposed that that should make her feel guilty and it _did_ but it wasn't like she was cheating on him or anything so why bother making a big deal out of it?

Life didn't exactly go back to normal, though.

If it had, Monday's rehearsal would have ended with Tori and Jade hanging out at the ice cream parlor or the Broken Record or maybe Antonio's. They would have gone their separate ways after an hour or two and Tori would have gone back to Sawyer and Nicole would have given her a knowing look but wouldn't have said anything because even though Tori had apologized, they two girls weren't really speaking (Nicole had the courtesy to at least pretend that she was busy, which Tori supposed was better than just straight out ignoring her). The night would have ended with a quick "goodnight" text to Jake, who would have replied back within ten minutes, and Tori would have gone to bed after sending back a kissy-face emoji.

But that didn't happen.

What happened instead was that after rehearsal ended and the two of them walked out of the theater together, they were too busy laughing at the memory of something Andre had done during Junior year to notice that they weren't alone.

"Hey, Tor!"

The laughter faded away as Tori registered that the voice calling her name was her boyfriend's. She turned her head in the direction his voice had come from and saw him waving at her from the theater steps.

"Jake!" She forced herself to mirror the smile on his face as he approached them. "What are you doing here?"

He grinned sheepishly and brought his hand out from behind his back, revealing the pink rose clutched in his hand. "I thought I'd surprise you. I know you've been really busy and everything, and I thought that maybe you could use something beautiful to brighten up your day."

"Aw, that's so sweet!" Tori leaned over to press a kiss against his cheek, stubble rough against her lips."Thank you so much!"

To her left, she heard Jade grumble something under her breath and she remembered that, technically, the two of them hadn't met yet. She stepped away from him and took the rose from his hand before shooting Jade an apologetic look. "Uh, Jake, this is Jade! Jade this is-"

"Jake. Yeah, I figured that much out already, Vega." She nodded towards him, her hands shoved deep into her jacket pockets. "I'd say that it's nice to meet you, but I guess that would imply that we haven't met before, right?"

Tori recognized the edge in Jade's voice and she quickly searched for Jake's hand. She squeezed it tight and hoped that he understood it to be a warning rather than a display of affection. He squeezed back and then, to her surprise, pulled his hand away and stepped towards Jade.

"Well, if I'm being honest, my memory is a little fuzzy these days," he said, holding his hand out in front of him. "And I'm pretty sure we've never been formally introduced. Jade, right? It's nice to meet you."

Jade stared at him for a long moment. Her expression didn't change all that much but Tori could see from the way her brows furrowed and her eyes narrowed that she didn't really know what to make of the situation. That would have normally been enough for Tori to pull Jake out of the way of any potential harm, but she fought back the urge to do so because if the past month had taught her anything, it was that Jade didn't always react that way that she used to.

(God she hoped she was right)

It was another few seconds before Jade finally moved.

"The pleasure is all mine, I'm sure," she said, pulling her right hand out of her pocket. Her hand wrapped around his for the briefest of moments, but Tori could tell from the way Jake's arm tensed that she was exerting as much pressure as possible. Then her hand was back in her pocket and Jake was stepping back and focusing on Tori again.

"Anyway, I thought that maybe you'd want to take a break from everything? Maybe watch some Netflix or something? But if you guys were-"

"We weren't," Jade said. Tori shot her a look over Jake's shoulder, eyebrows raised in surprise at the interruption. Their gaze locked for just a moment, but Tori could see from the look in her eyes that Jade wasn't going to be able to be argued with.

"Are you sure? Because we could always just-" Jake began, but Tori shook her head.

"We were just leaving rehearsal," she said, pulling her attention away from Jade and back to her boyfriend, who, thankfully, seemed almost oblivious to the tension that had settled in the air around them. She took his hand, intertwining their fingers together in a way that she knew should have probably felt more natural by that point. "Don't worry about it."

There was a glimmer of concern in his eyes, but it disappeared when Tori leaned up to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. She lowered herself back down onto her heels and felt a brief spark of relief when he smiled. "Okay then."

Tori squeezed his hand reassuringly, then looked back over at Jade. She noted the lines across her forehead and the way that she was obviously trying to keep herself from scowling, and it did nothing to quell the nerves in Tori's stomach that had begun to act up the second Jake appeared. "Going to walk back with us?" she asked, even though she had a feeling she already knew the answer.

Jade shook her head. "Nope. Got someplace else to be."

Tori shot her a look but quickly wiped it from her face when she saw Jake looking at her curiously. "Okay! Well...I guess I'll see you later, then?"

"Yeah, sure." Jade tilted her head towards Jake in a quick nod. "Nice seeing you, Tori's boyfriend."

"Uh...you too!" Jake said, and Tori caught the smirk on Jade's face before she turned to walk away, though she wasn't completely sure what it meant. But Jade was walking away in the opposite direction and Jake was turning to her with his trademark goofy smile and so she tried to not dwell on its meaning.

"So, Netflix?" he asked, his thumb rubbing circles into the back of her hand. "You can pick what we watch, if you want."

"Even if it's a romcom again?"

She turned just in time to see him roll his eyes, but she knew it was just for show.

"As long as it isn't anything starring Jake Gyllenhaal." He pretended to shudder. "I just can't compete with a Jake that's _that_ attractive."

It was Tori's turn to roll her eyes. "Oh come on, he's not that great. I mean, he's no Chris Evans, you know? Now _there's_ some eye candy, let me tell ya."

"Ha ha," Jake deadpanned. "So funny."

Tori grinned and began walking, pulling him along with her by his hand. "Who said I was joking?"

* * *

"So your friend seems...nice?"

Tori didn't bother to look away from the laptop screen, trying to appear more interested in the on-screen antics of John Belushi than what her boyfriend had said. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." The arm he had thrown over her shoulders tightened, pulling her closer to his chest. "I didn't know she was in the play, though. That must be fun, huh?"

His tone was light, but Tori could hear uncertainty in it all the same, and so she reached out and paused the movie. "Yeah, it's...fun." She twisted in his arms so that she could see him better. "Is something wrong?"

He shook his head. "No, nothing's wrong."

"But...?"

He sighed, and scratched his head with his free hand. "I don't know. I just miss you, I guess."

There was a sadness in his voice that sent a fresh pang of guilt through Tori's chest. "I'm sorry, I've just been.."

"Busy. Yeah, I know." He smiled reassuringly, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "It's okay. We're together right now, and that's all that matters."

He began to reach for the laptop, but Tori reached out and grabbed his wrist before he could hit the space bar. He looked at her, confused. "What's up?"

Tori nodded towards the other side of her room, shutting the lid of the laptop as she did. "Nicole isn't going to be home for a bit. We might as well use this time for something a little more entertaining than Animal House, don't you think?"

"Are you suggesting that the illustrious brothers of Delta Tau Chi are boring?" He shook his head and let out a heavy sigh. "I don't know, Tor, I'm not sure I can continue a relationship with someone who doesn't respect National Lampoon."

She rolled her eyes and pushed him down onto her bed, straddling his hips. "You frat bros are all the same. All you care about is your beer and your toga parties when you _could_ be making out with your girlfriend."

He grinned, and Tori was relieved to see that it seemed genuine. "Well, when you put it like that..."

And then his arms were wrapping around her back and pulling her down and his lips were warm against hers.

He was a gentle kisser, which was something Tori normally appreciated; it was certainly a change from her previous boyfriends, who all had kissed like a jackhammer. But the languid sweeps of his tongue and the way his hands had remained steadfast against her hips without moving, almost like he was afraid to touch her, just served to make her increasingly frustrated.

"Jake?" she murmured against his mouth. He hummed in reply, the stubble on his chin prickling the skin of her cheek as his lips searched for hers'. She leaned back and waited for him to open his eyes. He did after a moment, and she saw worry shining behind them.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his hands immediately dropping from where they had rested on her hips. She swallowed back the groan that had threatened to spill from her lips and fought the urge to grab his hands and put them exactly where she wanted them.

"You can touch me, you know?" she said, emphasizing her point with a heavy hand pressing down onto his stomach. "I won't break."

His eyebrows arched in surprise. "I'm sorry, I just figured that you'd want to take it slow."

"What gave you that idea?" she asked. Her hand slipped under his shirt, fingers skating across smooth muscle that twitched beneath her fingertips.

His eyes darted down towards her hand before quickly returning to meet her gaze. "Well, we haven't exactly gone very far yet..." He inhaled sharply and his eyes shut when she let her nails rake over his stomach. "And uh...I didn't want to assume..."

"Jake?"

He exhaled and opened his eyes. "Yeah?"

"Please just _touch me_."

He didn't have to be told twice.

Before Tori could react, he had hooked his legs around her and rolled them over so that he was atop of her, careful so that they didn't knock into the wall as they rotated positions. Tori's shoulders hit the mattress with an audible thump, and then he was kissing her again. His left hand came down onto the mattress next to her, holding him up so that his right hand could cup her breast through her shirt. He kneaded her through the fabric and she groaned, her hips rising off the bed. Her reaction only served as encouragement, and before she knew it, his lips were on her neck and his hand was beneath her shirt. Her heartbeat fluttered beneath his lips and she raked her fingers down his back and-

"Oh shit!"

Tori's eyes flew open just as quickly as the speed with which Jake withdrew his hand. He rolled off of her, smoothing down his own shirt as Tori scrambled into a seated position.

"Is it safe to re-open my eyes yet?" Nicole asked, her words muffled by the fact that she had her face pressed into the crook of her elbow.

"Sorry, Nic! We kind of got...uh...carried away?" Tori shot a frantic look towards Jake, whose expression seemed caught between wanting to laugh and trying not to blush. "But you're safe now!"

"You do know that there's a time-honored system for these sorts of situations, right?" Nicole asked, her arm dropping back down to her side. "A sock on the handle, Tori, come on!"

"Oh come on, it wasn't _that_ bad," Tori said, and Nicole shot her a look. "At least we were still clothed!"

"Just barely!" Nicole finally moved, letting the door shut behind her as she moved over to her side of the room.

"Well now you're acting like I've never come home to find you and a guy before." Tori waited for the blush to creep up on Nicole's cheeks before continuing. "I mean, this pales in comparison to the time I walked in to find you and that guy from Omega Phi Be-"

"Okay, fine! Fine!" Nicole dropped her backpack down onto the ground before flopping down into her desk chair. "Truce!"

"Well now I kinda want to hear the rest of that story," Jake piped up, and Tori felt his his hand rest on her lower back, thumb rubbing a reassuring circle into her skin. "I mean, I do know a lot of the brothers over at that house, after all."

"Jake, if you don't shut up, I swear to god, I will tell your entire house that you actually enjoy those romcoms that Tori makes you watch."

"Hey! I'll have you know that we were watching something other than a romcom this time!" Tori protested.

"Definitely not the point right now, Tori!"

"Fiiiiine," Jake whined. He leaned down so that his lips were close to Tori's ear. "You'll tell me later, right?" he stage-whispered.

"Duh."

Nicole glared at her roommate, and Tori honestly couldn't tell if it was genuine or not. "Tori Vega, I know where you sleep."

"Well, yeah, I sure hope you do," Tori replied. "Considering we live _in the same room._ "

Nicole's eyes narrowed even more, and Tori just grinned despite the fact that she was pretty sure Nicole wasn't necessarily joking around. "Better think of some better threats if you actually want to scare me, Nic."

"I can think of a few," Nicole muttered, and the muscles in Tori's shoulders immediately tensed at the insinuation hiding behind her roommate's words. It seemed that Nicole might have also realized that she might have gone too far, her eyes widening at her own words even as they left her mouth.

The tension in the air was thick but Jake didn't seem to notice that the reason for it had changed, which Tori was incredibly thankful for. After a few silent seconds, he cleared his throat and scooted a few more inches away from his girlfriend."So anyway...Nic, got any interest in finishing Animal House with us? We still have a good chunk of it left."

Nicole maintained her gaze for another moment, only looking away after it became apparent that Tori refused to. "Nah, I'm good. I honestly only came back here to grab my physics textbook." She rose from her chair and made a show of searching for the book. "Here it is!" She pulled it out from her drawer and put it in the backpack that she then slung over her shoulder. "You kids have fun. Make good choices, be safe, wear a rubber, all that happy crappy."

"We're not..." Tori began, but then she shook her head. "Okay. Good luck with your studying."

Nicole made a noise of acknowledgment. "I'll see you later, guys. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"Doesn't cross out a lot of things!" Tori replied, the banter sounding almost foreign to her ears, and Nicole just waved as she exited the room again, being sure to close the door tight behind her.

"So..." Jake drawled, his breath tickling Tori's ear. "That was awkward."

Tori almost asked him if he was referring to the fact that they had gotten walked in on or the fact that the entire exchange between her and her roommate had been so strained that it could have imploded at any minute, but decided against it. "Yeah, it sure was, wasn't it?"

"Think it's safe to actually...you know..."

She turned her head and shot him an incredulous look. "Seriously?"

He shrugged. "Well, she _did_ basically give us permission, so."

"I wasn't aware I needed it," Tori said, realizing too late that she sounded way more bitter than the situation called for.

Jake frowned, and he shifted so he was facing her. "Tor? Babe? Is something wrong?"

_Well, other than the fact that I've spent the last month lying to you and I feel bad about it and also that back and forth between Nic and I was the first time we've said two words to each other in days and also I've been hanging out with someone who used to literally hate me? Nope, nothing's wrong_

The words were on the tip of her tongue, but she choked them back down with a smile and a shake of her head. "No, just...you know. Wish we hadn't gotten interrupted, that's all."

"Are you sure?" He cupped the side of her face with his hand, his thumb gently brushing against her jawline. "You know you can talk to me, right?"

She nodded and leaned into his palm. "Yeah, I know. It's nothing, really. Just...girl stuff."

A single eyebrow raised as he gave her a questioning look. "Girl stuff."

"Yeah?"

"Is that just a fancy way of saying that you're on your period and didn't want to tell me, because seriously, that's not as big of a concern as-"

She wrinkled her nose and shook her head. "Oh my god, _no!_ "

"Okay, okay! Just wanted to make sure!"

She rolled her eyes and pulled him in for a kiss that she had intended to be brief. But then his hand came to rest on the back of her neck and her hand started to wander up his shirt, and she decided to say fuck it.

She pulled her mouth away from his and leaned in closer so that her lips hovered near his ear. "You _did_ bring protection, right?"

He froze, muscles tensing beneath her touch. "Wait, are you serious?"

"I am."

He leaned back and met her gaze, searching for any indication of hesitation in her eyes. When he found none, he let the barest of grins form on his lips. "I mean, I tend to keep a Trojan in my wallet."

Her eyes widened and she shook her head. "Wait, no, our health teacher _stressed_ to us that you should never use one that's been-" She stopped mid-sentence when his shoulders started shaking with barely-held-in laughter. "What's so funny, Freeman?"

Jake leaned in and pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth. It started chaste, but Tori turned her head at the last second and caught his lips with her own before he could pull away again. He hummed in surprise, but when she tried to deepen the kiss, he leaned back and shot her that crooked grin that had charmed her from the start. "Babe, I was required to take health class, too. I know not to keep a condom in there."

"Oh?" She shifted her position so that she wasn't quite so close to him, giving him the space to move off the bed if he chose to. "So where _do_ you keep it?"

His grin grew sly as he slid off of the bed and walked over to Tori's desk, where his jacket was thrown haphazardly over the back of the chair. He picked it up and unbuttoned it's breast pocket before he reached in and pulled out a recognizable metallic square. He held it up to her. "Always be prepared, right?"

"Oh, so you're a boy scout now?"

"Eagle scout, baby." He set his jacket back down and started to walk back towards the bed. Tori shook her head and held up a hand to stop him. "What's wrong?"

She nodded towards the door. "Can you just...go make sure that it's locked? And fully closed? I really don't want a repeat of earlier."

He grimaced. "Oh, good call...wouldn't want Nicole to see how hairy my back is, or anything."

"Your back _isn't_ hairy," Tori said, but her tone was almost questioning and it made Jake laugh as he walked over to the door.

"You're right, I'm sorry." He pushed on the door to make sure it was fully latched. "I must have been thinking about _your_ back."

He turned around just in time to catch the pillow that Tori tossed at his head. "Hey!"

"You're not funny." She crossed her arms and shot him a withering glare. "My back isn't hairy."

His grin widened as he tossed the pillow back onto her bed. "It isn't? I think I might need to see that for myself, just to make sure."

Tori rolled her eyes. "You just want to see me without a shirt on."

"That's definitely a bonus, yeah." He walked back over to the bed and jumped up onto it, causing a symphony of creaking and squeaking as the mattress adjusted to the change in weight. "Wow, that's...loud." He turned towards her with that same grin and a hint of mischief twinkling in his eyes. "Your neighbors might get a bit of a concert, you know."

Tori felt her cheeks burn red and she shoved his shoulder playfully. "You're not funny."

"I'm hilarious, baby." He leaned in and kissed her again only for a moment before he pulled back and met her gaze, his own having turned serious. "Are you sure that you want to do this? I'm okay if you just want to finish the movie."

"Is that your way of saying that you'd rather see a bunch of girls in togas instead of seeing your girlfriend naked?"

His features softened and the smile crept back onto his face. "No, it's my way of making sure my girlfriend actually wants to have sex with me. You know, consent? That other really important thing we learned about in health class?"

Tori felt her heart swell at his words and she kissed him again. "You're too good for this world, Jake Freeman," she murmured, and she felt him smile against her lips.

"I think that the bar might be set a little low if caring about consent is all it takes for you to say that," he murmured back.

She sat back and cupped his cheek with her hand. His stubble was rough underneath her palm, but she didn't mind. "That's not all it took."

"No?"

She shook her head. "No. You have plenty of other good qualities, too." She moved her hand up so that her thumb rubbed circles near his temple. "Like the fact that your eyes are the color of a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?" he repeated in a bemused tone, and she nodded.

"Yeah. Every time I look into them, I feel like I'm lost in a forest, high up in the mountains." Her hand dropped down to the hem of his shirt before he had the chance to make a joke about her comment. She began to lift his shirt up, and he lifted his arms so that she could pull it off completely. She dropped it onto the floor before bringing her hand back to rest against his abdomen. Her fingers danced over his stomach and she could feel the muscles twitch underneath her touch again. "Work out much?" she joked, and he laughed.

"Gotta look good for my girl, you know?"

"Mhm," she hummed, trailing her fingers up the length of his torso. "You've definitely succeeded." She leaned forward and pressed her lips against his collarbone, relishing in the shaky exhale she heard him release. "You're also just _ridiculously_ kind, and sweet, and thoughtful," she said when she leaned back to look at him.

"Jeez, if I knew that bringing you a rose would cause you to give me all these compliments, I would have done it _ages_ ago," he said, and Tori rolled her eyes.

"It's not just the rose, dummy." She glanced towards her dresser, where the rose sat in a water bottle because she hadn't had a vase. "Though it definitely doesn't hurt."

"Baby?" he said, and she brought her gaze back to him. "I have two confessions."

Her heart sank, but she tried to keep it from showing. "Yeah?"

"I..." he paused and glanced down with a frown."I lied."

"What?"

He waited for a moment before looking back up at her, a smirk forming on his face. "I was never an eagle scout."

"You..." the words took a moment to register. "You wazzbag!"

"I'm sorry! I thought it would impress you!"

She sat back again, and rubbed her temples for a moment before she looked back at him. "I thought you were going to say something serious!"

"It is serious!"

"No it's..." she paused and shot him a look. "Wait, you said you had two confessions. What's the second?"

"It's more like three, actually." He sat up straighter and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I really like you."

"Well, duh! I hope you would, considering we're about to have sex!"

He tilted his head and shrugged. "You make a good point there." His eyes met hers again and she saw the seriousness behind them. "But I'm not joking. You make me really happy, Tor."

"Oh," she breathed, and her body surged with the warmth of her realization that he wasn't joking. Not at all.

"Yeah," he replied. His hand reached out for hers and she let him take it, his skin warm against hers.

She leaned forward and caught his lips in a searing kiss. His hand dropped from her shoulder and came to rest on her hip, and she let him guide her down onto her back, her own hand coming up so that she could grip the hair at the base of his neck.

His lips left hers so that they could pepper small open-mouthed kisses against her neck. A breathy moan escaped her lips as he sucked gently at her pulse point. "Fuck," she breathed, and she felt him laugh against her. "Jake, wait."

Jake immediately pulled away from her and put a reasonable distance between them. "What's wrong?"

Her heart melted again, this time because of how considerate he was. "You never told me what your third confession was."

She watched as the concern shining in his eyes gave way to surprise, then understanding. "You ass, I thought I had done something wrong!"

"Hey! Don't call your girlfriend an ass! That's not proper boyfriend etiquette!"

"My girlfriend just gave me a mini heart attack, I think I'm justified!"

Tori pulled his head back down so that she could kiss him again before resting her cheek against his. "Sorry. But seriously, what was the third?"

He waited a while to respond, choosing instead to first kiss her again, and again, and again. When she properly breathless, he leaned back and flashed her a beaming smile, that familiar playful twinkle in his eyes.

"I think that you'd look really hot in a toga, " he said, and she stared at him for a long moment before she rolled her eyes and grabbed him by the beltloops so that she could pull them together again.

* * *

Tori Vega wasn't a virgin.

A shocker, she knew. Honestly, she wasn't sure why everyone seemed to think that she was. Her friends from Hollywood Arts had made jokes about it all the time (Jade being the worst of them all, of course), and she had never bothered to correct them, but it wasn't true. For fuck's sake, she had lost her virginity (which she knew was a social construct now that she had taken sociology thank you very much) in the backseat of Ryder Daniels' car back in sophomore year. She supposed that she probably just exuded some sort of vibe that screamed "sweet and innocent flower" and she never really bothered to correct anyone about it.

But she wasn't one. And Jake didn't assume that she was.

They tried hard to keep the bed from creaking, but after a certain point they both stopped caring. Tori would say that it was around the time that Jake's head disappeared between her thighs. Jake would say that it was around the time when he tore open the wrapper of the condom.

("Why the hell did you buy one that was neon green?!" Tori exclaimed, and he grinned as he slid it on.

"Luke's lightsaber is this color!" he replied, and Tori honestly couldn't fault him there)

And it was good. It was really, really good.

Jake didn't stay long after it was over, since they were both all-too-aware that Nicole was bound to return at any moment and they had already used up their daily quota of awkward roommate experiences. He asked if Tori wanted to come with him and sleep over in his room at the Zeta house but she quickly turned him down, just like they both knew she would. She was fairly certain that he didn't take it personally; after all, their interaction with Jade earlier had provided a stark reminder of what had happened the last time Tori had been at that house.

So he left, and Tori found herself alone.

She stripped the sheets from her bed and stuffed them down deep into her laundry bag before quickly replacing them with a similar-colored set that she hoped Nicole wouldn't recognize as being different. Not that it really mattered, of course, but she didn't feel like having to deal with any sort of judgmental looks from her roommate. Then, she threw on her robe and flip-flops and went to take a shower with the hope that when she finished, she would still have the room to herself.

That had been too much to hope for, though, as she immediately discovered when she came back to her room to find that the door was cracked open and Nicole was sitting on her bed.

"Hey," Tori greeted. To her surprise, Nicole looked up from the textbook resting on her knees.

"Hey."

"How did studying go?" Tori asked, closing the door behind her. She walked over to her dresser and pulled open the top drawer, pulling out a pair of shorts that she then slipped on underneath her robe.

"Fine, I guess."

Tori glanced back over her shoulder to see that Nicole had looked back down at her textbook. "Yeah?" She untied her robe and quickly pulled on a shirt. "Are you covering anything difficult or-"

"You don't have to pretend that you give a damn about what I'm learning about in my physics class, Tori."

Tori turned around, setting her robe down on her bed. "Pardon?'

Nicole didn't look up at her. "We both know that you don't actually care, so please just stop pretending."

A familiar anger began to burn in Tori's chest. "Nicole, I'm not pretending to care. I'm also not looking for a fight, which I think _you_ are, so unless you have an actual point to make, I'm going to get ready for bed."

Nicole finally looked up, and Tori was surprised to see that the emotion in her roommate's eyes wasn't anger. If anything, Nicole just looked _sad_. "I don't want to fight with you."

Tori leaned back against the edge of her bed and crossed her arms. "Then what _do_ you want, Nic? Because I've already apologized for not telling you that I was hanging out with Jade, and I apologized for lying about where I had been going, and I seriously don't know what more you want from me."

"I want my friend back."

Nicole's voice was hardly above a whisper, but her words carried a weight that settled heavily onto Tori's chest.

"What?" she asked, and Nicole sighed and set her book aside.

"Tori, when was the last time that you and I actually did anything with each other? Like, other than exist in the same room?

"Uh..."

Nicole waited for her to be silent for a few more seconds before continuing. "We got dinner together the night before your first Hamlet rehearsal. A month ago."

"That can't be..." Nicole just stared at her and Tori felt her heart sink as she realized that she couldn't actually think of a single instance where she and Nicole had hung out since then. "Oh."

"I get that like, you and Jade are friends now? Or something? But you didn't only cut Jake out in order to achieve that. You cut me out, too."

"I didn't..." Tori stopped herself and considered her words more carefully. "Nic, I didn't mean to do that. I guess I just got caught up in actually having Jade back in my life, and I didn't really think about-"

"The collateral damage?"

Tori looked up at her, guilt written across her face. "I was going to say how it would affect my other friendships and relationships, actually."

"Yeah, well." Nicole looked away from her, and Tori noticed that her hands had become fisted in the comforter beneath her. "It's been kinda lonely."

Tori stepped forward hesitantly and held out a hand, hoping Nicole would take it. "I'm sorry."

Nicole glanced up at her outstretched hand before she sighed and took it, allowing Tori to help her hop off of her bed. "I'm sorry, too. I probably should have said something way before now, but...I thought you were with Jake. I didn't want to fuck up your relationship by sounding needy."

Tori pulled her roommate into a tight hug, relieved when she felt Nicole's arms wrap around her back just as tightly. "You wouldn't have fucked up my relationship! You're like, my best friend. Any boy who wouldn't be able to deal with that can just go wazz off."

She felt Nicole laugh against her shoulder. "I missed you, Tor."

"I missed you too. And I'm sorry."

Nicole pulled away and wiped at her eyes. "Stop apologizing. We both just...need to learn how to communicate. _Speaking of which..._ girl! How the heck did you and Jade start being friends again? I want all the details!" She paused and flashed a mischievous grin towards her roommate. "Oh, and I wanna hear _all_ about how good Jake is in bed."

The heaviness that Tori had felt on her chest for so long began to lift, and she felt herself start to grin as well, despite the blush that spread across her cheeks. "How did-"

"Tor! You two were practically humping when I walked in earlier!"

"Oh. That's a good point."

Nicole rolled her eyes and hopped onto her bed, patting the space next to her. "Come on, get your little butt up here. I've got a bottle of pinot that we can crack open and a couple of hours before we gotta get up for class, and we've got a lot to catch up on."

Tori turned around and grabbed her robe off her bed. "Okay! Just let me hang this up, and we can get to business."

She heard Nicole make a noise of acknowledgment behind her as she turned to hang the robe up on her door. Out of the corner of her eye she caught sight of the rose that Jake had brought her. The water bottle wasn't exactly the fanciest of vases, but the rose itself was beautiful and when she turned back to to Nicole, it was with a smile that felt genuine and a heart that felt light.

* * *

Her good mood didn't seem to extend to her sleep, though, and she awoke in the middle of another nightmare, drenched in a cold sweat with her heart thudding erratically in her chest.

She tried to close her eyes and think of happy things. Jake. The rose sitting on her dresser. Puppies.

But it didn't work, and the only thing she saw behind her eyelids were the images of Jade being dragged away by rough hands, and she didn't sleep again.


	11. Chapter 11

"So...how was your night with tall, pale, and gangly?"

Tori looked up from the script she had been trying to memorize to find Jade leaning over the back of the seats in front of her. "What?"

"You ditched me for your boyfriend, remember?" Jade sat down, shifting so that she was looking over her shoulder at Tori. "Just wanted to know if you had a good night, is all."

"Oh?" Tori looked down at her script again, cognizant of the way her cheeks had started to burn. "Yeah, we had a good time. Watched a movie."

"Is that all?" Jade's voice was light and playful, but the implication behind her words was there all the same and it made Tori's stomach twist even though she knew there was no reason for it to do so.

"Yeah," she replied. She waited a moment before lifting her gaze, unsurprised by the incredulous look on Jade's face. "Can I help you?"

"There's no way that you guys only watched a movie," Jade said. "I mean, the man brought you a _rose_."

"Yeah, so what?" Tori gripped her script a little tighter, hoping Jade wouldn't notice. "That doesn't mean anything, other than that he's a really sweet guy."

Jade fell silent for a moment as she studied Tori carefully. "You guys totally had sex, didn't you?"

Tori glared up at her and wished that she looked more threatening than she knew she did. "What is with my friends and feeling the need to ask inane questions about my sex life?"

"So you _did_ have sex with him!" Jade twisted more fully, kneeling on the chair so that she could look directly at her. "Color me impressed, Vega. You decide to not skip out on him for once and you get laid!"

"Would you please just...stop?" Tori said, casting her eyes back down to the script on her lap. "I have things to do, and the last thing I need is for you to spend the few minutes I have before rehearsal starts making fun of me when I need to be memorizing my lines."

"I wasn't going to-" Jade held her hands in front of her when Tori's eyes shot up accusingly. "I wasn't! I seriously just wanted to see how your night went. You know. Since you ditched me and everything."

"Yeah, well, I think that ditching you for a single night kinda pales in comparison to being ignored for six months, so."

Jade's eyes widened for only a moment before they narrowed and Tori realized what words had actually come out of her mouth. "Oh my god, Jade, I didn't-" She reached out and grabbed Jade's wrist before she had the chance to walk away. "I'm sorry. It slipped out."

"Going to be bitter about that forever, Vega?" 

Tori winced. "No, I just...I'm sorry. I didn't sleep well, and I haven't gotten these lines figured out, and-" _And I'm still not used to you being nice to me_ , she thought, but she chose to let her sentence fade instead of letting those words and the emotions that they had brought to the surface escape past her lips.

Jade glanced down at the hand on her wrist before returning her gaze back to Tori's. There was something in her eyes that Tori couldn't read, and for a brief moment she feared that she _had_ completed the sentence in her head. But then that unreadable expression was gone and Jade pulled her wrist away. "Why didn't you sleep?"

The same images that Tori had spent all day trying to banish from her memory came roaring back into view in her mind, and she felt herself go pale. She cleared her throat and tried to appear calm. "Uh...just some bad dreams, I guess."

"Oh?" Jade sat back down, her body still contorted so that she could see the woman behind her. "What about?"

_You,_ Tori thought.

"I can't remember," Tori lied.

Jade's eyes narrowed again, but in them Tori could see what she thought was concern. "Are you-"

Just as she began to speak, the doors at the top of the atrium flew open and banged against the wall, causing Tori to jump in her seat. She thought she saw Jade flinch too, but the other woman played it off as coolly as she could.

"Who's ready to commit some casual parricide today?" Professor Walker shouted as he entered the theater, arms held high above his head.

"I am, sir!" Jade called back, and Walker clapped his hands as he began to descend the stairs towards the stage.

"Excellent! Miss Vega, are you ready to go as well?"

Tori ignored the look Jade shot her and nodded. "Ready, sir!"

"Great! Seems like we're still waiting on the majority of our cast, so why don't we start with the soliloquy and go from there, hmm?" Walker reached the end of the stairs and made his way to the center of the first row of seats; sitting, Tori observed with a sick twist of her gut, in the same seat she had found Jade in after-

"Vega."

She blinked, noticing Jade's hand waving in front of her face. "Yeah?"

Jade looked at her strangely, the concern Tori had seen earlier in her gaze still ever-present. "You kinda phased out there for a second." She held out her hand, stretching over the seats so she could reach. "Come on, we're supposed to be on stage."

Tori stared at her hand for a second, then took it and allowed Jade to pull her to her feet before she quickly released her grip. "Yeah, okay. Let's go."

She tried not to focus on how warm Jade's hand had been in hers.

* * *

Getting only a few hours of sleep proved to be her downfall.

It was still early enough in the rehearsal schedule that she could get away with a few flubbed line deliveries, but she could practically _feel_ the smirk that Jade threw at her back when she had to look down at her script for a third time during the same scene. And it was stupid, she knew, because Professor Walker didn't seem to even notice, but Jade _did._

Jade always did.

By the time Walker called for the end of rehearsal, Tori was so eager to get back to Sawyer that she had to keep herself from sprinting out of the theater. She kept it together, though, and tried to seem as calm and collected as possible as she walked over to the seat she had placed her backpack on earlier.

"Vega!"

She sighed and turned to see Jade walking towards her. "Yeah, West?"

Jade's eyebrow arched at the use of her last name, but she didn't comment on it. "I just wanted to say that if you want help running your lines outside of rehearsal, I can help. I mean, it's probably a better use of our time than just shooting the shit over coffee or whatever."

Tori felt her heart sink, but tried not to let it show in her expression. "What, you don't like shooting the shit over coffee anymore?"

"What? That's not-" Jade shook her head and sighed. "Jesus, Vega. That's not what I said. I just...look, I'm trying to be nice and offer to help you if you want it. I know you have like, a super busy major, and I don't want you to burn out. Besides, I could use someone to run them with, too, considering I have like, a million fucking lines. But if you don't want to, that's-"

"I want to!" Tori interrupted, and Jade smirked.

"Eager, much?"

"Shut up." Tori turned away so she could pick up her backpack and swing it over her shoulder. "When do you want to meet up to do that, then?"

"I mean, I'm free now."

Tori turned back to face her, knowing full well that her expression would give away her displeasure before her words could. "Jade, I..."

The smirk grew. "Vega, I'm joking. I know you're tired."

"Gank."

Jade shrugged. "Maybe. Seriously though, I'm free tomorrow after 5."

Tori tried to pull up her schedule in her head. "Uh..."

"Tomorrow's Thursday, if that helps."

"I know what day it is!" she snapped back, which was a complete and total lie. "I think I'm free too."

"Great. So we can meet here and..." Jade's words trailed off as she caught the look on Tori's face shift. "What?"

"I'm having dinner with Nic at 5."

"So? We can just meet up later."

Tori considered her options briefly, then shook her head. "Come have dinner with us."

She was met with a familiar brow arch. "Pardon?"

"You heard me. Come have dinner with Nic and I. It'll be fun."

( _I hope_ , her mind added, but she tried hard to ignore that)

Jade considered it for a few seconds, then shrugged. "Okay."

It was Tori's turn to have her eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "Seriously?"

"Do you not want me to come or something? Kinda getting mixed signals now, Vega."

"No! I want you to, I just...expected you to give me more hassle, I guess."

Jade's smirk grew as she turned away. "See you at dinner, Vega."

"Uh...yeah, okay. See you then!"

Jade waved goodbye over her shoulder. And then she was gone, and Tori was left standing in an empty theater with whirling thoughts and the hope that Nicole wouldn't mind that she had invited Jade along.

* * *

Tori had no idea what to expect out of dinner.

Well, that was a bit of a lie. Hearst's dining center made sure to post the daily menu like, a week in advance, so she knew that they would be serving barbecue ribs and corn on the cob and cornbread, and she knew that the food would be abysmal at best, and she knew that she and Nicole would sit in the same booth that they tried to claim every time that they ate together.

But she didn't know what Nicole and Jade would do once they were in each other's company. She supposed that civility was all she could hope for, really.

The only thing that she was certain of was that it was going to be really, really awkward.

And it _was._ But not for the reasons she had anticipated.

"And that's when she pulled the shrimp out of her bra!"

Tori groaned and crossed her arms on the table, hiding her head between them. "Oh my _god_."

She felt a hand on her shoulder, but she didn't budge. "Come on, Tor, lighten up! This is hilarious!"

She lifted her head and shot Nicole a scathing look. "Maybe to _you."_

"Wanna hear how I got the shrimp in there to begin with?" Jade asked, and Tori blanched as Nicole began to enthusiastically nod.

"Jadelyn West, I swear to god, if you don't shut up I'm going to tell Nic how Prome _ended_."

Jade's eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't dare."

Tori lips curled up in a daring smirk. "Try me."

"Vega, if you even _think_ about bringing that up, I'll take my scissors and lodge them so far up your-"

"Guys! Hey!" Nicole leaned over and held her hands up in front of both of their faces. "No fighting!"

"She started it," Jade muttered, and Tori had to fight the urge to launch herself over the table.

"Did not!"

Nicole shook her head and sat back down. "For two people who have reportedly moved past their issues, you guys sure are aggressive, you know that?"

Tori caught the way Jade's eyes darted towards Nicole in surprise, and she realized that she hadn't really told Jade everything that Nicole knew about their past history. "I..."

"Just because I don't currently _hate_ Vega doesn't mean I can't drive her absolutely insane," Jade said, cutting Tori off, which she was appreciative of because she had no idea what she was going to say. "But you're right, Nic." She waited a beat before flashing her trademark shit-eating smirk. "Maybe we should start sharing stories about _you_."

"Oooo I definitely have a few I could share," Tori chimed in, utterly relieved. "Like that time I walked in on her and an Omega Phi... _ouch!_ " She turned and glared at her roommate, whose elbow had just slammed painfully into her ribs. "Dude!"

Nicole gave her a "who, me?" shrug and turned back to Jade. "Anyway, enough about me. I hear you two have big plans for the rest of the night?"

"Not really. Just gonna run some lines so Vega can get a hang of them," Jade answered. She glanced down at her tray and wrinkled her nose in disgust as she picked a green-tinged rib off of her plate. "What animal do you think this actually came from?"

"Not one from this planet, I'd assume," Nicole replied, turning to Tori. "You know, I've offered to run lines with you before, but you didn't take me up on it."

"That's not true. I had you run lines with me before my audition, remember? You kept stopping to ask who the characters were and why Hamlet couldn't just, and I quote, "stop being a little bitch and stab his dad in the dick.""

Jade tilted her head and considered Tori's words, nodding approvingly while Nicole shrugged. "And I stand by that."

"The point is that I think that maybe the trained actor might be a better person to run lines with than a physics major. Might be less likely to ad-lib, you know?"

"Oooo that sounds like a bit of an insult, Nic," Jade teased, and Tori groaned when she saw the sly grin on Nicole's face.

"Jade's right, that _was_ an insult." Nicole glanced down at the tray sitting in front of Tori and pointed at the mysterious gray sauce that had come with the cornbread. "I'll accept my apology in the form of retribution. Eat the sauce, Tori."

"No."

"Come on, Tori, eat the sauce!" Jade chimed in, her voice pitched high into the Sweet Sally Peaches persona that Tori _certainly_ hadn't missed hearing. "It's the least you can do after throwing such a heinous insult."

"It wasn't an insult! And I'm not eating that!"

"Fine," Nicole said. She leaned against the back of the booth and crossed her arms. "Guess I'll just suffer with the knowledge that my dear, dear friend thinks so poorly of me."

Tori shot Jade a scathing look. "This is your fault, you know."

"Who, me?" Jade held a hand over her heart with a frown. "It's not my fault that you're so mean to your poor roommate."

"Yeah, it's not _her_ fault," Nicole added, and Tori threw her hands up in exasperation.

"That's it! I'm done!" She grabbed her tray and started to scoot out of the booth. "You guys are literally the _worst._ "

She was about to completely slide out of the booth when she realized there was someone standing next to her.

"Does that include me?" Jake asked, throwing in a bit of a pout for good measure.

"Oh my _god_ ," Tori groaned, and she heard both Nicole and Jade snicker.

"Hiiii Jake!" Nicole greeted in a sing-song voice. Tori jabbed at her with her elbow but Nicole just swatted her arm away. "What are you doing in this neck of the woods?"

"Well, I was on my way to family dinner with the other Zetas in my family line, but then I saw this cute little lady and figured I'd stop by to say hello." He looked down at Tori and flashed her his slightly-crooked smile. "Hey, Sweetheart."

Tori looked up at her boyfriend with pleading eyes and took his hand in both of hers. "They're torturing me."

"Oh? That doesn't sound very nice." He glanced up and threw a wink in Nicole's direction before noticing Jade. "Hi! Jade, right? Do you mind if I sit next to you for a moment?"

"Uh," Jade began, and Tori almost started laughing at the uneasiness in her tone. "I guess?"

"Great!" Jake pulled his hand out of Tori's and waited for Jade to scoot over so he had enough room to slide in next to her. "Sorry, I know these booths are kinda tiny. I usually take up one side all by myself."

Tori didn't bother to hide the smirk that grew on her face as she watched Jade press herself against the wall as closely as she could manage without it seeming obvious. "Yeah, they're uh...really small, huh." She caught Tori's smirk and narrowed her eyes. Tori chose to ignore the threat in her gaze, though, and looked back at her boyfriend instead.

"I thought family dinner was on Sundays?"

"It normally is, but we had to reschedule this week on account of Davey having some kind of recital on Sunday." He reached out and grabbed an untouched rib off of Tori's tray, giving it a once-over before shrugging and eating it. All three women stared at him as he chewed, their facial expressions ranging from aghast (Nicole) to concerned (Tori) to mildly enthusiastic (Jade). He swallowed and looked at them with a quirked eyebrow. "What? Do I have barbecue sauce on my face or something?"

"How in the hell did you just _eat_ that?" Nicole asked, the disgust was evident in her voice. Jake just looked at the rib and shrugged again.

"I've been eating this crap for almost two years now. Gotta build up an immunity, girls, or else you'll starve." He set the rib down and glanced at his watch. "Speaking of which, I really should get going before the brothers come find me."

"No, don't leave me alone with them again!" Tori exclaimed, but it was too late. Jake had already slid back out of the booth.

"You'll be fine, babe," he promised as he leaned down to press a kiss to her cheek. She turned her head at the last second so that her lips caught the corner of his mouth, and she felt him smile.

"Gross," she heard Jade say, followed by a murmur of agreement from Nicole. She jabbed at her roommate with her elbow again and thought about tapping Jade with her foot underneath the table, but then Jake was pulling away and the moment was gone.

"You guys be nice to my girl," he said in a mockingly-stern voice with his hands on his hips. He looked pointedly at Nicole. "Especially you, Turner."

"Me?" Nicole clutched her chest with one hand. "I can't believe you would think I would _ever_ be anything but nice to Tori."

He cocked an eyebrow. "Uh huh."

"Get outta here, Freeman," she said, reaching over Tori to push him away. He backed up with a grin.

"Fine, fine, I'm leaving." He nodded in Jade's direction. "Good seeing you again, Jade. Thanks for sharing your seat with me."

"No problem," she replied, and Tori couldn't help but shoot her a quizzical look. Hearing anything other than sarcasm from Jade West was never _not_ going to be a surprise, she was pretty sure.

"All right, I'll see you guys around," Jake said, throwing them a wave before he turned around and headed off in the direction of a long table occupied by a bunch of guys in Zeta letters. Tori watched as they greeted her boyfriend with a whoop and a clap on the back. She cringed and turned away, forcing a neutral expression in the hopes that no one saw her discomfort.

( _"Just because they belong to the same fraternity doesn't mean they're friends"_ she had said to Jade that night by the creek, and she found herself hoping again that she hadn't been wrong)

"He's such a sweetie, isn't he, Jade?" Nicole remarked, and Tori realized Nicole hadn't seen her cringe, and she thanked her lucky stars because _that_ wasn't a conversation she wanted to have. Ever.

"Yeah, he's something else," Jade replied. There was something in her tone that caused Tori to pause; something hesitant and questioning hidden behind the neutral cadence of her voice that was reflected in her eyes when Tori met her gaze.

Nicole might have missed her cringe, but from the way that she was looking at her, Jade sure as hell didn't.

* * *

"No, no, no! Your next line is "tis in my memory lock'd, and you yourself shall keep key of it" _not_ "so please you"!" Jade shook her head, and Tori winced at the frustration written on her face. "You've jumped ahead again, Vega."

"Shit, okay," Tori said, backing up so that she was back in her starting position. "Sorry, I guess I just got mixed up. It won't happen again."

"We both know that's bullshit, so don't make promises you can't keep," Jade snapped, shaking her script in Tori's direction. "Just...just start again, after Laertes says "but let me hear from you."

Tori nodded, glancing down at her script for just a moment before launching back into the scene. "Do you doubt that?"

"For Hamlet and the trifling of his favor, hold it a fashion and a toy in blood," Jade began, reading from her script. "A violet in the youth of primy nature, forward, not permanent." She paused, eyes scanning over the next few words. "Sweet, not lasting, the perfume and suppliance of a minute. No more."

"No more but so?"

There was another pause, this one longer. Then: "Do you need me to go through all of Laertes' lines or would the end few suffice?"

The question surprised her, but she tried not to let it show. "Uh...I guess the end few are fine?"

Jade nodded and flipped to the next page. "Be wary then, best safety lies in fear, youth to itself rebels, though none else near."

"I shall the effect of this good lesson keep," Tori said, walking over to Jade as she spoke. She took her hand between hers, being careful not to crumple their scripts too badly. "As watchman to my heart. But-"

"You don't like your boyfriend's friends."

"Good my- sorry, what?"

Jade looked down at their loosely clasped hands for a moment before pulling away. "I said, you don't like your boyfriend's friends."

"I don't see what that has to do with anything..."

"Am I right, though?"

Tori shot her a look even though she knew it lacked any sort of fire behind it. "Jade, I came here to run lines, not to dissect my relationship."

"Don't see the problem with doing both," Jade shot back. "It's not like you have that many lines to memorize, anyway."

Tori stared at her for another moment before turning away and letting her script fall from her hand. "But, good my brother, do not, as some ungracious pastors do, show me the steep and thorny way to heaven, whiles, like a puff'd and reckless libertine, himself the primrose of dalliance treads and recks not his own rede."

"Trying to show off now or was that an actual dig towards me and _my_ previous relationship?"

"I don't see the problem with it being both," Tori snapped.

Jade didn't respond, and after about thirty seconds of silence, Tori turned around to find that the other woman was staring at her with an expression that wasn't _quite_ anger.

(but it was something certainly _close_ to it)

"Jade, I-"

"Do you understand how hard I'm _trying_ , Tori?" Jade asked in a quiet voice.

The use of her first name was enough to make her immediately regret her anger. "What?"

Jade looked at her for a long moment, her expression unreadable. Then her gaze fell away and she sighed. "Nothing. Look, you obviously have this section memorized, so let's just move on to the soliloquy or something so we can call it a night."

Tori stared at her. "You don't get to just drop something like that on me and then not expect to explain what the hell you meant, West."

"Oh, you're going to get all high and mighty because _I_ won't explain myself, when you literally refuse to answer a simple question about whether or not you like your boyfriend's friends?"

Tori pushed her glasses down so she could properly pinch the bridge of her nose. "Jesus Christ...fine!" She dropped her hand and brought up both of her arms in front of her in an exasperated gesture. "I can't _stand_ his friends! Are you happy now?"

Jade's gaze was cool as she considered her. "What's wrong with his friends?"

"Nothing," Tori answered, but her response had been too quick and she would have known it even if Jade's eyebrow hadn't arched.

"Then why don't you like them?" she asked, and Tori groaned before deciding to just sit down on the stage since it was obvious that they weren't going to actually get anything done.

"I don't even _know_ them!"

She heard Jade move closer towards her. "That doesn't exactly help your position, Vega."

"So what? I don't want to talk about this anyway."

Tori couldn't see Jade's expression, but she heard the creak of the wooden floor as the other woman sat down a few feet away from her. "You know that you don't have to be angry at an entire fraternity on my behalf, right?"

"What?" Tori finally turned, twisting her body so that she fully faced her.

Jade propped her elbow on her knee and rested her chin in her hand as she looked at Tori with an almost-bored expression that Tori _knew_ was an act. "So I got drugged by an asshole with rapey intentions. It happens. Can't hate an entire household of guys for it."

Tori stared at her. "Who are you and what have you done with Jade West?"

Jade rolled her eyes and let her arm fall into her lap. "Look, I just don't want my bullshit to interfere with your relationship, okay?"

"Believe it or not, not everything is about you," Tori said, but even as she said it she knew it was bullshit. And from the look Jade shot her, she knew it, too.

"Uh huh," she drawled. "Keep telling yourself that."

She didn't wait for Tori to respond before she stood back up and began to gather up the discarded scripts, which was a good thing because Tori found that she couldn't think of a single thing to say that would refute the fact that Jade was completely and utterly correct. At least, she was correct about why she didn't like his friends.

(She certainly wasn't correct about _everything_ being about her)

"Let's go, Vega! You might know that scene, but you sure as fuck don't know your other ones!" Jade called over her shoulder, and Tori scrambled to her feet, eager to get back to saying words that she didn't have to come up with first.

* * *

Out of all the things that Tori would have expected to happen after that night, regular dinners between her, Nicole, Jade, and Jake was the last thing she would have come up with.

But that's exactly what happened.

It started off with just another dinner between her, Nicole, and Jade (who had basically invited herself along and Tori didn't feel like dealing with the inevitable argument that would have resulted if she happened to say no) where they tormented her _again_ , so she asked Jake if he wanted to come the following evening. And even though Nicole and Jade had made fun of her for having to call in her boyfriend as a reinforcement, the jokes quickly tapered off and they discovered that, somehow, they actually all got along.

And so it became a thing.

Jade and Jake quickly realized that they shared a mutual love for terrible slasher films, and so movie nights became a semi-regular occurrence too, much to Tori's chagrin. After the fourth night of being forced to watch a movie with the word "blood" in the title, she had practically begged them to choose literally anything else, but Jake had just pulled her in closer to his chest with a promise to protect her from the scary bits and Jade had made gagging noises and Nicole had just laughed at her from behind the safety of her physics textbook.

The conversations that the four of them had never grew serious, though.

Actually, when she thought about it, she really hadn't had a serious conversation with any of them since she and Jade had argued about the Zetas that first night, which was perfectly fine with her because she was truly and utterly tired of having to deal with more than the normal stress of classes and rehearsal.

So she still wasn't sleeping great, and maybe she still felt her stomach twist whenever she saw her boyfriend in his letters. So what?

It was during one of the increasingly rare instances of she and Jade hanging out alone when Jade decided to hit her up with an unexpected question.

"So what are you doing for spring break?"

Tori glanced at Jade over the rim of her coffee mug. "Hmm?"

"It's not that hard of a question, Vega. What are you doing for spring break?"

Tori swallowed and set the mug down. "I don't know. Why?"

"Well, are you staying on campus or are you going back home to L.A.?"

"My, aren't we full of questions today," she remarked, ignoring the dramatic eye roll Jade threw her way in response. "I think I'm staying here. I have a lot of assignments coming up, and it's easier to get them done without having to worry about Trina barging in."

Jade's eyebrow quirked up. "I thought you and the she-beast were getting along, though?"

"We are. Doesn't mean that I want to hear her trying to sing along to the pieces I have to rehearse for my piano class."

Jade considered her words for a moment, then shivered. "Okay, yeah, that makes sense."

"Doesn't it, though?" Tori sat back in her chair, hands curled around the handle of her mug. "What are you going to be doing?"

Jade shrugged. "I honestly don't know. I thought about going back to L.A., but the thought of running into Beck..." she trailed off for a moment, and Tori watched a frown tug at her lips. "Well, I just don't really relish the idea, I guess."

It was the first time Tori had heard her even mention Beck since that night by the creek, and she had to fight the urge to ask the million questions that popped into her mind. From the look Jade gave her, she assumed that she wasn't doing a good job of keeping the curiosity off of her face. "Oh?"

"I'm not talking about it, Vega."

"I wasn't going to ask!"

The ring in Jade's eyebrow caught the light when she arched her brow. "Uh huh."

Tori sighed and pulled her mug closer to her. "So does that mean you're staying on campus, too?"

Jade's gaze remained steadfast for a long moment. Then, she glanced away and picked up her own mug. "I think so. Just wasn't sure if it would be worth it to stay behind or not."

Tori watched her take a sip of coffee and didn't bother to hide the small smirk that tugged at the corner of her lips. Jade set the mug back down and shot her a look. "What?"

"Was this your way of asking if I wanted to hang out with you over break?"

"What? No, I mean, I figured that you'd be hanging out with Nicole or the meathead anyway."

"The meathead's name is Jake, and I know for a fact that you like him a lot because he happens to share the same shitty taste in horror movies that you do."

"Excuse you, The Scissoring is a _masterpiece_ and-"

"He's not going to be around," she said, cutting Jade off before she could go on the full-fledged rant that Tori had already heard at least fifteen times. "Neither is Nicole."

Jade stared at her for a second before she sat back. "Where are they going?"

Tori picked up her mug, cupping it in both hands as she leaned back in her chair and looked out the window at the people walking by. "The Zetas have some sort of annual retreat and Nicole's going back to Colorado. I think she said her cousin was getting married?"

"Where's the Zeta retreat at?"

She shrugged. "Big Bear, maybe? I know it's some kind of camping trip."

"So it's going to be, what? The entire fraternity, camping together for a week?" Jade's nose wrinkled in obvious disgust. "Sounds miserable."

Tori grinned. "It does, doesn't it?"

Jade's lips quirked up for a moment, mirroring Tori's grin. "God, imagine the smell."

"Oh _god_ , I don't want to!" She wrinkled her nose and laughed. "It's already bad enough normally, I can't even think about what it would be after a week in the wild!"

"It would probably smell like Robbie's socks did after Yerba!"

Tori set her mug back down so that the force of her laughter didn't cause her drink to spill and began to wave her hand in front of her. "Stop! Stop! I don't want even the _thought_ of that trip in my head again!"

"What, you don't wanna go back to Yerba over break? Because I think Festus would probably be able to hook us up with some sweet deals!" Jade's grin broke out into a full-on wicked smile. "Hell, he probably could get us another audience with the Chancellor!"

"Jade, stoooop!" Tori whined, reaching out across the small table to shove her shoulder. "You know that we have a bounty out for us both down there, don't even joke about that!"

Jade's smile turned into her trademark smirk before it disappeared behind her mug as she took a sip of her coffee. "Your bounty is bigger than mine, actually," she said after she swallowed, and Tori groaned again.

"Why do you even _know_ that?"

"It's literally on their tourism site, Vega! It's on the front page!" Jade shook her head. "Man, they really hate you down there."

"Us," Tori stated firmly. "They hate _us_."

"I mean, _I_ didn't stab the man's eye, so..."

"I didn't stab him in the eye! I-" Tori stopped and shot her with a withering glare. "Why are you like this?"

She was met with a shrug and that same smirk that was beginning to drive her nuts. "It's fun."

"Well, it's not fun for me!"

"Yeah, that's kinda the point." Jade set her mug down and drummed her fingers on the tabletop impatiently. "So, are you in or not?"

Tori narrowed her eyes. "In for _what_?"

Jade let out a heavy sigh. "Come on, Vega, keep up!" She reached out and tapped her on the shoulder. "Spring break. Are you in or not?"

Tori pushed her hand off of her shoulder and glared at her again. "You haven't even given me anything to say yes or no to!"

Another shrug. "Details aren't important."

"They are when you bring up _Yerba_!"

Jade's smirk grew and Tori realized too late that she was practically shouting. She smiled apologetically at the couple at the table next to theirs when they turned to glare at her. "Sorry!"

They shook their heads and turned back to their own drinks, and she shrunk down in her seat, cheeks burning.

"Wow. _That_ was embarrassing," Jade remarked.

"You really suck," Tori grumbled.

"Me? I'm not the one shouting in a coffeeshop, Vega."

"Can you just...ugh." Tori crossed her arms on the table and laid her head on top of them. "Can you just tell me whatever it was that you had in mind?" she asked, her words slightly muffled by her position.

She waited for Jade to make another joke, or to comment on how she couldn't hear her, so when she didn't immediately get a response, she grew wary. Lifting her head, she found that Jade still was smirking at her, but it lacked the meanness she had expected.

"Fine," Jade said. "I know you have a lot of work to do, and so do I, but there's this beach a couple of towns over and I wasn't sure if you'd want to take a trip out there or something."

"A trip?" Tori shot her a questioning look, and Jade nodded.

"We don't have to if you don't want to, I just figured that we could maybe actually try to have some fun during spring break. You know. Like normal college students."

"No, no, I want to. It just..." she shrugged. " I dunno, it just wasn't what I was expecting."

"What, did you think I was being serious about Yerba?" Jade lowered her voice and leaned in closer. "Vega, I wasn't kidding about those bounties- we probably shouldn't ever step foot on that _continent_ again."

Tori rolled her eyes. "I didn't think you were serious about Yerba. I just didn't think that the beach was really...I don't know, it doesn't seem like something you'd suggest."

Jade stared at her. "We've literally gone to the beach together before."

"Yeah, but it wasn't your idea, and-" she shook her head. "It doesn't matter. I would definitely be down for going to the beach. When did you want to go?"

Jade's gaze remained locked with hers for another moment before she looked away and shrugged. "I'm free all week. Just let me know when you want to go, and we'll go."

"Okay," Tori said. She reached out for her drink and held it up to her lips, pretending to take a sip just so that she could hide her smile.


	12. Chapter 12

"Are you sure that you don't want to come with me? I'm sure that we could still get you a ticket, and-"

Tori shook her head with a smile. "Nic, seriously, I'm going to be fine!"

Nicole pulled her head out of the closet and shot her a look. "You're going to be alone for a week!"

"I'm not! Jade is staying, too, remember?"

Nicole's eyes narrowed for a moment before she turned her head and started rummaging through her shirts again. "Yeah, I know. But like, I'm still kinda worried that you two are going to end up killing each other or something."

"Why would we do that?" Tori hopped off of her bed and walked over to her roommate, whose upper half had completely disappeared into the sea of clothing again. "Also, can I please help you find whatever it is that you're looking for before you destroy _both_ of our closets?"

A heavy sigh came from within. "I can't find my Hearst shirt."

Tori glanced into her side of the closet. "Uh, the purple one?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. Uh..." Tori stepped to the side and pushed aside a few of her own shirts so that she could pull out the shirt in question. "I kinda borrowed it. Guess I forgot to give it back."

Nicole re-emerged from the closet with a glare and tousled hair. "I've been looking for that shirt for the past twenty minutes!"

Tori held it out to her with an apologetic smile. "Sorry?"

"You should be." Nicole swiped it from her hand and brushed past her so she could get to the waiting suitcase on her bed.

"You still haven't said why you think Jade and I would kill each other," Tori said, walking over to her own bed. She leaned against it, hands gripping the metal frame on either side. "I mean, we've been hanging out for like, almost two months, and we've barely even argued."

"Yeah, but like, that was in small doses." Nicole folded the shirt and placed it on top of the rest of the clothes in her suitcase. "You two are about to be alone for a _week_."

"It's not like we're going to spend the entire time together! We have homework and stuff to do, remember?"

Nicole glanced back at her over her shoulder with an upraised brow. "Didn't you say you guys were going to take like, a trip or something?"

"Well, yeah, but that's _one day_. I think we can keep ourselves from killing each other for a single day, don't you?"

"Literally no." Nicole turned back to her suitcase and brought the lid down so she could zip it shut. "Come _on,_ you stupid thing..." she muttered under her breath, one arm holding down the lid while the other tried to pull the zipper.

Tori watched as her roommate struggled and bit back a laugh. "I think you might have over-packed, Nic."

"No such thing as overpacking," Nicole grunted. She yanked the zipper again before she fell forward onto the suitcase with an exaggerated sigh. "Just not a big enough suitcase, that's all."

"That's literally the definition of overpacking," Tori said, and Nicole threw her the finger over her shoulder. Tori clutched a hand to her chest in mock offense. "Why, that's not very nice of you!"

Nicole lifted her head and shot her a withering glare. "Can you just shut up and sit on this fucking thing so I can close it?"

Tori rolled her eyes but pushed herself away from her bed and hopped onto Nicole's. She knelt on top of the suitcase and used her hands and knees to push down while Nicole tried to pull the zipper again.

"Stupid...fucking...thing!" Nicole whined, accentuating each word with an exaggerated yank of the zipper. "Why...won't...you...close?!"

Tori bounced on the lid a few times, and even though it made her feel absolutely ridiculous, the zipper finally began to move. "Yes!" Nicole cheered, and a few seconds later, the suitcase was finally zipped shut.

Tori collapsed onto the lid, rolling over onto her back. The bulge of clothing within the suitcase pressed against her spine, but she didn't feel like moving. "That took way more effort than it should have needed." She looked up at her roommate. "You're welcome, by the way."

"Yeah, yeah." Nicole leaned back against the bed, her back against the mattress and her hands clasped behind her head. "Thanks, or whatever."

They were silent for a few moments, until Tori decided to bring the conversation back to its earlier focus."Jade and I are going to be fine, Nic. We're friends, remember?"

"Mhm," Nicole hummed. "I know. I just..."

"Worry?"

"Yeah." There was a pause, and then Tori felt the bed shift as Nicole pulled herself fully onto the mattress so that she could lay next to her. "Can you blame me?"

Tori thought back to the previous semester; back to the tears and the fear and the heartache and the _pain_ and she shook her head. "No."

Another pause, then she felt a hand on her arm. "Can you just promise that you'll call if something happens? Anything at all?"

"Nic, nothing is going to-"

"Please, Tor?"

Tori turned her head so she could glance down at her roommate, whose deep blue eyes shone with such genuine concern that Tori couldn't help but nod. "Yeah. Okay."

"Thank you."

They lay there for another couple of minutes, listening to the sound of the fan on Nicole's desk. The noise was gentle and even though there was what felt like a shoe (and probably actually was a shoe, when she thought about it) pressing into her lower back, Tori found herself being lulled into what would have surely been a nap.

That is, she _had_ been, until Nicole suddenly shot up with a gasp.

"Oh my god," she said, and Tori quickly sat up as well, a hand held over her now-racing heart.

"Jesus, Nic, what's wrong?" she asked, and Nicole slowly turned her head towards her with an expression of absolute guilt on her face.

"I left my wallet in my jeans...and I packed the jeans in the suitcase."

Tori stared at her. "You mean..."

"We gotta open it back up."

Tori flopped back down on the suitcase with a groan.

* * *

Nicole left as soon as her classes were over on Friday, which meant that Tori had one last night alone with Jake before he left on Saturday morning.

She had asked Jade if she had wanted to come over that night to watch a movie, but she had been turned down flat with an arched eyebrow and a "thanks, but there's no way that I'm getting between you and Freeman when you're not going to see each other for like, a week." That had been followed up with a "and I don't do threesomes, so don't bother asking."

Tori, of course, had _not_ been planning on asking, which she informed Jade of in no uncertain terms. The other woman had just shrugged and gone back to reading over her script.

She and Jake watched a few episodes of some dumb 90s sitcom while they ate shitty pizza from Pizza Palace. He waited until the pizza box was off the bed before he pulled her in for a deep kiss, and although she immediately regretted ordering a side of garlic knots, that didn't stop her from unbuckling his belt and asking breathlessly if he had remembered to bring protection along with him.

He had, of course.

They took their time because they could, and she let herself moan as loud as she wanted to because _fuck it,_ the dorm was basically empty anyway (and even if it wasn't, she doubted that Jessica, her RA, would care. Hell, she'd probably wake up to a congratulatory ribbon on her door handle.)

And it was good. It always was.

She lay in his arms afterwards, with her head pressed against his chest and the steady thud of his heartbeat beneath her cheek. The slow rise and fall of his chest had quickly begun to lull her to sleep, and she let her eyes close after a few minutes.

 _Maybe I'll actually get some real sleep_ , she thought as she snuggled closer to him. His arm tightened around her, almost protectively, and she let out a small sigh of contentment.

She was almost asleep, her thoughts wandering past the flimsy veil of consciousness, when she heard him whisper "I love you."

She didn't move. Couldn't move. The breath caught in her throat and the hair on the back of her neck stood up and she didn't move because if she moved that would show him that she was awake and _fuck_ what was she supposed to do?

As it turned out, nothing.

A few agonizing seconds after his whispered confession, Tori heard his breathing even out and felt his muscles relax and she realized that he was asleep.

It felt like a million different thoughts were whirling around in her brain, but it didn't take long for her to come to the realization that they all were just variations of the same theme: she had no _fucking_ idea if she loved him back.

* * *

"What's got you all torqued out of shape?"

She heard Jade's words, knew that they were hanging in the air between them and waiting for acknowledgment, but she didn't look up from the keys.

Jake had left on Saturday morning and she had tapped into every single drop of acting ability that she had to keep him from knowing that she was freaking the fuck out. Thankfully, he hadn't brought up the words that he had whispered and she was so incredibly glad because if he had she was fairly sure that she would have dissolved into the floor.

But he didn't, and so she smiled and waved and kissed him goodbye and had gone about the next three days with a heaviness in her chest that threatened to smother her if she thought about it too much.

So she didn't.

She spent Saturday alternating between writing a paper for her history of pop class and deep-cleaning her room (the dust bunnies underneath her bed had practically started to raise a family under there). Sunday had been dedicated to her biology report. She tried to ignore the little doodles Jake had sketched in the corner of almost all of her notes, but then she saw the tiny heart in the left-hand margin

( _I love you_ )

and she had to shove the notebook aside for an hour or two just so that she wouldn't start hyperventilating.

And that brought her to Monday. There was an assignment for her piano elective that was due soon after break, and even though it wasn't exactly the hardest piece to learn,she hadn't dedicated nearly enough time to practicing it, and so she planned on holing up in a practice room and playing it until it was perfect (or as close to perfection as she could get).

That's where Jade found her.

Tori wasn't honestly sure _how_ Jade knew where she was- she had purposefully avoided looking at her phone, and she knew she hadn't mentioned her plans to her. But the knocking on the door had come all the same, and when Tori opened it, Jade had been waiting on the other side.

"Vega." A nudge on her shoulder. "Dude, can you at least like, nod if you hear me?"

Tori blinked and shook her head before looking up at Jade. "Yeah, sorry, what's up?"

The pierced eyebrow arched in an overly familiar way. "I asked what has you all torqued out of shape, like, a couple of minutes ago."

"Oh. Right." Tori looked back down at the keys, realizing her fingers were still spread wide and poised to play. "Nothing. Just thinking about the piece I have to learn, you know?"

"You mean the piece that you've kind of just been mindlessly playing from memory for the past fifteen minutes?"

Tori glanced up at the sheet music in front of her. "Yeah. That one."

Jade eyed her up for another long moment, then sighed. "Budge over. I want a crack at it."

"What?" Tori asked, but she let herself be moved to the end of the bench as Jade sat down next to her.

"I want to see if I can still play like I used to. That a problem?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Good." Jade clasped her fingers together and stretched her arms in front of her, cracking her knuckles. "Because I wasn't really giving you a choice in the matter anyway." She brought her hands down on the keys, fingers expertly poised over the ivory. "Turn the pages for me?"

"Sure."

Jade took another moment to look over the sheets in front of her, eyes scanning the notes. Then, she began to play.

Claire de Lune wasn't a piece that Tori found particularly captivating. It was pretty, sure, but to her ears it was all-but indistinguishable from all the other pieces that she had been assigned that semester. Just a slightly different arrangement of the notes that had to be played, slightly different changes in the key signature carefully stenciled on the staff. She could have played it in her sleep at that point, she knew, and if she was being honest she was getting pretty sick of hearing the same chords over and over.

But that had been when she was the one playing it.

As the first notes came ringing out of the piano, Tori realized that listening to the song was completely different from playing it. Her fingers itched as she watched Jade's fly over the keys in the all-too-familiar pattern, and she _knew_ that it was the same progression of chords that she had played over and over and over again, but something about the way that Jade did it made it sound brand new.

She saw Jade's head nod, and she realized that she had reached the end of the first page so she quickly pulled it aside and replaced it with the second. She received another nod in acknowledgment, but then Jade's attention returned fully to the music in front of her and Tori let herself actually _listen_ to the piece.

It was beautiful.

"Vega," she heard Jade mutter, and she blinked again, discovering that she had somehow missed her next page turn.

"Sorry," she whispered, quickly flipping the pages. Jade hummed in acknowledgment and continued playing.

And then, before she even had the chance to truly acknowledge the beginning, it ended.

The last notes hung in the air as Jade lifted her hands from the keys. "It's a beautiful piece," she said. Her hand brushed an errant lock of hair behind her ear, then came back down to rest loosely on the keys again. "Did you pick it, or was it professor's choice?"

Tori discovered that her mouth had gone completely dry, so she was forced to swallow hard before she attempted to answer. "Uh...the professor's."

"Hmm," Jade mused, tilting her head in thought. "Makes sense. It doesn't really seem like something you would gravitate towards." She looked towards Tori with a small smirk tugging at her lips. "I wouldn't really peg you as a classical girl, you know?"

"I'm not," Tori said, almost without thinking.

Jade hummed again and let her eyes lock on to Tori's. "So, are you going to tell me what's wrong, or are you going to keep staring at me?"

"I..." Tori forced her gaze away from Jade and shook her head. "There's nothing wrong. I'm just tired."

She closed her eyes for a brief moment and hoped against all hopes that Jade would just let it go.

"Vega?" she heard Jade say softly, and she forced her eyes back open.

"Yeah?"

"Whatever _is_ wrong- and I know that there is because you're acting really fucking weird..." Jade paused for a moment, and moved her hand off of the keys again. "Well, I guess I just want you to know that you can tell me if you want. But I'm not going to keep asking, because...well, I guess I wouldn't want you to keep bugging me if the roles were reversed." She paused again and Tori finally looked over at her just in time to see her nose wrinkle in disgust. "Ugh. That felt weird to even say. How the hell do you do it?"

"Do what?"

Jade sighed and gave a little half-shrug, hands open in front of her. "I don't know? Care, maybe?" She shook her head. "No, actually, that's not...ugh, I don't know. I'm just not used to actually giving a damn, I guess. And you always do, and I just...don't understand how." Jade's hands came to rest on her thighs, and she looked away. "It's hard."

Tori felt a smile begin to tug at the corner of her mouth and so she let it widen, the feeling almost alien to her after three days of nothing but frowning. "It's supposed to be hard, I think. Caring about another person...opening yourself up to them in return...it's hard." She paused, hesitating for a moment before reaching out and placing a hand on top of Jade's own. "But it's so worth it."

She was sure that Jade was going to pull her hand away. So certain, in fact, that she had her arm tensed in preparation for having to pull her own away. But Jade didn't move. Instead, she turned her head towards Tori again with an unfamiliar expression on her face. Tori thought it was almost confusion (but she also thought that she might be projecting).

"You _do_ know that you're the corniest person alive, right?" Jade asked, and the smile on Tori's face grew.

"Yeah, and yet you chose to be friends with me anyway." She squeezed Jade's hand. "What does that say about you?"

"Probably that I'm an idiot," Jade answered, but there was a smile on her face that made Tori's heart ache in a way that wasn't altogether unfamiliar.

* * *

Jade's car was black, and the interior was leather, and it was older than either one of them.

It scared the _fuck_ out of Tori.

That fear was compounded by the fact that, in her opinion, Jade drove like a maniac. Pebble Beach was only about an hour from Hearst and Jade drove seventy miles an hour the entire way.

"You can stop clinging onto the grab bar, Vega, I'm not going to hit anything," Jade had said after about twenty minutes into their journey. Tori had just held on tighter and prayed that they would make it to the beach in one piece.

("Seriously, Vega, I'm only driving like, five miles over the speed limit," Jade said about five minutes later.

"That's five miles more than I'm comfortable with," she had shot back, only to receive an exaggerated eye roll and dramatic sigh in return.)

They arrived at the beach a little after noon, and to their dismay, it was _packed._

"Why is every fucking car a fucking _minivan_?" Jade asked during their second lap of the parking lot.

"I mean, there's some dune buggies too," Tori said as she craned her neck to see if there was a spot up ahead of them.

"Not the point, Vega," Jade said through gritted teeth. "Minivans mean _children_. And children mean that this is going to be a fucking nightmare."

Tori sat back in her seat and shook her head. "I don't think we'll have to worry about it. There's no way we're even going to be able to park."

"Fuck." Jade turned the corner and slowed down, bringing them to a stop behind a set of parked motorcycles. She pressed her head against the steering wheel for a moment, hands curled around the wheel on either side.

"What should we do?" Tori asked.

A low sigh, and then Jade lifted her head. "There has to be another beach near here, right? It's the coast, there are beaches _everywhere._ "

"Think they'll be any less full than this one?"

Jade shrugged. "Only one way to find out." She gestured towards the phone lying in Tori's lap. "Google it and find out if there are actually any others before I waste the gas driving around."

Tori complied, tapping a quick search into the phone. "What about...Blue Lagoon Beach?"

"Sounds like an amusement park. Any others?"

Tori scrolled through the results. "Uh...there's something called Carpenter's Cove? I think it's a beach..."

"How far?"

"Thirty-five minutes."

Jade reached down and shifted the car out of park. "Good enough for me. You'll just have to tell me how to get there, okay?"

"Uh huh," Tori replied, pulling up the directions.

"Which means you'll have to actually keep your eyes open and trust that I'm not going to hit anything."

Tori looked up from her phone, her face pale. "Great..."

Jade rolled her eyes again and pulled back out onto the highway.

* * *

Carpenter's Cove, as it turned out, _was_ a beach.

The only problem was that, according to the large signs posted at the entrance to the parking lot, it was a beach that had recently been the site of a shark attack.

"Perfect!" Jade said, pulling into the parking space closest to the dunes. Tori turned to look at her, incredulity written across her face. "What? It's literally empty!"

"Because of the _shark attack._ "

"So?" Jade put the car into park. "If they were really worried about a repeat attack, they would have actually closed the beach instead of just putting up a warning."

Tori stared at her, watching as she unbuckled her seatbelt. "You can't actually be considering staying, right?"

Jade shrugged the seatbelt off her shoulder and reached back behind Tori's seat to grab her backpack. "Why the hell not? It's completely empty! We'll have the whole damn beach to ourselves!"

"And might get attacked by a shark!"

Jade reached for her door handle. "Yeah, maybe." She paused, fingers curled around the handle, and looked back at Tori. "But, seriously Vega? We've been through worse than a fucking shark. I think we can handle it." She pushed the door open, swinging a leg out. "And if for some god-forsaken reason we actually get attacked by Jaws, at least we'll have our fifteen minutes of fame, right?"

"I don't _want_ fifteen minutes of fame!"

"Well, yeah, you already got yours." She leaned over and unclicked Tori's seatbelt. "Now come on, stop being a chickenshit and get out of the car."

"I'm not a chickenshit," Tori muttered under her breath.

"Whatever you say," Jade replied, making a terrible chicken "bawking" noise before getting out of the car. Tori rolled her eyes but followed a moment later, shutting her door before walking around to the front of the car.

"If I get eaten by a shark, I'm going to come back and haunt the shit out of you," she said, waiting until she was sure that Jade saw the glare she shot in her direction before she put her sunglasses on. 

Jade flashed her a rare grin as she swung her backpack over her shoulder. "Promise?"

Tori pushed the glasses up the bridge of her nose and began to walk away. "You're impossible, West."

"Why, just because I get excited at the prospect of a haunting?"

Tori shook her head and tried to think of a decent response when she heard the beep of the car's doors locking behind them, followed by the sound of sandals against pavement as Jade jogged to catch up to her. She didn't bother to turn to look at her. "No, because you're making me go to a beach that literally just had a shark attack!" She paused, contemplating for a moment. "Well, the haunting stuff, too. That's just weird."

"It's not weird!" Jade protested. She moved so that she blocked Tori's path, her expression growing serious. "And I'm not making you do anything. If you seriously don't want to stay, we can go."

Tori's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Wait, seriously?"

Jade nodded, though from the way her lips were drawn tight and her eyes wouldn't quite meet Tori's, it was obvious that she was struggling. "Yep."

Tori eyed her up for a long moment, crossing her arms as she tried to keep her enjoyment of Jade's discomfort from showing on her face. "Do you promise to save me if a shark gets me?"

"No."

Tori sighed and shifted her weight so that her hip was cocked. "And why not?"

Jade smirked and turned back around, stepping onto the sand. "Because sharks deserve to eat, too!"

"You're such a gank," Tori grumbled, but she bent down and slipped her flip-flops off before following Jade onto the sand.

"Yeah, maybe," Jade agreed, stopping to pull her own sandals off. She opened her bag and shoved them inside, then held it out for Tori to follow suit. "Make sure that all the sand is off of those before you put them in there, or I will actually kill you."

Tori rolled her eyes and clapped her flip-flops together in front of her. "There, are you happy? No sand in sight." She didn't wait for Jade's reply before she shoved them into the bag.

"Better not have been." Jade zipped the bag back up and swung it over her shoulder. "Now come on, would you? The day's wasting away."

Tori bit back the sharp retort on her tongue and smiled instead. "Bet that I can beat you to the water."

"Bet you can...what?" Jade asked, but it was too late; Tori had already taken off, sand flying up from beneath her feet as she sprinted over the dunes. "Vega, you asshole!"

Tori didn't bother to turn around to see if Jade had started running or not, choosing instead to keep her eyes ahead of her as she climbed the dune. The sand was scorching beneath her feet and every step forward was more unstable than the last, but she persisted despite the aching in her legs and the burning in her chest. The smell of salt hit her as she crested the top of the dune, and the suddenness of it was almost enough to make her pause.

Almost.

She finally glanced over her shoulder to see if Jade was following. To her surprise, the other woman was only a few steps behind, though from the look of it she was having more trouble keeping her balance on the sand than Tori was.

"Almost there, West!" Tori shouted, laughing when Jade flipped her the bird. "Come on, Walker makes us run like, every practice! This is nothing!"

"Fuck you, Vega!" Jade yelled back, and Tori didn't bother to hide her grin before she turned back around and began to focus on descending the small decline that led to the ocean.

A couple of near-slips and a _lot_ of cursing from behind her, and then Tori was sprinting towards the water. The heat beneath her feet began to lessen the closer she got to the tide, the grit becoming packed down and damp.

She came to a stop at the water's edge and rose a fist above her head in triumph as she turned around to gloat. "Ha! I totally- _umph!_ "

Jade's body slammed into her, sending them both toppling down onto the sand. Tori sputtered around the hair that was suddenly in her mouth, groaning as Jade's full weight settled onto her. "What the fuck, West!?"

She felt Jade's chest heave on top of hers', the other woman's gasping breath in her ear for just a moment. "Fuck," she thought she heard Jade whisper before she had the chance to push her off, rolling just enough so that she could get out from beneath her.

"Dude!" She sat up, brushing sand off of the front of her tanktop. "Seriously, what the hell?"

"Sorry," she heard Jade say. She turned her head to see the other woman still on her back, staring straight up. "I tripped. Are you okay?"

Tori stared at her quizzically for a moment, trying to figure out if she had heard her right. "Did you just ask me if I'm okay?"

Jade lifted her head and shot her a questioning look. "Yeah? I kinda wiped us both out, so, like, are you okay?"

"Yeah, but..." Tori shook her head. "Sorry. I'm fine. Are you?"

Jade lifted her arms above her and inspected them carefully. "I think so. Though I'm pretty sure there's sand in my hair."

"Well, that's what happens when you lay down in it." Tori propped herself up with one arm and pushed herself up onto her feet. She walked over to Jade and held out a hand. "Here, let me help you up."

Jade glanced at her hand before shooting her a withering glare. "I can get up just fine on my own, thank you very much."

Tori shrugged. "Whatever." She started to pull her hand away, but was stopped almost immediately by Jade's hand shooting up and grabbing it. "I thought you said you didn't want my help?" she asked, not bothering to hide the amusement in her tone.

"Yeah, well...the sand is slippery," Jade muttered. "Now would you just pull so I can shake the sand out of my shorts, or are you just going to hold my hand for a while?"

"I mean, you have very soft hands, so-" She trailed off when she saw the glare being aimed in her direction again. "Right, okay, pulling you up, got it."

She helped Jade to her feet, not letting go of the other woman's hand until she was certain that she was steady. "Jesus, you're absolutely coated in sand, do you know that?"

"Wet sand. I'm absolutely coated in _wet_ sand." She looked at Tori and the corner of her mouth quirked up in a familiar smirk. "But so are you."

Tori glanced down at herself and sighed. "My butt is literally soaking wet right now."

"Sucks," Jade said. "That's what you get for cheating during a race."

"I didn't cheat!"

"You literally sprung it on me _as_ you were running! And I have a backpack! You don't! So what the hell do you call it?"

Tori smirked. "Taking advantage of the situation."

Jade's eyes narrowed. "Gank."

"And proud of it." Tori brushed sand off of her tanktop and sighed again. "Guess it's a good thing that we weren't planning on actually wearing these for long, anyway, huh?"

She was met with silence so she looked up to see an amused look on Jade's face. "What?"

"When you speak, do you like, even bother to listen to the words that come out, or are you just purposefully oblivious to how suggestive you sound?"

"What are you talking about? I was just saying about how we weren't going to be wearing our clothes for very long...anyway..." She trailed off and felt a blush surge into her cheeks. "Shut up, you knew what I meant!"

"If you say so," Jade said with a lilt in her voice that made Tori's cheeks burn brighter. "But I do feel the need to remind you that you have a boyfriend. You know. Just in case."

"I wasn't... _ugh._ " Tori threw her hands into the air and turned around so that she didn't have to look at the teasing expression on her friend's face. "Would you just set your bag down and get the towels out so I have somewhere to put my clothes that isn't directly back onto the sand?"

"As you wish, Buttercup," Jade said. Tori heard the sound of the backpack hitting the sand, followed by the sounds of rummaging. "Hey, Vega?"

"Yeah?"

"Turn around quick, would you?"

Tori turned her head and glanced back over her shoulder just in time to see a balled up beach towel flying towards her head. She quickly brought her hands up and just barely caught it before it slammed into her cheek. "Hey! What the hell?"

Jade shrugged and pulled her own towel out of the bag. "You wanted your towel. You got it."

"I didn't want it to be torpedoed at my head!"

Another shrug. "Should have been more specific then."

Tori shot her a glare, but realized too late that it was pointless because Jade wouldn't be able to see it from behind her sunglasses. "You're always such a joy to be around, you know that?"

Jade smiled at her, teeth white and bright in the sun ( _Shark-like_ , Tori thought for just a moment before shaking the image away just as quickly)."Please. If you didn't enjoy my company, you wouldn't have agreed to come to the beach with me."

"To be fair, I said I'd go to the _beach_ with you." Tori bent to lay the towel on the sand before she stood back up and swept her arm in a wide arc around her. "I _didn't_ agree to coming to a secluded cove out in the middle of nowhere where no one would be able to find me if you decided to finally snap and bury me alive."

She was met with an upraised brow and a half-smirk. "I mean, I _do_ keep a shovel in my trunk."

"I'm all too aware." She started to reach for the button of her shorts, eager to get them off so they could dry, when she remembered what Nicole had said to her before she had left. She looked up at Jade with a grin. "Hey, did you know that Nic wanted me to go to Boulder with her?"

"Oh?"

She unbuttoned her shorts and began to shimmy out of them. "Yeah. She was convinced that you and I were going to murder each other or something, so she wanted me to go with her instead so I wouldn't, you know. Die."

She slipped the shorts off and tossed them onto her towel, keeping her eyes trained on Jade's face to see how she'd react. To her surprise, Jade just grinned.

"That was sweet of her." Jade laid her own towel a few feet away from where Tori had placed hers, and began to also work on getting out of her shorts. "Not sure why she thought we'd kill each other, though. It's not like we haven't been hanging out for like, most of this semester or anything."

Tori shrugged, fingers curling around the hem of her tanktop. "I dunno, I kinda get it. I mean, you have threatened to kill me before."

"Not anytime _recently_ ," Jade protested as she slipped her shorts off.

Tori pulled the tank over her head and tossed it aside. "I don't think that that argument makes the point that you want it to, West."

"Yeah, well, whatever." Jade pulled her own shirt over her head before kneeling on her towel and rummaging through her bag again. "Sunscreen?" she offered, pulling a bottle of it out and holding it out to Tori.

"Sure." Tori took it from her and popped the cap, squeezing a generous amount into her hands. She worked on rubbing it into every inch of exposed skin, which, considering she had opted for her favorite two-piece, was _most_ of her skin.

It was when she was rubbing it into her stomach that she realized that her back was also completely exposed. "Uh. Jade?"

Jade looked up at her. "Yeah?"

"Do you think you could...you know.." she held up the bottle. "Help me get my back? I kinda can't reach."

Jade had put sunglasses on at some point and so her eyes were hidden, but Tori could tell she was rolling them. "Seriously?"

"I'll help you too, since I'm sure you can't reach your own back either! Just...come on, I'll burn if you don't." Jade didn't move, and so she decided to jut out her lower lip in an exaggerated pout. "Please?"

Jade let out a heavy sigh but stood up and walked over to Tori and took the bottle from her hand. "Kneel."

Tori complied, turning so her back faced Jade. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet," Jade remarked. Tori heard the cap pop, followed by the sound of the sunscreen being squeezed out. "I haven't decided against drawing a dick on your back with it. You know, so that when you burn, all that's left is the outline of a great big-"

"What?" Tori turned her head quickly, only to hear Jade's laugh.

"Jesus, Vega, I'm joking! I wouldn't do that to you." She felt the towel shift beneath her knees as Jade knelt behind her, and then cold lotion hit her shoulders, accompanied by a warm hand rubbing it in. There was a long pause as Jade worked the lotion in, and Tori was about to let herself relax when Jade spoke up again. "It would be my initials, not a dick."

"Jade!"

"Kidding!" A hand gripped her shoulder, preventing her from turning again. "Now would you stop fidgeting so I can finish up here? I haven't even gotten your actual back yet."

Tori frowned and crossed her arms. "I'll stop moving once you stop tormenting me."

"But tormenting you is like, my favorite thing to do." Her hands left Tori's shoulders and Tori could hear the bottle squeak again as more lotion was squeezed from it. Jade's hands were on her lower back just as quickly as they had left, moving up to properly cover all of Tori's exposed skin.

"There," Jade said, sitting back. "You should be good to go."

Tori craned her neck over her shoulder, trying in vain to see if Jade had done anything untoward on her back. "You _didn't_ write anything on me...right?"

She caught Jade's smirk before the other woman turned around. "Guess you'll find out later, won't you? Now would you hurry up and do me? I'd like to get in the water at some point!"

"Do you, huh?" Tori shifted on the towel, turning so that she faced Jade's back. "What were you saying earlier about sounding suggestive?"

She didn't need to see Jade's face to know that the other woman was giving her a dirty look. "Vega, just put the damn sunscreen on me before I turn into a lobster."

"You'd be a very pretty lobster," Tori remarked as she reached out for the bottle of sunscreen resting next to them on the towel.

"Are you calling me pretty?" Jade said, her tone light and joking, but the words tugged at an old memory in Tori's mind. Something in her chest ached as she remembered that night at Nozu, sitting next to the same girl now kneeling in front of her.

"Well," she began, popping the cap on the bottle. She squeezed a generous dollop of lotion into her palm and rubbed it between her hands for a moment. "In certain angles, the case could be made."

She heard Jade's sharp intake of breath, and Tori knew that she had picked up on her reference. Before Jade could respond, though, Tori placed her hands on her shoulder blades and began to gently rub the lotion into her skin.

"You could say _I'm_ pretty," Tori whispered after a moment. Her breath caused a fly-away strand of purple hair to flutter over Jade's ear, and she could feel muscle tense beneath her palms before she pulled away to get more sunscreen.

She watched Jade's shoulders lower with a long exhale, and it struck her that maybe she had gone too far. Maybe the memory wasn't a good one for her, or maybe she had said something wrong, or maybe-

"You _are_ pretty," Jade said, her voice so low that Tori almost missed it.

"Oh?" she breathed, hardly aware that the word had even left her mouth. She forced her eyes away from the back of Jade's head, looking instead at the white dollop that she had unconsciously squeezed into her palm.

"Yeah," Jade replied softly.

There was a pause, the silence between them only broken by the crashing of the waves and the distant squawking of a gull. And then:

"I can literally feel my skin burning, Vega."

Tori blinked twice and shook her head. "Oh! Right. Yeah, sorry, let me just..." she placed the bottle in her lap before she returned her hands to Jade's spine and began rubbing the sunscreen in again. "Sorry."

Jade gave a small hum of acknowledgment, but didn't say anything else as Tori quickly finished applying the sunscreen.

"All done!" Tori rocked back on her heels and snapped the cap closed. She placed the bottle on the towel next to Jade. "Here you go, I think I'm already completely covered."

"Thanks."

"Yup! I'll uh...meet you in the water, then?" Tori asked, scrambling to her feet with a little more speed than was necessary.

"Yeah, sure," Jade replied. "I'll be there in a second."

"Great!" Tori began to walk away, hoping that her blush

( _why the hell am I blushing anyway?)_

would be gone before Jade could turn around.

* * *

Jade West, as it turned out, _loved_ the ocean.

Tori wasn't sure why she was so surprised. It made sense, in a weird, twisted way: the ocean was filled with unspeakable creatures and mystery and of _course_ Jade would be into that.

But as she watched the dark-haired woman disappear underneath a crashing wave only to re-emerge a moment later with half of a conch shell held triumphantly over her head, she realized that maybe there was more to Jade than she had thought.

The two of them wasted the hours away in the water. They swam, and they tried to body-surf on the waves

( _"_ Hold your body _still_ , Vega! You gotta ride the wave, not fight it!")

and they had even built a sand castle after they had grown tired of being wet.

And throughout it all, Tori saw a side of Jade that she hadn't known even _existed._

It was a side that apparently knew the names of the random crabs that popped out of the sand to greet them, and it was a side that laughed when Tori narrowly missed being shat upon by a seagull, and it was a side that smiled even when she knew Tori was watching.

It was the most fun Tori could remember having since she had started college.

She hadn't meant to fall asleep. Even if Jade was being abnormally pleasant, Tori had always known better than to fall asleep around her, just in case she decided to prank her in some manner.

But she had laid down on the towel with her hands laced behind her head and her sunglasses next to her on the towel, and the sound of the waves crashing against the shore had mixed with the squawking of the gulls overhead and it had blended into a soothing melody that had made her want to close her eyes and just enjoy the moment.

And so she did.

"Vega," she thought she heard someone whisper, but she didn't bother to open her eyes because it was probably just a trick of the wind.

A hand on her side, searing into her skin like a branding iron. "Tori, wake up!"

She groaned but opened her eyes and blinked away the last vestiges of sleep. "Jade? What's..." her words were interrupted by a yawn that she didn't have enough time to hide behind her hand. She blinked again, the world slowly coming into focus around her. "What's wrong?"

Jade was perched over her, hand still pressed against the side of her stomach. "You've got to see this. Come on!"

"What is it?" Tori asked, trying to sit up, but Jade grabbed her hand as soon as it came around from behind her head and tried to pull her to her feet. "Woah, Jade, what-"

Jade looked at her, and Tori realized that at some point the other woman had taken off her sunglasses. There was a look of excitement in her eyes that Tori was sure she hadn't seen since that night where they drove to San Diego and Jade thought that she would be able to "breathe in the fumes" of that old actress' soul and it was enough to make Tori's heart jump at the prospect of the unknown thing that could have affected Jade in such a manner.

"Come on, just stand up and I'll show you, okay?" Jade said, and Tori couldn't do anything but nod and let her help her to her feet. A hand on her elbow made sure she didn't immediately fall over when she stood, and she was acutely aware of the fact that Jade's other hand hadn't left her own yet, and she turned her head just a bit so she could see what was _so_ important and-

"Oh," she breathed, and she saw Jade smile out of the corner of her eye.

The sky, which had been so clear and blue when she had laid down, was now a swirling canvas of purples and pinks that reflected on the churning surface of the ocean in such a way that, for a moment, Tori wasn't quite sure where the horizon ended and the water began. The sun itself was a brilliant orange that hung just above the water's edge, suspended in the air like it didn't belong there. She tried to look at it more closely, but its rays were so bright that it hurt her eyes to look at it for more than a few seconds.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" she heard Jade say, and she became dimly aware that the other woman had finally let go of her. She turned her head so that she could see her better and nodded.

"It's amazing."

They stood and watched in silence as the sun dipped lower and lower until it had almost vanished completely from sight, the colors that had streaked across the sky melting into the water until the deep blue of the sea matched the ink of the sky.

It wasn't until the sun was only a ghostly reminder of the day that had slipped by so quickly that Tori spoke again.

"Thank you."

Jade waited a moment before she responded, never taking her eyes off the fading glow on the horizon. "For what?"

Tori shrugged. "For waking me, I guess?" She paused and shook her head. "No, that's not right. For today, in general. I had a great time."

"You're acting like the day is over."

Tori's brow furrowed and she turned her head so that she could look at Jade fully, squinting so that she could just barely make out the expression on the other woman's face. "Isn't it?"

"Do you want it to be?" Jade asked. Her voice was low and she hadn't turned to look at Tori, but there was an edge to her question that made Tori wonder just what would happen if she said no. Would they go back to Hearst and go about their lives just as they had been? It didn't feel like that.

It felt almost like an ultimatum. And she knew that she should be more concerned about that; should be more concerned about the implications the underlay it all, and she should have been more concerned about allowing Jade West back into her life, and she should have been more concerned about it all because for fuck's sake, she knew better.

But she wasn't. 

"No," she finally answered. "I don't."

Jade was silent again for a long moment and Tori felt her heart beat wildly against her chest as she watched the other woman's brow furrow, her contemplation obvious.

"I re-filled my flask before we left campus," Jade said. "Just in case."

"Oh?"

Jade finally turned, and Tori wished that the sun hadn't disappeared because it was so hard to see the expression on her friend's face as she answered. "Yeah. And I have blankets in the trunk of my car, just in case you..." she paused, her hand running through her hair almost absently. "Hell, I don't know. Just in case you wanted to spend the night on the beach, I guess."

Tori's eyebrow arched and she let herself smile even though she knew Jade probably wouldn't be able to see it. "You planned on us staying here?"

Jade shook her head. "Not really. I was going to suggest getting a motel room instead, but that was when we were actually anywhere near civilization." She turned away from Tori, hand dropping back down to her side. "I mean, we could still. I just figured, there's no one here, and it's a nice night, and-"

"And we're young so why not live a little?" Tori finished.

"Something like that."

Another pause, and then Jade spoke again.

"But we don't have to. We can just go back to campus, if you want."

Tori's smile grew, and she walked closer to Jade, reaching for her wrist. Jade froze, but then turned her head so she could meet Tori's gaze.

"Let's stay," Tori said, and even in the rapidly-dying light, she could see Jade's smile.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: discussions of sexual assault

Jade's flask was filled with rum.

Well.

Jade's flask _had_ been filled with rum.

But that had been an hour ago and, as Tori discovered when she lifted it to her lips and tried to knock back another swallow, it was no longer filled with rum.

"We're out" she said, lowering it back down with a pout already pulling at her lips.

"Argh!" Jade exclaimed, raising her fist in the air, index finger curled like a hook."Why's the rum gone?"

A grin split across Tori's face and she shook her head. "That's a _terrible_ Jack Sparrow," she said, the words accented by barely-held-in giggles.

"Argh, don't make me make you have to walk the plank!" Jade said, and Tori couldn't keep her laughter held in anymore. Jade waited a moment, her own grin wide on her face, before she let her hand fall back down. She reached for the flask, taking it from Tori's hand. "Don't worry," she said as she turned around to put the flask back in her backpack. She dug through the backpack for a moment, re-emerging seconds later with a pint of Captain Morgan clutched in her hand. "I thought ahead."

Tori let out an exaggerated sigh of relief and reached for the bottle. "You're a _saint._ "

Jade held it up, just barely out of reach. "You sure you haven't already had enough? Because I mean, we _did_ kill quite a bit already."

Tori rolled her eyes. "It's not like either of us have to drive."

"That's true." Jade twisted the cap off and brought the bottle to her own lips, taking a generous swallow. Tori narrowed her eyes as she watched her pause and take another sip, but Jade just smirked and finally held the bottle out to her. "Sorry, did you want some?"

"Ass," Tori muttered, but she took the bottle anyway. She took a swig from it and tried to keep her nose from wrinkling at the taste before she took another smaller sip. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jade watching her with a curious expression, so she lowered the bottle. "Is there a problem?"

Jade shook her head. "Nah, I'm just kinda surprised by how easily you're drinking that. I would have expected Sweet Sally Peaches to need a mixer or like, a chaser, when drinking the hard stuff."

The use of the nickname caused Tori to shoot her a glare. "I hate that name. And do you _have_ anything to mix with it?"

"Water?" Jade offered, and Tori rolled her eyes.

"My point exactly." She took another sip from the bottle before holding it back out for Jade to take. Once it was out of her hands, Tori laid back down on her towel, hands laced behind her head. "Besides, you don't use a chaser, so why should I?"

"That's dumb."

Tori looked over in Jade's direction, squinting against the muted yellow light of the lamp that they had set up between them

( _"Why do you even have this?_ " Tori had asked when she pulled it out of Jade's trunk.

" _I like to be prepared,_ " Jade had replied.)

in order to see the expression on the other woman's face. "Why is that dumb?"

"Because you shouldn't do something just because that's how _I_ do it. Like, are you trying to impress me or something?" Jade paused, her eyes glancing down at Tori who was suddenly thankful that the alcohol had already caused a faint blush to rise to her cheeks. "Wait, _are_ you trying to impress me?"

Tori tried to shrug, but the positioning of her arms made it difficult. "Depends. Did it?"

Jade's eyes studied her for a moment longer before they looked away. "Maybe just a little."

A sly grin pulled at Tori's lips, but she chose not to say anything. Instead, she looked back up towards the sky and watched as a wispy cloud drifted in front of the half-moon.

She felt the sand shift around her just ever-so-slightly as Jade lay down on her own towel. Tori glanced over to see that Jade was mirroring her own position, her head only a foot away from Tori's own and her eyes trained up towards the sky. Her expression was calm, which was something Tori was still not used to seeing, and after a moment she looked away because she didn't want to risk the possibility of Jade catching her staring and changing that expression into something more familiar.

Neither of them said anything for a while. Clouds continued to drift across the stars and the waves continued to crash gently against the shore and there was a soft buzz in Tori's head that she knew from experience meant that she was probably drunker than she felt.

"Vega?"

Jade's voice was quiet and almost hesitant, and it made Tori want to turn her head to see what expression was on her face now but she didn't. Instead, she kept her eyes trained on the star to her left and ignored her curiosity. "Yeah?"

There was a pause before Jade spoke again and it did nothing to quell the butterflies that had started fluttering in Tori's stomach. "I-"

_Bzzzz. Bzzzz._

_"_ Shit." Tori sat up quickly, her hand sweeping across the towel for a phone that she knew wasn't there. "That's one of our phones, isn't it?"

"Has to be yours," Jade said, not bothering to move. "Mine has been turned off since we got here."

The buzzing sound continued as Tori scrambled to her knees and reached for the shorts she had discarded earlier. Her phone was in the pocket, and she pulled it out just as it stopped vibrating. "Shit."

"Anyone important?"

Tori glanced down at the screen to find Jake's name written underneath the missed call notification. "It was just Jake."

"Did he leave a message?" Jade asked, and Tori shook her head as she sat back down on the towel.

"No, he-" The phone buzzed again, this time with a new text notification. "Wait, yeah. He texted."

_Just wanted to see how you were doing!_

It was short and simple and absolutely inconsequential but she felt her stomach twist with guilt anyway.

"Need to call him back?" she heard Jade ask, and she blinked once before shaking her head again.

"No," she said, and the guilt twisted a little deeper. "It's not important." She set the phone down on the towel and reached for the bottle that Jade had placed between them. She could feel Jade's gaze as she twisted the cap off and took a swallow but she tried to ignore it. The rum burned on its way down, but it was warm when it hit her stomach and for a moment it was enough to quell the ache that had settled there.

 _Good_ , she thought, and she twisted the cap back on before lying back down next to Jade. She didn't let go of the bottle, though, choosing instead to trace the ridges in the plastic just for something to focus on.

"You can call him back, you know. I don't care," Jade said after a moment.

Tori's fingers paused, thumb tracing over what felt like an upraised recycling symbol. "I don't want to."

"Why not?"

The guilt came surging back and for a moment she was sure that she was going to be sick from it. She closed her eyes and forced herself to focus on the sound of the waves and the smell of the salt and swallowed hard before reopening them. "I just don't."

Her fingers moved up and started to twist the cap off again, but a hand closed around her wrist and she turned her head to see Jade lying on her side and looking at her with what she thought might be concern. "What?"

Jade took the bottle from her hand and set it aside before resting back on her elbow and looking at her again. "What's going on, Vega?"

"I don't-"

Jade shook her head. "Don't bullshit me. You've been acting weird for weeks now, _especially_ since Break started. Something had to have happened."

Tori wanted to look away from her; wanted to close her eyes and drift away into the sand and the sea. But she couldn't, because she was already getting lost in the sea of Jade's eyes and _fuck_ she was definitely drunker than she thought.

"I haven't..." she began, and Jade shook her head again.

"Vega, I've known you for how many years now? You might have always been weird, but there's a difference between your normal awkwardness and whatever the hell has been going on lately."

"I'm not normally awkward!"

She was met with an arched eyebrow. "Uh huh."

"I'm not!"

"You are. And you're also deflecting." Jade's eyes remained on hers for a moment before they glanced down at the phone lying next to her. "Why don't you want to call him back?"

Tori considered lying to her; considered coming up with some kind of asinine reason that wouldn't hold up under scrutiny but that would get her to just let it go, but then Jade's eyes came back up to meet hers and all she could think about was the way Jake's breath had tickled her ear when he had told her he loved her.

"Is it still because of his friends and the other Zetas, because I already told you, I-"

"Jake told me that he loved me," she whispered before she was able to stop herself from doing so. She took a deep breath and let go of it slowly, hands gripping opposite elbows. "He doesn't know that I heard him, but I did."

Jade's eyes widened for just a moment and Tori braced herself for the onslaught of teasing she was sure she was about to receive. But then Jade looked away.

"Oh," she said, and she finally rolled over so that she was on her back again. One of her hands came to rest underneath her head as she stared up at the sky. "And that's got you all torqued out of shape _because..._?"

Tori forced herself to look away from her and settled back down, her shoulders rubbing against terrycloth as she shifted into a more comfortable position. "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

She shrugged and brought her left hand up to support her head. "I just..." She paused and considered her next words carefully. "How did you know that you loved Beck?"

"Excuse me?"

There was a touch of that familiar anger in Jade's voice and it made the hair on the back of Tori's neck prickle. Normally, it would have been enough of a warning to prevent her from continuing with her question. But there was rum running through her veins and hell, it wasn't like she could take the question back anyway.

"You heard me. How did you know?"

Jade was silent for a long moment and Tori's fear continued to grow with each passing second.

Then, Jade sat up.

Tori pushed herself up and watched as Jade pulled her flask back out of her backpack. She looked at it for a second before turning back to Tori and tossing it to her.

Tori caught it and glanced down at it with a furrowed brow and a million more questions on her lips. "What-?"

"Beck got that for me for my 17th birthday."

Tori looked up to find that Jade had drawn her knees towards her chest, her arms crossed over them in what was almost a hug. She wasn't looking at Tori; instead, her eyes were trained on the flask in Tori's hand.

Tori looked back down at the flask and turned it over in her hands, fingers tracing over the embossed rose that she had noticed weeks earlier. "It's beautiful."

Jade made a small noise of agreement. "He never bought me flowers. I told him that they were stupid and a waste of money and he actually listened to me for once and never bought me any. But he got me that flask and it was so thoughtful and sweet and that's when I realized that I loved him." She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, eyes never leaving the flask. "I kinda wish that he would have gotten me real roses instead."

"Why?"

Jade bit her bottom lip. "Because then they would have eventually died and I would have been able to get rid of them without feeling like I was throwing away our entire relationship." She reached out and took the flask from Tori's hand, holding it up in front of them. "I can't exactly throw this away, can I?"

Tori watched as she turned back around and tossed the flask back into her bag. The metal clanged against something inside and Tori thought about checking to see if it had dented, but then Jade was turning back towards her again.

"Anyway, there you go. That's how I knew I loved Beck." Jade crossed her legs beneath her and propped herself up on her arms, hands splayed in the sand behind her. "Are we done talking about him now?"

"Do you still love him?"

The question was out of her mouth before she could stop it and she cursed both herself and the rum for making her words flow so easily.

"You know, there's no better way to ruin a nice day than to continuously bring up a girl's ex-boyfriend," Jade remarked, and Tori winced at the bitterness that so obviously tinged her joking tone.

"I'm sorry, I-"

"I don't know."

The apology died on her lips in the few seconds it took for her brain to register Jade's response. "Oh."

The glow of the lamp cast a muted orange glow on Jade's face that became more apparent when she frowned. "I don't..." She sat up more fully, leaning forward and clasping her hands between her knees. "I don't know what I'm supposed to feel about him."

"I don't think you're supposed to feel any particular way," Tori said, and Jade laughed, the sound so utterly without humor that it made Tori's heart ache.

"Yeah." Jade rested her elbows on her knees and rubbed her temples for a moment before closing her eyes. "Yeah."

Tori reached out, her hand stopping just before she could rest it on Jade's shoulder. She was about to withdraw it and pretend like she had never moved at all, but then she saw a tear reflecting on her friend's cheek and the ache in her chest bloomed and she brought her hand to rest on her shoulder. "Hey, I-"

"Fuck," Jade whispered. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and laughed again. "Fuck, I'm sorry. We're supposed to be talking about you and Jake, not..." Her words trailed off and she cast her eyes skyward, blinking back the tears that had welled up in them. "Jesus."

Tori considered her options quickly. She could pull her into a hug, or offer advice, or just sit there in silence and hope that it wouldn't be too awkward.

Or she could do none of those things and take a chance and hope that it didn't backfire.

Her hand squeezed Jade's shoulder, her thumb rubbing gentle circles into warm skin as she prepared to say the words that she hadn't dared speak out loud for days.

"I don't know if I love Jake."

The muscles of Jade's shoulder tensed beneath her hand, and she feared that she had definitely chosen the wrong route to take. But then she watched Jade blink again, this time without tears escaping her eyes.

"Yeah?"

Tori nodded and let her hand drop back down into her lap. She cast her eyes down, nervous about what she was going to say next. "Yeah. And I don't know why I don't, I just...it seems so sudden. I mean, we've only been together for a few months, and-"

"You don't need to force yourself into loving him yet."

Jade's interruption was sudden and unexpected and it completely shut Tori up in a way that she was thankful for. She looked back at Jade and was surprised to find that the other woman wasn't looking at her. Instead, her eyes were still focused on the stars.

The buzzing in her head was growing stronger, and her thoughts had begun to swirl around in her head, but she tried to focus on the one that seemed most important. "But he loves me. How am I supposed to live with knowing that while also knowing that I might not feel the same way?"

Jade finally looked back at her, and Tori felt her heart ache again when she saw the pity (at least, she thought it was pity) in Jade's eyes. "You said he doesn't know that you know?" She waited for Tori to nod before continuing. "Well, that makes it easier then. He doesn't expect you to say it back. So don't." A pause. "You shouldn't ever have to say that you love someone unless you're absolutely certain that it's true."

Tori wanted to ask if she was speaking from personal experience but even though she was drunk she knew that it would be a bad idea. "Okay."

"Is that everything then? No other traumatic experiences that we need to go over right now, or any other revelations that we have to work through? Because as fun as this has been, I think I'd much rather do anything else."

Tori rolled her eyes but let herself exhale, the weight on her chest letting up just enough that she was able to breathe freely again. "Gee, I'm sorry that _you_ decided to push the issue."

"Well, to be fair, I didn't think it would end up with us talking about my ex, or like, love and shit." Tori could tell that Jade was trying to keep an irritated expression on her face, but a grin kept slipping through. "I just thought that maybe you and Nic were fighting or something again. You know. Easy stuff."

"Gank," Tori said, but she let herself smile anyway.

"Yeah, yeah." Jade pushed herself to her feet and held out a hand. "Come on. Let's go see if there's any sharks that come out at night."

* * *

Going into the ocean after drinking definitely wasn't their brightest decision but Tori would be lying if she said that it wasn't fun as all hell.

They didn't go in very far, just deep enough so that the water lapped against their knees, but it was a completely different experience than swimming during the day had been. The water was cooler without the sun heating it, and even with the warmth of the rum in her blood, Tori could feel the goosebumps spreading across her skin.

"Hey Jade, do you..." she began to ask, turning towards where the other woman had been standing a moment before. Her words trailed off when she realized that Jade wasn't standing next to her anymore. "Jade?"

She twisted around quickly, turning in a full circle, her eyes desperately scanning the surrounding water for her. "Jade!"

Nothing.

"Oh no oh no oh no," she whispered to herself, continuing to search for any sign of life in the waves. "Jade!"

Suddenly, she felt something brush by her leg and before she had the chance to react, she was being pulled under the water. She took a breath and shut her eyes before the waves could crash over her head and prayed that it wasn't that fucking shark because _that_ would just be-

But she didn't go under. And...was that laughter?

She re-opened her eyes but didn't let go of the air in her cheeks, just in case she was hallucinating and she really _was_ under the water.

"Gotcha!" she heard a voice yell, and she turned her head to see Jade floating in the water just a few feet away. The deep blue of her swimsuit blended in with the inky water, and with the alcohol in her system and the fact that her glasses were safely in their case in the car, Tori could have sworn that Jade was just a floating head for a few seconds. But then she blinked and realized that she could finally exhale because she was safe. They were both safe.

"You..." she sputtered out, her hands balling into fists at her sides for a moment before she relaxed them and slammed her hands against the surf, sending a splash of the sea towards Jade's face. "Absolute _wazzbag!"_

Jade brought her hands in front of her face at the last second, preventing the bulk of the water from hitting her. "Hey!"

"I thought you _drowned_!" Tori yelled, sending another splash in her direction. Jade swatted the water away with another laugh.

"You should have seen your _face!_ " She crossed her arms across her chest and bent over as giggles overtook her. "God, did you think I was a shark or something?"

"I'm going to _murder you_ , West!"

Tori propelled herself towards Jade, who didn't look up in enough time to prevent herself from being sent flying back with Tori's body on top of hers.

The waves crashed over their shoulders, but Tori managed to keep them from going completely under, even though she was tempted to let Jade get dunked at least once. The water wasn't deep enough anyway.

"Hey! Stop that! You're going to actually make us drown, Vega!" Jade exclaimed, and Tori was fairly sure she heard fear in her voice.

"Should have thought about that before you decided to scare the hell out of me!"

Jade's hands pushed against Tori's shoulders, but Tori didn't release the bear hug that she had her in.

"I didn't mean to scare you _that_ badly!" Jade protested. "I just wanted to make you think that there was a shark or something!" A particularly large wave came and crashed around them, sending salt spray into both of their faces. Tori looked down at her, and saw a flash of terror in her eyes. "For fuck's sake, I'm sorry!"

A sly grin spread across Tori's face. "Gotcha."

And with that, she let go, sending Jade falling backwards into the sea. The tide had started to recede, though, and the water only came up to her chest.

"What have we learned?" Tori asked, the grin growing into a beaming smile as Jade glared up at her.

"That I'm going to bury you alive while you sleep?" She held her hand out. "Help me up, dickhead."

Tori started to reach for her hand, stopping just short of grasping it. "Now that's not very nice."

"Vega, I swear to _god_!"

"Fiiiine." Tori grabbed her hand. "Now just- _woah!_ "

A sharp tug on her hand sent her sprawling. Her knees hit the ocean floor, the sand biting into her skin and the stinging of salt against her kneecaps made her dimly aware that she probably had at least nicked herself.

Jade's laughter rang in her ears again, and Tori turned her head to glare at her with as much animosity as she could muster.

"Why must you be like this?"

Jade shrugged, then set about to getting to her feet. "It's fun."

"Not for me!"

Another shrug, then an outstretched hand. "Truce?"

Tori eyed her hand suspiciously. "Do you think I'm that stupid?"

It was hard to see in the dim light, but she was pretty sure Jade rolled her eyes. "I promise that I'm just going to help you up."

Maybe it was the buzz in her head, or the genuine tone of Jade's voice, or the fact that she was pretty sure that there was a crab tickling her foot, but Tori discovered that she believed her. Or, at least, she was willing to risk the chance that she was wrong.

She grabbed Jade's hand and let herself be hauled back up to her feet. She braced herself for the push back into the water, but it didn't come. Instead, Jade laced their fingers together for a brief moment and squeezed gently.

"One woe doth tread upon another's heel," Jade whispered, her head bent so that her face was obscured by shadows.

Tori gave her a quizzical look. "What?"

Jade's thumb swiped idly over the back of Tori's hand and there was another moment of silence before she lifted her head and looked at her. "Drowning would have been playing the wrong role. I'm not Ophelia. You are." She shook her head before Tori could respond, letting go of her hand. "I really didn't mean to scare you so badly. I didn't consider the whole "you might think I drowned" part. I just wanted to be a shark..." She trailed off and even in the dark, Tori could see her forehead wrinkle with contemplation. "And actually, now that I've said that, I think that might have been the alcohol making that decision, not me."

"What, rum makes you want to become Jaws?" Tori teased, and Jade grinned.

"Just be glad I didn't bite."

Tori stared at her for a moment, trying to keep the smile tugging at her lips from growing. But Jade was obviously trying not to laugh, and before she knew it, Tori was throwing her arms around her and laughing too.

"You're so fucking _weird!_ , you know that?"

There was only a brief moment of hesitation before Jade returned the hug. Her embrace was tight and Tori felt an open palm splayed across her back as she was pulled closer.

"Yeah, I know," Jade said, resting her chin on Tori's shoulder. "But at least I'm not boring."

"Out of all the things you could ever be, boring is definitely not on the list," Tori agreed.

She was about to say something more when something touched her leg and the words she had prepared were lost to the ether. Instead, she laughed and pulled away from Jade in order to throw a playful glare in her direction.

"Still trying to pull that "there's a shark!" trick?"

Jade stared at her, a single eyebrow arched. "Excuse me?"

Tori gestured towards the water. "You touched my leg again."

"No, I didn't."

It was Tori's turn to stare. "What do you mean you didn't?"

"I didn't touch you, Vega." Jade glanced down at the water, then looked back up at her. "But I'm pretty sure that something just brushed against me, too."

"Oh." Tori looked back down at the water thoughtfully. "Maybe we should..."

"Run?"

Something hit her leg again, harder this time, and she swallowed hard and nodded. "Yes please!"

They took off sprinting towards the shore, splashing through the tide as it threatened to pull them back into the sea, only stopping once they reached dry sand. 

("You know, the shark was really the misunderstood hero of Jaws, Vega," Jade said after they caught their breath. Tori just rolled her eyes)

* * *

 _His hand was wrapped around her bicep, and even though her face was blank and she didn't stir, it was obvious that his grip was too tight._ _She knew that if he let go, there would be finger-shaped bruises that remained, all purple and yellow against that ghostly pale skin._

_But he didn't let go, even when her foot caught on the stair and sent them pitching forward. He just gripped her tighter and pulled her back onto her feet with a snarl._

_She found her voice, then; that voice that used to be able to make everyone stop what they were doing so that they could listen to her. "Stop!"_

_He ignored her shouting and continued to pull the woman along. She tried again._

_"Stop!"_

_He turned around then, lips curled up in a sneer. "Who's going to make me? You?" He shook his head and laughed. "Good luck."_

_She tried to move, tried to chase after him, but her feet were stuck fast to the floor and as she struggled he laughed and began to drag the woman away again._

_"No!' she screamed. Her voice echoed in her ears, overtaking his laughter._

_"No!"_

* * *

"No!"

She awoke with a gasp, her eyes flying open and her hand gripped tight over her heart. Blood roared in her ears and her head spun and for a few terrifying moments she couldn't remember where she was.

_(The basement. Zeta house)_

But then she caught the smell of salt on the breeze and felt grains of sand against her legs and she was sent crashing back to Earth.

Carpenter's Cove. The beach.

"No..."

Jade.

Tori rolled over quickly, ignoring the way that doing so made her head feel like it was sloshing around on her neck.

"No..." Jade moaned again. She wasn't facing her, but Tori could see that she was curled into a ball, limbs pulled tight against her chest and neck bent so that her face was as hidden as it could possibly be.

And she was shaking.

"Jade?" Tori whispered, reaching out with a hesitant hand. "Jade, are you awake?"

She didn't receive a response.

Her hand came to rest on Jade's shoulder. "Jade?"

Another tremor that she could feel beneath her palm, accompanied by another moan that lacked words.

 _Shit_ , Tori thought. She started to gently shake Jade's shoulder. "Jade, come on. Wake up!"

When she received no response other than another tremble, she shook harder. "You're dreaming, West! Snap out of it!"

It took another few shakes before she heard a sharp intake of breath and saw Jade's head lift up an inch or so as she began to come to.

"What...?" she heard Jade say, her voice barely audible, but it was enough for Tori to finally release the breath that she hadn't realized she had been holding. "Tori?"

"I'm right here," Tori answered. Her hand began to rub gentle circles into Jade's shoulder blade, and she hoped that the other woman wouldn't be angry that she was touching her at all.

"What's..." Jade's voice trailed off, and Tori felt her shift beneath her. She pulled her hands away and sat back so that Jade could fully lift her head without her looming over her.

"You were having a bad dream, I think. You were moaning and shaking and...I didn't know what to do."

"Oh," Jade said. There was a pause. "Right."

_(Bruises on her arm. Feet stuck fast.)_

Tori shook her head, trying to banish the images leftover from her own dream. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you, I just...Jade?"

The other woman had started trembling again and for a moment Tori worried that she had somehow fallen back asleep. But then she heard a heavy exhale and a choked sob and she realized that Jade was crying.

"Oh shit," she whispered.

Tori had dealt with a lot of crying people over the years, Jade included. But she had known how to react to those- a hug, a few reassurances, maybe a tissue and a promise that it would get better. The last time Jade had cried in front of her, _really_ cried instead of just letting go of a few errant tears, Tori had known better than to touch her at all.

But she was drunk on a beach in the middle of nowhere and Jade was her friend and before she could stop herself, her arm was thrown over Jade's midsection in a loose embrace.

"It's okay," she whispered into her ear. Her other hand came up to brush a loose lock of hair away from Jade's face. "I've got you."

And then she began singing.

She didn't even mean to start doing it. Her head ached and her limbs were heavy and by the time she realized that she had begun to sing at all, she was already half-way through the second verse of a song by some artist whose name she couldn't remember but that she knew all of the words to by heart.

It wasn't until the third verse that she thought she heard a muffled laugh amidst the sobs. "Fuck."

The verse came to an end and Tori waited a few seconds before speaking again. "Hey."

Another laugh, followed by a slow exhale. "Hey." A pause. "You were singing Hallelujah."

"Yeah."

"That's a bit of a cliché, isn't it?"

Tori smiled even though she knew Jade couldn't see it. "At least it wasn't Wonderwall."

"Fuck, that's true."

Silence fell again, and Tori wondered if she should pull her arm away. But Jade wasn't yelling at her, or telling her to get off of her, and so she didn't. She just waited, though for what, she wasn't sure.

"Fuck," Jade finally whispered. Her voice cracked, and Tori felt her heart crack along with it.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Jade shook her head. "Not really."

"Okay."

She felt Jade shift again, then felt slender fingers interlace with hers. Another slow, shaky exhale. "I never truly thanked you."

Her palm felt like it was burning against Jade's, the heat of her own skin a sharp contrast against the coolness of Jade's, and it distracted her so much that she almost missed Jade's whisper.

Almost.

"What?"

"I've never really..." Jade sighed, her thumb brushing against the back of Tori's hand. "Look, you and Nicole and Jake... _you_...saved me from something horrible. And I never really thanked you for it."

"Yes, you did," Tori protested, but Jade shook her head.

"No, I didn't. Not in a way that meant anything."

Tori thought about arguing again, but something told her that it wouldn't be worth it; Jade wouldn't appreciate her lying.

So she decided to ask the question that had been in the back of her mind for months- one that she had purposefully not asked before because it hadn't ever felt like the right time or the right mood. And it wasn't the right time or mood then, either, but there was still rum in her blood and a buzz underneath her skin and she wasn't exactly known for making the brightest decisions anyway.

"Why haven't you gone after him?"

"What?"

"Pat. Why haven't you...I don't know. Gone after him, I guess? I expected you to seek out revenge, but-"

The grip on Tori's hand tightened, but not uncomfortably so. "If you remember, I didn't even know his name until you dropped it that night at the creek."

There was a hard edge to her voice, but Tori knew what Jade's anger sounded like, and that wasn't it. "When has that ever stopped you before?"

Jade didn't respond for a few moments and Tori worried that she actually _had_ angered her. But her fingers were still interlaced with hers and she hadn't had her arm thrown off of her, so maybe she hadn't.

"I..." Jade began, before she paused. Her grip on Tori's hand didn't change, but Tori could feel her fingers twitch against hers. "I think I'm scared."

"Scared?" Tori asked, and she watched Jade nod.

"I don't remember anything, you know that. But...I'm afraid that if I actually _did_ try to seek him out...if I did try and enact my revenge or whatever...that I'd suddenly remember. And I don't want to remember, because what if you were wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

Another sigh, this time shakier than the last. "What if he _did_ do something to me before you found me?"

"Oh," Tori said, the word leaving her lips before she could give it much thought. Then the words that Jade spoke hit her and she felt her stomach twist into a knot. "Oh."

"Yeah."

( _A hand on her arm_ )

"I'm pretty sure he didn't," Tori said, but the words sounded hollow in her own ears and she could only imagine how pathetic they sounded in Jade's.

"How could you know, though?" Jade asked. Tori could hear a tinge of panic in her voice, and she squeezed her hand in what she hoped was a reassuring manner. "How could you possibly know?"

Tori tried to focus on the images of that night that, as hard as she had tried to purge them from her mind, were still burned into her memory like a brand. "You were still down in the basement. You still had a drink in your hand, and your clothes were still on and they didn't look disheveled."

"He could have put them back on. He could have gotten me another drink."

"He was drunk off his ass. I don't think he would have been able to get that corset top laced up again, do you?" Tori pulled her hand out of Jade's and rested it on her shoulder. "Hey. Look at me."

Jade hesitated, but after a moment she rolled over so that they faced each other. The sight of her tear-streaked cheeks and red-rimmed eyes sent a sharp ache through Tori's chest, adding to the twisting of her stomach that she was trying hard to not show on her face.

She swallowed hard and laid down fully next to Jade, barely noticing the ache in her knees as she finally relieved the pressure she had been putting on them. She reached out a tentative hand, brushing another lock of hair behind Jade's ear before cupping the side of her face and wiping away a tear. "I can't promise that he didn't do anything. I wasn't there except at the end, and it wouldn't be fair of me to claim things that I can't ever possibly know. But I know what I _did_ see, and that was him pulling you _away_ from the party. "

( _Face blank, gaze unfocused, dragging dragging dragging_ )

She blinked and tried to focus on the woman in front of her rather than the woman in her head. "I don't think that he would have done anything before then, do you?"

Jade stared at her for a moment, and Tori tried not to think about how the tears in her eyes made them look almost glazed over, just like they had been that night.

"I'm never going to know," Jade said, and Tori felt her heart break again.

"No, probably not," she agreed. "But...I know what I saw, Jade. I've seen it again and again and again, and Nicole and Jake can back me up if you want. Your belt was fastened, and your top was still laced, and considering I couldn't have tied that thing _sober_ , I...I think you're safe."

Jade's gaze remained locked with hers for another few seconds before she blinked and looked away, eyes shut tight. Tori saw the muscle in her jaw twitch and then there were tears streaming down her cheeks again, wet against Tori's palm, and her shoulders shook with silent sobs.

Tori dropped her hand from Jade's face and pulled her close. Jade's forehead came to rest on Tori's shoulder, and she felt tears soak through the shirt she had clumsily thrown back on before lying down earlier.

"You're safe," Tori whispered. She shifted so that she could wrap both arms around her. "You're safe."

The waves continued to crash gently onto the shore, and the stars continued to twinkle above them, and Tori continued to hold Jade, humming softly into her hair and stroking her back in rhythmic circles. Round and round and around again.

At some point, the sobs began to settle into shaky breaths and the tears began to dry and by the time Tori realized that the chest that had been heaving frantically against hers had begun to rise and fall steadily, Jade was already fast asleep.

Tori looked down at her; at the black smudged in the corners of her eyes from the mascara that had ran with the tears and at the stains on her cheeks that were faint in the moonlight and at the way that she could hear the soft exhalations through parted lips every time Jade breathed.

 _She's beautiful_ , she thought, and she felt a smile tugging at her lips with the thought because she knew that Jade would vehemently disagree with her. She could practically hear her yelling at her to shut up because she looked like a damn raccoon, Vega, so how could she be beautiful?

But she was. And even though she had told her before that she was pretty (earlier that same day, even), there was a difference between those assessments and the beauty that she saw right then.

Tori reached up and brushed away the hair that had fallen into Jade's face. And then, before she had the chance to even really think about it, she leaned over and pressed her lips against her temple.

Jade's skin was cool against her lips and it was that coolness that made her realize what exactly she was doing. She pulled away quickly; almost too quickly, but she had enough mind to stop herself from jostling Jade too badly.

 _What the_ _ **fuck**_ _am I doing?_ she thought, her heart hammering against her chest in a panicked thumping that, when Jade sighed and shifted a moment later, she worried had actually been so hard and loud that it had woken the other woman up. But Jade didn't open her eyes, and after a few minutes of Tori trying very, very hard to not freak the fuck out, she let herself start to breathe again.

_I'm drunk, and she's drunk, and it's been a very emotional night, and...and..._

Her thoughts were a scattered flurry in her mind and her head hurt and she didn't know whether to start crying or laughing because _Jesus_ nothing about the past year made any fucking sense. So she did neither and just lay there with Jade in her arms and tried to ignore the images of Jade in her head that were all too real and prayed to the God that she hadn't known since her youth that she wasn't going completely insane.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: discussions of sexual assault

They didn't talk about it.

Tori woke up with empty arms and a pounding headache that almost made her forget about what had happened during the night. 

Almost.

She rolled over to find Jade folding up the blanket that they had pulled from her trunk. Her makeup was newly applied and her hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail and when she saw Tori staring at her she shot her a familiar smirk and a nod.

"Bottle of Advil is already next to you. I'm sure you're gonna need it."

(Tori very much _did_ need it)

And then they drove back to Hearst. Tori waited and waited for Jade to say something- _anything-_ about what had happened, but she never did. All she did was sing along to the songs on the radio and ask Tori for directions every now and then and before Tori knew it, she was climbing out of the car outside of Sawyer and waving goodbye as Jade drove away.

They saw each other a few more times throughout the week, mostly to practice their lines or to just have someone to eat dinner with. But their conversations were inconsequential and everything was so fucking _normal_ that if she hadn't had noticed the mascara stains on her shirt before throwing it into the washing machine, Tori would have questioned whether or not that night had even _happened._

But it did happen. The stains on her shirt and the memories seared into her mind proved that.

But they didn't talk about it that first day, and they didn't talk about it during the rest of spring break, and they definitely didn't talk about it after Nicole and Jake and the rest of the student body came back from all the corners of the Earth that they had run off to, and so Tori decided to just let it go because what else could she really do?

(And if, at night, she could still feel the phantom of tears soaking through her shirt and cool skin beneath her lips, that was fine. It was fine.)

* * *

"So, do you guys want to go to a party?"

Tori looked up from her music theory notes and gave her boyfriend a quizzical look. "Come again?"

Jake set the book he was reading onto his chest and looked over at her from where he lay on her bed. "We're hosting a mixer with the girls from Chi Theta on Saturday. It's going to be at their house, and I think it's some kind of island theme? You know, palm trees and parrots and shit like that."

She rolled her eyes. "I know what an island theme consists of, thank you very much."

He gave her a sheepish grin. "So are you in, then?"

She set her notes down with a sigh. "Jake, I..."

He rolled over so that he could sit up, his legs dangling over the edge of her bed. "Look, I know that you don't like going to Zeta parties, and I totally understand why. But it's not at the house, and it's during the day, and I just think that you'd have a good time. You know..." he paused, and bit his lip. "With me."

There was a world of implications in his words and Tori felt them all wash over her as she watched the way he tried and failed to hide a combination of excitement and worry from showing in his expression.

"Who's all going to be there?"

"The Chi Thetas, obviously...most of the Zetas, I think? And our guests, so you, Nicole, maybe Jade if you'd think she'd come..."

"Is _he_ going to be there?"

Her tone was light but tinged with an edge that, from the way Jake frowned, she knew came across as sharper than she might have intended. But it was too late to take it back, and he was already shaking his head. "I don't think so. He hasn't really gone to the parties, lately."

She cocked an eyebrow and prepared to turn him down, just like she had done so many times before, when he started speaking again.

"It's seriously going to be a lot of fun, and if he shows up, I'll make sure that we aren't anywhere near him. But I don't think he's going to come, babe."

She wanted to turn him down.

God, she wanted to turn him down.

But he was looking at her with an almost-pleading look in his eyes and a small pout on his lips and she knew that he loved her.

So she said yes, and his smile stretched from ear to ear, and she hoped and prayed that she made the right decision.

* * *

It didn't take much convincing to get Nicole to go to the mixer with her.

Actually, all she had to say was the word "party" and her roommate was nodding enthusiastically and asking when and where and what theme it was because of course she had to prepare the best outfit possible.

Jade, on the other hand, proved to be much more difficult, especially when Tori told her _who_ was co-hosting.

"Why the fuck would I want to go to a Zeta party?" she asked, perhaps a little more aggressively than she normally would have, and Tori couldn't find it in her to really blame her for being on edge because she had considered backing out of it herself at least ten times since she told Jake that she'd go.

"Because Jake said it'd be a lot of fun, and it's going to be outside _and_ at the Chi Theta house, so-"

Jade eyed her up from over the top of her coffee. "Vega, just because your boyfriend said it'd be fun doesn't mean that I want to be _anywhere_ near there."

"Yeah, I know." Tori cupped her hands around her own drink and tried to focus on the heat radiating off the ceramic rather than the anxiety twisting in her gut. "I just thought I'd ask, because Nic and I are going to go and it'd be more fun if you were there, too."

Jade continued to study her from over the rim, her gaze never wavering. "Is the invitation coming from _you_ or is it coming from Jake?"

"Both? He said I should invite you, and I mean...I would have anyway, so."

Jade watched her for a moment longer before she set her cup down and leaned back in her chair. "Vega, I don't..." She paused, her teeth pulling at her lower lip as she finally looked away. "Do you really think it would be a good idea for me to be anywhere near the Zetas? Or hell, a party in general? I don't exactly have a glowing track record when it comes to them, after all."

Tori winced, but quickly wiped it from her face so that if Jade happened to look back at her, it wouldn't seem like she was agreeing with her statement. "Jake said that Pat... _he_...barely even shows up to parties anymore."

It was no use, and she knew it. She had known that from the moment that Jake had brought up the party in the first place, and it had been confirmed by the way Jade's jaw had set and the way her brow had furrowed when Tori brought it up to her. But she had to try, because...well, just because.

Maybe she was wrong.

"Vega, I just don't think that it's a good idea."

(She wasn't)

Disappointment flooded through her, but at least she had expected it, so she just shrugged and leaned back in her chair. "Okay. That's fine."

Jade looked back up at her, eyebrow cocked. "Is it?"

"Of course it is," Tori answered, but even as she said it she knew that it was a lie.

But lying was easy. She had a lot of practice doing it, after all.

* * *

Out of all the possible outfits that Tori expected to wear for the mixer, a pair of neon green short shorts and a bikini top were probably last on her list.

Hell, they weren't even _her_ shorts. In fact, she wasn't even sure that they were Nicole's- at least, she had never seen her wear them before. But they had been shoved in her hands all the same by her overly-eager roommate and she had put them on because it wasn't like she really had anything better to wear anyway.

The bikini top was hers, at least. It was green with yellow stripes and she didn't wear it often because it made her feel like a can of Sprite, but Nicole had rummaged through her drawer and held it up with a beaming grin and the declaration that she would look hot as fuck wearing it. She considered arguing against it but knew that it wouldn't do her any good so she just put it on and drank the tequila shots that Nicole had set out for them and hoped for the millionth time that she wasn't making a huge mistake.

They showed up at the Chi Theta house about forty minutes after the time the party was supposed to start. Tori wanted to show up earlier, but Nicole had rolled her eyes and informed her that showing up on time was lame, and who was she to question her roommate's wisdom when it came to such matters?

The party was already in full-swing when they arrived. Girls in coconut bras and grass skirts danced with boys in board shorts and little else, and if the cultural appropriation wasn't enough to make Tori uncomfortable, the giant trashcan filled to the brim with bright red juice that was sitting off to the side was certainly enough to do so.

Nicole seemed to sense her anxiety, though, because she grabbed her by the arm and whispered "It's going to be fine" in her ear before leading her over to the trashcan, where, she realized, her own boyfriend was standing.

"What'll it be, ladies?" he asked, throwing an exaggerated wink towards her.

She looked him up and down, taking in the parrots on his shorts and the puka shell necklace that she _certainly_ had never seen before, and made sure that he was paying attention when she rolled her eyes. She was ready to answer him with a remark just _dripping_ with sarcasm when Nicole beat her to it.

"Where's your surfboard, dude? You look like you're ready to catch some real _killer_ waves!"

Jake flashed a quick grin in Tori's direction before turning his attention to Nicole. "You're one to talk! Your shorts could literally be used to flag down approaching planes!"

Tori turned to her roommate, who glanced down at her neon pink shorts and frowned. "He's got you there, Nic."

"Your shorts aren't any better!" she shot back, and Tori shrugged.

"Not my shorts, remember?"

"Listen here, you..."

"Ladies!" Jake walked around from behind the trashcan and stepped between them. He rested a hand on both of their shoulders, squeezing Tori's playfully. "Hot chicks shouldn't fight. You _should_ be getting absolutely wasted, though, so can I offer you some of my specialty?" He let go of their shoulders and ignored their withering glares as he bent over to grab two Solo cups out of the sleeve that rested next to the can. He straightened and dipped them into the can, filling them with punch before he handed them off to the two girls. 

"Should we ask what's in it?" Nicole asked, and he grinned.

"A _lot_ of grain alcohol."

Tori gazed down into her drink and tried to ignore the twisting in her stomach. "You're the one who mixed it, right?"

Jake's expression turned serious for only a second before it was replaced with a laid-back grin. "Yeah. Don't worry, babe, this is a certified Jake Freeman concoction."

She looked at it for a second longer, focusing on the orange slice floating at the top of her cup before she forced a smile and a shrug. "Good enough for me."

"Yeah?" Jake pulled out another cup and filled it for himself, turning back to the girls. He lifted his cup in front of him expectantly. "Cheers?"

"Cheers!" Nicole agreed, and Tori nodded. They tapped the rims of their cups together and brought the cups to their lips and Tori tried to ignore the apprehension still twisting in her gut.

* * *

It was the last thing that she ever expected, but she was having _fun_.

The music was good, and the punch was delicious, and as her buzz grew and grew her worries grew less and less and by the time she had stumbled back towards the trashcan and asked the Zeta pledge behind it for a third refill, she was feeling fucking great.

She would look back at that moment later and wonder if it was then that everything started to fall apart.

Or maybe it was when she turned around and saw the flash of greasy brown hair to her right.

Or maybe it was when he turned around and she could see his dark brown eyes flash with recognition.

It didn't matter when, she supposed. It all ended the same way, regardless.

"Jake," she thought she heard herself say, but her voice was lost in the beat of the music pouring out of the nearby speakers. She turned her head to the left and searched for her boyfriend who she could have sworn had been by her side just a moment before. "Jake?" she said again, her voice louder but with a tinge of alarm that mirrored the panic rising in her chest.

But Jake wasn't there. He was a few dozen feet away with his head thrown back in laughter at something Nicole had said, and Tori was utterly alone when Pat decided to make his presence known.

"You."

She didn't want to turn back around- didn't want to see the face that had haunted her nightmares for months on end or the eyes that had been burned into her memory like a brand- but she didn't have a choice because Jake wasn't there and Nicole wasn't there and-

"I remember you."

His tone was light but there was an anger underneath it that sent fear shivering down Tori's spine. The fear only grew when she saw the hate burning behind those dark eyes and she realized that she had unintentionally backed herself up against the trashcan in an attempt to put a few extra inches between them.

She wanted to scream for Jake, but there wasn't a guarantee that he would hear her and even if he did it would be too late and-

"Move," she said, her voice hardly above a whisper. Her fear was ice in her veins and it was all she could do to not shiver again when he stepped closer. She tried to step back, but the trashcan was in her way.

He leaned in close enough that she could smell the liquor on his breath. "I told you that you would regret fucking with me, remember?"

The words hit her ears and something changed.

( _Finger-shaped bruises. Glazed-over eyes._ )

Something new began to mix in with the fear that coursed through her; something white-hot that quickly overtook the ice and made her feel like she was burning up from the inside out.

"Vega!"

Out of the corner of her eye, Tori saw a flash of violet and her stomach twisted even tighter.

 _She can't be here,_ she thought, but she watched Pat's eyes dart to the right and his grin grew wider.

"Looks like I get a second chance!" he said, the words dripping with an insinuation that made her see red.

"Don't you _dare_ touch her." Her voice sounded weak in her own ears, but it was unwavering.

"Oh, I plan on doing a lot more than that." He reached out and placed his hand on her arm, just barely squeezing but her breath caught in her throat and-

( _A hand gripped tight around her arm. Dragging._ )

"And don't worry. You'll get to watch. And when I'm done with her, I'll be sure to give you a ride that'll make sure-

_(Tears mixing in with the shower water. Scrubbing vomit from her jeans. Dead eyes. Jade.)_

-that you can never look at Freeman again without remembering what if felt like to have my co-"

There was a roaring in her ears and her vision went fuzzy and her heart was beating too fast against her chest and she didn't remember drawing back her arm or curling her fingers into a fist but there was a howl of pain and she was suddenly free.

"You _cunt_!" she thought she heard Pat scream, and there was blood, so much blood, so much _red_ , and-

"Tori!"

There were arms around her and she tried to pull herself out of them but she only got a few feet before they were around her shoulders again. All the while, the bass pouring out of the speakers reverberated around her and it beat in time to the thudding of her heart and she needed to get away, why wouldn't they just let her get away?

"Tori, it's me!"

A strained voice in her ear. Her name sounded unfamiliar in that voice, and it almost made her panic until she caught the scent of coffee in the air and felt leather being draped around her shoulders and...and...

She thought she heard others calling her name; thought she felt a hand on her wrist that was rough but gentle, but then it was gone and she heard a stern "I've got her."

And then she was being led away past the throngs of students who had flocked around them like buzzards, and there were murmured words against her hair, and she wanted to _run_ but the arm wrapped around her shoulders kept her pressed against a warm side and nothing made sense.

( _A weight on her back. Ragged breaths. Jade._ )

She didn't realize that her eyes had been shut tight until they suddenly stopped walking and the sound of rushing water was mixing with the voice in her ear that begged for her to open her eyes.

She didn't want to. She just wanted to sleep; wanted to sink into the Earth until it had enveloped her in darkness and the fear would stop and-

( _Broken and battered and dead? dead dead dead_ )

"You have to open your eyes for me...please, Tori!" A hand on the side of her face, thumb brushing away tears that she didn't even realize she was crying, and it was cool against her searing hot skin.

"Can't," she heard herself mutter, and the thumb stopped moving.

"Tori. Open your eyes," the voice said, and Tori thought that maybe it was fear that she heard behind the words.

So she did.

The sunlight burned her eyes but she didn't care because the ocean was staring back at her, stormy and wild, and the thudding of her heart stilled for a moment.

"Thank god," Jade said, her features softening with relief.

"Jade," Tori breathed. She meant to say more, but the words caught in her throat as the dam inside of her chest shattered and she felt strong arms pull her close against the other woman's chest as sobs began to wrack through her body.

"I've got you," she heard Jade whisper. "I've got you."

Her legs buckled beneath her and Jade caught her before she could hit the ground. She lowered them down as slowly as possible, but it still felt a bit like falling. Tori felt rocks underneath her arm and the boulder against her side before Jade shifted and all she felt was her.

There was a hand on her back, rubbing smooth circles against the leather jacket- at least, she assumed that was what was around her shoulders- and Jade's voice singing into her ear, a song that she recognized but couldn't name, and she tucked herself as close as she could possibly get against Jade's chest because she could almost feel her heartbeat and it reassured her more than anything else possibly could.

"You're here," she whispered.

The hand stilled and the song stopped mid-verse.

"Where else would I be?" Jade asked, and-

( _dragging dragging dragging away_ )

-and Tori took a shaky breath and opened her eyes again so that she could look up at the woman who held her.

"He was dragging you away," she answered, and Jade's eyes widened.

"What?"

Tori tore her eyes away from Jade's and tucked her head in closer to her chest, searching for her heartbeat again. She found it, strong and steady, and sighed. "He was dragging you away. And I couldn't stop him."

"Tori..." Jade began, her voice low and cautious and Tori felt a surge of ice-cold fear in her veins again. "What are you talking about?"

Jade's heartbeat was loud in her ear. "I...I can't stop seeing him dragging you away. And I couldn't stop him and he...he..."

"Vega. Look at me." Jade's voice was emotionless, and it scared Tori more than anything, but she forced her eyes open and pulled away just enough so that she could meet Jade's gaze. There was confusion in her eyes, and something else, and it made Tori's stomach twist into knots.

"You saved me," Jade said simply, like it was the most steadfast thing in the world. "You, and Nic, and Jake...you stopped him. He...Pat...didn't drag me away, because you saved me." She tilted her head and looked at Tori with a curious expression. "And I think you might have decked him a few minutes ago, so-"

"What?"

Jade's brow furrowed as she reached down and took Tori's hand in her own. "You fucking decked a guy at that party...don't you remember?"

Tori looked down at her hand and, for the first time, noted the sharp ache radiating throughout her fingers. Her knuckles were bruised and slightly swollen and it was such a strange sight that she couldn't do anything except let out a single surprised laugh. "Oh."

"Like, from the way he was bleeding, I'm pretty sure you broke his nose. Which, if it _was_ Pat, I totally support." Jade's thumb brushed over her knuckles, and Tori bit back a hiss because those blue-green eyes were suddenly on hers again. "That _was_ Pat, right?"

Tori shuddered and nodded. "Yeah."

Jade's nose wrinkled in disgust. "Jesus. That's the guy who drugged me?" She shook her head. "I was hoping it would at least be someone more attractive."

Tori stared at her, unsure whether or not she was joking or not because who the fuck even jokes about that? But Jade's lips were quirking up into a smirk and then they were both fighting back laughter and for the first time since she she had seen Pat, Tori felt the weight on her chest lessen, even if only a little.

"Seriously!" she agreed, reaching up to wipe her eyes. Her hand came back damp but she tried to ignore it. "He needs to fucking shower, right?"

Jade nodded emphatically. "His hair was so greasy, you could fucking fry an egg in it! Like, seriously, I kinda get why he had to drug me to get me to go anywhere, because I sure as hell wouldn't have gone with him otherwise!"

Tori giggled despite herself. "That's terrible!"

"But true!" Jade's grin remained for another few seconds before it started to fade away into concern. "But uh...seriously, Vega, like...you know that I'm okay, right?" She took Tori's hand again, squeezing it almost absently as she met Tori's gaze. "I'm right here. I'm okay."

She pressed Tori's hand to her chest, her heartbeat thudding underneath her palm, and Tori let out a shaky breath as she stared into the ocean staring back at her and-

And she was surging forward and Jade's lips were warm against hers and there was a hand on the back of her neck pulling her in closer, impossibly closer. Her own hand hadn't moved from its position on Jade's chest and she could feel the rapid pounding of her own heart match that of Jade's as she tasted coffee on her tongue. A scrape of teeth against her lip and a moan rose from deep within her, spilling out into Jade's mouth like a prayer.

But then the hand on the back of her neck wasn't there anymore and she was being pushed away. She blinked and tried to lean back in anyway, only to find a hand gripping her shoulder and holding her steady.

"Vega, stop."

Jade's voice was firm, and Tori blinked again because the brief moment behind her eyelids meant a brief instance in which she didn't have to see the look in the eyes staring back at her. But it _was_ brief, and when the stars faded she was faced with the undeniable truth of the confusion and regret in Jade's eyes.

"Jake," Jade said, and Tori felt her world shatter around her.

"Oh my god." She tore her eyes away from Jade's and wrenched her hand away from her chest like it had been burned. "Oh my god."

Bits of rock cut into her hand as she pushed herself up from the ground, her sandal-clad feet scrambling to find purchase on the loose ground.

"Vega, where are you going?" she heard Jade ask, but she didn't wait around to hear anything else before she began to run.


	15. Chapter 15

Running was something that Tori had never particularly enjoyed, whether it was for gym class back at Sherwood or the inane laps that Walker made them run before every rehearsal. However, even though she didn't necessarily enjoy doing it, she had always been relatively decent at it- she was faster than most, and had more stamina than most, and even though her lungs burned with every breath as her feet flew across the pavement, she knew that there wasn't any chance of Jade being able to catch up with her.

At least the ache in her chest gave her something to focus on. Something that wasn't the bruises on her knuckles or the swollen heat of her lips or the rapid cycling of faces in her mind.

Pat. Jake. Jade.

The burning of a gasp for breath.

Rinse and repeat and rinse and repeat and rinse and repeat and-

And then she blinked and she was standing outside of her dorm room, frantically searching for the key before remembering that it was tied around her wrist.

But she didn't need it. Her door was already open.

A flash of neon pink fabric and blonde hair out of the corner of her eye.

"Tori!"

Nicole rushed towards her and Tori didn't even have time to brace herself before arms were being thrown around her and she was being drug into her room. She almost fought against those arms, almost struggled to tear herself from their grasp so she could run again, but she was so tired. So tired.

( _It's just Nicole, it's just Nicole, it's just_ )

"Oh my god, Tori, where have you been? Jake and I have been looking for you for like, an hour! Neither you or Jade were answering your phones, and he's still out searching for you both, and..." Nicole's grip on her loosened, and Tori wondered why she was staring at her. She was going to ask, but then Nicole bit her lip and tilted her head towards the mirror hanging on the wall next to the door.

"Tor, you...your lipstick is smudged," Nicole said, and Tori almost laughed because what was she even talking about? She hadn't been _wearing_ lipstick.

But then she glanced towards the mirror and saw the pale red staining her lips and then she _did_ laugh.

She laughed and laughed and at some point the laughter turned into sobs and Nicole pulled her into her arms again after making sure that the door was shut tight and locked behind them.

* * *

"You know that we need to talk about this, right?"

Tori didn't bother to look up at Nicole's words. "I don't want to."

Nicole shifted just enough so that she could reach over and brush a lock of hair out of Tori's face. Tori tried not to flinch as she did, but from the way that Nicole pulled her hand back just a little too quickly, she figured that she had failed at that, too. "Yeah, well, that's too bad, because so far today you've broken a man's nose, had a slightly public breakdown, and...well, that other thing, too."

"There is no other thing."

"Tori."

Nicole's voice was firm but not unkind and Tori found herself wishing that she had been assigned a shittier roommate because then at least that person wouldn't have given a damn about her and she'd be able to just go to sleep like she wanted to.

God, she was just so fucking tired.

"I don't want to."

Nicole sighed and slid off of the bed. "Again. That sucks." She walked over to the minifridge and opened the freezer. "But there's obviously some shit going on and it's been eating you alive for months now."

Tori opened her mouth to argue, but Nicole turned around with an icepack in one hand and an upraised finger wagging at her from the other. "It has. Don't argue."

Tori glared at her, but didn't say a word when she came back over and reached for her hand.

Nicole let out a low whistle as she turned Tori's hand over and inspected the damage. "Tor, you should probably go get this checked out at the emergency room. I don't think your fingers are supposed to be purple. Also, you've managed to scrape the hell out of your hand. What were you doing, rock climbing?"

"It's fine."

Nicole's eyebrows arched high. "Oh?" She poked the knuckle of Tori's middle finger and Tori couldn't stop herself from wincing. "Yeah, that definitely seems fine." She shook her head and reached for a shirt lying on the back of her chair. She wrapped the icepack in it and placed it gently on Tori's hand. "Hold that there, okay? We'll revisit the ER idea later, once we're both a little less drunk."

"Not happening."

"Whatever." Nicole hopped back onto her bed and pulled her legs beneath her in a criss-cross fashion. "Now. Which thing would you like to address first? The punch, the freakout, or the fact that you came home wearing a shade of lipstick that I know for a fact your boyfriend doesn't own?"

Guilt stabbed through her chest at Nicole's words and she closed her eyes tight and tried to remember how to breathe again. There was a hand hot against her thigh and she knew it was meant to be comforting but it just made her think of how Jade's hand had burned against the back of her neck and she scooted further back so that she was out of Nicole's reach.

"Tor, honey...you can talk to me," Nicole said, and there was a desperation in her voice that almost mirrored the desperation that Tori had heard in Jade's earlier and she knew that she was fucked because her eyes burned again and the knife in her gut twisted deeper.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, the words choked behind the lump in her throat. "I'm so sorry."

"Tor..."

"I fucked up, Nic. I really, really fucked up, and I think I _am_ fucked up, and I...I..." She stared down at the ice pack wrapped around her hand and took a shaky breath. "I don't know what I'm doing."

Nicole was quiet for a moment, and as the seconds ticked by, Tori became more and more anxious. She tried to concentrate on the contrast of the ice against the dull heat of her aching knuckles but it just served as a reminder of how badly she had screwed up.

God, she was so, so fucked.

"Where's Jade?"

Tori's eyes darted up at the unexpected question. "What?"

"Jade was the one who led you away from the party. And you're still wearing her jacket. But where is she now?"

The mention of the jacket made her hyper-aware of the leather against her skin, of the heaviness on her shoulders and on her chest and on her heart, and she was shrugging it off before she could even think about it. "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? You were with her, you have to-"

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

Both of their heads shot up at the sound of knocking on their door.

"Nic..." Tori began, but Nicole was already sliding off of the bed again. Fear flooded through her again and she-

( _What if it's him what if it's him what if it's_ _her_ )

-reached out to grab her roommate before she could get out of reach, but it was too late.

"Nic, wait!"

Nicole walked over to the door and peered through the peephole before she turned back to Tori. "It's Jake."

The memory of warm lips against hers, of coffee and scraping teeth and _Jade_ flooded into her, and she gripped Nicole's bedspread with her non-injured hand so she wouldn't reach up and touch her lips. "I can't."

She thought she saw pity in Nicole's eyes. "Tori..."

_Knock. Knock._

"Nic!" Jake called from outside the door. "Nic, are you there?"

The desperation in his voice made Tori's heart ache and she knew that Nicole had to let him in. Knew that there were about a thousand different painful conversations that she needed to have, and she wanted to have exactly none of them, but even though she had been continuously wishing for it for the past hour or so, the powers-that-be apparently didn't want to put her out of her misery. So she nodded at Nicole and scooted further back against the wall and tried to tap into every single ounce of acting ability that she had in order to make it appear that she wasn't freaking the fuck out.

But then Nicole opened the door and Jake came bursting inside the room and Tori knew that there was absolutely no way she was going to be able to hold it together.

But fuck, she was going to try.

"Nic, I still can't find them. I've looked _everywhere_ , and-" His eyes landed on her, and she saw the wildfire burning in them, and she tried not to retch from the wave of guilt that threatened to pull her under. "Tori!"

Jake's bottom lip was swollen and there was dirt streaked on his chest and a bruise on his shoulder that Tori knew hadn't been there before and part of her wanted to run to him and check that he was okay.

But she didn't. She couldn't move.

"Tori, oh my god!" Jake moved towards her, only for Nicole to block his path.

"Hey, maybe now's not the best time to..."

"What are you talking about?" He tried to sidestep her, to no avail. "Nic, what are you doing?"

"You're kinda all intense and shit right now, and maybe..."

"It's okay."

The words surprised her even as she spoke them, a sentiment obviously shared by Nicole, who turned her head just enough to shoot her a questioning look.

"It's okay," she stated again, even though everything inside of her screamed that she was full of shit. "Let him through."

Nicole hesitated for a moment but then moved aside, her gaze never leaving Tori's even as she backed away towards the open door. "I'll just....yeah. If you need me..."

"I know," Tori replied, and then Nicole was gone and the door was shut and Jake was in front of her with a hand reaching for her shoulder and hurt in his eyes when she shied away.

"Baby?" he said, the word somewhere between a statement and a question. "Babe, what's..."

"You said he wouldn't be there."

The surprise she felt at the bitterness in her voice was apparently matched by Jake, whose eyebrows shot up at her words. "I..."

"You said he didn't come to parties anymore. You said that you'd keep an eye out for him, just in case." Her hand fisted in the bedspread, and she was dimly aware of the pain radiating through her fingers and palm. "But he was there. He was there, and I was alone, and he was _there,_ Jake."

He stared at her, mouth slightly agape and brow furrowed. "Babe...you had stepped away for only a minute. I didn't...I didn't know." His eyes finally left hers as he stepped back and leaned against her desk. He stared at the ground, his fingers gripping the edge of the wood. "I'm sorry." His voice became strained, and his shoulders fell as he let out a shaky breath. "Fuck, Tori. I'm sorry. I'm so, so incredibly sorry."

The lump in Tori's throat swelled again when she realized that he was crying. Her own eyes began to burn despite her best efforts to blink back the tears.

"Fuck," Jake said again. He let go of the desk and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand before he looked back at her. His gaze landed on her hand. "You're hurt."

She gave a small half-shrug. "So are you."

He pushed himself away from the desk and held out his hand. "May I?"

She shook her head. "I'm fine."

"No you're not, you..."

"Jake." She waited for him to look up at her before continuing. "I'm fine. You should take care of your lip, though."

"My lip?" He reached up and touched his index and middle fingers to the swollen skin. "Oh."

"What happened?"

His hand dropped back down to his side. "I heard a scream- it was kinda hard to miss, honestly. I turned around, and you were...you were there, and...well, Pat didn't exactly take being punched in the face very well. But you weren't moving, and I was afraid he was going to hurt you, so I tried to get you out of there but Jade grabbed you instead, and before I could figure out what to do, Pat started swinging."

Jake reached out for her desk chair and pulled it towards the bed so that he could sit down and still face her. He propped his elbows on his knees and steepled his fingers in front of him, resting his forehead against his fingertips. "He got a few lucky shots in, but he was too drunk to do much damage."

"Where is he now?"

He shrugged. "Some of the other brothers stepped in and separated us. I think they took him back to the house."

"Oh."

He stared at his own hands for another moment before his eyes rose to meet her gaze. "Did he hurt you?"

She shook her head and lifted her hand up a few inches. "Didn't get the chance to."

The relief in his eyes sent another stab into her gut. "Thank god."

He fell quiet for a moment, and Tori felt each second as it ticked away; felt it in the pounding of her heart and the souring in her stomach and she knew she had to tell him.

Fuck, she had to tell him.

"Jake..."

"What happened?" he interrupted. He looked up at her, and Tori noticed the way that his leg was bouncing up and down and the way that his hands had curled into loose fists when they dropped back down into his lap, and she knew from experience that he was holding himself back, though from what she wasn't completely sure.

She hoped it was from touching her instead of yelling at her.

"What do you mean?"

"You punched him. What happened before that?"

She hadn't let herself think about it. Hadn't had the chance to, really, what with everything else. But Jake's question brought it surging back to the surface and-

( _Looks like I get a second chance_ )

If she hadn't felt herself turn pale, the look on Jake's face would have been evidence enough of its happening. "Babe! Are you-"

He started to stand, but she shook her head. "I'm okay. Just.." she took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a long moment, only opening them again when she exhaled. "Fuck."

"Tori, did he hurt you?"

She laughed, just once, and shook her head again. "I already said he didn't."

"Then what..."

"He threatened to." Her uninjured hand gripped her elbow, hugging herself. "And he threatened to hurt Jade."

"What did he-"

"Jake, I really don't want to talk about it, okay?"

He looked like he was going to say something else, but then he looked at her again and his mouth slowly shut and he nodded.

 _Fuck,_ she thought. _Fuck fuck fuck fuck fu-_

"I kissed Jade."

Her voice was quiet; quiet enough that if Jake hadn't snapped his head up to stare at her, she wouldn't have been certain that she had spoken at all. But she did, and he stared at her, and she couldn't look away even though she wanted to.

"What...what did you say?"

"I kissed Jade," she repeated, a little louder this time, and he shook his head.

"Like...like, _kissed_ her? Or like, kissed her in a friendly way or in that way that girls sometimes do with each other to get free shit from stupid boys or..."

Her eyebrow arched at that last comment, but only for a second because he was looking at her so seriously and _fuck_.

"Not in that way, no." She forced her eyes away from his. "I'm so sorry."

"But..."

"I didn't want to hurt you," she said. "But I don't want to lie to you either."

He was silent for a few seconds, long enough that she turned back towards him out of concern. "Jake?"

"This doesn't..." he swallowed and shook his head. "This doesn't have to mean anything."

"Jake..."

"Seriously!" He looked up at her with so much hope in his eyes that she felt her stomach twist. "We can work past it, it's okay, I..."

"Jake."

His mouth opened and shut twice, but then it closed completely and she watched the hope dissipate.

"It's not just because of Jade, is it?" he asked, and she shook her head.

"No."

"Didn't help though, huh?" He shook his head and looked at the ground, laughing once as he rested his head in his hands again. "Shit."

"I..."

"Did I do something wrong?"

His question was unexpected, and it threw her for a moment. She felt the walls that she had desperately built start to chip, and she took another deep breath before shaking her head. "No. I just...it's complicated."

"It's the whole Zeta thing, isn't it?"

She didn't respond quickly enough, and when he shook his head she realized she didn't have to. "Fuck." His hands dropped again and he looked back up at her and she forced herself to meet his gaze even though she was sure she wouldn't want to see the look in his eyes. She was right, though instead of the anger she expected, she was met with grief.

"Jake, I..."

"I loved you, you know." There were tears now, in the corners of his eyes and running down his cheek. "I love you."

"I know," she whispered, her voice cracking around the lump that had re-formed in her throat.

She wanted to take it back.

She wanted to take it back. She wanted to throw aside the icepack and jump off the bed and wipe the tears from his eyes and tell him that she was wrong, and that she was sorry. But she couldn't.

Fuck, she couldn't.

"Did you...did you ever love me?" he asked, and if her heart wasn't already breaking, it would have split into two. His eyes darted up at hers, and as she watched, the grief bloomed into sorrow when she failed to answer.

"I guess...I guess I should go," he said, and she bit her lip hard in order to fight back the urge to tell him to stay. She tasted blood as he stood up and pushed her chair back beneath her desk before he turned back to her. His eyes sparkled with unshed tears and the shattered look he gave her almost sent her tumbling over the edge completely.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't be the person you needed me to be, Tor. And I'm sorry that Pat was there today, and that I couldn't stop him, and that..." he trailed off, casting his eyes towards the floor. "I'm just sorry."

"You don't have anything to apologize for," she said, and the sad smile she received in response brought back the tears that she had tried so hard to fight. She blinked, but it was no use; the tears flooded into her vision, distorting the image of her boyfriend... _ex_ - _boyfriend_...into a kaleidoscope of colors and shapes. "I'm the one who kissed her, remember?"

His blurred shape stepped closer, and she felt a gentle hand wipe away the tears on her cheek. "And I'm the one who said that we could have worked through that." The hand dropped, and he backed away.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, but he just smiled that broken-hearted smile again before he turned and made his way to the door.

He paused when he reached it, his hand clutching the doorknob just a little too tightly, and she knew then that if he turned around and asked her to change her mind, she would. She would try to love him, and she would try to look past his brotherhood and those fucking Zetas, and she would _try_ because she didn't want to lose him.

But he didn't ask. And she didn't move.

He sighed, a heavy sigh that she could see in the way that his shoulders fell, and opened the door. "I'll see you in class, Tor."

And then he was gone.

* * *

She didn't have much time to process his absence before Nicole stuck her head back into the room.

"Tor?" she asked cautiously, and Tori looked up at her.

"He...hey," she managed to choke out, and before the tears could really begin to flow, Nicole's arms were around her and she let herself crumple into her best friend's embrace.

* * *

It wasn't until later that night, after she had swallowed a few Advil and sworn to Nicole that she was going to be all right, and after they had crawled into their respective beds with whispered "goodnights", that she realized that Jade hadn't come after her.

It took another few minutes for her to remember that she hadn't checked her phone that entire time, either. Hell, she wasn't even sure where it was.

She slipped out of bed and rummaged through her laundry for the shorts she had been wearing. The bright green was easy to spot, even in the dark, and as she lifted them out of the hamper she could see the bulge of her phone in the right front pocket.

She pulled it out and got back into bed, waiting until she was tucked back under the covers before she clicked it on. She winced when the light from the too-bright screen flooded her vision with stars, and she quickly turned the brightness down to the lowest setting. Once she blinked away the dark spots and her eyes had a second to adjust, she found herself wincing for a completely different reason.

_21 missed calls. 5 voicemails._

More importantly, though: _37 new messages._

She didn't bother listening to the voicemails. They were from Jake and Nicole and she was pretty sure she had a good idea of what she would hear if she hit play. The missed calls were from them, too, and so were the majority of the messages.

Thirty-three messages were from them, in fact. Nineteen from Nicole, fourteen from Jake. Just from a quick glance, Tori could see that they all basically said the same thing: _where are you_? _Are you okay?_

She deleted them all.

That left four from Jade.

The first had a timestamp of 7:13 p.m., which Tori registered as being sometime after she had sprinted back to Sawyer.

Sometime after she had broken Jake's heart, her mind added, and the knife in her gut twisted again.

 _Are you somewhere safe?_ the first message read.

The next, timestamped 8:15 p.m.

_I texted Nicole, and she said that you were with her. Can I come over?_

The third, timestamped an hour later.

_I'm not sure if you're ignoring me or if you're busy or what but...just text me when you get these, okay?_

And then the last, sent at 11:37 p.m. (which, as Tori discovered when she glanced up at the top of the screen to check what the time currently was, was only about fifteen minutes ago).

_I'm in Reede._

She read and re-read that last message over and over again until her eyes burned from a combination of fatigue and tears that she really thought she had finished crying.

_I'm in Reede._

She didn't realize that she was gripping her phone tighter until a burst of pain flooded through her hand. It gave her something else to focus on other than the pounding of her heart, though, and so she squeezed just a little harder and bit back the pained gasp that rose in her throat.

Every fiber of her being told her to go; told her to get out of bed and throw on that well-worn leather jacket and _go_.

But she didn't.

She clicked off her phone and put it on her desk before she rolled back over to face the wall. She forced her eyes shut and hugged her bedspread closer to her chest and she didn't go.

Running was something that Tori Vega was good at. And she was going to keep on running if it meant that she didn't have to acknowledge the icy grip of fear around her heart or the memory of her fist slamming into Pat's face or the fact that she really, really wanted to kiss Jade again.

She could run for a long time.


	16. Chapter 16

Sunday passed by without much fanfare.

Nicole accompanied her to the urgent care in town, where a doctor with an M&Ms tie and a jovial smile informed her that there was a hairline fracture in her middle finger, right above the knuckle.

He had taken her hand in his own and looked up at her with a smile that didn't manage to hide the concern in his gaze as he inspected her injuries. "How did you say you injured yourself, young lady?"

"Hit a punching bag a little too hard," she had answered, and Nicole shot her a look over the doctor's shoulder that she ignored.

"Right," he said, the smile faltering just an inch, and then he sent her home with a splint and some antibiotic cream for the scrapes on her palm and a card with the phone number for a domestic abuse hotline printed on it.

The card went right into the trash as soon as they left the building.

The rest of the day was spent watching terrible Netflix shows and ignoring the pointed looks that her roommate kept shooting at her from over-top of the textbooks she tried to pretend that she was studying from.

Once it hit dinnertime, Tori wasn't overly surprised to find that Nicole didn't bother to ask whether she wanted to go to the dining center or not. Even though they hadn't really discussed what had happened in any real depth (not for lack of trying on Nicole's end, of course), they had agreed that laying low was probably a good idea. After all, Pat was still out there somewhere, and...well, Tori wasn't about to ask Jake to protect her.

Not anymore.

They had two orders of pad thai delivered for dinner, which they ate in almost complete silence, save for the re-run of an old Friends episode that Tori had pulled up on her laptop. Dessert was a pouch of stale Skittles that they split between them.

She went to bed about an hour after the Skittles were gone, feigning exhaustion with an exaggerated yawn and stretching of her arms above her head. Nicole questioned it, of course, since it was only a little after ten and she wasn't exactly one to go to bed early, but Tori just shrugged and pulled the covers up higher over her shoulders.

She didn't try to fall asleep, though. Sleep meant dreaming and dreaming meant seeing _him_ and she was tired of even thinking about that.

So she faced the cinderblock and alternated between reciting the chronological order of Lady Gaga's hits (she had an exam the next day and she was _not_ going to fail) and focusing on the tendrils of pain that seemed determined to make themselves known every time she flexed her hand.

* * *

Monday morning meant biology class, which meant that Tori didn't even bother to set her alarm.

It wouldn't have mattered anyway. Nicole's alarm went off fifteen minutes before hers did, so she never really needed to have one set. She only did so just in case she somehow managed to get in an extra few minutes of sleep after Nicole's alarm went off.

But those extra few minutes weren't needed, because it wasn't like she had slept to begin with; not in any real capacity, at least. There had been a few fleeting moments where she glanced at the clock on her phone and then checked it again a little later and instead of a few minutes, three hours had gone by, but she was pretty sure that that didn't count as _sleep_.

"Tori," she heard Nicole say, but she didn't budge.

A hand on her shoulder. A gentle shake. "Tor, you're going to miss your class."

Tori let out a heavy sigh but didn't move. "Sucks for my class, then."

Nicole was quiet for a moment. Her hand was heavy on Tori's shoulder and Tori desperately wanted to tell her to stop touching her, to just stop _touching_ her, but she bit her tongue and squeezed her eyes shut a little tighter.

"Look, I know that it's been...you know, a really terrible weekend, but you can't just start skipping class and stuff, Tor."

_Sure I can_ , Tori thought, but she didn't voice it. Instead, she pulled the covers up to her chin, the movement causing Nicole to finally move her hand off of her. "Jake is in that class."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

She heard the shuffling of Nicole moving away and let out a low, inaudible sigh of relief.

A few minutes ticked by, and Tori began to wonder if Nicole was running late for her own class. She almost asked, but then she heard her roommate walk towards the door. She heard it click open, accompanied by the dull roar of the rest of Sawyer 3 getting ready for the day.

"You can't avoid him forever, you know," Nicole said. Then she was gone, the heavy door closing tightly behind her and cutting off the echoes of the rest of the dorm.

"Yeah, well...I can try," Tori muttered, finally opening her eyes.

* * *

Skipping biology was one thing. One class probably wouldn't kill her (she hoped). But she had that quiz in her History of Pop class and she really couldn't miss that, so she forced herself out of bed around ten.

A shower ensured that the very last remnants of the weekend were washed away.

It wasn't the first time she had showered, of course; she had spent a good hour on Saturday night standing beneath the steaming spray and had scrubbed and scrubbed at her face until the lipstick was gone and the streaking stains left behind by seemingly-endless tears had been stripped away. The latter was harder to do since she couldn't seem to stop crying, even as she scrubbed harder and harder until she was almost-sure that she was bleeding. Her legs had been jelly, knees knocking together as she struggled to keep herself upright, and she had scrubbed even harder until she fell against the side of the stall with a startled sob.

That morning's shower was much less dramatic. Seven minutes was all it took to get in, wash, shampoo, and condition. There wasn't any makeup to scrub away, and there wasn't a single tear shed, and when she finished drying her hair she found that she still had an hour before she needed to get to class.

She spent that hour adjusting and re-adjusting the splint on her finger and ignoring the way her phone screen lit up every time she got a text.

(She thought she saw Jake's name on that last one and the knife twisted even deeper)

* * *

The quiz went about as well as it could have. She knew the material, but holding a pencil proved to be more difficult than she had anticipated. It dropped from her grasp more than once, and she could feel the stares of her classmates on her back every time she bent over in her seat to pick it up.

Walking to and from the conservatory was the worst part. She kept her head down but her eyes up, scanning the face of each person that she could see. Every loud noise and unexpected laugh from behind her made her want to freeze and hide. Every guy with dark-hair in the distance made her heart thud a little louder and her legs want to start to run, just _run._

* * *

Mondays also meant that she had rehearsal, but she had already emailed Professor Walker and told him that she wasn't feeling well.

It wasn't a lie, really. She didn't feel well. Her stomach twisted painfully every time her mind drifted towards anything unrelated to her classes or whatever show she happened to have pulled up on Netflix, and her head ached, and...well, Jade would be there. And she definitely wasn't prepared to see her.

She was pretty sure that she would never be prepared for that.

She didn't want Nicole to worry about her even more, though, so after her dinner of left-over pad Thai, she grabbed her backpack, waved goodbye, and went to the practice rooms.

The plan was to practice the piece she had been assigned in her piano elective until the time that rehearsal normally ended. Then she'd go back to Sawyer and go to bed and figure out whether or not she was going to get up for class in the morning.

That was the plan, at least.

What she hadn't counted on, though, was that the other practice rooms would be empty and therefore the normally loud conservatory halls were quiet.

Everything was so, so quiet.

It didn't prove to be a problem at first. The quiet would go away as soon as she started playing, after all. That's what she kept telling herself as she pulled her sheet music out of her bag, placing the paper on the piano before taking her seat on the bench. It wasn't until her hands were splayed out on the keys and she had begun to play the first chord that the pain went radiating through her hand and she realized that playing the piano was going to be next to impossible.

"Son of a bitch!" She stood up and looked down at her hand, at the metal and foam wrapped around her finger, and-

( _You fucking cunt!_ )

-and the heat was rising in her chest, a fire that spread to her stomach and her limbs and her head and she slammed her hands against the keys. There was no chord in the sound; no sequence of notes that made any sense or melody that would have redeemed it. There was only the brief anger of the hit, the rage of the notes that didn't fit together, and then only the quickly-fading echo in her ears.

She stared down at the piano, at her hands still pressed tight against the keys, and then she slammed them against the keys again. And again. And again. Obscenities poured from her mouth, words that she wouldn't remember later and that she hardly recognized as they flooded out of her, and she slammed the keys and relished in the pain stabbing through her hand because at least it was something other than the guilt and rage that consumed her.

"Fucking-" A slam against the right side, the higher octaves piercing her ears. "Piece of-" The middle, the notes less piercing but every bit as enraged. "Shit!"

The last hit hurt worse than any of the others before it and she cried out in pain and anger, clutching her hand to her heaving chest and backing away from the piano. Her back hit the wall and she slid down it, crumpling to the floor with tears pouring down her face and regret sour in her stomach.

* * *

She lied when Nicole asked how rehearsal went.

Or maybe it wasn't a lie. She just said that it went well, and for all she knew, it _had_ gone well. Just because she didn't actually happen to be there didn't mean that it didn't go well.

Semantics.

Her phone buzzed three more times that night, but after seeing Jade's name on her screen the first time, Tori shoved it aside and didn't bother to look at it again.

She inspected her broken finger later and decided that it didn't look any worse than it did that morning, so she put the splint back on and popped an Advil before crawling into bed.

* * *

Sleep came after a few hours of tossing and turning, and with it came the dreams.

They were different, this time.

This time, the face of the woman being pulled away sometimes looked a bit like her own.

* * *

Tuesdays meant music theory and her piano elective. She went to both of them, and when her piano professor asked if she was still able to play with her broken finger, she nodded and said it wouldn't be a problem.

(The lie tasted bitter on her tongue)

Nicole's Tuesdays tended to be busy, so when she wasn't in class, Tori had the room to herself. She thought that she would appreciate the quiet, but she should have known better.

She had just started to try and go over her biology notes when she remembered the tears streaking down Jake's face and the guilt slammed into her, taking her breath away.

So she put the biology notes away and reached for her History of Pop notes. There wasn't a chance of Jake being associated with those, after all.

It was fine for a few minutes, but then she started going over a section on Lady Gaga's fashion choices and she was reminded of the hideous pink outfit that Mason Thornesmith made Jade wear for the Platinum Music Awards. It didn't take much for her mind to jump to the water, to her hand on Jade's chest and the taste of coffee in her mouth and her own voice whispering promises of safety mixing in with Jade's doing the same and _fuck._

Tori tossed the notebook aside, barely registering how it splayed open as it hit the wall. But it was too late.

She didn't want to think about it. She didn't want to think about it. She didn't want to think about it. Thinking about it meant that she would have to acknowledge that she broke her boyfriend's heart, and it meant that she would have to acknowledge that she was absolutely terrified that Pat was still going to find her or Jade, and it meant that she would have to acknowledge that the only thing she wanted to do was find Jade and kiss her senseless because it was the only thing that felt _right._

But she couldn't do that. She shouldn't have _ever_ done it. She shouldn't have kissed her forehead on the beach, and she shouldn't have kissed her at the creek, and she shouldn't be thinking of Jade West in any way other than as a friend because that's all they were.

They were friends. They were _finally_ friends.

She couldn't let herself fuck that up more than she already had.

* * *

Wednesday brought with it the same problems that Monday did, with the exception that this time she knew that she couldn't avoid them.

Biology was the first hurdle, and it was a big one.

Nicole walked her to her class even though her own morning class was in a different building. Tori told her that she didn't need the escort, but Nicole had ignored her protestations and gone with her anyway, which Tori was secretly grateful for.

But Nicole couldn't exactly go into the class with her, and after she hugged her goodbye outside of the classroom, the nerves that had been momentarily quelled came surging back and she almost fled right then and there. She was actually about to turn tail and go back to Sawyer when she saw the professor approaching. Her reflexes weren't quick enough to turn away so that she wouldn't be spotted, so she found herself forcing a smile onto her face and staying put as her professor came closer.

"Ms. Vega! Are you feeling better?" Professor Rodriguez asked, just as jovial as always. Tori wished that she could hate that about her; wished that she could bring herself to hate her just a _little_ for being so fucking happy, even when she was talking about things like epigenetics and epithelial cells. 

But, she couldn't. Instead, she nodded and forced her smile to grow another inch. "A little, yeah!"

"Good!" Professor Rodriguez opened the door and held it open for her. "You can probably get the notes you missed from your classmates, but if you have any questions don't hesitate to ask!"

Tori tried to hide the fact that she was sure she was going to be sick as she stepped into the classroom. "Thanks, Professor," she said, her face aching. "I'll be sure to do that."

Professor Rodriguez smiled back at her and gave a little nod before she walked over to the lectern. Tori took that as her cue to turn away and so she did, the smile sliding off her face just as quickly as she had put it on when she saw that Jake was already there, sitting in the same seat that he had sat in since the beginning of the year.

The seat next to him was taken up by his backpack, though, and between that and the way that his notes were sprawled across the tabletop, the message was clear: That seat wasn't available anymore.

She forced her eyes away and swallowed past the lump in her throat and tried to search for another seat. She found one in the back of the room, but she had to pass by him to get there. She didn't look at him when she walked by. Couldn't.

The class started a minute later, which she was thankful for because it at least gave her something to focus on that wasn't the constant ache of her guilt. The seconds drug on and on, though, and she couldn't help but glance down at Jake every now and then.

He never looked back.

* * *

Biology was hard.

Rehearsal was sure to be harder.

Skipping it wasn't really an option though- tech week was only two weeks away and her understudy was all-too-eager for the chance to take over her role, so even though the thought of eating glass was slightly more appealing than the thought of having to face Jade, Tori found herself standing outside of Reede.

She normally showed up to rehearsal about twenty minutes early, just so that she would have time to look over the sections of the script that she knew they'd cover that day (and to have a few minutes to hang out with Jade, of course), so it felt strange to be showing up with only about two minutes to spare. It meant that she had less of an opportunity to get cornered by Jade, though, and she would do just about anything to avoid that.

A glance at her phone's clock told her that she really needed to get inside the building, so she swallowed the fear in her throat and pushed through the doors and walked towards the doors that opened up into the theater and pushed through those, too.

She had hoped for an inconspicuous entrance, but Professor Walker looked up the moment that she stepped into the theater. "Ah! Miss Vega! How wonderful to see you! Are you feeling better?"

She nodded and plastered the smile onto her face like it belonged there. "I am, thank you, sir."

He beamed at her, and she forced herself to focus on him rather than the piercing blue-green eyes that she knew were trained on her from somewhere else in the room. "Excellent! That's excellent news." He turned back to the rest of the cast who, even from the top of the theater, she could tell were rolling their eyes. "We're going to start with Act three, Scene two, today. Hamlet, Players, get on stage! Polonius, Horatio, Rozencrantz and Guildenstern! Get ready in the wings. You too, Gertrude, Claudius and Ophelia." He clapped twice. "Let's go, people!"

Tori felt the color drain from her face as she processed which scene Walker had assigned. Scene two was the play within the play. She didn't have many lines as some of the other actors, but that wasn't the problem.

The problem was that the scene had Ophelia and Hamlet up close and personal. _Very_ up close and personal. And that meant, of course, that her hopes of avoiding Jade were about to be completely dashed.

But she was an actor. She had been trained for years in the art of slipping on a mask and pretending that her own self was nonexistent. So she forced down the bile that had risen in her throat and walked down to the stage, dropping her backpack into the seat at the end of the third row back before she ascended the stairs and made her way backstage.

It was only when she was standing behind the curtain, hand brushing against the heavy velvet as she turned back towards the stage, that she finally let herself look at where she knew Jade would be standing.

Jade stood in the eaves on the other side of the stage, head turned towards the guy playing the First Player as he said something to her. As Tori watched, she nodded and said something back before she began to turn her attention back towards the rest of the stage. Tori looked away quickly, pretending to find something interesting in a loose strand hanging from the curtain.

"Is everyone ready?" Walker called from his seat in the front row. He didn't bother waiting for an affirmative answer before he clapped once. "Begin!"

Tori waited a moment before she lifted her eyes again, giving enough time for her to be certain that Jade wouldn't be looking at her.

"Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounced it to you, trippingly on the tongue" she heard Jade say, and she felt the muscles in her shoulders relax a tiny bit because she could do this. For fuck's sake, it was Shakespeare. She didn't need to say a single word that wasn't already written and waiting on the tip of her tongue.

It would be fine.

Even though it was a simple scene in the scheme of the play as a whole, without the drama of the soliloquy or the flashiness of the final act, it was still impressive to watch as the lines flowed out of Jade like they were her own words; still impressive to watch her command the stage like only she could. The other actors were fine, too, Tori supposed, but compared to Jade...well, there just wasn't any competition.

Tori hated how her heart beat a little faster as she watched Jade give Hamlet's commands to the players. Hated how it shoved aside some of the guilt for just a moment. Hated how badly she wanted to run her hands through those dark tresses and-

-and the actors next to her were moving forward, and she realized that she had been stuck inside her own head for much longer than she thought, because it was time for her to be on stage.

"How fares our cousin Hamlet?" she heard Tyler, the actor playing Claudius, ask. Tori followed the rest of the actors onto the stage, taking her seat on the chairs waiting for them. She hadn't blocked this scene much, so she tried to focus her attention on the placements of all the other actors as they ran through their lines.

(Tried to focus on anything other than the fact that she and Jade were mere feet apart)

"Come hither, my dear Hamlet, sit by me," the girl playing Gertrude (Tori was pretty sure her name was Cindy, but she had never really spoken to her much so she couldn't be sure) said.

"No, mother," Jade replied, and Tori felt the knot in her stomach twist in a combination of apprehension and anticipation. "Here's metal more attractive."

Tori looked up to see Jade standing in front of her. "Lady, shall I lie in your lap?" Jade asked, and Tori's mouth went cotton-dry. Jade's tone was light and playful, just as it had been when they had last rehearsed the scene

( _before_ , Tori thought)

but the playfulness didn't extend to her eyes. But before she could really focus on the implications of that, Jade lowered herself down to the floor so that she sat at Tori's feet, and Tori remembered that she was supposed to be speaking.

"No, my lord," she replied, and Jade-

( _Hamlet,_ Tori reminded herself. It was Hamlet, not Jade)

-lounged backwards, her head coming to rest on Tori's lap.

"I meant my head upon your lap?"

Tori swallowed and tried to focus on the lines she had gone over so many times before. "Ay, my lord."

A smirk on Jade's face, a smirk that was so fucking familiar that it was easy to forget that it didn't truly belong to her. "Do you think I meant country matters?"

Tori shook her head and made every effort to keep her hands placed far away from Jade's hair. "I think nothing, my lord."

"That's a fair thought to lie between maids' legs," Jade said. The knot in Tori's stomach moved a little lower, burning with Jade's words, and the self-loathing surged back to the surface.

"What is, my lord?" She tried to sound as neutral as she could, Ophelia refusing to give in to the sly suggestions in Hamlet's words, but she wasn't sure that she was successful.

"Nothing," Jade said, the smirk growing just a little bit wider. She shifted, settling between Tori's legs just like her character was supposed to do, and Tori wished she could run.

Instead, she let her hand come to rest on Jade's head, being mindful of not getting the splint caught in her hair as she began to scratch the scalp beneath her fingertips. "You are merry, my lord."

"Who, I?"

"Ay, my lord."

"O God, your only jig-maker." Jade relaxed a little more into her lap, the weight of her head settling deeper against Tori's leg. "What should a woman do but be merry?" She gave a little half-nod in Cindy's direction. "For look you, how cheerfully my mother looks, and my father died within these two hours."

Tori's fingers found a lock of scarlet amidst the dark brown strands and she almost faltered as she realized that the violet that she had just been getting used to was gone. She swallowed and pushed forward. "Nay, 'tis twice two months, my lord."

"So long?" Jade asked, tilting her head back so she could look at Tori better. Her eyes were questioning, finally matching up with Hamlet's demeanor, and Tori nodded. Jade looked at her for a moment longer, the questions in her gaze failing to disappear, and Tori knew that if any of those questions were actually asked of her in that moment, she wouldn't be strong enough to deny a single thing. But then Jade was looking away and she could breathe a little easier. "Nay then, let the devil wear black, for I'll have a suit of sables."

Jade's face turned slightly, her cheek pressed against the inside of Tori's knee. Tori took a deep breath and tried to stop focusing on the heat surging in her gut. "O heavens! Die two months ago and not forgotten yet?" Jade gestured towards the emptiness above her with one hand. "Then there's hope a great man's memory may outlive his life half a year." She turned her face again so that she faced forward, her head tilted up just enough for her to be able to just barely see Tori's face. "But, by'r lady, he must build churches, then, or else shall he suffer not thinking on, with the hobby-horse, whose epitaph is 'For, O, for, O, the hobby-horse is forgot!'"

"And entrance music!" Tori heard Walker shout from the stage, followed by the briefest of trumpet solos, and then Jade's attention was being pulled towards the players entering from stage right and Tori was able to let out the breath that she hadn't realized she had been holding.

The players put on their play, the scenes of love shifting into scenes of betrayal and treason, and Tori found that the only thing she could really focus on was the fact that her fingers were still running through Jade's hair. The strands were so soft between her fingertips, so different from the slightly-coarse hair that she had grown accustomed to touching in tender moments, and-

The players were exiting the stage, and it was her turn to speak again.

"What means this, my lord?" she asked, hoping that her words didn't betray the way that her mouth had gone dry and the way that her heartbeat couldn't seem to stop making its presence known against her chest.

God, she hoped Jade couldn't hear it.

"Marry, this is miching mallecho. It means mischief," Jade replied, and Tori was glad that their characters weren't looking at each other in that moment.

"Belike this show imports the argument of the play."

Another actor entered from stage left and Jade gestured towards them. "We shall know by this fellow. The players cannot keep counsel, they'll tell all."

Tori gave a small nod in the actor's direction. "Will he tell us what this show meant?"

Jade nodded. "Ay, or any show that you'll show him." She turned her head towards Tori ever-so-slightly, her cheek pressing against Tori's leg again. "Be not you ashamed to show, he'll not shame to tell you what it means."

_I think I know what it means,_ Tori thought, and she tried not to blush as she forced the thought away. "You are naught." She shook her head and turned her attention towards the actor now standing to their left. "You are naught. I'll mark the play."

"For us, and our tragedy," the actor began, and Jade turned towards him as well, allowing Tori to scream internally for a moment without having to look at the face causing her such turmoil. "Here, stooping to your clemency, we beg your hearing patiently."

He exited stage-right, and the screaming in her head intensified for a brief moment because _fuck_ she forgot that he only had like, three lines, that wasn't enough time for her to pull it together.

But then Jade was rolling her eyes with a sigh and Tori was brought back down to Earth. "Is this a prologue or the posy of a ring?"

_Couldn't have said that better myself_ , she thought.

"'Tis brief, my lord," she agreed.

Jade paused, and Tori felt the heat lingering low in her stomach match the heat on her cheeks when a smirk pulled at the corner of Jade's mouth. "As woman's love."

_Fuck_.

The players, a king and a queen, entered the stage again, and Tori was granted another brief reprieve when Hamlet's attention was supposed to be pulled towards them. She was thankful, because she wasn't sure that she could handle that smirk anymore without either bursting into tears or kissing her.

God, she was so incredibly fucked.

"Cut!"

Every actor's head shot up at Walker's voice, surprise written across every face. Jade immediately sat up, and Tori tried not to feel disappointed by the sudden absence of her head against her knee.

"That was excellent! I just have a few notes, and then we can take it from the top again," Walker said, and Tori bit back her groan.

* * *

They ran through that scene another three times and each rendition hammered in the sickening realization that she wanted Jade West.

Really, really fucking wanted her.

* * *

Rehearsal usually took around two hours, but that night they went for an extra half-hour that felt like an eternity.

But when Walker clapped his hands and dismissed them all for the night, Tori realized that she didn't want rehearsal to end because at least during rehearsal she could pretend to be somebody else, with problems that weren't her own. She didn't want to deal with the problems outside of that scope, and she certainly didn't want to deal with the woman clad in a leather jacket (how many of those did she own, anyway?) who had turned towards her with an expression that sent a chill down Tori's spine.

"We need to talk," Jade said, and Tori swallowed hard before forcing as neutral of an expression that she could muster onto her face.

"Nothing to talk about," she said. She began to walk forward, headed for the stairs that led off of the stage, when she felt fingers curl around her upper arm and-

( _a hand on her arm, fingers biting into her skin_ )

she froze.

She knew Jade was speaking to her; could hear the words being aimed in her direction, but their meanings wouldn't register because there was a hand on her arm and the heat was rising to the top of her skin and she needed to run but she was stuck to the floor.

"Let go of me," she heard herself say, the words foreign in her ears. When the pressure on her arm didn't change, she took a deep breath and tried not to cry. "Please."

The hand released, and she immediately started moving forward again, intent on getting out of that theater, just getting _out._ She managed to get down the stairs and out into the aisles, her hand robotically reaching for the strap of her backpack as she passed by it. It was on her shoulder a moment later, and she could hear footsteps behind her.

"Vega, come on!" she heard a voice say, a voice that she knew was Jade's, but she kept moving forward. Had to keep moving forward.

Then she was pushing through the double-doors at the top of the theater, and then through the ones leading outside, and then she was running.


	17. Chapter 17

She didn't go back to Sawyer.

She couldn't. Nicole would be waiting for her, and she wasn't prepared to deal with whatever that would bring, and if she was being honest she wasn't even sure that she would be able to physically make it all the way back to the dorm anyway. Her legs were unsteady and her hands were shaking and the conservatory was next door to Reede anyway, so that's where she went.

The door to the practice room had barely closed before she was sinking to the floor and gasping for air. Her eyes were shut tight and her hands fisted in her hair above her temples and it hurt her scalp and her fractured bone but at least it distracted from the panic in her chest.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Try not to cry. Repeat.

She was so concentrated on her breathing and on trying to shove away the images of Pat that danced through her mind that she never heard the door open.

"What the fuck is going on?"

She flinched as Jade's voice rang in her ears and Tori knew that she needed to look up at her but she couldn't. She just couldn't.

"Vega, seriously, you're freaking me out here."

A choked laugh.

( _Join the club,_ she thought)

She could feel Jade move closer; could feel her kneel in front of her. She could practically imagine the look of confusion and disgust on her face, and it did nothing to help her certainty that she was about to throw away every single iota of progress that they had made. She was going to fuck it up. She already had.

"Breathe, Vega. You're going to like, hyperventilate soon if you don't calm the fuck down."

Well, that's not the response she expected. She cracked open her eyes, blinking away the stars at the edges so that she could see the woman kneeling just to her left.

Jade looked at her and Tori looked back and she tried to look past the glazed eyes of her memories to see the storm raging in the eyes right in front of her.

"In and out. Come on, Vega, it isn't that hard."

A surge of anger that she didn't expect. If she could speak, she would have shot back with something bitter and snarky, and she _wanted_ to, god she wanted to.

But she couldn't speak yet, not really, and so she followed Jade's instructions and breathed in and let it go and then did it again a few more times until, finally, the pressure on her chest began to loosen and she forgot why she had been so angry in the first place.

"Fuck," she gasped, and for a moment she thought she saw a spark of relief in Jade's gaze. But then it was gone, replaced with something much more serious.

"Feeling any better?"

Tori nodded, even though it felt a bit like a lie because her gut was still twisting and her head still felt like it was filled with cotton.

"Can you stand?"

She nodded again, but refused to take the hand that Jade held out for her. Instead, she pushed herself to her feet and leaned against the wall, trying to keep as much distance between them as possible. She kept her eyes pointed towards the floor because she was pretty sure that if she tried to look at Jade again, she'd either combust or just start crying and neither of those options were particularly enticing.

Silence hung between them for a few agonizingly long seconds but Tori didn't care because as long as it was silent, she wouldn't have to speak, and if she didn't have to speak, she wouldn't be given the opportunity to spill her heart out or scream or whatever it was that was dancing on the tip of her tongue.

But nothing good can last.

She saw Jade's feet move a few inches closer to her right before that voice hit her ears again.

"What the hell is going on with you?"

Tori wanted her to sound angry. It would have been easy enough, after all; the words were angry, and all Jade needed to do was add a little bit of that old familiar antagonism to her tone for her question to sound just like any other remark that had been thrown in Tori's direction during high school. But Jade just sounded tired. Tired, and worn down, and confused, and it made Tori want to run even more than she already did.

"Ignoring me isn't going to make me leave, you know."

Tori blinked and gripped her elbows tighter to her sides. She hadn't realized she had ignored her. She had only asked that question a few seconds ago, right?

Right?

"Why are you here?" Tori finally asked, and she winced at how raw her voice sounded.

The boots in her eyeline shifted again, just an inch. "Why am I...what kind of question is that?"

There was the anger. Only a hint of it, a tinge of irritation in the periphery, but it made Tori's heart rate slow down by a few beats because it was at least _familiar._

She lifted her head just enough so that her eyes were aimed at Jade's hands instead of her feet; hands that were resting on her hips. "I didn't ask you to follow me."

"You're fucking joking, right?" Her hands left her hips, fingers curling and uncurling into loose fists before they rose out of Tori's vision. "Jesus, Vega, why the hell are you pushing me away?"

Tori almost laughed at that; almost laughed at the simultaneous hypocrisy of the question and the ridiculousness of it because wasn't it obvious? But she bit her lip and choked the laughter down and chose instead to lift her head the rest of the way.

Her eyes met Jade's and she felt her chest tighten again at the concern in her gaze. Where was the anger? It had to be there. It just had to be.

"Why aren't you angry with me?"

Confusion replaced the concern. "What?"

"Why aren't you angry with me?" Tori repeated, and the confusion on Jade's face only grew. "You should be angry with me."

Jade's eyes glanced down for a brief moment

( _at my lips_ , Tori thought, but she forced the thought away as soon as it formed)

before they returned to Tori's. "Why do you think I'm not angry at you?"

It was Tori's turn to be confused. "What do you mean? You're not yelling, or threatening me, or-"

Her words trailed off when Jade started laughing. It wasn't the genuine laugh that she had gotten used to hearing, though; it was harsh and bitter and it made her step back and to the right, her hand reaching out for the piano to steady herself.

"You're an idiot," Jade said. She stepped towards Tori, and Tori took another step back almost out of instinct. "I'm fucking _furious._ "

"I-"

Jade shook her head, cutting Tori off before she had the chance to interject. "I'm so fucking angry, Vega. Wanna know why?" She took another step forward, and Tori started to retreat again but discovered that she had backed herself into a corner; the piano blocked her path completely. It only served to make the panic in her chest spark again, a fire that burned brighter as Jade's voice grew louder.

"I'm angry because I had to spend the past four days wondering what the hell had happened to you. Because I had to fucking text Nicole just to find out if you were even _okay_ or not." Another step, and the piano was biting into the small of Tori's back. "I spent four fucking days not knowing whether you were sane, or hurt, or even if you were upset with me, and it was _maddening._ " Her hands came to rest atop of the piano lid on either side of her and it was all Tori could do to stand tall and not to duck beneath her arms and run for the door. "But you know what the worst part of all of it is?"

This time she waited for Tori to give a slow shake of her head before she continued. "The worst part is that I only could last four days before it was too much." She turned her head to the side, her angry gaze finally leaving Tori's eyes. "Fuck, Vega, I could only manage four days without you. How the hell did you manage to last over six months when I shut you out?"

"I..." Tori swallowed, the lump in her throat threatening to choke her. "It was hell."

She heard a sharp intake of breath, and she thought that Jade was going to look at her again, but instead Jade let go of the piano and stepped away, her hand coming up and running through her hair almost absently.

"I broke up with Jake," Tori said, and she didn't have time to second-guess her words before she saw Jade freeze. Her hand slowly lowered back down to her side and she turned back towards Tori, her eyes filled with confusion.

"You broke up with Jake?" Jade asked, and Tori was taken aback by the surprise in her voice.

"I thought you knew. You know, since you and Nicole have been texting and everything."

It wasn't what she wanted to say. Not at all. But the words were out of her mouth before she could stop them or even think about them, and she braced herself for the biting remark she knew was coming her way.

If she was being honest with herself, she was almost looking forward to the return of Jade's anger. Anger was so much easier to deal with than the confused look in the other woman's eyes; so much easier than the fear coursing through her own veins.

"Why?"

Jade's voice wasn't angry. At least, not in the way that Tori wanted it to be.

"What?"

"Why the fuck did you break up with him?" The anger was creeping in now, cracking through the veil of calm it had been hidden behind.

"Are you fucking kidding?" Tori let out a bitter laugh and shook her head. "What else was I supposed to do? I kissed you, remember?"

It was the first time she had admitted it out loud since telling Jake. The first time since then that she had acknowledged what she had done, and if she wasn't already so fucking terrified of losing Jade completely, she would have been once she saw the dumbstruck look on the other woman's face. But it was too late to take back the words, and by the time her brain actually caught up with her tongue, Jade was speaking again.

"That's no reason to break up with your boyfriend! You were freaking out and emotional and-"

"I think you might have kissed me back."

Jade stared at her for a long moment, her lips still parted with the words she had been about to speak, and Tori felt her chest tighten again with the thought that maybe she was wrong. Maybe Jade _hadn't_ kissed her back, and maybe she was imagining the whole thing.

Fuck, maybe she really was crazy after all.

"Please say something," she whispered, hating the desperation that she could hear in her voice. She swallowed and looked away from Jade's gaze, casting her eyes towards the floor. "Yell at me, or tell me I'm insane, or that I've misread every single interaction we've had in the past month, but please just say _something._ "

"I..." Jade paused again, but only long enough for her to swallow hard. "Vega, he loved you."

"Yeah." She shook her head and laughed again. "Yeah, he did."

"Fuck." Jade stepped back a single step, and out of the corner of her eye Tori could see her run a hand through her hair again. "For fuck's sake, Vega, please tell me that you didn't break up with him because of me."

"Would that be so wrong?"

" _Yes!_ " The sharpness in Jade's tone caused Tori to look back up, though she refused to meet her eye. "God, Tori, I can't be the reason why you broke up with him! I'm not...I'm not like that!"

"I didn't..." Tori swallowed hard, reaching back to grip the edge of the piano. "It wasn't just because of...look, there were other reasons, too."

"Like _what?_ "

The panic that had settled deep in her chest began to give way to frustration. "Like the fact that a member of his fraternity tried to rape you? Like the fact that even though he said that that fucking asshole wouldn't be at that party, he was anyway and he threatened to do it again, to both of us? Like the fact that every time that I thought about how he was a Zeta I could hardly breathe?" Tori gripped the edge of the piano tighter, ignoring the pain in her finger again. She lifted her gaze so that she met Jade's. "Just because he wasn't _you_ was only a part of it." Tori paused to take a breath, shaking her head. "God, Jade, why were you even _at_ that party?"

Jade stared at her, and Tori swore she could see disbelief in her expression. "You asked me to be."

The words hit her like a sledgehammer to the chest and it was all she could do to keep breathing. "Oh."

Jade took a hesitant step closer. "I felt bad about turning you down, so I thought I'd show up and surprise you." She reached out and took Tori's hand, fingers brushing over the splint. She let out a small laugh and shook her head. "I didn't know you'd be about to go all Rocky, or else I'd have brought my special fighting scissors."

It was a joke, one that made the corner of Tori's mouth quirk upwards for a moment, but the air was still thick with unsaid things and the smile quickly faded. "He saw you."

"Who did?"

"Pat." Tori glanced down at the hand holding hers and took a breath, ignoring the twisting in her stomach. "He confronted me, but then he saw you and...fuck, I couldn't let him hurt you again."

Jade's unoccupied hand rose to Tori's face, her thumb wiping away tears that Tori hadn't realized that she started shedding. Her eyes were clouded, almost as stormy as they had been down by the creek that day, and Tori found herself wishing that she was brave enough to kiss her because she knew that everything would stop hurting quite as badly if she could just feel her against her again.

"He threatened you?" Jade waited for Tori to nod before continuing. "Then it's good that you got to him before I could."

"Lucky him," Tori whispered. Jade's palm was warm against her cheek, and she leaned into it despite her best efforts not to. "Jade, I..."

Jade's hand suddenly dropped back to her side, leaving Tori cold once more. Tori almost objected, but then she saw the look on Jade's face and the way that she was worrying her bottom lip between her teeth and she decided to keep quiet.

"I gave Nicole the flyer for the Hamlet auditions."

Tori stared at her, not quite sure if she could believe her ears. "What?"

"You walked out on me and I had no idea how I could ever get you to speak to me again, and I..I was afraid that I lost my chance. But then I heard about the auditions and I asked Nicole to give you the flyer and I hoped you would show up because then at least I could _see_ you again." She paused, just long enough for Tori to process her words. "I just wanted a second chance to make things right. I didn't want to lose you." Another pause. "I _don't_ want to lose you."

"I..."

"I kissed you back." A laugh and a shake of the head. "I kissed you back, and I know I shouldn't have, but _fuck,_ Tori, I kissed you back." Jade met her eyes again, and in them Tori saw a flash of clarity behind the storm and she had to bite her lip to keep herself from crying again because she hadn't been wrong. She hadn't thrown away every single ounce of progress that they had made because of her impulsivity. Jade _kissed her back_.

"Oh," she managed to say, and then Jade was stepping forward and her lips were on hers again.

Their first kiss had been desperate and impulsive and the second was no different, really. Jade's lips were searing hot against hers, but she embraced the heat because it was such a stark contrast to the stone-cold fear that had consumed her for so long. A swipe of a tongue against her lips and the taste of salt dimly reminded her of the tears that she had been crying, but then Jade's hand was on the back of her neck again, fingers tugging gently at the hair at her nape, and she decided that she didn't give a fuck about anything other than the way that Jade's skin burned against hers.

Jade pulled back and for a moment Tori feared that she was going to stop the kiss again. She opened her eyes and met Jade's gaze, and in those blue-green eyes she saw a hint of doubt. But then Jade blinked, long and slow, and Tori smiled at the smirk she saw tugging at the corner of her mouth. She was going to say something, anything, but then Jade was pulling her closer and all words were forgotten once their lips met again.

And again.

And again.

Tori's hands fisted in the leather of the jacket Jade wore as she pulled her closer, desperate to feel more than just her mouth against her skin, and the action made Jade step forward, sending Tori backwards a few inches. The corner of the piano slammed into the small of her back, causing her to cry out into Jade's mouth.

"Shit, are you okay?" Jade asked, immediately pulling away, and Tori felt her heart skip a beat again because Jade was worried about her.

Jade cared. Jade _cared._

A smile spread across her face and she nodded. "I'm fine." She tugged on the jacket again. "You really need to ditch this, though."

She was met with a sharply arched brow and a questioning look hidden behind a smirk. "Trying to get me out of my clothes, Vega?"

"Yes," Tori replied, and Jade's other eyebrow shot up.

"Oh."

There was a pause, and Tori felt a familiar fear start to creep back in. "I'm sorry, I..."

Jade's hands came to rest on the piano's edge on either side of her, and she leaned in to capture Tori's lips again. The kiss was short and sweet, but it left her longing when Jade pulled back again.

"We have a lot we really should talk about, you know," Jade said, but she was shrugging the jacket off of her shoulders and looking at Tori with an expression that she absolutely had _not_ seen before.

"Probably," Tori agreed. She watched as Jade dropped the jacket onto the bench, leaving her in a thin purple blouse. She swallowed hard when Jade looked back at her. "But we don't really need to talk about it now, do we?"

"I mean, the smart thing to do would be to definitely talk about it now, because let's be honest, we both got some shit we need to work out," Jade said. She let her hand come to rest on Tori's hip, her fingers playing idly with the hem of her shirt. Her gaze slipped down the length of Tori's body before slowly coming back up to meet her eyes. "But when have we ever done anything smart?"

There was another pause as they both considered each other, and then Tori was surging forward again and Jade's hand was underneath her shirt, the skin of her palm scorching against her stomach. The hand didn't linger, though, and as Tori felt Jade's lips move from her mouth to her jaw she also felt that hand cup her breast, only impeded by her bra.

"Lose the shirt," she heard Jade say, and she was about to comply when she realized that Jade had already started to pull it off. She lifted her arms above her head, allowing Jade to pull it off completely, and as soon as it was off she reached for Jade's blouse and did the same. She barely had time to take in the sight of Jade clad only in black lace before Jade's lips caught her mouth and her hand was reaching around her back to unclasp her bra. She let Jade slip it off of her without much thought, but then the other woman was pulling back again and she realized just how exposed she was. Her arms almost came up to cover herself, but then she saw Jade swallow as she looked at her, and her arms fell back down to her sides.

And then she was being pushed back against the piano again, and Jade's lips were peppering a path down her neck.

"Jesus," Tori murmured, and she reached back to grip the edge of the piano, afraid that her legs might just give out from underneath her.

"Not quite," Jade said, and Tori would have rolled her eyes if Jade hadn't started sucking on her pulse point like _that._

There was a hand cupping her breast, kneading and tweaking, and between that and the lips that had moved down to her collarbone, the heat coiling in her stomach was growing at such an accelerated rate that she was sure that she might just combust. The hand dropped from her breast and she didn't have time to complain about its absence before Jade's mouth replaced it, teeth grazing over sensitive flesh.

" _Fuck_ , Jade!" she breathed, and she could feel Jade smile against her for a moment before her tongue swirled around her nipple and _fuck_.

She wasn't aware of letting go of the piano until her hands were already tangled in Jade's hair, fingers tugging at the roots. She knew she had to be careful with the splint, careful to make sure that the metal didn't get caught in any hair, but it was hard to focus on that when Jade started sucking gently. She felt Jade's hand splayed on the small of her back, supporting her as she shifted them both towards the front of the piano. The movement, along with the slightest tug from Jade's teeth, distracted her so much that she almost missed how Jade's other hand had begun to fiddle with the button of her shorts.

Almost.

Jade lifted her head a few inches and shot her an absolutely filthy grin that sent another surge of heat coursing through Tori's body before she leaned up and captured her lips again.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Jade whispered against her, and Tori knew that she should probably say no, that it was a bad idea and she definitely should feel guilty about even thinking about doing this when she had just broken up with Jake, and that they should really talk about...well, everything...but she found that she couldn't give a single solitary shit about any of that because Jade's fingers were gently pressing into her stomach and her muscles wouldn't stop twitching beneath her touch and all she could really think about was how badly she wanted to know how those fingers would feel when they touched her just a little bit lower.

"Does it matter if it isn't?" she finally answered, and Jade laughed.

"I mean, probably." The hand on her stomach moved so that it rested on her hip instead, causing Tori to groan at the loss. Jade pulled her head back and gave her a serious look. "We can stop right now, and-"

"Do you want to stop?" Tori interrupted. She let her hands fall back down to her side, fingers gripping the bottom of the piano, careful not to hit the keys.

Jade tilted her head and considered her. Tori watched her eyes flit down, raking over the length of her torso, and she couldn't help the shiver that ran up her spine when their eyes met again and she was able to see just how blown Jade's pupils were.

"I really, really don't," Jade answered, and Tori let out a small sigh of relief.

"Oh, thank god, because I'm pretty sure that if you left me high and dry like that, I'd probably start crying again."

Jade's eyebrow quirked up. "Oh?" Her right hand moved from Tori's hip, burning a path across her stomach until she stopped at the button of her denim shorts. She leaned forward, lips brushing against the shell of Tori's ear. "Are you saying that I've got you all hot and bothered, Vega?"

Tori felt her undo the button and bit her lip at the click-clacking sound of the zipper being pulled down. "Something like that, West."

She heard Jade chuckle and the sound made her heart swell. "Want me to take care of that for you, then?"

Fingers brushed against the cotton of her panties and she gripped the piano tighter as the breath hitched in her throat. "You're..." Fingers curled around the waistband of her shorts, tugging them down a few inches. "Such a tease."

Jade laughed again, and then her lips were on Tori's neck, nipping at the skin beneath her ear before moving down to suck on her pulse point again. Tori gasped, just barely stopping a moan from escaping past her lips.

"You can let it out, Vega. I won't judge," Jade teased, her words vibrating against Tori's skin, and she pulled Tori's shorts down a couple more inches so that they hung loosely around her knees.

"Why are you such an insufferable-" Tori began, but then Jade's hand was cupping her through her underwear and she felt her knees begin to buckle. " _Oh_." Jade's hand began to gently rub against her, small circles and strokes, and she let her head fall back. "Oh, _fuck_."

"Do you know that you talk too much?" Jade's hand stilled and Tori groaned again in protest. She let go of the piano with her left hand so that she could grip Jade's hip and lifted her head, fully ready to chastise the woman who really just needed to _touch_ her, thank you very much, when she saw that Jade was already looking at her with a smirk that didn't quite match the burning in her eyes, and any and all words died unspoken on her lips.

"Seriously, Vega, as much as I love hearing you talk...well." She leaned in to pull her into another languid kiss, all lips and swiping tongue, before she ducked her head down so that she could whisper in Tori's ear again. "I think I'd rather hear you scream."

With that declaration, she slipped her hand underneath the fabric, fingers parting through Tori easily.

"Shit!" Tori cursed, her exclamation followed by the piercing sound of an off-key chord, courtesy of the hand that she slammed back down against the keys. She winced at the noise out of instinct and started to apologize, but then she heard Jade laugh and felt a thumb circle her clit and she decided that there were more important things to focus on.

Things like the small grin that Jade gave her when she pulled her underwear down just enough so that she had full access to dip her fingers even lower, teasing around her entrance. Like how Jade's other hand was still on her lower back, supporting her even when she let go of the piano so that she could rake her fingers down Jade's back when one finger entered her. Like the way that her breath hitched when a second joined the first a moment later, filling her in a way that was altogether new.

Heat coiled low in her stomach, growing in intensity with every thrust and curl of Jade's fingers. Her knees kept wanting to buckle beneath her, but Jade's hand and the unyielding wood of the baby grand behind her

( _who the hell puts a baby grand in a practice room anyway?_ )

kept her upright, even when Jade angled her hand so that her palm brushed against her clit with every thrust.

"Fuck," Tori moaned. She lifted her leg just enough to provide Jade with even better access, her heel pressing against the bottom of Jade's thigh. She gripped Jade closer to her even as the other woman bent her back further over the piano, their motions causing random echoes of chords to reverberate in the air around them. She heard a low hiss and knew that her fingernails had to be digging deep into Jade's back, had to be leaving marks that would take a while to fade, and the thought of it made her shiver with pleasure.

(She tried not to think about the implications of that too much)

She knew that she should have been freaking out; knew in the back of her mind that any possibility of them going back to the way things had been had just been jettisoned out the window, but her legs were shaking and she couldn't stop the moans pouring from her lips and she decided that the freaking out could wait until later because Jade had thrust a little deeper and the capacity for rational thought was long gone.

"Look at me, Tori."

Jade's words were accented by a curling of her fingers and a stroke that left Tori unsure if she could even speak, nonetheless lift her head, but she grit her teeth and opened her eyes.

She was close. She knew it, and from the glint in Jade's eyes when their gaze met, she knew it too. The smirk was gone though, replaced by a small smile that Tori was sure that she had only seen a few times before

( _the one she makes when she thinks I'm not looking_ )

and she couldn't stop herself from reaching up and gripping the back of Jade's neck so that she could pull her in for a desperate kiss.

Jade's motions faltered for a moment, causing Tori's hips to buck forward in a frantic attempt to get her to start moving again, but then she felt Jade's lips moving against hers and felt the fingers inside of her curl again, and she fell over the edge with a gasp. She heard her own voice crying Jade's name, felt Jade's lips move from her mouth to her neck, and she let her head fall forward onto Jade's shoulder. The wave of pleasure washing over her was strong, surely stronger than anything she had ever felt before, and it was all she could do to remain standing as Jade's fingers continued to move in and out of her, her pace mercifully slowing as she brought Tori back down to Earth.

It took a few moments, a few centuries, perhaps, before Tori was able to speak again.

"Well, fuck," she breathed, and Jade's hand finally stopped moving. "Where the hell did you learn how to do _that_?"

Jade chuckled and pulled her hand away, wiping it almost absently against her leg. "The internet exists, you know." She bent her head and pressed a kiss to the corner of Tori's mouth. "Also, Cat and I used to fool around back in high school."

"Oh, that..." Tori paused, Jade's words finally processing. "Wait, what?"

"Kidding! Well, mostly." Jade's lips brushed against her jaw, and even though Tori wasn't sure she could even stand on her own, much less handle another orgasm, she felt the heat flare deep inside her again. "She never got past second base."

Tori felt a flash of jealousy course through her that was perhaps more familiar than it should have been but she tried to ignore it. "I haven't even gotten that far," she grumbled instead, and Jade pulled back so she could shoot her an amused look.

"That's your take-away from that information?"

"Well, considering that I haven't even gotten you out of your bra yet, I'd say it's a pretty important take-away, wouldn't you?"

Jade cocked her head and considered her, shrugging after a moment. "You make a valid point." Her fingers tightened against Tori's spine as she leaned in, lips dancing near her ear. "So what are you going to do about it, Vega?"

Tori felt a shiver run through her, an aftershock that combined with the suggestion in Jade's question in such a way that had her longing again. She almost reached down and unclasped Jade's bra right then and there; started to move to do so, in fact, when she felt wood dig into her skin.

"Is your roommate home?"

"What, you don't think a conservatory is a good place to have your way with me?"

"There's a piano currently digging into my ass, and as much as I'd love to just...well, you know...I think maybe a bed might be the more comfortable place to do it, don't you?"

She thought that Jade was going to answer her; thought that she was going to get some kind of smartass quip in response, or a joke, or _something._

But Jade just grinned.


	18. Chapter 18

It took seven minutes to walk from the Conservatory to Baker Hall.

In those seven minutes, Tori found herself kissing Jade in front of three separate academic buildings, two freshman dorms, and a streetlight that kept blinking on and off.

She just couldn't stop herself. All she wanted was to bury her hands in Jade's hair and pull her close and taste her. The feeling was apparently mutual, just based on the way that Jade kept pausing every thirty seconds or so to kiss her, too.

She just honestly couldn't believe what was happening. She couldn't believe it when Jade was pulling out her phone and sending out a few quickly-typed texts while Tori put her bra back on. Still couldn't when Jade glanced over at her with a smirk and a glint in her eye that only served to make her want to say fuck it and just have her way with her on the practice room floor. And she _certainly_ couldn't believe it when they finally reached Baker 217, Jade muttering obscenities under her breath as she tried to unlock her door.

It only felt somewhat real, in fact, when they stumbled inside of Jade's room and Tori felt her shoulders slam against wood as Jade pushed her up against the door. She thought about asking where Jessica was, since it was clear that she wasn't in the room, but then Jade was kissing her again and she decided that it really didn't matter.

She felt Jade's thigh between her legs and Jade's hand on her ass and if she wasn't so determined to make Jade feel as good as she felt earlier, she was certain that she would have been able to get off just by grinding down against her. But she _was_ determined to return the favor, and so when Jade pulled away to catch her breath, Tori took the opportunity to switch their positions. Jade let out a surprised _oomf!_ when her shoulderblades slammed into the door, but before she had the chance to say anything else, Tori's lips were on hers again.

Tori didn't let the kiss deepen, though, because as her hands ran down Jade's sides, she became all too aware of the fact that they were both still fully clothed, which was simply unacceptable. Jade seemed to agree, because by the time Tori began to clutch at the lapels of her jacket, she had already started to shrug it off. It hit the floor with an audible thump, and Tori couldn't help but wonder if something that obviously expensive should really be on the floor, but then she realized how stupid of a thing that was to be thinking at a time like that and instead re-focused her efforts on helping Jade out of her shirt. The sheer purple top joined the jacket, and even though Jade had started to reach for her own shirt, Tori paused for a moment just to take in the sight of her in black lace.

"You are...unfairly beautiful," she breathed, and she heard Jade scoff.

"You want to bring up things that are unfair? Christ, Vega, have you taken a look at yourself lately?" Jade gripped the hem of her shirt and began lifting it up, forcing Tori to lift her arms up so that the garment could be pulled over her head. Jade flung it away before turning her gaze back towards her. Tori felt a surge of heat low in her stomach as her eyes raked up and down her torso slowly. "Christ. Talk about things that are unfair."

Tori wanted to say something, wanted to respond with something that wasn't just _"fuck_ ", but then Jade's eyes lifted to meet hers again, and they were dark. So incredibly dark. "Are you going to just stare at me, or are you going to help me out of this?" She accented her question with a tug on her own bra strap, her smirk growing.

Well, Tori didn't need to be asked twice.

She made sure Jade saw her grin before she surged forward again. Their lips collided, all teeth and tongue and as Tori reached around to work on the clasp of Jade's bra, she felt a pair of hands scrambling against her own back in an effort to do the same. Jade managed to get her bra unclasped within a few seconds-

( _unfair, really, considering the whole "splint" thing,_ Tori thought)

-and had started to pull it off of her shoulders by the time Tori had managed to unclasp hers.

"You're falling behind, Vega," she heard Jade taunt. Then the bras were being discarded, Jade allowing Tori to pull the lace off of her before their lips met again and a familiar hand reached up to grope at her breast, Tori gasping into her mouth as fingers began to knead sensitive skin. "I think that- _oh_." Jade's head fell forward for just a moment as she took in the fact that Tori had followed her lead and cupped her breast. "Shit."

"Has anyone ever told you that you talk too much?" Tori asked, rolling Jade's nipple between her fingers before squeezing it gently. She pulled back just enough to see the glare being aimed at her, and she couldn't help but smirk before she pushed Jade back against the door again. She leaned forward and tilted her head so that she could begin to suck on the skin beneath her jaw as she continued to tweak and tug with her left hand.

"Gank," Jade muttered, but she let her head fall back against the door anyway, giving Tori unimpeded access to the expanse of her neck. Her hand continued to knead at Tori for another few moments before it dropped down to Tori's ass again, her other hand splayed palm-down against the door.

Tori smiled against her and started to pepper soft open-mouthed kisses against her neck, pausing only to graze her teeth against Jade's pulse point. She heard Jade hiss and felt the hand on her ass grip tighter, and she soothed the skin with her tongue before moving down to her collarbone.

She let her hand continue to knead Jade's left breast as her lips pressed against the slope of her right. She moved down slowly, taking her time to lavish attention on every inch of Jade's skin before her tongue darted out against an erect nipple. She heard Jade gasp and felt nails dig into her lower back as she let her mouth close over it.

"Fuck," Jade murmured, and Tori felt herself stumble forward an inch as Jade's other hand let go of the door completely so it could plunge into Tori's hair. "That's...fuck."

Tori felt a shiver course through her spine as fingernails scraped against the base of her skull, and she continued to gently suck while trying to ignore her own growing arousal. She tried to angle herself so that she was able to push her thigh between Jade's own; it took some maneuvering, but when she lifted her knee up, she felt Jade pressing against her, grinding desperately through denim.

"Vega," she heard Jade groan, but she just pressed harder and let her tongue circle her again. Then, a hand on her arm

( _gripping_ )

had her stopping dead and she had to blink a few times to remind herself that she was safe; that she was exactly where she wanted to be and it was Jade who was touching her and-

"We should really take this to my bed," she heard Jade say, and she finally lifted her head up to look at the woman that she had pressed against the door.

"Huh?"

"My bed? You know, the nice, soft, comfortable thing over there?" Jade nodded towards the bed that was _not_ decked out in bright pink. "Not that being shoved up against a door isn't nice and all..." She looked down at Tori and grinned. "And it _is_ nice, trust me...but these doors aren't very thick and I don't need the entire hall to know that I'm being fucked senseless on the other side." She let go of Tori's arm and took her good hand in her own, removing it from her chest and squeezing it reassuringly. "Sound good to you?"

Their gaze met and Tori hoped that Jade couldn't see the fear in her eyes. "Yeah. Sure, whatever you want."

Jade's brow furrowed and Tori saw a flash of concern behind blue-green. "You okay?"

Tori forced a smile onto her face. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, for starters, you're kinda killing my hand with how hard you're squeezing it."

Tori glanced down at their entwined hands and loosened her grip a moment later, her brain finally registering just how much force she had been exerting. "Oh. Sorry, I-"

"We don't have to do this, if you don't want to."

Her eyes flew back up to Jade's face. "What?"

"I'm not going to force you to have sex with me, Vega." Jade let go of her hand and stepped to the side, putting a few more inches between them. "So like...don't worry about that. We can just pretend that this didn't happen, and go get coffee or something, and-"

( _No no no no no_ )

"Wait!" Tori exclaimed as she reached out for Jade's hand again. "That's not...that's not what I want at all. Please don't go."

She was all too aware of how desperate she sounded, and she knew she should have been embarrassed by it, but she wasn't because Jade was looking at her again and the only thing she could focus on was the way the other woman's eyes kept glancing at her lips before their gaze met. "Will you tell me what I did wrong, then?"

Guilt turned her stomach sour and she tried not to think about how Jake had asked her almost the exact same question days earlier. "You didn't do anything wrong. I just...got nervous." She gave a small half-shrug and a laugh that she hoped sounded nervous instead of panicked. "I'm not exactly experienced with doing...well."

"Me?" Jade finished for her, and Tori felt a genuine smile tugging at her lips. She nodded and looked at Jade again, relieved to find a familiar playful smirk on her face.

"Yeah."

"Well..." Jade paused, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth for only a second before her smirk turned into a genuine grin. "I promise that I'm not _that_ difficult."

Tori's smile grew wider, and she wanted to say something; wanted to respond with something clever, but Jade was looking at her in a way that made all rational thought fly out the window.

They looked at each other for a moment longer, eyes questioning and longing and then they were both moving forward and kissing again. Jade's lips moved against hers slowly, almost hesitantly, and Tori let her eyes slide shut when she felt a hand come to rest on the nape of her neck, fingers gently scratching at the base of her skull and a tongue sliding smoothly along her bottom lip.

It was soft, and it was gentle, and it was so unlike the desperate kisses that they had exchanged previously that Tori almost questioned whether it was even real. But then she tasted the barest hint of coffee again and she became all-too-aware of the aching heat between her legs and she gripped Jade's hand tighter as she pulled away and opened her eyes. She watched Jade open hers as well and saw the questions in her gaze and on her lips and before she had a chance to ask any of them, Tori was tugging her towards the bed.

A flash of pain in her knuckle reminded her of the fact that she had impulsively taken Jade's hand with her injured one, but she didn't care because Jade was smiling at her and letting her pull them both onto the bed. They had to let go of each other to do so, since Jade had apparently elevated her bed a few inches higher than regulation, but after a few seconds of scrambling and climbing, Tori found herself with her knees on either side of Jade's hips.

"Wouldn't happen to have a hair tie, would you?" she joked, leaning down to kiss Jade again. A hand on her chest stopped her, though, and she pulled back quickly. "Uh.."

Jade held up her wrist, showing Tori the black hair tie that was wrapped around it. "I always come prepared." She took it off and held it out to Tori, who took it gratefully.

"I feel like I should be coming up with some kind of joke about you being prepared to come, but I'm kinda drawing a blank," Tori said as she reached up to gather her hair into a loose bun. "So just pretend that I came up with something...clever..." She paused, hands still twisting the hair tie around her hair as she took in the fact that Jade had reached out and taken both of her breasts in her hands. "Uh...can I help you?"

Jade grinned up at her. "Nah, I'm good."

"Oh?" Tori finished tying her hair up and leaned forward, biting back a gasp when Jade's fingers tweaked her nipples playfully. Her left hand came to rest on Jade's stomach, fingers tracing a path down, stopping just short of the belt around her waist. "There's nothing _else_ that I could help you with?

"Well...I mean, if you're offering." It was obvious that Jade was trying to appear as nonchalant as she possibly could, but there was a slight strain to her voice and when Tori looked up at her, she could see anticipation in her gaze.

"Ask nicely, and I'll consider it," Tori said, and Jade groaned, letting her hands fall down to her sides. Tori fell forward only a few inches before she caught herself with her right hand, being careful to not press down too hard against the mattress.

"I don't beg, Vega."

"Sucks to be you, then." Her fingers traced the belt buckle, gently tugging the leather out of a single loop. "I was really looking forward to having my way with you."

Jade scoffed. "'Having your way with me', Jesus, you sound like you're straight out of some bad paperback that my mom would read."

"Oh, so now you're bringing up your _mother_ while I'm literally shaking my tits in your face?"

Jade's nose wrinkled in disgust. "Ew, no, I... _ugh_." She reached down and placed a hand atop of Tori's, urging her to keep going. "Why are you literally the worst?"

"Why can't you just ask me nicely?"

They stared at each other, Tori with a smirk on her lips and Jade with a scowl on hers. Then, Jade groaned again and let go of her hand.

"I would really, really appreciate it if you would be so kind as to fuck me, Vega."

Tori rolled her eyes, but she pulled the belt out of another loop. "I guess that's one way of asking."

"It's the best you're going to get, so."

"Oh?" Another loop, and then all she had to do was unbuckle it and pull it out completely. She tossed it to the side and tried not to wince when she heard the metal clang against the floor. "Wanna bet?"

She was met with a cocked eyebrow. "What does the winner get?"

"Fucked again, I'd assume." Tori started fumbling with the button of Jade's jeans, the task made all the more difficult by the use of her non-dominant hand. She glanced down, gritting her teeth as she continued to struggle. "Oh _come on._ "

Jade's hand came back to rest on hers and when she looked back up, Tori saw a mixture of amusement and concern in her eyes. Jade nodded her head towards the hand that Tori had propped herself up on. "You're right-handed."

"Yeah."

"You can't use your right hand."

"Not really."

"So uh...how do you plan on..."

Tori rolled her eyes again. "I'm pretty sure I can figure it out. I just...could maybe use some help with this button, because it apparently hates me."

Jade's eyes didn't leave hers. "Are you sure? Because like...as much as I'd love to know exactly how it feels to have you fuck me, I don't want you to like, hurt yourself or anything. I can wait."

Tori tried not to focus on the implications in her words; tried not to cling to the insinuation that there was the hope of a _future_. "I'll be fine."

Jade stared at her a moment longer, then shrugged and unbuttoned her jeans. "If you say so."

Tori glared at her, but started tugging down on the jeans anyway. She sat back on her heels so that Jade could lift her hips, and with a bit more struggling-

("I've never seen someone take so long to get a girl out of her pants before, Vega."  
"Shut up, West.")

-she was able to throw the accursed garment at the foot of the bed.

Jade clapped slowly, and Tori turned to shoot her an absolutely menacing look. "Why," she asked, deadpan, and Jade shrugged.

"Thought you could use the encouragement."

Tori continued to glare at her, but Jade was grinning that sly grin of hers and it wasn't long before Tori was fighting off the smile that pulled at her own lips.

"You suck," she said before she leaned down and kissed her.

"Yeah, well..." Jade murmured against her. Tori felt a hand cupping her breast again, kneading in time to the tongue touching hers. "Sucking can be useful," she finished, nipping Tori's bottom lip and soothing it with a swipe of her tongue just as quickly.

"Mhm," Tori hummed. Her hand came to rest on Jade's stomach again, fingers feathering against her skin as they trailed downward. Her fingertips hit lace and she curled them beneath the band.

_Bzzz. Bzzzz. Bzzzz._

"You have got to be fucking kidding me," Tori muttered, lifting her head a few inches at the feeling of her phone vibrating in the front pocket of her shorts. Jade chased after her, a hand reaching for the back of her head to pull her back down to her lips.

"Ignore it," Jade murmured, and Tori couldn't think of a reason to disagree when Jade's tongue was darting against hers.

After a few more rings, the buzzing stopped and Tori thought that would be the end of it.

_Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz._

Jade was the one to pull back this time. "Vega, I swear to god, if you don't turn your phone off or something, I'm going to-"

Tori shook her head. "That's not mine."

"Fucking seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Christ." Jade waited for Tori to sit back again before she pushed herself up onto her elbows. "Literally no one ever calls me, who the fuck..."

"Nicole, probably," Tori said. She waved the phone she had pulled out of her own pocket, the missed call notification bright on the screen. "Where's your phone?"

"In my jeans. But like, it already stopped ringing, so..."

_Bzzz. Bzzz._

"Son of a bitch."

"Think we should answer that?" Tori asked, and Jade shot her a withering look.

"No."

_Bzz. Bzzzz._

_"_ She's probably not going to let it go."

Jade groaned and fell back onto the bed, palms pressed tight against her temples. "Fine! Just make it stop!"

Tori reached for the jeans that they had discarded at the foot of the bed, rummaging through the front pockets for Jade's phone. She pulled it out and glanced at the screen before answering it.

"Hey Nic, what's up?"

_"Jade! Hey, I...wait. Tori, is that you?"_

"Yeah." Tori scooted back up so that her knees were on either side of Jade's hips again. Jade sat up and leaned in a little closer so that she could hear the conversation better. It wasn't hard, considering just how loud Nicole was.

" _What the...why are you answering Jade's phone? And why the hell didn't you answer yours?"_

"Never heard it ring," she lied. Jade shot her a look at that, but she just shrugged.

" _So why are you answering hers? Where the hell is she, anyway?_ "

"In the bathroom." Jade's expression turned incredulous, and Tori had to bite back a laugh. "Is there something you needed?"

There was a moment of silence on the other end. Tori could practically picture Nicole's face as she thought through what she had just been told, and she knew it was way too much to ask for her roommate to actually just take her words at face value.

She could still hope, though.

" _Just wanted to see if she knew where you were. You know. Since you've been ignoring my texts all night._ "

Tori glanced at her own phone, clicking it on with her injured hand to see a plethora of missed message notifications. "Oops. Sorry about that. My phone must be on the fritz or something. But don't worry, everything is-"

Her words faltered at the feeling of a pair of lips on her neck.

_"Everything is what? Tori, what the hell is going on?"_

Tori fought against the urge to let her eyes slide shut at the sensation of teeth on her pulse point and instead forced herself to focus. "Everything is fine! Sorry, I thought I saw a cockroach and got distracted."

 _"Uh huh."_ Nicole went silent for a second and Jade took that moment to bite down. It wasn't hard, and Tori was pretty sure it wouldn't even leave a mark, but a shudder ran down her spine all the same. " _Anyway, what are you guys doing? I thought you were planning on coming home after rehearsal."_

Jade's lips progressed downwards and when she felt a tongue dart out against her collarbone, Tori thought for sure she was going to lose it. As it was, she had to take a deep breath before she could answer. "We uh... _shit_." She glared down at Jade, who waggled her eyebrows at her before she kissed the slope of her breast again. "Sorry, it _was_ a cockroach. We're just...hanging out?"

 _"Sure._ "

Lips moved down again, tongue circling and teasing and Tori bit her lip to hold in the moan that threatened to escape.

_"Well, I guess I'll let you get back to...hanging out. Tell Jade I said hey, and that I'm pretty sure she owes me ten bucks."_

Jade paused at that, her expression thoughtful for a long moment before she gave a little nod of acknowledgment, mostly to herself. Tori raised a questioning eyebrow that Jade promptly ignored in favor of swirling her tongue around her nipple again, causing Tori to bite her lip in a barely-successful attempt to keep herself from gasping. "Uh, yeah! I'll be sure to do that. Talk to you later, Nic!"

" _Later, Tor. Make good choices."_

The line went dead in her hand before she had the chance to answer. She stared at the phone for a moment before she turned her gaze to Jade, who promptly dissolved into laughter.

"A _cockroach_? That's the best you could come up with?"

"Well, excuse me for not being able to come up with something better! I was kinda distracted!" Tori slipped her phone back into her pocket and held out Jade's to her. "You should be impressed that I was able to think of a reason at all!"

Jade took her phone and stretched to place it on her desk before she turned back to Tori. "I would be more impressed if you had come up with something that didn't suck!"

Tori glared at her, but even as she tried to look angry, she couldn't help but feel some of the doubts that had been plaguing her start to lift.

She was literally straddling Jade West, topless, and they were still acting like everything was normal.

God, could they keep being normal?

( _What if she leaves again_ )

"Hey," she heard Jade say, and she felt a hand on her jaw. "Where did you go?"

Tori blinked and leaned into Jade's palm, the heat of her skin against hers serving to ground her. She closed her eyes, savoring the moment. "Sorry. Got distracted for a second."

"By a cockroach?"

She opened her eyes and shot Jade a look. "Look, you try coming up with an excuse when you've got someone sucking on your neck."

Jade smirked, but Tori could still see a hint of worry in her eyes. "I was just trying to keep the mood going despite the technical difficulties and interruptions." She let her hand fall away from Tori's face. "Wouldn't want to leave you all 'high and dry', or anything."

"Oh?" Tori eyes darted down, taking in the sight of the bare woman beneath her before she met Jade's gaze again. She let her hand rest on Jade's hip, thumb drawing idle circles in her skin. "I wasn't aware that we were focusing on me right now."

"Yeah, well... _oh_." Jade's eyes went wide when she realized that Tori's hand had abruptly moved down to cover the front of her panties. The lace was rough against her stroking fingertips but she could feel the heat of Jade's arousal through the fabric, and it was _exhilarating_.

"Were you saying something?" Tori chided, accenting her words with a long stroke. Jade shot her a look, but Tori could tell that the ire in her gaze was just for show because behind it there was a longing that betrayed her desire. She placed her other hand on Jade's chest and pushed down gently, urging her shoulders back down onto the mattress. "Because if you had something to say, I'd love to hear it."

Jade took a deep breath and shot her a glare that was utterly lacking in intensity. "If you're waiting for me to ask you to fuck me again, Vega, you're gonna be disappointed."

Tori shrugged, and her fingers stopped their idle stroking. "I can live with disappointment, I guess."

Jade's gaze turned wild. "Vega. I swear to god."

Tori laughed and leaned down so that she could press her lips to the underside of Jade's jaw for the briefest of moments. "Just kidding."

She brought her hand up and slipped it underneath the band of Jade's panties, waiting for Jade to lift her hips just enough so that she could tug them down. Jade kicked them off, and then, before either woman really had much of a chance to think about it, Tori's hand was urging Jade's legs apart so that she could properly touch her.

"Holy shit," Jade said when Tori's fingers finally parted through her. " _Jesus._ "

Tori wanted to respond, wanted to say something clever, but the capacity for rational thought flew out the window when she realized just how fucking _wet_ Jade was. How aroused she was for _her_.

(She really, really hoped she wasn't going to screw it up)

She shifted so that she was better balanced on her right hand before she continued with long strokes, listening carefully for any changes in the soft moans and gasping coming from Jade as she explored. She circled Jade's clit, her thumb just barely grazing against the sensitive bud, and from the way Jade's eyes snapped shut and the single _"fuck_ " that she heard, she assumed that she was doing something right.

She circled her clit again before deciding to dip her fingers a little lower, fingertips dancing near Jade's entrance.

"Jade?" she said, surprising herself with the fact that she was even able to speak at all. She waited for Jade to open her eyes, waited to see the storm raging again, before she slipped a finger inside of her.

" _Fuck_ ," Jade moaned, her eyes growing wide before they slammed shut again, and Tori felt a hand near the top of her spine, nails digging into her shoulders in a way that should have been painful but served only to send a shock of heat through her core. She almost faltered, but then remembered that she was definitely supposed to keep thrusting. She waited a few more moments before adding a second finger, slowing her pace just enough for Jade to get used to the change.

"Harder," she heard Jade gasp after a minute, and she grinned.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

She felt a leg hook around the back of her thighs, pulling her closer. Jade opened her eyes just long enough to glare at her before Tori curled her fingers ever-so-slightly inside of her, and then her head was falling back against the mattress again even as her nails dug deeper into Tori's skin as they raked down her back. Tori felt Jade's other hand on the back of her neck, searing hot even against her already-warm skin.

"Don't be a gank," she heard Jade mutter breathlessly before she pulled Tori down into a desperate kiss, all tongues and teeth and gasping breaths. It was all Tori could do to not fall completely forward, but she somehow managed to keep herself propped up, even though she could start to feel the strain she was putting on her fracture.

But fuck, who cared about a little pain when Jade West was slowly coming undone beneath her?

She acquiesced to Jade's demands and began to thrust harder and deeper, making sure to angle her wrist in just the right way so that her palm brushed against her clit with every thrust. The position was unfamiliar, and it made her wrist ache, but there were obscenities pouring out of Jade's lips and into her mouth as her hips bucked up in order to meet Tori's thrusts.

Tori pulled away from her lips and leaned down so that she could press open-mouthed kisses against her neck, biting down gently right above her collarbone. She heard Jade gasp, felt nails rake down either side of her spine.

" _Fuck_ , Tori!"

Tori felt another spark of heat low in her stomach when she heard Jade moan her name, but she tried to ignore it because-

( _because it's her?_ )

-because when she curled her fingers again and pressed just a little harder against Jade's clit, she heard the breath hitch in Jade's throat and felt her walls tighten around her fingers and then-

And then Jade's back was arching off of the mattress as she came.

A stream of curses accented with Tori's name poured from Jade's lips for a few seconds as Tori continued to slowly move in and out of her, tapering off into silent gasps as a tremor coursed through her. Tori hoped that that was a good sign-

(she hoped a lot of things)

-and kept up her gentle thrusts until she felt a hand on her wrist.

"No more," Jade said breathlessly. "Too much."

Tori immediately stopped, withdrawing her hand slowly. "Shit, I'm..."

Jade shook her head and held up a finger. "Don't... _fuck."_ She bit her lip as another tremor ran through her. "Don't apologize. Just too sensitive right now."

"Oh." Tori tried to sit back to give Jade some space, but Jade shook her head again and pulled Tori down so that she could kiss her again.

"Did you used to fool around with Cat, too, or was that just natural talent?" Jade asked in between kisses, and Tori couldn't help but laugh.

"Was that a compliment?"

She could practically feel Jade roll her eyes. "Shut up."

They stayed like that for a few more minutes, bodies flush against each other as their kisses grew lazier. Eventually, they rolled so that Tori was half-on the mattress and half-on Jade, her head tucked against her chest.

"Was I really okay?" Tori asked, her voice hardly above a whisper.

Jade lifted her head just enough so that Tori could see her incredulous expression. "Doubting my compliment?"

"Well, to be fair, after years of not really knowing when you're being serious or when you're being...well..."

"A gank?"

Tori gave her an apologetic look. "Maybe?" She sighed and looked back down. "I dunno."

"Tori." Fingers curled under her jaw, tilting her head up gently so that their eyes met again and she could see the seriousness in Jade's gaze. "You just made me come so hard that for like, a solid fifteen seconds, I was pretty sure I was gonna go blind."

Tori stared at her as her words processed. Then, she saw the smirk pulling at the corner of Jade's lips and felt a smile growing on her own face, and they both began to laugh.

The laughter continued for a few moments, with both women finding something new to laugh at whenever the giggles started to subside. But then Tori felt a hand on her hip and saw the look in Jade's eyes shift into something that was becoming increasingly familiar, and the laughter finally died away as their lips met again.

* * *

( _dragging and dragging and dragging and Jade? Jade, no, not her, anyone but her_ )

* * *

She awoke with a gasp, her right hand clutched over her heart. Pain radiated through her hand but she hardly noticed it because everything was dark and she didn't know where she was and _fuck_ where the _fuck_ was-

She felt something move next to her, and a new wave of fear crashed over her. She had to get out of there, she had to leave, had to _run._

It wasn't until she was rolling off of the bed and almost toppling to the ground that she saw a pair of scissors on the desk and she remembered where she was.

Jade's room. She was in Baker.

Why was she in Baker?

A sigh from the bed, and she froze as fragmented memories of the night flooded into her.

_Oh._

_Oh Christ._

She was reaching for her clothes before she let herself process anything else. It was too much.

God, it was all too much.

"Leaving so soon?"

Tori froze, precariously balanced on one leg, the other half-shoved into her shorts. "I-"

( _run_ )

"I didn't really expect you to be the type to just fuck 'em and leave 'em, you know."

There was the hint of a joke in Jade's voice, but something else, too. Something deeper and _angry_ and Tori was thankful for the darkness because she was terrified of the expression she knew to be written on Jade's face.

"It's not...It's not like that."

"Oh?" Jade sat up completely and reached over for the lamp on her desk, clicking it on. Too-bright light flooded into the room and Tori felt more exposed than she ever had before. She quickly covered her chest and turned her head away from the light and Jade was speaking again.

( _go go go_ )

"Then maybe you could explain what it _is_. Because it sure as hell looks like you were about to run out on me again."

"I...I..."

She tried to come up with the right words but nothing would come. Her stomach twisted with a combination of fear and guilt and her heart wouldn't stop its rabbit-fast beating, why wouldn't it just _stop_ , and-

"Vega?"

There was a hand on her shoulder and she tried not to flinch but knew that she had anyway because the hand was gone just as quickly as it had appeared.

"Vega, hey, what's-" Jade moved so that she was standing in front of her. She bent down a few inches so that she could look at her face, even though Tori refused to make eye contact with her. "What's wrong?"

Everything was too hot. Or too cold. She wasn't sure, but it was too much, way too much, and she needed to get away, why didn't she get that? Didn't she understand that she needed to _run?_

"Tori, can you even hear me?"

She knew she needed to say yes, or nod, or do _something_ but her brain was filled with static and the world was closing in and for fuck's sake, why couldn't she just _speak_?

"I'm going to get a chair, okay? I think that you should probably sit down."

She heard Jade pull out the desk chair and a moment later she felt herself sinking down into it. She was dimly aware of Jade crouching down next to her, a hand on the back of the chair to balance herself as she looked into Tori's face again.

"Not even sure if you can hear me, honestly, but if you can, I want you to try and follow along with me, okay? Deep breath in." Jade inhaled and held it for a few seconds. Tori tried, but her breath was shaky and she couldn't hold it in. "Deep breath out."

Jade exhaled slowly. Tori took another shallow breath.

"And again. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Use your diaphragm, just like we were taught, okay?"

Tori took in another shaky breath, surprised to find that she was able to hold it for a few seconds this time.

"Remember those stupid scales that they made us run through before we did _anything_ in our vocal classes? We're gonna go basic and do do re mi. I'll lead. Feel free to chime in whenever, okay?"

Tori almost laughed at the thought of Jade willingly running through scales, but then she heard a low "doe, a deer" and realized that she was being serious.

"Ray. A drop of golden sun."An increase in octave, and Tori felt a skip in her heartbeat. Slower. Somehow slower.

"Me, a name I call myself," Jade continued, her voice rising again, and Tori breathed in again, actually able to feel the air in her lungs this time. She heard Jade pause, saw her eyes dart up to check her face again, and then she exhaled, long and slow.

"Far, a long, long way-"

"To...to run," Tori finished, her voice breaking and not quite on key but still _there_. "To run." She crossed her arms across her chest and hunched over a bit as she took another deep breath, her shoulders shaking when she exhaled. "Fuck."

"Do...should I keep going?" Jade asked, and Tori shook her head. "Okay. Cool. I forget what comes after so, anyway."

"La."

"Pardon?"

Tori hugged herself tighter and took another shuddering breath. "La. It's a note to follow sew."

"Oh. Right." Silence for a moment. Then: "Tori, what the _fuck_ is going on with you?"

Tori gave a little half-shrug and tried to hide the shiver that ran through her. "Good question."

"I've literally seen you have two...what, panic attacks? Maybe? Just today. That's not even touching the one I saw you have on Saturday."

( _red everything red and a hand on her arm and_ )

"Tori?" A snapping of fingers, and Tori blinked again and the red was replaced with light. "Hey, come back to me, okay?"

She nodded and gripped her elbows tighter. "Sorry."

"If I touch you, are you going to freak out again?"

 _(gripping gripping gripping_ )

Another shiver, but she shook her head. "Don't think so. Just..."

"Just what?"

She bit her lip and closed her eyes and tried not to think about Pat's face or the way Jade's eyes were glazed over or the fact that she was certain that she had gone completely and utterly insane. "Not my arm. Please."

A moment passed, a moment of tense muscles and gritted teeth and then she felt a tender hand cupping the side of her face and she burst into tears.

"Fuck," she thought she heard Jade say, and then she was reaching out and trying to find her because she _needed_ to feel her, needed to know that she was real and there and when she felt arms wrap around her shoulders she couldn't stop herself from sobbing.

"Jade," she gasped into her shoulder. "Oh my god, Jade, I-"

"I'm here," Jade whispered back. A hand on her back rubbing gentle circles. "I'm here, okay?"

Tori pulled her closer, realizing too late that she would fall out of the chair if she did. She crumpled to the floor, but Jade was there to catch her and Tori let her because fuck, what else was she supposed to do?

"I'm so sorry," she said through her tears. "I'm so, so fucking sorry, I don't...I wasn't running out on you, please don't think-" Her voice caught in her throat, and she let out another shuddering breath. "Fuck, I wasn't, I swear."

"Then...then what _were_ you doing?" Jade asked, and Tori felt her heart break a little bit more.

"I didn't..." She paused, trying to formulate her thoughts into anything other than the swirling mess that they were in her mind. More tears, another sob, and her hand scrambled against Jade's back as she tried to ground herself against the feel of her skin. "I had a nightmare."

"A nightmare?"

( _dragging_ )

Tori shivered and nodded. "Yeah. I...I have them a lot."

"The same one?"

( _Greasy hair and a greasy smile and dark eyes so dark_ )

"Variations on a theme, usually."

Jade pulled back just far enough to give her a quizzical look. "What theme?"

( _You you you_ )

Tori turned her head away. "I-"

"At the creek. You said some things, some strange things. About me, about Pat. They related to that, at all?"

Tori nodded again, and she heard Jade let out a heavy breath.

"Shit." Jade shifted so that she could hold Tori a little closer. "Don't take this the wrong way or anything, but like...I'm pretty sure you need therapy, dude."

Tori laughed bitterly and tucked her head against Jade's chest. "Oh, absolutely. But like, that's a bit of the pot calling the kettle black, isn't it?"

"Probably." A pause. "What did he say to you, that day?"

( _Looks like I get a second chance looks like I get a_ )

"I don't-"

"He threatened you?"

Tori nodded. "Yeah. And you." The lump in her throat grew. "God, he threatened you."

"Can I ask what he actually said?"

Tori shook her head, almost frantic. "I...I'm not repeating it. It was... _shit._ " She took a breath and held it for a few seconds before continuing. "Sorry, it just...he said such foul, _evil_ things, and I just..."

"Okay. You don't have to."

They were both silent for a moment, and Tori tried to calm down. Tried to get the tears from falling, tried to make her heart stop beating so fucking fast, tried and tried and tried.

"How long has this been going on, anyway?"

"Hmm?"

"The nightmares. The panic attacks. How long have you been having them?"

Tori took a moment to think back; back to all the sleepless nights and the startled wakings and the very thought made her exhausted. "The nightmares have been there since the beginning. Since November, at least. The panic attacks...or whatever the fuck they are, those are new. The one on Saturday was the first."

"You've been having nightmares since fucking _November_ and you didn't think to go, oh, I don't know, talk to someone?"

Tori lifted her head so that she could shoot Jade an accusatory look. "Again. Pot, meet kettle."

Jade returned the same look. "We're not talking about me, Vega."

Tori felt a small spark of anger bloom in her chest. "But we are. Don't you get that? All of this- all of the nightmares and everything else- it's always been about you. You were the one who almost had horrific things happen to you that night, and if I hadn't...god, Jade, I saw you at that party, and my first reaction was, "well, fuck, why is _she_ here?" What if I had...what I had turned away, then? What if I hadn't paid attention, and just decided to ignore you, like you had been doing to me for _months_? What then?" She searched for any sort of reaction in Jade's gaze, her shoulders sagging when she didn't find one. "What then?"

Jade considered her for another moment, her embrace loosening just slightly. "But that's not what happened. At all. Because you're a better person than I am."

"No, I'm-"

"You stepped in and saved me, even though I had been absolutely horrible to you. I don't know if I would have done the same thing. Not then." Jade finally broke their gaze, her eyes darting away from Tori's. Her arms dropped away from her completely, and she scooted back a few inches in order to put the barest amount of distance between them."So yeah, you are. And if you're feeling like, guilty, or whatever, that's stupid because if anyone here should be feeling guilty, it should definitely be me. For what I did to you, and for apparently causing you all of this...just _this_...and for kissing you, and for everything after, because you were obviously not in the mental state to do any of that, and I shouldn't have forced you to-"

"Shut up," Tori interrupted. To her surprise, Jade complied, though Tori could see her jaw set and she knew that there was a lot more that she would have said.

(She wasn't sure she ever wanted to know what those words would have been)

"There's...there's a lot of things that we probably shouldn't have done. To each other, in general, whatever. But you didn't force me to do a damn thing, and as far as I know, I haven't forced you either, so unless you're about to have a thinly veiled gay crisis or something like that, just...just shut up."

Jade looked back at her, and Tori felt a flash of fear run through her at the unreadable expression on her face. "You weren't actually going to run out on me?"

Tori shook her head. "Not intentionally, at least."

Jade looked away. "I thought...fuck." She laughed, shaking her head. "I thought that you had decided that you made a mistake, or something. That you weren't going to speak to me again, because I had misread the situation, or did something wrong, or..." She crossed her arms across her chest, almost protectively, and Tori felt an aching deep within her own chest. "I've spent months trying to make things right between us, and I thought I threw that away just because I couldn't keep myself from touching you."

( _Well fuck_ )

Tori reached out and laid a hesitant hand on Jade's shoulder. "I think you're missing a vital aspect of things."

Jade didn't move. "Oh? What would that be?"

"I came on to you. Not the other way around."

Jade looked up at that, eyebrows arched. "I'd say there was an equal division of responsibility there."

Tori shrugged. "It probably doesn't matter." She gripped Jade's shoulder a little tighter before letting go completely, her own arms crossing her chest. "Do you...do you regret it?"

Jade shook her head quickly. "No. Do you?"

Tori shook her head. "I don't. I mean, I'm still kinda surprised by the fact that it happened at all, but..."

Jade laughed. "Yeah, that was...somewhat unexpected."

Tori laughed too, but after a moment the laughter stopped and they were back to sitting in uncomfortable silence. Tori took the opportunity to wipe away the tears on her cheeks, while Jade just continued to sit there, her expression pensive.

"Feeling any better?" she finally asked, and Tori nodded.

"Yeah."

"Do you...ugh." Jade leaned back against the desk chair, rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands. "Look, we've been sitting naked on my floor for a while, and it's really fucking late, and I'd really like to go back to sleep, so...are you going to come back to bed, or do you want to go back to Sawyer?"

A small grin tugged at Tori's lips when she looked up at Jade, who, she realized, was blushing. "Are you asking me to come to bed with you, West?"

"For fuck's sake, Vega, we already _were_ in bed with each other. You know, after we fucked? That thing that happened?"

It was Tori's turn to blush as the memories of _exactly_ what they did to each other flooded back into her mind. Memories of Jade gasping against her, of teeth leaving imprints in skin. "Yeah, but we kinda just...passed out without really _talking_ about the whole..."

"Vega are you coming to bed or not?"

"Only if you let me be the big spoon."

Jade rolled her eyes, but started to rise. She held out a hand and waited for Tori to take it. "I don't cuddle."

"It's a twin XL bed. I don't think you get much of a choice." Tori let Jade help her to her feet, but didn't let go of her hand. "Besides, you're full of shit."

"Am not! Ugh, why are you such a pain?"

"Because you're cute when you're frustrated." Tori let her fingers interlock with hers, squeezing gently. "Hey, Jade?"

"Yeah?"

Tori waited for her to look at her before continuing. "Thank you. For uh...well, just, thank you."

Jade glanced down at their hands, then back up at her. "Didn't really do anything for you to be thanking me for."

"Yeah you did." Tori leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek before pulling back and nodding towards the bed. "Ready for bed?"

"Thought you'd never ask."

* * *

"Hey, I meant to ask earlier, but why exactly do you owe Nic ten bucks?"

"Don't worry about it."

"But-"

"Just go to sleep, Vega."

* * *

She didn't have any more dreams that night.

And when she woke up a few hours later to roll over, their hands were still intertwined.


	19. Chapter 19

"Vega."

A hand on her shoulder, shaking gently. "Hey, Vega, come on, wake up."

Tori gripped the pillow tighter and burrowed her head deeper under the covers. "Just...just five more minutes, Nic."

She heard a laugh but thought nothing of it because she was just so comfortable and there was no way she was going to get up before she had to. For Pete's sake, her alarm hadn't even gone off yet.

The hand on her shoulder moved down, sliding beneath the blanket, and she felt a warm palm against her back, fingers brushing against her spine. A thumb began rubbing gentle circles into her skin and she sighed in contentment because _god_ that felt nice.

Though she couldn't figure out why Nicole would be-

_Oh._

Her eyes flew open and she heard that laugh again, breath tickling her ear.

"Mornin, sunshine."

_Jade_.

Tori instinctively grabbed the blanket and pulled it up higher even though she was already fully covered. "Morning!" She rolled over so that she wasn't facing the wall, blinking desperately to get rid of the last vestiges of sleep. The image of Jade's smirking face swam in blurred vision and she reached up to rub her eyes with her hand, forgetting until it was too late that she still had her splint on. The metal poked the corner of her eye and she swore under her breath, prompting Jade to laugh again.

"Are you always this graceful in the morning?"

Tori dropped her hand and tried to shoot a glare in her general direction. "Shut up."

"Nah." Jade's smirk grew as she glanced down at the blanket covering Tori's chest. "Uh, Vega, you do realize that I've, one, already seen you naked, and two, that I'm _also_ still naked?"

Tori could feel her face turning red, though she wasn't sure if it was from embarrassment or from the fact that the thought of a naked Jade had made her entire body grow warm. "Yeah, well...shut up!"

"Is that all you're going to be able to say? Because it's going to be hard to have any sort of conversation if you're incapable of saying more than just "shut up."

Tori glared at her. "I'm tired, words are hard." She paused, the cogs in her mind turning slowly. "Wait. It's morning."

"Absolutely astute observation there."

"Shut... _ugh_. What time is it?"

"Seven, I think."

She stared at her in disbelief. "Why the hell are we awake at seven in the morning, West?"

Jade shrugged. "Well, you see, this strange thing happened yesterday, and I thought that maybe, instead of straight up ignoring it, we should address it before either of us has to go to class?"

"Strange thing?"

Jade stared at her with a single raised eyebrow. "You can't seriously be this thick, right."

"I mean, I've been called thick before, but I don't think it was meant in the same...way..." Tori blinked again and shook her head. "Sorry, I don't...I'm very tired."

"Is like, deflection your coping mechanism now or something?"

She shook her head again. "Don't think so. But if I actually think about the fact that you're currently naked and like, less than three inches away from me, I think my brain might melt. So you might have to give me a second."

"Oh?" Jade's eyes flashed with something almost wicked. "My being naked is making your brain melt?"

Tori felt a leg brush against hers, felt a knee against her thigh, and shivered in a mixture of anticipation and apprehension. "Oh my god."

"I don't see any gray matter dripping out of your ears, so I don't think you've quite reached _melting_ status, but-"

Tori reached down and placed a hand on the knee that was inching closer to her center and tried to ignore how badly she wanted to just let Jade continue her path upwards. "Did you seriously wake me up early just to tease me?"

Jade grinned, but shook her head. "No." She paused and tilted her head in thought. "Well, maybe. Honestly, though, I expected you to be freaking out a _lot_ more, so..."

_That's fair_ , Tori thought, and she let go of Jade's knee in favor of tucking her arms against her chest. "Oh."

"But if you're not, that's great, because-"

"Are you _not_ freaking out?" Tori asked, cutting her off mid-sentence.

Jade started to answer, but then she paused and seemed to reconsider her answer. "No."

"No?"

Jade nodded, then shook her head. "Wait, no, I meant no as in "no, I definitely am freaking out". Sorry, guess that could be misconstrued, huh."

"Yeah, just a little bit."

"Hey, I said I was sorry."

"Gank."

Jade stuck her tongue out at her in response, and Tori continued to stare at her for a long moment before she felt a smile creeping onto her face and, before long, she was rolling onto her back and covering her face with her hands as giggles shook through her.

"Oh my _god_ ," she gasped through her laughter. "Oh my god, we had sex."

"Uh...Vega? I'm not sure that laughter is the appropriate response to that."

"Are you _joking_? It's absolutely the appropriate response!" Her hands moved to the sides of her head and she turned just enough to see the mildly-distressed look on Jade's face. "We had _sex! Us!_ "

"Yeah, that's definitely a thing that happened. Multiple times." Jade frowned, and Tori knew that she should really stop laughing but the ridiculousness of the situation was just so fucking _funny_. "Vega, I really hope that your laughter is not indicative of how you thought I was, because I do still have a pair of scissors floating around here somewhere and I _will_ use them."

Tori shook her head emphatically, finally dropping her hands back down to her chest. "No! No, you were...you were _excellent._ Sorry. I just...give me a minute, okay?"

"You can have thirty seconds."

Tori tried to shoot her a dirty look, but then she giggled again. "You're such an ass."

"Yeah, well, you _have_ a nice ass."

"Oh my god." Tori fisted her hands in the blanket so she wouldn't do anything rash like reaching for Jade so that she could pull her closer to kiss her. "Why are you like this?"

Jade sat up, leaning back against the pillows propped up against the head of the bed. She pulled the blanket with her, causing Tori to yelp and grab for it as it began to slide off of her. Jade cast her a bemused look, but it didn't reach her eyes and that, more than anything, made Tori stop giggling. "I mean, I think the psych students would say it's because I'm overcompensating out of a deep inset need to not process my own emotions, but."

Tori stared at her, waiting for the smirk that would suggest that she was joking, but it didn't really come. The smirk was there, just barely dancing on her lips, but that same uneasy look was in her eyes and Tori hoped that it wouldn't soon be joined by regret.

"You're actually freaking out," she stated, and Jade shrugged.

"Maybe. But I thought that was already established like, a few minutes ago."

"Yeah, but..." Tori rolled onto her side so that she could see her better, using the pillow that Jade had given her the night before to prop herself up on her elbow, her head in her hand. The metal of her splint was cool against her skin, serving as a stark reminder of the seriousness of it all. "I honestly thought you were just trying to make me feel better about my own possible freak out."

"Yeah, well, maybe I was. But... _ugh_." She ran a hand through her hair. "Why aren't you like, freaking the fuck out right now, Vega?"

Tori gave a half-shrug, biting her bottom lip in thought. "I never said I wasn't."

"I've seen you freak out. Like, literally only a few hours ago. This isn't that."

"No, you saw me _panicking_ a few hours ago. There's a difference."

She was met with an arched brow and a disbelieving look. "Bullshit."

Tori shrugged again. "There's also the distinct possibility that I actually went fucking insane and I'm going to wake up and this was all just a dream, so."

The disbelief on Jade's face shifted into amusement, the barest of grins tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Have you dreamt about me before, then?"

( _glazed over eyes_ )

Tori flinched even though she tried not to. It was too late, though, and she saw Jade's amusement fade into concern. "Vega?"

Tori sat up a little more, scooting back a few inches so that her back hit the wall. She gripped the blanket around her tighter and shook her head. "Sorry. I know you meant that as a joke, I just..." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before re-opening them. "Dreams are a little complicated these days, I guess."

She didn't want to see the look on Jade's face so she kept her head bent and her arms crossed tight over her chest and tried to count her breaths as she waited for a response.

She didn't have to wait long.

"They really do kind of suck, don't they?"

Tori made a small noise of acknowledgment. "You can say that again."

She heard Jade chuckle. "Yeah, well...I can at least promise you that this? What's happening right now, and what happened yesterday? _Definitely_ not a dream."

Tori glanced up, lifting her head just enough to see that Jade wasn't actually looking at her. She had shifted positions at some point, with her knees drawn up near her chest and her arms wrapped around them, her gaze focused on the space in front of her. Her hunched forward position had caused the blanket to fall completely away from her back and Tori couldn't help but take in the sight of the barely-faded scratches that criss-crossed pale skin.

(It did nothing to quell the faint ache that had blossomed deep inside of her)

"It kind of feels like one," Tori finally said, and Jade turned her head to look at her. Her eyebrow was arched again, but it didn't feel patronizing.

"That bad, huh?"

Tori shook her head. "That's not what I meant. I just..." She shrugged, her shoulders barely lifting before they fell back down. "You have to admit that this is all a little...strange."

"Yeah. I mean, I think that's literally what I called it a few minutes ago, so..." Jade rested her cheek against the inside of her upper arm and sighed. "We should probably stop dancing around this and just...talk, huh?"

A flash of fear surged through her, but Tori tried not to let it show. "Probably. We, uh...kind of skipped over that bit yesterday."

She watched as a small smile, a sight that she was still so unfamiliar with, appeared on Jade's lips. "Yeah, that's one way to put it."

Heat settled lower and lower in her stomach and she tried not to focus on the memory of Jade's fingers buried deep inside of her or her lips on her neck or-

A hand waved in front of her face. "Earth to Vega? You there?"

Tori felt a deep blush spread across her cheeks. "Yeah!" she exclaimed, and the blush grew warmer at the squeak in her voice. She cleared her throat and cast her eyes down in an effort to look anywhere that wasn't Jade's bemused face. "Yep, nope, I'm fine!"

She could practically picture the smirk Jade was sure to be giving her. "You don't _look_ fine."

"Yeah, well, I _am_."

"Uh huh. _Sure_."

"Can we just...what were you saying?"

"Well, I was about to ask which topic you'd like to discuss first: the fact that you definitely need to make an appointment with the school shrink, or the fact that we had a _lot_ of sex?"

Her words made Tori's head snap up. "I might be fucking nuts, Jade, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who should be calling that shrink."

Jade's expression was completely unamused as she looked back at Tori. "I don't _do_ shrinks, Vega. I've managed just fine on my own this far."

Tori stared at her, equally unamused. "Yeah, you're doing fine, all right. So fine that I held you on the beach for hours just because of how fucking _fine_ you're doing."

Jade shot her a glare but after being on the receiving end of that same glare for literal years, Tori hardly even registered it. "You remember that?"

"Of course I do. I wasn't _that_ drunk. _"_

Surprise shined in Jade's eyes, the glare softening. "Then why didn't you say anything the next day? Or like, ever?"

"Why didn't you?"

Jade snorted and finally looked away. "Because I don't exactly enjoy the fact that I let you see me like that." She paused, and Tori was already about to respond when she continued. "That, and I felt you kiss me."

Tori didn't think that she could blush any harder. "What?"

"I'm a pretty light sleeper, Vega."

"You...oh my god." Tori buried her face in her hands. "Oh my god."

"I just assumed you were really drunk, so...I didn't want to read too deeply into it."

"Oh my god."

"Are you going to say anything else?"

Tori peeked through parted fingers, shaking her head. "I'm so sorry, I didn't even mean to do it, it just kinda happened, and-" Jade started laughing and Tori stopped shaking her head so that she could drop her hands and properly gape at her. "What now?"

"You're apologizing for kissing me...and like, on the head, not even on the lips... _after_ we spent several hours last night boning like rabbits?"

"It's embarrassing!"

"You're an idiot," Jade said, before shaking her head. "Fuck, _I'm_ an idiot."

Tori couldn't help but grin at that. "A pretty pink idiot?"

Jade groaned and extended her legs so that she could slide back down onto her back and hide her face in her hands. "Fucking Thornesmith."

Tori waited a moment to see if Jade was going to say anything else before she spoke. "So uh...why are you an idiot, exactly?"

Jade snorted again. "Because I spent the rest of that break obsessing over whether you were secretly into chicks or not."

Tori stared at her for a few seconds before bursting into uncontrolled giggles again.

"Oh come _on_ , Vega, that isn't funny!"

"You..." Tori laid back down with her legs still crossed beneath the blanket and ran her hands through her hair, fingers tangling in the strands as she tried to stop laughing so hard. "Jesus Christ, I spent that week obsessing over whether or not that night even _happened_ because you wouldn't fucking talk about it! And there you were, apparently trying to figure out if I'm fucking _gay_?"

"It was a valid question!"

Another round of giggles. "I mean, _yeah,_ but for fuck's sake, West, you could have just asked!"

"Oh, yeah, that would have gone _really_ well." Jade pitched her voice up into the terrible Southern accent that she had perfected over the years. "'Hey, Vega, do you like fucking chicks? Because I think you might, and it would be really swell if you did because so do _I_ and gee whiz, maybe we could talk about that further over a soda pop!'"

"Why do you use that voice, you know I hate that voice," Tori muttered, and Jade groaned.

"Literally not the point, Vega!"

"Yeah, well, it's not like I knew that you were interested in anything other than boys, either! And there were kind of more important things to deal with, like...oh, I don't know, the fact that you were having nightmares, and I was having nightmares, and I had a boyfriend, and there was an evil frat bro who literally wanted to rape us both! So like, I'm sorry for not taking the time to come out to you in between all of that!"

Tori had intended for her tone to be joking, but as the words came pouring out of her mouth, the air grew more and more serious and she instantly regretted it. But it was too late to take any of it back, and so she sighed and pressed her palms against her eyes for a long second before she rolled over onto her side so that she faced the wall. "Fuck."

It was quiet for a few moments, the only sound coming from their breathing and the dim echoes of the rest of the dorm beginning to wake. Then, she heard the rustling of bedsheets and a low sigh from the woman next to her before she felt a hand on her shoulder again. She tried not to sink back into Jade's palm, tried not to let the warmth of her skin against her own break down the barrier she suddenly wanted desperately to erect again, but it was useless.

God, she never had a chance.

"Why did you kiss me that night?" Jade asked.

"Which night do you mean?" Tori asked back, feeling her heart beat a little faster at the sensation of Jade's fingers kneading into muscles she hadn't even realized had been tense. "The beach or the creek?"

"Does it really matter?"

"Maybe." She bit back a moan at the feeling of her knotted muscles beginning to release. "Maybe not." She closed her eyes and let herself enjoy the feeling for a moment before exhaling slowly. "I thought you were beautiful. So, so beautiful. And I was drunk, and you looked so _peaceful_ and...I thought you were asleep."

Jade hummed, her fingers pressing harder at a particularly tense spot on Tori's shoulderblade. "And the creek?"

( _Oceans in her eyes and a hand on her chest and and_ )

"You made me feel safe," Tori whispered.

The hand stilled, and her veins immediately turned to ice with fear because she said too much. Way too much, really, and-

She felt Jade brush aside her hair, pushing it off of her shoulder completely before her lips pressed a gentle kiss at the base of her neck. They were gone just as quickly and if it wasn't for the shiver coursing down her spine, Tori wouldn't have been sure they had ever been there at all.

"You make me feel safe, too," Jade whispered.

Tori's heart lept at her words, tattooing a frantic rhythm against her ribs, but she tried to keep her breathing even so that it didn't show. "So what do we do now?"

"What do you want to do?"

Jade's voice was soft but Tori could hear a hint of apprehension in it; a deeper question that she didn't really know how to answer.

"I..." Tori paused, feeling Jade's hand settle on her shoulder again, though a little lower this time. "I don't want to lose you."

It was the same thing that Jade had said to her the day before, but there was a stark difference between the almost frantic way that Jade had uttered it then and Tori's barely-audible whisper now. She felt Jade stiffen behind her and she wished that they could just stop talking, could just start touching each other instead and forget everything else, but that was a folly and she knew it.

( _Still could dream, though_ )

"I don't want you to push me away again," Jade finally said, and Tori felt her heart shatter at the tinge of fear she could hear in her voice.

"And I don't want you to leave," Tori whispered back.

Jade's hand moved then, slipping over her side to slowly settle on her stomach, giving Tori plenty of time to push her away. She didn't, of course, and so Jade pulled her closer to her, her arm wrapped securely around her midsection with Tori's back pressed flush against her chest.

"So where does that leave us?" Jade asked, and Tori tried to concentrate on her question rather than on the feeling of Jade's body against hers _._ It proved to be impossible, though, especially after she tucked her legs up a bit, bringing them even closer together.

"Good question."

There was a moment of silence that Tori didn't mind at _all_ because it meant that she didn't have to say anything that would possibly make Jade let her go.

(She really, really didn't want Jade to let her go)

"I wasn't kidding about the shrink," Jade said, and Tori sighed.

"Neither was I. You need to talk to someone, too."

"I talk to you."

"And I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate that, but...I'm not going unless you do, too."

Tori felt a puff of air tickle her ear as Jade sighed. "Think they'll give us a two-for-one deal?"

"We could probably ask," Tori replied, and she heard Jade chuckle.

"I'd say we should call and book appointments now, but...well, they're probably not open yet, anyway."

"Fine with me," Tori said. She shifted so that she was even closer to her, impossibly closer, relishing in the unexpected warmth radiating off of the other woman. "I'm not ready to get up yet, anyway."

"Oh?" Jade's lips were at the base of her neck again, peppering a light path down her shoulder. Tori tried not to shiver, but it was impossible when she felt the hand on her stomach inch down a little lower.

"You know, most people go on a date before they start doing... _that_ ," Tori said, her words ending in a breathless gasp as Jade's fingers brushed against soft curls.

"Tori, don't take this the wrong way," Jade said, lips tickling against her neck again. Tori let her head fall back just enough for Jade to have better access to her throat, eyes fluttering shut at the feeling of teeth grazing her skin. "But you and I have been more or less dating since February."

"What?" Tori's eyes flew open and Jade's hand stopped moving, though Tori could still feel her muscles twitching beneath her fingertips. It drove her a little nuts, but not quite in the same way that Jade's words had. "I was dating Jake, there's no way that..."

"And you took it the wrong way anyway," Jade murmured, and Tori almost turned her head to demand to know exactly what the hell she was talking about, but then Jade was kissing the underside of her jaw and she wasn't quite willing to give up that sensation in order to get her answer.

"I'm not really sure what way you wanted me _to_ take it," she said, fighting back the urge to shiver as Jade's lips sucked gently at her pulse. "Because it sounds like you're saying I was cheating on my boyfriend when I absolutely _was not_."

"That's not at all what I'm saying," Jade replied. She pulled away, then, and laid her forehead to rest against Tori's shoulder. "Sorry. I keep saying things without putting enough thought into them." She laughed. "I guess I've always done that, huh? But I'm just saying that...well, we've kind of already done all the normal dating stuff, you know?"

Memories of all the times that they had gone to the Broken Record or the ice cream parlor or Antonio's flooded into her mind. The study sessions, and the dinners, and the creek, and the beach, and the hours where it was them and them alone and Tori realized that Jade was right.

She felt a wave of guilt wash over her before it settled low in her stomach and she almost threw off Jade's arm because the contradiction between her arousal and her guilt was too much to bear. But then Jade's hand was moving up again, settling in much safer territory.

"Other than the kiss at the creek, which I honestly don't think should count because let's be real, you weren't exactly in your right mind, did you and I ever do anything that would suggest that you were cheating on him?" Jade asked softly.

"No, but you can cheat on someone without physically cheating on them," Tori answered.

She heard Jade scoff. "We hung out together. You know, because we're friends?"

"I never did end up telling him that you and I were hanging out after rehearsals, though."

Jade sighed and Tori could feel her shake her head. "Hey Tor? I don't know about you, but even if we kinda did all the normal dating stuff already, it's not like I was thinking "oh hey, this is basically a date" when we were doing it. Were you?"

"No, but-"

"I'm pretty sure emotionally cheating on someone only counts when it's intentional."

Tori bit her lip and wished that Jade's words made her feel better than they did. "I just...it feels wrong."

"Oh."

Jade started to pull away, but Tori reached for her hand before she could remove her arm. "Not what I meant," she said. She laced their fingers together, squeezing gently. "Sorry. I just can't help but feel bad for...well, for everything, you know? Just because I didn't love him doesn't mean that I wanted to ever hurt him. And I did. I really, really did."

Jade was quiet for a moment, and Tori wished she could see her face because the silence was maddening, especially in the absence of an expression. But she just held on to her hand and hoped that she hadn't said anything that would make her leave.

"I don't want you to regret leaving him," Jade finally said, her voice hardly more than a whisper.

Tori squeezed her hand again and pressed it tight against her stomach. "I regret hurting him. I don't regret you."

( _How could I ever regret you_ , she thought, and she almost smiled because she knew Jade would call her corny if she said it out loud)

"Okay," Jade murmured, squeezing back. "Just wanted to check."

Her arm tightened around Tori's midsection, almost protectively, and Tori knew that if she focused on the fact that she felt so fucking safe in Jade's arms, safer than she had felt in _months_ , she would probably start crying again.

(God, how did they even end up like this?)

"So..." Jade said a few moments later. "Can I touch you, or do I need to take you on an official date first?"

Tori smiled even though she knew Jade couldn't see it and moved their hands down a few inches before dropping her hand away. "I mean, I'd love to go on a date with you, but..."

"I'll keep that in mind for later, then," Jade murmured. Tori felt an open-mouthed kiss on her shoulder blade and a knee nudging at her thighs, and then fingers dipping lower as soon as she rolled back and parted her legs just enough to give Jade room to finally touch her. She sighed and let her eyes slide shut again as Jade stroked through her, sinking further into the mattress and her arms.

"Fuck, Tori, if I had known that you were this wet for me, I wouldn't have made you wait so long," Jade said, and Tori almost laughed.

"Yeah, well, you just have that effect on me," she said, intending it to be a joke but realizing half-way through that it definitely wasn't.

"Oh yeah?" A finger circled her clit and her hips reflexively pressed back to grind against Jade. She heard a sharp intake of breath and felt the rolling of hips against her and for the first time since they had laid down in that position, Tori wondered just how turned on _Jade_ was.

(She hoped it was at least half as much as she was)

"Yeah," she breathed.

Fingertips teased her entrance, just barely pushing in before stroking back upwards. A whimper escaped her throat before she could contain it, and she felt Jade laugh against her.

"Eager, much?"

Tori gritted her teeth and slowly rocked her hips backwards again, relishing in the whispered " _fuck_ " in her ear and the sudden appearance of Jade's other hand at the top of her spine.

"Stop being a tease and _fuck me_ ," Tori said, and Jade apparently didn't need to hear it twice because it only took another few seconds before a finger was pushing inside of her, quickly joined by a second a moment later. The angle of Jade's thrusts was different than Tori was used to,-

(the very nature of being used to anything in relation to Jade touching her was almost too strange to think about)

-a result of their positioning, but it wasn't a bad thing at all because it led to a curling of the fingers inside of her against an exceedingly sensitive area that had her gasping breathlessly. She made sure to maintain the rocking of her hips, though, even when Jade's palm brushed against her clit and her vision erupted with stars. She wanted so badly to reach behind her and touch Jade too; wanted to hear her gasping her name at the same time that she would be gasping hers, but her good hand was trapped beneath herself and-

And the heat had coiled so tightly inside of her, so tight that it was almost too much to bear, and Jesus _Christ,_ she was not going to be able to keep it together for much longer.

She was dimly aware of Jade's lips on her neck, dimly aware of the fingers of Jade's left hand running through and pulling gently on the hairs at the nape of her neck, and she wanted to turn and kiss her so badly but another deep, curling thrust had her eyes screwing shut and another whimpering gasp leaving her mouth as the heat snapped and the resulting wave of pleasure threatened to drown her completely.

She expected that to be it; for her to slowly blink away the stars still floating in her eyesight as she came back down to Earth, but she quickly realized that that wasn't going to be the case. She wasn't even sure if Jade knew she had come because the speed of her thrusts hadn't slowed at all, and neither had the grinding against her or the pressure of her palm against her clit, and she almost told her to slow down because she was already done, it was going to be too much, but then it was too late because she was crying out and falling over the edge again.

She felt Jade shiver and felt the hand at the base of her neck grip a little tighter, fingernails digging into her skin almost painfully. She thought she heard a gasp, but blood was rushing in her ears and the only thing she could actually be certain of was that there were teeth gently biting against her shoulder as the hand inside of her finally, mercifully, began to slow.

They laid like that for a few minutes, Jade's hand finally withdrawing from inside of her but not leaving the inside of her thigh. Tori could feel how slick her hand was, could feel her own arousal drying against her skin, and she almost laughed because she still couldn't believe that it was real, that any of it was real.

"I could get used to waking up like this," she heard Jade murmur against her shoulder, and she smiled because _fuck_ , she definitely agreed.

* * *

She managed to wait a few more minutes before breaking the silence with a question that she knew needed to be asked.

Didn't make her any less nervous to do so, though.

"So, uh...does this mean that we're dating?" She managed to keep her tone even, but there were butterflies in her stomach and it was all she could do to hope that she didn't sound as anxious as she felt.

She felt Jade's arm tighten around her and for a moment she feared that she had upset her, but then she felt her pull her even closer against her chest. "Is that what you want?"

Tori paused and took a moment to actually consider the prospect.

She thought about Beck; about all the times that he had tried to hook up with her, of almost-kisses and almost-feelings. She thought about Jake, of his slightly-crooked smile and his kind touch and the pain in his eyes when he realized she didn't love him back.

And then she thought about Jade. Jade, who had shattered her into pieces and torn her apart from the inside out. Jade, who was all sharp edges and even sharper words, who didn't hold back even if it hurt.

Jade, who was none of those things. Not anymore. Not to her.

"I want you to be my girlfriend," Tori answered, feeling more certain of her words than she was of anything else in her life.

She felt Jade shift, felt lips press against her shoulder. "Good," she heard her reply a moment later. "Because I'd really like you to be my girlfriend, too." A pause. "But..."

Panic bloomed deep inside her gut and she tried to keep her breathing even. "But?"

"You're not worried about it being too soon? You know, since-"

"Since I broke up with Jake?" Tori finished for her, and she felt Jade nod.

"Yeah."

"Well, too soon was probably when you had me bent over a piano, if we're being honest. Or, you know, literally five minutes ago. So, like, we might be a little past the point of "too soon.""

She felt Jade's hand against her stomach again, her palm hot and her touch causing Tori's muscles to flutter beneath her fingertips. "You might have a point, there."

"Mhm," Tori hummed in reply. "So unless you're intending on taking a _massive_ step back, I think that dating might be the next logical step."

"Oh, so we're being logical now?"

"Figure we ought to be at some point, right?"

Jade snorted, causing Tori to smile. "Logic is overrated," she muttered, and Tori couldn't help but begin to laugh. It was almost-silent, but even though Jade couldn't see her face, the shaking of her shoulders gave her away.

"What's so funny? Jade asked, and Tori shook her head, biting her lip so that she wouldn't start outwardly giggling.

"I just...never saw this coming, you know?"

She felt Jade's forehead come to rest against her shoulder and felt her chuckle against her skin. "Your roommate did."

"She _what?_ " Tori rolled over so that she could face her, almost throwing off Jade's arm in the process.

There was a hint of pink in Jade's cheeks and she looked anywhere but at Tori as she answered. "That's what the bet was about. She thought that I had feelings for you, and I said she was wrong, so...I guess she knew something that we didn't."

"That little...wait." Tori narrowed her eyes. "When was this bet even made?"

Jade glanced up towards the ceiling, the pink rapidly growing brighter. "Uhm. Early March?"

"Over a _month_ ago?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

"Why the hell did you even _agree_ to that bet?"

A small shrug. "Thought it would be an easy ten bucks."

"You didn't know that you had feelings for me then?"

A shake of the head. "I mean...not _exactly_. I just kinda thought that that's what friendship felt like...it's not like I've had many female friends, so..."

Tori stared at her, not bothering to keep her smirk hidden. "You thought that's what _friendship_ felt like?"

Jade pulled her arm off of her and fell onto her back, covering her face with her hands and letting out a dramatic groan. "Shut up! It's not like you were any better!"

"Yeah, but at least Nicole never made a bet with _me_ about whether I secretly liked you or not!"

Jade glared at her through the cracks in her fingers. "I hate you."

"Uh huh. Sure." Tori shook her head and reached out to rest a hand on Jade's arm, pulling on it gently until Jade dropped her hands away from her face. "If you hated me, I don't think you would have lost that bet."

"It's possible to have more than one kind of feeling towards a person, Vega. I'm a complex individual capable of many emotions."

"Complex individual my ass," Tori replied. "You just hate the idea of someone else knowing that I make you feel all gooey inside."

"I have _never_ said that you make me feel _gooey_ inside, what the hell are you on about?"

"Yeah, but you haven't _denied_ it, either."

Jade glared at her. "Vega, I swear to god-"

"You _like_ me," Tori sang, and Jade tried to cover her face again, but Tori wouldn't let her pull her arm away. "You really _like_ me!"

"I'm literally dating you!" Jade exclaimed.

"Yeah, but you _liiike_ me!"

"Why are you like this?"

Tori grinned and leaned forward so that she could press her lips to the corner of Jade's mouth. "Because you secretly like it."

"Lies. All lies."

"Yeah, yeah," Tori said, moving her lips just enough to capture Jade's bottom lip between her own. She almost expected Jade to refuse to kiss her back, anticipating the stubbornness that she had come to expect from the other woman, but she felt her lips move against hers almost immediately. She pulled back when she felt Jade's tongue swipe against her lip and grinned at the groan she received in response. "You like me, you dork."

"Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure that you like me, too, so," Jade grumbled before she tried to lean back in for another kiss. Tori pulled back an inch or two, only allowing their lips to brush.

"I _do_ like you," she whispered. She lifted her gaze so that it met Jade's, smiling when she saw the softness in her eyes. "Even if you've been conspiring with my roommate behind my back."

"I wasn't... _ugh_." Jade reached for her, wrapping an arm around her back so that she could pull her closer. "You're annoying."

"Maybe, but at least I'm pretty!" Tori joked.

Jade tilted her head, dragging her gaze down Tori's body slowly. "Yeah, you've definitely got that going for you."

"Gank."

" _Your_ gank," Jade corrected, and Tori felt a surge of warmth flood through her as Jade's eyes rose to meet her gaze again."So. Does this mean you're my girlfriend?"

"Yeah," Tori agreed, and as she watched, Jade began to smile.

* * *

"Hey, I think we left our backpacks in the conservatory," Jade said a few minutes later, and Tori dissolved into giggles again.


	20. Chapter 20

Nicole stretched her hand out over the table, fingers beckoning. "Pay up, West!"

Jade rolled her eyes and shifted so that she could reach into her back pocket for the ten dollar bill that Tori had seen her slip there before dinner. "Geez, you can't even give a girl a minute to enjoy her food before you bleed her dry?"

"Absolutely not." Nicole replied, flexing her fingers. Jade rolled her eyes again but placed the money into Nicole's waiting hand.

"Greedy little gank, aren't you?"

Nicole turned to Tori and jutted out her lip in an exaggerated pout. "Tor, your...girlfriend?" She paused and waited for Tori to nod affirmatively. "You girlfriend is being mean to me!"

Tori stabbed a piece of broccoli onto her fork (at least she _hoped_ it was broccoli- it was green, at least) and shot her roommate an unamused look. "Good."

"Hey!"

She popped the broccoli into her mouth and chewed slowly, arching a brow at Nicole's indignation. "Deal with it," she said after she swallowed. "She's mean to everyone."

"Yeah, but I'm your best friend! You're supposed to be on my side!"

Tori's eyes narrowed. "You made a bet about whether or not she had feelings for me...and never told me that you even thought that it was a possibility. Like, ever. Best friends tell each other those things."

She heard Jade let out a low whistle as Nicole's face paled. "I..."

"We'll talk about it later," Tori said, piercing another piece of broccoli.

"You're in _trouble_ ," Jade sang, causing Tori to turn and shoot her a look, too.

"If you don't knock it off, you'll _also_ be in trouble."

Jade grinned and waggled her eyebrows. "Promise?"

"Gross," Nicole muttered. She stabbed at her own dinner, chewing thoughtfully for a moment before leveling a serious look towards Jade. "Hey, Jade?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't you _dare_ hurt her."

Tori felt her heart lift at Nicole's words, but she also couldn't help but laugh because _seriously?_ But, Jade just nodded.

""Wouldn't dream of it." She paused and glanced over at Tori with a familiar gleam in her eyes. "Well, not unless she asks me to."

"Jade!" Tori exclaimed, but her girlfriend was laughing and her roommate was groaning and for the first time in a while, things felt almost _normal_.

"Oh my god, you two are going to be absolutely insufferable aren't you," Nicole asked after a moment, and even though Tori tried to keep her expression stern, the combination of Nicole's words and Jade's growing smirk had a smile pulling at her own lips.

Jade leaned over and wrapped an arm around Tori's shoulders, pulling her flush against her side. She rested her head on her shoulder, nuzzling into Tori's neck. "Abso-fucking-lutely!"

Tori's couldn't do anything but groan.

* * *

She hadn't been joking, though, when she told Nicole that they would be talking about things later; something that her roommate quickly realized after Jade had left them and Tori turned to give her an unamused look while Nicole tried to open up the door to their dorm.

"What?" Nicole asked, and Tori shook her head.

"You knew she liked me?" It wasn't a question, really, more a statement, and it caused Nicole to wince.

"I mean...kinda?" Nicole pushed their door open and walked inside, Tori close behind.

"And you never thought to, oh, I don't know... _tell me?_ "

Nicole sank down into her chair with a sigh. "Tor, what was I supposed to tell you? 'Oh, hey, I know you're dating this super awesome guy but I think your friend might be crushing on you?'"

"Yes!" Tori shut the door and walked over to her bed, leaning against the frame. "Literally, yes!"

"That would have been a terrible idea!" Nicole leaned forward and propped her elbows up on the desk, steepling her fingers in front of her. "I didn't want to make you and Jake break-up! And I wasn't completely sure that I was right, and-"

Tori's fingers curled beneath the metal frame of the bed, sending an ache through her right hand. "You literally made a bet with her about it!"

Nicole glanced over at her with guilt written across her face. "Yeah, I did. But it started because I asked if she liked you, and she said no, and...look, I didn't think anything would actually come out of it! I figured the year would end, and she'd show up demanding her ten bucks, and that's all that would happen!" She sighed and closed her eyes, resting her forehead against her hands. "I'm sorry. I never thought that things would happen like this."

"Yeah, well..." Tori relaxed her hands just a little. "It was still kinda shitty, Nic."

"I know."

Tori began to shake her head, then paused, a new thought rising to the surface. "You literally told me that you were worried that we'd end up killing each other over Spring Break! How does that make any sense if you thought that she-" She stopped mid-sentence, the realization washing over her. "Oh my god, did you think that we were going to hook up or something?"

"No!" she exclaimed. Tori shot her a withering look and she winced again. "Well..."

"Are you fucking kidding me, Nic?"

"Look, what do you want me to say? There was at least a thirty percent chance that you two _would_ kill each other- don't give me that look, you know that I'm right- and I actually _was_ worried about leaving you alone, just, like, in general! You kept up a good act for _months_ , but you obviously weren't in the best place mentally, and I just...I really _was_ worried about you." She shook her head. "I didn't think you guys would hook up, but I was worried that _something_ might happen, and that I wouldn't be here to help you through it if it went...well, badly."

"Why didn't you just..." Tori paused, Nicole's words sinking in. "I...I wasn't acting."

"Tori, I sleep in the same room as you."

"So?"

"So I know that you haven't slept properly since like, November. All you do is toss and turn and I should have said something before, and I know that and I'm sorry but girl, you might be a good actress but you obviously weren't doing all that hot."

"So why didn't you _say_ anything?"

"I tried! But you had started to shut me out, and then we had that fight, and I just...I didn't want to lose you as a friend completely." She sighed and looked away. "I'm really sorry. I fucked up."

They were quiet for a few seconds and Tori tried to focus on something other than the tension that was in the air.

"Did you think I liked her, too?" she eventually asked.

Nicole looked up at her over her fingertips, her expression growing even guiltier. "I...had my suspicions, yeah."

"Jesus Christ." Tori let go of the bedframe completely and reached for her chair so that she could pull it closer and sink down into it. "How?"

"I mean...you spent most of your free time with her."

"That doesn't mean..."

"You talked about her all the time."

"Okay, but..."

"I also caught you staring at her ass more than once."

Tori felt the tips of her ears begin to burn. "You did _not_."

Nicole shrugged. "Whatever you say. But uh...you definitely did. And also there was that whole thing where you made out with her and then broke up with your boyfriend and honestly it wasn't hard to figure out after that."

"We didn't!...we didn't make out," Tori protested lamely. Nicole gave her an incredulous look. "We didn't! It wasn't like that."

"Alright. But still." Nicole dropped her hands and leaned back in her chair. "You weren't exactly the most discrete."

Tori blushed harder. "Yeah, well...shut up. I didn't know."

"Yeah, I...kinda get that now."

Tori leaned back and crossed her arms. "I get why you didn't tell me that you thought she liked me, and I sorta get why you never mentioned the whole "oh hey, Tori might be into Jade" thing to me, but...why didn't you at least tell me that she gave you the flyer for the Hamlet audition?"

"She told you about that?" Nicole waited for Tori to nod before continuing. "Ah. Well, she...she asked me not to."

Tori felt something in her chest tighten and she cast her eyes down. "Oh."

Nicole shook her head. "You two are the most oblivious people in the world, you know that?"

"That's becoming increasingly clear, yeah."

They were quiet again for another moment. But then Tori heard Nicole clear her throat and she looked back up to see her roommate holding up the ten dollar bill that Jade had handed her earlier.

"I'll split my winnings with you."

* * *

They ended up using the money to buy a bottle of cheap-ass rum off of a senior that Nicole knew. They turned that cheap-ass bottle of rum into some terribly-strong mixed drinks that they drank over the course of the night, singing along with a playlist that Tori had made in high school and trading stories about everything they hadn't known about the other.

("So how is she in bed?" Nicole asked. Tori's response was to toss a pillow at her head)

("Really fucking amazing," she would answer a moment later)

And by the end of the night, when they were good and properly sloshed, Nicole pulled her into a tight embrace and whispered apologies into her ear and Tori decided to forgive her.

* * *

Dating Jade West was something that Tori knew was going to be an adventure. After all, she had spent years watching her date someone else and she _knew_ just how much of a handful she could be.

But even all her years of watching couldn't prepare her for the sheer _thrill_ that she felt every single time Jade so much as glanced her way. It _certainly_ didn't prepare her for how even though she tried to pretend like it was annoying when Jade would squeeze her hand a little tighter and shoot a nasty glare at every guy who dared let their gaze linger on Tori a little too long, it secretly made her feel _wanted_ in a way that had her itching for more. And it _definitely_ didn't prepare her for just how often she would find herself pressed up against a wall with lips on her neck and a hand between her legs.

Not that she was complaining, of course. Though she could do with a few less hickies, especially considering the fact that their show was coming up all too quickly and she'd soon have hundreds of theater-goers staring at her.

("West, I swear to god, if I find another fucking hickey on my neck, I will _end you,"_ she had hissed earlier that day, her back against the door of the empty classroom that Jade had pulled her into.

"I'd love to see you try," Jade replied, and before Tori could do more than glare at her, there were teeth grazing against her pulse point and she couldn't bring herself to keep caring about fucking _hickies_ when she could be gripping her girlfriend's ass instead)

It wasn't all easy, though. They were, at the end of day, still Tori Vega and Jade West, after all. Just because they were dating-

(which was something Tori _still_ couldn't believe was actually happening)

-didn't mean that they didn't find something to fight about _constantly_. Their latest argument, which had ended with Tori lying on her bed and close to tears while Jade sat fuming in her desk chair, had been about a _homework_ assignment, for fuck's sake. But, like every other time before it (and there had been more than a few), they moved forward. A whispered apology, a kiss, and all was well.

All things considered, things were good. Things were really, really good.

* * *

It was after their first official date- a candlelit picnic-blanket dinner in the middle of Reede's stage the night before tech week began- that Tori decided to finally address one of the things that had been bothering her.

"You changed your hair."

"Hmm?"

Tori twirled a strand of scarlet around her finger. "Your hair. It's red, now."

"Astute observation as always, Vega," Jade replied dryly.

Tori shot her a look, but it was difficult to look irritated when Jade's hand was rubbing circles into her hip. "Don't be a gank."

"It's my natural state, you can't ask me to be something I'm not." Jade smirked at Tori's eye-roll. "Don't you like the red?"

"No, I do. It's just..." Tori gave a little half-shrug, choosing a different strand to wrap around her finger. "Why'd you change it?"

Jade's hand stilled for a moment and her brow furrowed just enough to make Tori nervous. "Felt like the right time."

Her thumb began rubbing circles again, but it didn't do much to help Tori's nerves because even though the candles that Jade had set up around them barely offered up enough light to see each other, Tori could still see the way that Jade's eyes had darted away from her face.

"Was it because of me?" Tori asked, the words leaving her even though she was scared of the answer.

"What?" Jade's gaze rose, meeting hers again. "Why would you think that?"

"Well, you changed it right after the party, and...I don't know. Red is the color of anger, and I know that you were angry because I was ignoring you, and..." Tori trailed off as Jade began to laugh, and she felt her face flush. "What's so funny?"

"You," Jade answered simply. Her hand left Tori's hip so that she could cup the side of her face, thumb brushing against her cheek as she leaned forward and kissed her gently. Tori felt her eyes slide shut, tasted the deep fruitiness of the Cabernet that they had been drinking earlier, and the knot that had twisted in her stomach only seconds before turned to butterflies as she threaded her fingers through Jade's hair.

Jade pulled back a few moments later, lips brushing against Tori's cheek. "Red is also the color of passion, Vega," she murmured, her breath hot against Tori's skin.

Tori opened her eyes, meeting Jade's gaze. She felt a surge of heat in her veins when she saw the longing behind blue-green eyes that burned brighter when Jade shifted so that she was straddling her hips. The flickering of the candles around them caught the scarlet in her hair in such a way that made it look like the flames were a part of her, and by the time Tori realized that she had been staring, Jade had already started trying to take off the jacket that Tori had haphazardly thrown on before leaving for the theater.

"Is this mine?"

"What?"

Jade tugged on the lapels, urging Tori to sit up just enough for her to slide the leather off of her shoulders. "This jacket. I think it's mine, right?"

"Oh." Tori watched her hold the jacket up in front of her, and she was thankful that it was (hopefully) dark enough to hide the way that her cheeks had begun to burn. "I, uh...kinda forgot to give it back to you after the party. Sorry."

Jade looked at the jacket for another moment before she set it aside, careful to keep it away from the flames. "Don't be." She turned back to Tori with a sly grin. "It looks better on you, anyway."

"Liar," Tori said, but Jade just shrugged before she lowered her head back down, claiming Tori's lips again.

"I don't lie," Jade murmured a few seconds later. Tori thought about disagreeing, but Jade's mouth had moved to the underside of her jaw and her hand had started to slip beneath her shirt, and it was all she could do to keep her eyes open when Jade's tongue darted out against her skin.

"Don't start something that you don't intend to finish," Tori muttered huskily, and she could have sworn that she felt Jade smile against her neck as her knees tightened around her hips and her hand cupped her breast through the thin fabric of her bra.

"Oh, I intend to finish," Jade replied coyly before her hand slipped beneath her bra and her tongue darted against her pulse.

* * *

(It wasn't until most of their clothes had been discarded and Jade's lips were pressed against the inside of her thigh that Tori wondered about whether or not they had locked the theater doors. But then Jade kissed a little higher and she decided that it didn't matter.)

* * *

Her first appointment with the school therapist was hard.

Really, really fucking hard.

Jade had made sure that she actually called and made an appointment, and even though she had done so almost willingly-

(more willingly than Jade had when Tori had made _her_ make an appointment)

-she still absolutely did _not_ want to be there.

The therapist was nice enough, she supposed; all smiles and understanding nods and pleasant words and in any other situation she knew that they would have gotten along great.

But once the small talk had ended, she had asked why Tori had come in to see her and Tori could practically feel the walls closing in around her.

( _Dragging dragging dragging_ )

"My friend was almost assaulted," she had answered, and it was such a simple way of putting it that she felt like it didn't do justice to the horror that almost had been. But the therapist was nodding and so she continued. "And I guess that I...I think I might have almost been, too."

She had kept it mostly together for that first visit, but when she left the office she could still feel the phantom of hands on her arm and could still see glazed over eyes in her mind and she knew that she was going to lose it if she didn't-

"Tori?"

Tori looked up to see Jade sitting in the waiting room, decked out in all black and leather and the sight of her made her chest ache and her eyes sting with tears.

"Tor?" Jade asked again, rising to her feet and moving towards her quickly. "You okay?"

Her arms were around Tori before she even had the chance to respond, and she let herself sink into her embrace.

"I'm okay," she whispered, tucking her head against her neck. "I'm okay, now."

"Liar," Jade whispered back, and Tori laughed humorlessly in agreement.

"What are you doing here?"

"I knew your appointment was today. Wanted to be here to walk you home and make sure you were okay and stuff." Jade pulled away just enough to look at Tori's face, eyes searching her gaze. "You okay to go?"

Tori nodded. "Please."

"Okay." Jade dropped her arms, but immediately reached for Tori's left hand, intertwining their fingers. Tori gripped her hand like a lifeline, reassured when Jade squeezed back just as hard.

"You're safe," Jade whispered, and Tori nodded.

"I know."

* * *

Jade's own appointment went about as well as could have been expected.

Tori waited for her, too, in that too-bright waiting room; waited for what felt like forever as the hour ticked by. The receptionist kept glancing up at her and she kept smiling back politely and eventually the door opened and Jade walked out.

It only took Tori one glance at her face to know that she was _pissed_.

"Jade?"

"I don't want to talk about it," her girlfriend said, barely glancing at her as she strode towards the door.

"Okay," Tori replied, scrambling to her feet. She followed Jade out of the building, making sure to keep a bit of distance between them.

It was a quiet journey back to Baker. Jade didn't bother to look back at her, but Tori knew that she knew that she was still there because when they reached the dorm, Jade held the door just long enough for her to slip through. But she didn't say anything, and she didn't look at her, and by the time they had reached Jade's room, Tori was genuinely worried.

"Jade-"

"I said I don't want to talk about it, Vega!" Jade pushed the door open and stormed inside, throwing her bag onto her bed. Tori followed, relieved to find that Jessica wasn't home because, even as irritating as Jade's roommate could be, she wouldn't wish Jade's ire on anyone.

"That's fine," Tori said, closing the door behind her. "But I'm here if you do."

"You've made that abundantly clear by the fact that you followed me home," Jade snapped. She shrugged off her jacket and threw it over the back of her chair. "Which, by the way, you definitely didn't need to fucking do."

"You were there for me." She walked over to Jade's bed and leaned against the frame with her arms crossed protectively across her chest. "I wasn't going to leave you alone."

"It's different."

"No, it's not."

Jade turned to her, eyes wild. "The fuck it isn't! You were on the verge of a panic attack after your appointment, and I knew that you would be, so of course I made sure to be there! I'm not you, Vega! I'm not about to break, and I don't need you here!"

Tori kept her eyes trained on Jade and tried to ignore how much her words had hurt; tried to ignore how it felt, for a moment, just like it used to when Jade had pushed her away. "Just because you're not having a panic attack doesn't mean that you're okay."

"Goddammit, Vega, I-"

"If you really don't want me here, I'll leave." Tori stood a little straighter and tilted her head towards the door. "All you have to do is say the word and I'm gone."

Jade stared at her and her eyes were still burning but Tori could see doubt in them, too, and she hoped that she wouldn't tell her to leave because she really wasn't sure what would happen if she did.

"I..." Jade paused and finally looked away. "I'm so sick of this."

Tori tried to think of something to say to that, but then Jade sank down into her chair and dropped her head into her hands. "I hate feeling like this. I hate having to even _think_ about it, and I sure as fuck hate having to fucking _talk_ about it with some random lady with a bullshit degree that makes her think that she can psychoanalyze my "trauma" even though she has no fucking idea what I'm feeling or what I experienced and I...I fucking _hate this_." She took a deep, shuddering breath and lifted her head just enough for Tori to see that her eyes were rimmed with red. "Fuck."

Tori approached her slowly, not quite sure of whether or not Jade would lash out at her again. She knelt in front of her and began to reach out to lay a hand on her knee before she decided to not press her luck. "I get it, you know," she said, and Jade let out a bitter laugh.

"Trust me, I know. I am _very_ aware of how much you get it."

Tori flinched at her words, even though she knew she shouldn't take it personally; she knew Jade was just lashing out again. She started to stand. "Sorry. I'll leave you alone."

A hand darted out and closed around her wrist before she could straighten up all the way. Tori glanced down at the fingers on her wrist before her eyes rose to Jade's face. Jade refused to meet her eye, but Tori saw that a tear had started to crawl its way down her cheek.

"I need you," Jade whispered.

Tori swallowed past the lump in her own throat and nodded. "Okay."

* * *

They both made follow-up appointments for the following week. And despite the protestations and the tears and the hurt, they both went.

* * *

Tech week was just about as stressful as Tori expected it to be. They had rehearsals every night that stretched on for hours and hours and even though she didn't have nearly as much to memorize or as many scenes to worry about as some of the other actors, she went home every night absolutely exhausted.

She honestly had no idea how Jade was doing it, given her titular role. She knew that she was tired; she could see it in her eyes at the end of night and could feel it in the lazy way she kissed her goodbye, but all things considered, Jade was _thriving_. Her performance improved with every take, her line deliveries becoming somehow even more convincing with every new recitation, and Tori knew that she wasn't the only one who was in awe.

But even though her girlfriend was kicking ass, Tori was just barely functioning. Between the rehearsals and classes and assignments, she barely had time to rest.

Her sleep-deprivation was what led her to almost miss the fact that, when she showed up to biology on Wednesday, the seat next to Jake was empty.

As it was, she stopped dead and stared at the empty chair, blinking hard and slow just in case her eyes were deceiving her. But even though everything was a little fuzzy around the edges, the seat was still empty.

She looked up and allowed herself to look at him for what felt like the first time in forever. To her surprise, he was looking back.

"Good morning," he said, and she felt her chest ache because _god_ she hadn't realized how much she had missed hearing his voice.

"Morning."

He looked at her for a second longer before nodding towards the seat. "You look like you're about to fall asleep standing up. Why don't you sit down before that happens?"

Tori nodded slowly, blinking once more before she looked away from his face. "Are you sure?"

"I am." He reached over and pulled the chair out, patting the armrest. "Seriously, Tor, sit down before you pass out."

She shrugged her backpack off and sat down, her muscles relaxing as she sank into the chair. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it." He waited for her to pull out her notebook before speaking again. "So why do you look like death warmed over?"

She shot him a look, but there was genuine concern in his expression and so she softened her glare before looking down at her notes. "It's tech week, so I haven't really...slept."

"At all?"

She shook her head. "Not unless you count the time this morning where I shut my eyes for a second and when I opened them it was two hours later and Nicole was yelling at me to get up."

"Yeah, that...that probably shouldn't count."

"Probably not."

Silence fell between them for a long moment. Tori wanted to look at him, wanted to tell him that she was sorry, so incredibly _sorry_ , but when she finally gathered the courage to turn her head to face him, he had already started to speak.

"So, you and West, huh?"

His tone was light but he wouldn't meet her eye and she wished that he would just yell at her, or tell her to leave, because then at least she wouldn't feel as bad as she did when she nodded. "Yeah."

"Is she...does she make you happy?"

"Jake, I-"

"Does she?" He looked at her and she couldn't read his expression.

"She does."

His eyes burned into hers and she could see a glimmer of pain in his gaze, but his expression remained mostly blank. Then, he let out a small sigh and nodded, turning back to his notes. "Good. You deserve to be happy."

"Jake-"

"It's okay," he said, picking up his pencil. "Seriously."

Tori was going to say more but just as she opened her mouth to speak, the door opened and Professor Rodriguez sauntered in.

"Good morning, class! Who's ready to learn about protozoa?" she greeted, her smile growing wider as the class responded with varying degrees of groans.

* * *

She'd be lying if it wasn't awkward to spend fifty minutes sitting in relative silence next to her ex-boyfriend. It was _incredibly_ awkward, especially when they accidentally bumped elbows during a particularly furious note-scribbling session.

But it was also nice. It was nice when, after they bumped into each other, she caught him smile at her whispered apology. It was nice when he leaned over and muttered a joke about single-celled organisms under his breath. And it was nice when, after class ended and Professor Rodriguez had dismissed them, he didn't immediately get up to leave.

"Hey, Tor?"

"Yeah?" she replied, closing her notebook and stuffing it into her backpack. When he didn't reply, she looked at him, moderately concerned. "What's up?"

"There's uh...there's something you should know." He paused and waited for the rest of the students to file out of their row, wincing when a backpack knocked into the back of his chair. Tori tried not to laugh, which wasn't that hard considering his words had sent a chill down her spine.

"And what would that be?" she asked once the rest of their class had moved out of earshot.

"Pat's been expelled."

( _greasy hair greasy smile dark eyes dark so dark and_ )

"What?" she whispered, her voice so quiet that she wasn't even sure that she had spoken at all. But the world was spinning around her and she was thankful that she was already sitting down because she wasn't sure that she could have stood and-

"Are you okay?" she heard Jake ask, and she blinked, bringing his concerned gaze back into focus.

"Yeah, I just..." She shook her head. "Did you just say Pat was expelled?"

He kept his gaze on her for another moment before he nodded and turned back to his notebook. "Yeah, I did."

She watched as he put his notebook away and reached down to pinch her wrist just to convince herself that she wasn't dreaming. "Why?"

Jake finished zipping up his backpack and began to stand. "Well, you see, Hearst doesn't tend to look kindly on students who sling cocaine."

She stood, following his lead as he swung his backpack over his shoulder. "I'm sorry, did you say _cocaine_?"

"Yeah. Turns out that Pat was dealing to half of the fraternities on campus. A few of the sororities, too. Who knew, right?"

Tori stared at him, still processing his words in her mind as he turned to look back at her. "Tor?"

"How did they find out?"

"Hmm?"

"How did they find out that he was dealing?"

"Oh." Jake turned back around and started walking down the stairs. "Anonymous report, I guess. Didn't help that they found a bag of the stuff under his mattress when they searched his room, either."

Tori followed him, staying a few steps behind. "That's...awfully convenient."

"It is, isn't it." Jake reached the door and pushed it open, holding it open for Tori to step through. She ducked past him and turned to give him a curious look.

"Did you..." She trailed off when she saw the way his brow arched and his eyes glinted.

"Did I what?"

She considered him for a few seconds, then shook her head. "Nothing. Nevermind."

He gave her a small half-crooked smile before glancing over her shoulder. "Hey, West."

"Freeman," came the reply, and Tori turned quickly to see her girlfriend leaning against the wall with crossed arms and a expression that looked bored. Tori could tell that it was an act, though, from the distrustful way her eyes were narrowed slightly towards them.

"I've missed our movie nights," Jake said, and Jade's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Oh?"

He nodded. "Maybe we could have another one, sometime. I picked up a copy of Slumber Party Massacre the other week, and I'm dying to have someone to watch it with."

Tori watched as her girlfriend considered his offer, her brows knitting in thought. Then she tilted her head and shrugged. "Yeah, sure. Why not."

"Great! Looking forward to it, then." He smiled at her, and to Tori's surprise, the corner of Jade's mouth twitched up.

"Yeah, yeah." She pushed away from the wall, dropping her arms so that she could reach out for Tori's hand. "Me too."

Jake's eyes flitted down to their hands for a moment before darting to the watch on his wrist. "Oh, shit, I'm gonna be late for my next class!" He looked up at them and Tori found herself believing the apologetic look on his face. "I'll text you about the movie later, alright?"

Jade nodded, and his grin grew a little wider. "Cool." He turned his attention to Tori. "Uh, Tor-"

Tori pulled her hand out of Jade's grasp and, before she could stop herself, she threw her arms around him.

"Thank you," she whispered into his shoulder.

She felt his arms rise to loosely return her embrace. "Didn't do anything," he whispered back. "But you're welcome."

She could feel Jade's gaze burning into her back so she pulled away a moment later, trying to wipe at her eyes discreetly. "See you in class?"

He nodded. "Bright and early." Another glance at his watch. "Shit, I really do have to go. Get some sleep, alright?"

"Will do." She nodded her head towards the end of the hallway. "Now get outta here before you're late!"

That same half-crooked smile re-appeared before he started to walk away. "Later, gators."

And then he was gone and Jade was turning towards her.

"What the hell was all that about? And also, should I be jealous of tall, pale, and scrawny, or...?"

Tori wiped her eyes again and laughed. "First off, _no,_ you shouldn't be jealous, you ass. And second...Pat's gone."

"What?" Jade stared at her, and Tori started to laugh.

"He's gone." She slipped her arms underneath Jade's, wrapping them around her torso as tightly as she possibly could. Waves of relief washed over her as she pressed her face to her chest, the thudding of Jade's heartbeat against her cheek. "He's expelled, and he's gone, Jade, he's _gone._ "

Jade's arms slowly rose and wrapped around her, hands hot against her shoulders. "Wait, expelled? How did he-"

"Cocaine!"

" _What_?"

Tori just laughed again and hugged her closer.

* * *

She filled Jade in later, after they had returned to Baker. Jade had cocked a brow when she told her about the anonymous report, but she didn't ask any questions and Tori didn't bring it up again.

She had better things to do than question it, anyway, especially when the reality finally sunk in for them both and Jade had her pressed against the mattress as she kissed her and kissed her and kissed her again.

(And when she tasted salt on her lips she only needed to hear Jade's laugh to know that it was from tears of relief)


	21. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a note: I posted Chapter 20 just a few days ago, so if you missed that update, go read that first!

Professor Walker clapped his hands twice. "Ladies and gentlemen of The Raven and Crow Players! May I have your attention, please?"

Tori instinctively lifted her head and pulled away from the hand cupping the side of her face, causing Jade to swear under her breath as the eyeliner pencil narrowly missed her eye. 

"Vega, stop _moving_!" 

Tori winced apologetically. "Oops." She took a glance towards where Walker stood in the middle of the stage before turning back to face her now-irritated girlfriend. "Sorry."

Jade glared at her, but Tori knew that it wasn't genuine. "Don't let it happen again." She lifted the eyeliner and replaced her hand on Tori's jaw. "Eyes up."

Tori dutifully cast her gaze skyward as she heard Walker begin to speak again.

"We've spent the past few months toiling over every minute detail of this glorious show. Every single line, every single beat, every single _moment_ has been rehearsed and practiced and if it isn't perfect yet, it never will be!"

Tori felt the pencil glide along her waterline and fought the urge to blink. Jade seemed to sense her discomfort, because the pencil dipped away for just a moment, allowing Tori the chance to quickly blink before it returned.

"Tonight is opening night, which means that it's our first opportunity to show the audience just how freaking amazing this company is! And I have no doubt in my mind that they are going to be _blown away!_ "

"Man, he's really laying it on thick, isn't he?" Jade muttered, and Tori bit her lip so that she didn't laugh. The pencil dropped away from her right eye only to quickly reappear at her left.

"You've all put in a tremendous amount of work. Yes, all of you! Whether you're Guildenstern or Rozencrantz, or a Player, or even Hamlet herself-" Tori couldn't help but glance down at her girlfriend at that, smiling just a little at the faint blush on her cheeks. "-you've dedicated yourself to making this play the best that it possibly can be. And I am so, so incredibly proud of you all."

The pencil slid against her waterline again, the pressure causing her eyes to begin to water.

"So I want you to go out there and give that audience the best damn performance of Hamlet that they'll ever see!" He clapped again, and Tori could practically picture the ecstatic look on his face. "The doors open in five minutes. Curtain goes up in thirty. Everyone knows their places, everyone knows their cues, so finish up whatever last minute things you may be doing and get to where you need to be!"

Another two claps that echoed throughout the empty theater before being replaced by a silence that hung in the air for a few more seconds before the backstage chatter began again.

"I don't think I've ever heard him talk so much at once before," Tori mused, her eyes still cast towards the ceiling.

"Yeah, it was kinda weird, right?" Jade's hand dropped back down, coming to rest on Tori's knee. "Look at me?"

Tori looked back down, her eyes meeting Jade's. "How do I look?"

Jade's gaze left hers briefly so that she could scan her handiwork, returning a moment later with the accompaniment of a satisfied smile. "Stunning."

Tori felt herself blush. "All thanks to you, of course."

Jade's smile turned into a bit of a smirk as she looked away and put the cap back on the eyeliner pencil. "Well, I've seen you almost poke your eye out trying to hold this thing with that busted hand of yours." She stood up and held out a hand for Tori to take. "Couldn't let that happen, could I?"

"Guess not," Tori agreed, letting Jade pull her to her feet. She glanced around them quickly, making sure that no one was watching, before she leaned up and pressed a quick kiss to Jade's cheek. "Thanks, West."

Jade reached up and brushed the spot where Tori's lips had just been. "There better not be any lipstick on my cheek, Vega."

"Uh..."

Jade shot her a look. "Vega..."

Tori grinned. "Just kidding. You're fine."

"Ass."

"Hey, I gotta keep you on your toes," Tori joked as she pulled her hand out of Jade's. "Hey, I-"

"Hamlet! We need you over here for mic check!"

Jade turned her head and waved at the techie who had yelled for her. "Be there in a second!" She turned back to Tori with an apologetic look. "Duty calls."

Tori smiled despite the fact that all she wanted to do was kiss her again. "Go on. I'll see you before the show starts."

Jade returned her smile and leaned in to press her own kiss to Tori's cheek. "See you soon, babe."

And then she was gone and Tori was being called over by Mary-Ann, the costumer, who kept fretting over her dress. This was followed up by last minute touch-ups to her hair and mic packs being taped to her chest and she just let it all happen because it was second nature at that point. And all the while her mind kept wandering back to what she had waiting for Jade in her backpack.

"Six minutes until curtain!" came the call from the stage.

"You're good to go, Ophelia."

Tori smiled kindly at the boy in front of her who had just finished placing her mic. "Thanks so much!" He nodded and walked away with another mic pack in hand, headed towards Jimmy, who, Tori noted, was still frantically studying his script. She thought about going over to him to offer up some words of encouragement, but then she caught a flash of red out of the corner of her eye and couldn't help but turn to look at Jade.

"Damn," she whispered.

Her girlfriend had also apparently been caught by Mary-Ann because, even though she had already been decked out in the outfit she had spent all of tech week rehearsing in, there was a new jacket slung over her shoulders. It was black and leather and trimmed with gold and scarlet and if Tori hadn't already had to touch up her lipstick once she would have run over and kissed her right then and there.

But she didn't. And Jade didn't catch her staring, which she was thankful for because it gave her the opportunity to head over to where they had discarded their backpacks.

"Five minutes until curtain!"

She bent down and unzipped her bag, reaching inside for the gift that she had bought for her girlfriend earlier that day. She pulled it out and gave it a quick once-over and hoped for what felt like the hundredth time that it wasn't the exact wrong thing to have bought.

She shook her head and zipped her bag shut. To hell with second guessing, right?

"Four minutes and counting!"

She walked over to where Jade stood, waiting until she was finished talking to the actor playing Lucianus before stepping into view.

"You look amazing," she said, and Jade's brow quirked up almost-incredulously.

"Have you seen yourself? Mary-Ann sure knew what she was doing when she picked out that little number."

Tori blushed, like she found herself doing so often these days, and tightened her grip on what she held behind her back. "You're just complimenting me because you want to get lucky, later."

"Mhmm," Jade hummed. "Did it work?"

Tori shot her a look, but let it soften when she saw the playful glint in Jade's eyes. "Maybe."

Jade smirked and began to lean forward, but paused when she looked over Tori's shoulder. "Whatcha got there, Vega?"

"Three minutes and counting!"

Tori stepped back and tightened her grip on the plastic in her hand. "Oh, uh...well." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly before she re-opened them. Jade gave her a quizzical look but waited for her to continue. "It's opening night, and I know that I should probably give you these _after_ the performance, but..."

She brought her arm around from behind her back, fingers still clenched tight around the base of the bouquet. "I know you think they're a waste of money, but I thought that you might like them anyway."

Jade stared at the carnations that Tori held in front of her; at the pinks and reds and whites that intermixed with each other in the bouquet before she slowly looked back up at her. "You...you bought me flowers?"

"Yeah." Tori held them out to her and prayed that she would take them. "I thought about getting you roses, but...I don't know, it didn't feel right, and- _oomf!_ "

She was silenced by the sudden pressure of Jade's lips against hers and a hand wrapping around the one that she still had gripped around the stems.

"They're beautiful," Jade murmured against her mouth. "Thank you."

Tori started to respond but Jade was kissing her again and she had to work hard to ensure that she didn't let her hands wander up to Jade's hair because even though all she wanted to do was rake her fingers through it, she knew that she would be drawn and quartered by the stylist who had spent at least half an hour methodically pinning it up.

(She didn't even want to think about how smudged their lipstick was going to be)

"Two minutes and counting!"

Tori pulled back and let Jade gently take the bouquet from her hand. "I know that they'll eventually die, but..."

"You don't have to keep justifying them to me, Tori," Jade said. She lifted the bouquet to her nose and inhaled deeply, closing her eyes for just a moment before reopening them and meeting Tori's gaze. There was a softness in her eyes that calmed some of the butterflies in Tori's stomach. "I love them."

"One minute and counting! Get to your places, people!"

"You have to go," Tori said, and Jade shook her head.

"I have a little time. Horatio talks a lot before I have to be on stage." She slipped her unoccupied hand into Tori's own before tilting the bouquet towards her. "Will you make sure these get put somewhere safe?"

Tori nodded. "Of course."

"Showtime, people!" A stagehand brushed against her back and gave her a dirty look. "You two need to move like, right now, or else you'll get in the way of the curtain."

"Roger that, Dickhead," Jade muttered, just loud enough for Tori to hear, and she giggled as Jade pulled them both further backstage. The stagehand shot them another look before he started to pull on the ropes, drawing the curtain aside. The dull roar of the waiting crowd fell silent almost immediately, and Tori swallowed hard at the realization that it was really happening. Months and months of work, of sleepless nights and memorization and countless repetitions, and it was _finally_ happening.

"Who's there?" she heard a voice call, and they both turned to see the actor playing Bernardo stride onto the stage.

"There's a lot of people out there," Jade remarked, looking over Tori's shoulder and out into the audience.

"They're all here to see you shine."

Jade looked back at her with an amused smirk. "That's a little corny even for you, Vega."

Tori grinned and lifted her left shoulder in a small half-shrug. "Yeah, but it's true. They've come to see Hamlet, which means they've come for _you_."

Jade scoffed. "At least half of that audience is here because of some bullshit out-of-class attendance requirement and you know it."

"Yeah, but the other half is here because they want to see good theater. And you're going to blow them out of the water."

Jade cocked a brow and gave her a scrutinizing look. "You know, you don't have to like, shower me in compliments, right? I'm still going to have sex with you later, regardless."

Tori slapped her arm playfully. "Gank."

Jade smiled, that smile that Tori knew was only for her. " _Your_ gank."

"Hamlet! You need to get in position for your cue!" a passing crew member whispered as they walked by.

"Alright, I'll be right there," Jade replied. She waited until they had left before she turned back to Tori with that same smile. She pressed the bouquet into Tori's hand, waiting until she was sure that Tori had a good grip on the stems before she withdrew her hand. "I'll see you out there, Ophelia."

Tori leaned forward and kissed her again, being careful not to crush the flowers between them. "Knock 'em dead, Hamlet."

"Seriously, West, you need to be in position!" came another strained whisper, and Tori could practically feel Jade roll her eyes before she let herself be pulled away. She waved at Tori over her shoulder before she turned around and found where she needed to be in order to meet her cue.

"Where we shall find him most conveniently," Marcellus called from onstage, and Jade glanced back at her and flashed her another beaming grin before she stepped onto the stage.

Tori watched as she stayed off to the side, letting Tyler and Jimmy command the bulk of the attention as they ran through their lines.

"But now, my cousin Hamlet, and my daughter-" Tyler said, and Tori held her breath.

"A little more than kin, and less than kind," Jade muttered, just loud enough for the audience to hear. Tori exhaled slowly and gripped the bouquet a little tighter.

And as Jade continued speaking, continued performing, Tori realized that she was in love with her.

She was in love with the way that she was able to command the attention of an entire room with just a few words. She was in love with the way that she made her feel like she was special, like that she was the only one who mattered, just with a glance and a smile. She was in love with the way that her eyes would catch the light like the sun on the waves, and the gentle way she would bring her back down to Earth whenever the darkness became too much, and the way that she would sometimes sing to herself when she thought Tori wasn't paying attention.

She was in love with everything that Jade West was and wasn't.

She was in love, she was in love, she was in _love_.

She had always expected that such a realization would hit her like a freight train; that it would come in out of nowhere and take her by surprise with its intensity. But all she felt was _warm._

"I shall in all my best obey you, madam," she heard Jade say, and even though the words were directed towards Gertrude, Tori saw the subtle wink that her girlfriend threw her way before she turned back to the audience. It was such a simple act, nothing that she hadn't done a million times before, but it pulled at Tori's heart in a way that was altogether new.

She was in love with Jade West.

And that was the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you to all of you for sticking with me and with this fic for the past few months. AEAL began in January as a vague idea and a line: "No one really expected Tori Vega to go to college". I had no idea where I was going with that, and I certainly had no idea that I was going to devote the next ten months to it. But that's what happened. That vague idea and line turned into this world that I never expected to create, and I'm just so thankful to have had the opportunity to share it with you all.   
> So thank you for coming on this journey with me. I hope that you enjoyed the ride. 
> 
> (And a quick special thanks to purestilinski for listening to me ramble about this fic for the past five months, even though most of it was just me screaming vaguely)

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi to me over on tumblr @darthbelle


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